


On the First Day of Infinite

by msinpinitu (Knaija)



Series: Before the First Day of Infinite [1]
Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: Alpha-beta-omega verse, Angst, Happy Ending, Love Triangles, M/M, Mating Cycles, Multi, Pre-debut, Sexual Content, lots and lots of masturbation, miscommuinication, updated sumary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 20:03:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 121,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7697677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knaija/pseuds/msinpinitu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before they were INFINITE. Before they loved and understood one another. </p><p>[A depiction of Infinite’s pre-debut/origin story… if it happened in an omega-verse]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. PART ONE: Lee Howon

**Author's Note:**

> -Prompts are welcome. If you remember anything that happened in the pre-debut days of Infinite that they may have mentioned anywhere, please don’t hesitate to mention it in the comment section. (context and time period are optional but it would help me fit it better into the story)
> 
> -This story will end when Infinite has their debut on the 9th of June, 2010.

He wasn’t supposed to worry about it till he was eighteen. Howon had a plan and a life and if things worked out just right, he’d only have to worry about following his dreams and going to Seoul to be an idol. Which, considering he’d been taking dance classes and trying to work on his accent, he was pretty sure he had good a chance.

But life had other plans.

He’d been sixteen and horny and happily masturbating to the joyful noises of his beta hyung about to be knotted by his **huge** , alpha boyfriend. It wasn’t anything he’d never done before. It was nothing to be ashamed of. But when he began to feel a crushing tug at the head of his dick that caused him to push away the covers, Howon became worried.

He sat there, watching the tiny knot swell and hurt as tears appeared in his eyes just a little from the pain. He let go of his dick and when the knot slapped against his thighs, it hurt even worse. Groaning in agony, he got up and knelt by the bed, leaning down so that his dick would hang but every time he touched the head, it hurt.

As soon as he realized what was happening, he began to cry for a whole new set of reasons. His parents were both betas and had taken for granted the idea of having all three sons as betas. So it had only seemed sensible to begin grooming Hojae to take over the business. Which was why Howon’s dream of being an idol had been encouraged. Because as long as Lee Snr. had himself an heir, all was fine.

However, if his second son turned out to be alpha? He’d have to take over. And Howon did _not_ want to take over. He did not want to start worrying about university like Hojae had. He did not want to look ahead of his life and see that the only thing in his future was remaining in Busan for the rest of his life. Hojae wanted that… he was built for it… he’d spent his entire life getting ready. If Howon presented as an alpha, a lot of things were going to be shuffled.

So he tried to wank it off as silently as he could but as he stared at it, Howon had no idea what to do with it. Biology classes never covered what to do with a knot. It wasn’t exactly something to be discussed in an academic environment. And seeing as none of his parents ever had one, knot-know-how hadn’t been included in “the talk”.

When his room door burst open and revealed Hojae and his semi-naked boyfriend Jjang, Howon became aware that he’d been crying and whimpering on the floor.

“What is it?” Hojae asked, frantically as he approached his brother but Howon tried to turn away and hide. “What’s wrong? Howon talk to me. Please.”

“Hojae?” Jjang said calmly behind him, pulling him up and away from Howon. “Let me handle it.”

Howon shook his head because he couldn’t let them see. None of them could know.

“It’s alright.” Jjang said in a soothing tone. “Calm down. Let me see it.”

Howon had both his hands on his privates now, crying and still shaking his head as he looked up at the confused expression on his brother’s face.

“Howon please. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“I c…can’t.” he sniffed.

“I can make it stop hurting. You can’t hide it from me. I know what’s happening.”

“What’s happening?” Hojae asked, sticking his head out from behind.

“Your dongsaeng just popped a knot.” Jjang said with a frown.

Because as close as he was to Hojae, to the entire Lee family, Jjang knew what the dynamics were. He understood what having an alpha second son would do to both boys who were already fine with the roles set for them.

As Howon watched the blood in his brother’s face drain, he hissed in pain because he’d forgotten to keep the knot elevated when he’d let go for a second.

“Don’t let anything touch the tip.” Jjang advised. “As long as it’s not inside someone, you want to avoid touching it with anything else, you hear?”

Howon nodded obediently.

“Okay. Can you rub it without touching the tip? Up and down?”

Howon nodded again as he began to obey.

“Take your time. Don’t fret. As long as you don’t touch the tip.”

Following his instructions, Howon rubbed himself off till he began to realize that now that he knew what to do, it was almost the same as if he were wanking normally. But then it became weird because his brother and his boyfriend were watching him do it.

He looked up at both of them and Jjang just laughed, getting to his feet as he began to usher Hojae from the room with his hand on Hojae’s lower back.

“Hyung!” Howon called. “You don’t have to tell dad.”

Hojae just stared at him.

“Please.” He begged.

When Hojae nodded back at him, stiffly, Howon breathed a sigh of heavy relief because; maybe his life didn’t have to change.

*********

Howon’s life changed so drastically, he’d never seen it coming. When the time to leave home finally drew to its date, he picked his packed bags and left for Seoul. It’d been five months since he’d first auditioned at JYP and been told his accent was razz and unsophisticated –but not in so many words.

When he returned, he re-auditioned and got picked to join the newest set of trainees and as much as Howon tried to be humble about it, he was proud to note that he was better than the rest of them in dancing. The group he was in had two betas, one omega and an undeclared minor like himself. But seeing as he wasn’t yet eighteen, no one was asking him to declare his status. That there was an alpha in their set of five was a big secret.

After that first night, as Howon had gone on to sex his fist till he was tired and over-exerted, Jjang went out and got him his very own first sex toy. It came in a box with a manual containing information on what to do with it. As Howon read the brochure, his ears grew hotter and redder with every sentence because he couldn’t imagine the author penning the information with a straight face.

Which was how he learnt that every alpha got into a rut twice a year after the first knot was popped. It was then he learnt that a knot could be conscious. It wasn’t every rut that an alpha popped knots like a crazy person and he didn’t have to fear this much pain for the rest of his rut.

Shrugging in relief, he went on to use his new toy for the next three days, avoiding his parents by claiming he was sick and masturbating into his pillow so he could muffle his groans of ecstasy because knotting his toy was the best thing in the universe. He couldn’t belief jerking off had another level. He could only imagine what it’d be like with the real thing… with a real person.

Three months into his training at JYP, his father called. He’d learned of Howon’s status and demanded Howon’s return to Busan immediately. Howon cut the call, a few seconds after pretending he couldn’t hear a word his father had said.

He sat awake in his bunk, breathing hard and desperately as he clutched his phone because this really couldn’t be happening. He was the most promising trainee. He could dance, he was picking up rap pretty well and if he’d heard right, he was about to be bumped up to join a group set to debut much earlier than the one he was in at the moment.

Surely, his fate wasn’t so horrible.

When his mother sent a text saying she was coming to Seoul to bring him home, Howon made himself immensely scarce. If they didn’t see him, he was sure they would realize how important this all was for him. So he dodged her for two days till she left, dropping a package for him.

Howon took the padded envelop and locked it at the bottom of his box so that he could claim he was much too busy to open it. Soon, it was true enough. Because he got introduced into a new group with two hyungs, both of whom were incredible dancers. One was undeclared and a year older than Howon but the other was an alpha who could sing well enough to end any war.

But because of his love for dance and his fascination with rap, he found himself bonding with the undeclared hyung who was only too happy to bond right back. He’d introduced himself as Dongwoo and told Howon that he didn’t need to call him sunbae.

Howon continued to call him sunbae.

After another month, he was alerted to the fact that his dues hadn’t been paid.

“What?” Howon asked the stern woman in her tiny cubicle office.

“You are required to pay a sum of-”

“I know about that but my dues should have been paid.”

“You’re a week behind payment.” She explained, setting a payment schedule in front of him that Howon didn’t understand but he was going to have to take her word for it that he was lacking in payment.

He stared at his phone again, trying to figure out how to call his dad and ask for money but somehow knowing what his answer would be already. When he’d gone round that bend a million times in his head, he finally dove into his box and decided to read his mother’s letter. Which turned out to be absolutely short and rushed.

_Howon,_

_Your father has emptied your account. This should do for the next two months._

_Love, Mom._

He read the letter over and over again before he unwrapped the stack of notes left for him by his mother. If he hadn’t been busy enough, he would have wondered at his brothers’ lack of calls and his mother’s lack of renewed attempts to bring him home. As he understood it, his family had left him on his own.

And he was almost stranded in Seoul.

*********

They weren’t allowed to date.

They weren’t allowed to post progress online.

They weren’t allowed much time to socialize.

They weren’t allowed to work.

These were rules that Howon had been completely fine with but now, he had a lot to contend with the last one. Because once he’d paid off the dues for the present month, he was down half the money and in serious need of a job. He’d thought his problems were severe until he’d met Dongwoo crying in a practice room, late one night.

“Sunbae?” He called because one month and one week of knowing someone did not immediately make them a “hyung” in Howon’s book. “Is everything alright?”

“I’m fine.” Dongwoo said, sniffing and cleaning his face and trying to smile at the same time. “Have you had dinner?”

“Was just on my way. What’s the matter?”

“It’s nothing. Just go. I’ll be right behind you.”

Stubbornly, Howon sat, leaning on the wall beside Dongwoo as Dongwoo hissed in frustration.

“It’s really nothing.”

“Then tell me.”

Finally, Dongwoo sighed.

“They’ve moved our debut date.” Dongwoo explained.

“I know.” Howon said, not seeing how this was cause for tears.

“I’ve been here for three years and they’ve moved my debut date a total of nine times. I’ve been put in three different groups before this one and now, they’ve moved my date six months again. Which means more training and no benefits. My family won’t complain but I can see it in their eyes every time they visit. I’d have been done with high school by now and on my way to university in the time I’ve been stagnant at JYP.” He cleaned his nose with his shirt. “I can’t take it anymore. I’m leaving.”

“You’re what?” Howon wasn’t sure he’d be the right person to persuade a vet-trainee. Not when he’d been here for less than five months. That he’d been set to debut a year from the present was as fast as he could have prayed for.

“I’m going to audition at Woollim.”

“Woollim doesn’t audition for idols.” Woollim was a rock company. Nell was testament to that.

“I guess it’d be sort of like Epik High? I don’t know.” Dongwoo sniffed again. “I don’t care. And with how urgent their auditions sound, I’m betting I could debut in a year. With my JYP training? I’m a sure thing.”

Dongwoo got to his feet, dusting his behind.

“You can’t tell anyone.” Dongwoo said to him. “Please.”

It really wasn’t Howon’s business.

Except that it totally was. Because if their lead rapper left, they’d be stuck or have to accept a new member which might push their debut date even further.

But curiosity got the best of him and Howon found himself at the Woollim audition, escorting his friend in support.

“Just audition.” Dongwoo whined for the hundredth time. “We’ll be rockstars.”

“I…dol!” Howon enunciated for Dongwoo. “I don’t want to be a rockstar.”

Yet, just for the fun of it, he’d gone ahead and auditioned.

*********

As Howon recounted the money, on his way to pay for his second month with still no time to get an actual job, his phone rang.

“Hello?” He said.

“Is this Lee Howon?”

“Yes. Who is this?”

“I’m Oh Boowon from Woollim.” The woman said. “I’m calling to confirm your information. Woollim is extending an official invitation to join the company as a trainee. Where can we send your invitation package to?”

Howon found his heart suddenly unable to beat once without a second skip.

“I… uh…” _Oh God._

He looked down at the money in his hand. If he didn’t get kicked out now, he’d get kicked out if he ran out of dues long before he actually debuted. JYP would take care of JYP artists but while he was still just a trainee who was, technically, learning from JYP, he was required to pay for that training in the guise of dues. Without it… without access to a job or his father’s wallet, it was only a matter of time before Howon was out on his ass.

“I’ll come and get it myself.”

*********

Life at Woollim was a steady, comfortable ride compared to the fear of getting kicked out that he’d entertained in the final weeks of his stay at JYP. Their dues was a third of what he paid at JYP (which meant he had three months to find a job). And even though their schedules were packed full of training, getting a job was not a no-no. So Howon had God to thank for that.

He’d gone and declared himself an alpha now that his parents knew and his CEO was expressly impressed to note the alpha symbol at the end of his name.

Unlike JYP where they’d had a somewhat comfortable dorm with seven rooms carrying one double bunk in each and space for the trainees, the Woollim dorm was basically a kitchen, a parlor and two rooms, one of which the would-be managers stayed in while the Howon, Dongwoo and the other trainees stayed in the other. There were no beds, only pallets and pillows for all of them. The last room –a tiny cubicle- was used to house their clothes and thus got lots of things mixed up an awful lot.

It was incredibly crowded and a little uncomfortable but Howon knew what he was doing was right. He had a dream and he was going to follow through whether or not things looked great.

The dance trainers worked them through a rigorous training schedule and the CEO didn’t want them to just rest on the fact that they could dance and rap. He had them take singing lessons. Lessons that he could had scoffed at when he’d been at JYP.

To say him and Dongwoo sucked in that department was an understatement.

They were four in their group and unlike JYP that had accepted a large number of trainees and cut down till they had the best; Woollim did things a lot differently. Dongwoo and Howon had arrived with two other boys. Who then got traded out of the company for another couple of boys. Who then got traded again for three more. Till those three had to go and they were replaced by the quiet, sulky boy that the CEO openly said he’d accepted because he was too handsome to pass up.

It didn’t take long before Myungsoo warmed up to Howon and Dongwoo and became the goofy koala that they didn’t expect. Myungsoo was happy to be the maknae and while Dongwoo spoilt him rotten on their free days and petted Myungsoo till he fell asleep so he wouldn’t cry at night, Howon slept alone in the sitting room because he wasn’t about to get sucked in by their weird brotherhood.

Then they got introduced to their leader. An alpha. Ahn Jaehyun. He’d been a trainee at another company and so had experience. His voice was beautiful and he could pick up choreography as fast as Dongwoo and Howon. Howon hated him from the first day and he wasn’t about to let some new alpha step in and take what was rightfully Dongwoo’s because he’d been the oldest member and the longest trainee. Before Jaehyun showed up.

Plus, he liked to fall asleep on Howon’s place on the couch, forcing Howon to sleep in the room with Dongwoo and Myungsoo.

It wasn’t until Howon started taking his singing lessons seriously and staying late at the studio that he finally met _him_. A slender graceful beta with the voice of an angel, so soft, Howon couldn’t move for the first few minutes he’d entered the studio for fear that he’d miss a second of the voice by moving. He had to be a beta because he didn’t smell like an omega and his presence didn’t automatically make Howon’s hackles rise. His pale skin, made dull by the bad lighting within the sound booth did nothing to reduce the beauty of his tiny pink lips. And how Howon would love to feel those lips on his… his fingers… _anywhere_.

He had no idea Woollim had brought in someone new. They’d heard nothing about it. And when he’d finished singing, Howon wanted him to continue. But he’d stopped to check a tune as he tested a line over and over again as if trying to find the most comfortable way to sing it.

“Should I try it like- ‘ _anywhere you go_ ’ or ‘ _anywhere you go_ ’?” The beta asked, staring at Gae-hyung from across the glass separating them from the sound booth.

“The first way.” Gae-hyung said.

“Okay.” He said, looking down at the sheet in his hand.

When he started singing again, Howon moved forward to sit beside their singing-coach with his eyes glued to the boy singing in the sound-booth with his eyes closed.

“Who is that?”

“Oh.” Gae-hyung said smiling. “Kim Sunggyu. CEO-nim’s pet.”

“His pet?” Howon asked, confused. _What did that even mean?_

“CEO-nim’s going to make a rockstar out of him.” Gae-hyung explained.

“But he’s not in our group.” Howon asked. “And I’ve never heard of him.”

“He’s not debuting with a group.” Gae-hyung acknowledged proudly. “He’s a solo-artist.”

And just like that, Howon suddenly found himself proud that he’d presented as an alpha.


	2. Chapter 2

About two days after Howon’s seventeenth birthday, his sleep was abruptly interrupted.

“Wake up!” Someone hissed above him sounding more than a little angry. “This is why I hate rooming with other alphas. Come on. Get the hell up.”

Howon blinked awake, looking into Jaehyun’s angry face as he tossed a shirt at Howon.

“What is it?”

“Pack a bag. We have to leave.”

“Why?”

“You stupid idiot. Don’t you mark your calendar?”

It was then he noticed the itch on the back of his neck and the heaviness between his legs. Howon shook his head again, ignoring the urgent need to jerk off as he watched Jaehyun put cloths into a small bag.

“Where are you going?” Howon asked.

“I called CEO-nim. He’ll be here in five minutes to take us to his place.”

“Why?” Howon said.

“Would you stop asking me stupid questions and get ready?”

Howon stared at Jaehyun, unwilling –unable- to move because his brain was not fully online. So Jaehyun sighed and stood straight before him.

“There’s an omega in this house. Two alphas can’t go into rut with him around.”

 _Why?_ Howon thought but didn’t say.

“Because one person’s cycle triggers everyone else’s cycle in the area. He’s fine now but when his heat gets triggered with two rutting alphas under the same roof? We’re going to have a serious problem. Now MOVE!”

Something in Jaehyun’s voice had Howon up on his feet as he began sifting through the clothes around him to find something clean. Since Jaehyun had moved in and pursued him away from the couch, Howon figured he may as well sleep in the clothes closet and that was where they were at the moment. As they hopped around the tiny space, trying to get dressed and packed, Howon finally remembered that one of their managers was an omega: Bongguk-hyung.

By the time they were dressed and out, Jungyeop –the CEO- was waiting outside with a cab. Howon and Jaehyun filed out, pulling their jackets around them as they slid into the cab. The ride over to his home was about ten minutes and they were heading up the drive into an apartment building with their bags in tow. Howon could feel his knees going weak and just as he was about to give up, Jungyeop-CEO appeared beneath his arm, holding him up as Howon tried to make it to the apartment.

“Hyung.” A familiar voice called as the door opened and Howon felt himself being deposited into someone else’ care. “I cleared your room out as well. Which of them is staying where?”

“I’ll put Jaehyun in my room. You put Howon in yours. We can have the couches for a few nights.”

Howon sighed in relief as he hung unto the person helping him, putting his nose in his helper’s neck and inhaling the confusing scent of cherries and cocoa and sandalwood… which shouldn’t make sense together but they all somehow did.

He allowed himself be put on the bed as soft hands took of his jacket and pushed him into the bed. Howon moaned the moment his body landed, getting engulfed in sweat and fatigue and that rich combo-scent and a concentrated amount of teenage pheromones and cum. He whimpered, turning on his stomach to bury his nose in the sheets. He needed more of it. He needed to be inside it.

“Okay, I’ll leave you to it.”

“My… my bag.” Howon panted.

“Here.”

His bag was put in his outstretched hand and without waiting or looking up, he rummaged in the bag until his hand closed around the large, round bowl-like object and he pulled it out, tugging at his pants vigourously.

A surprised, shocked and curious sound emitted from behind him.

“That’s my cue.” The voice said and soon, the door closed shut.

*********

By morning, Howon was angrier than he was the night before and still aching. Only now, he had a fever and his joints creaked. As he sat up in bed, moving his head slowly from side to side, the door opened and he looked up.

“Didn’t mean to wake you.” Sunggyu said entering the room and shutting the door quietly. “How are you feeling?”

As Sunggyu sat on the bed beside him, Howon shifted, clenching his fist at the intrusion. The scent was back now and Howon knew what it was. He was in a rut and everything was heightened and a frustrating turn-on. The last thing he needed was a palatable looking beta on the same bed as him, offering him affection.

“You should try Supplimax.” Sunggyu said, holding out a jar of green, chewy tablets as Howon looked down at it in disgust. “It won’t take away the rut now because it’s already started but it might take the edge off… reduce the fever… make you less irritabl-”

“Get out.” Howon hissed and Sunggyu recoiled in shock.

“I was just trying to help.”

“And what would you know about it? You’re not an alpha, how can you know what I feel? Take your stupid suppressants and get lost!”

Howon looked down at his feet as he felt the bed lift from his side. As the door closed again, he felt the jar roll down and stop on his thighs. He picked it up and looked at it before his headache got the best of him and he unscrewed the cover and popped two into his mouth as he began to chew.

Like the magic drug that it was, it began to loosen his tense muscles as Howon lay back on the bed, shutting his eyes as he tried to shut out the rest of the world. He reached for his bag again but was disappointed not to find his cd-player and head phones in it. In his haste, he’d forgotten to bring his inspiration along. Now he was stuck in his CEO’s apartment with no music and no Accent Tutorials. For an unknown length of time.

“Great.” He sighed to himself.

By the time he got himself cleaned up and decided to brave a public appearance, it was to an empty house with a note placed on top of a food set, informing him and Jaehyun that CEO-nim and Sunggyu had gone to the studio. Their dinner would be delivered later.

There was nothing on the note about Howon biting Sunggyu’s head off or about his horrible manners so Howon shrugged, hoping that that was done with. As he dropped the note to open the food the door closest to the kitchen opened and Jaehyun emerged.

He looked like crap.

His eyes were sunken, his skin was pale and purple and his hair was a mess. His nose was red rimmed and he was still wearing the shirt he’d worn to get to the CEO’s house. He smelled of cum and sweat and it was a horrid way to smell to another alpha but Howon tried to ignore it because he now felt guilty that he didn’t feel or look as bad.

“Can I have some water?” Jaehyun asked, voice rough and scratchy as he sniffled into the tissue in his hand.

Howon went to the fridge and returned with a bottle that he opened and handed to Jaehyun who downed the entire thing in one breath. He slammed the bottle down, breathing heavily before he pushed himself into the seat opposite Howon at the kitchen island with the food between them.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

“How come you don’t look like shit?”

Howon was about to reply when he remembered the inhibitors. Without answering, he ran back to his room and came back with the jar that he set in front of Jaehyun.

“You got all the good stuff.” Jaehyun said, opening the jar and throwing three into his mouth.

“You’re supposed to take one.” Howon chided.

“How many did you take?”

Howon was sure his red ears answered the question well enough for him.

“You’ll be fine soon.” Howon said, opening the food up.

“I’d be better if I had myself a Rut-buddy like your friend back there.”

He had it better that Jaehyun: now he knew. He’d spent the night in relative pain and he’d pushed Jaehyun into a rut he wasn’t expecting. If he was any kind of decent, he’d offer up the Rut-buddy. But were they supposed to even share? What was the etiquette for the situation exactly?

“I could wash it for you.” Howon said, wondering where the niceness had come from all of a sudden.

“Wash what?” Jaehyun said, scooping out some rice for himself.

“The Rut-buddy.”

Jaehyun paused, rice halfway between his bowl and the flask as he looked up at Howon.

“You’re being serious.” Jaehyun said, unable to hide the hopefulness in his voice.

Howon nodded.

“If you want to…” Jaehyun said recovering nonchalantly as he shrugged his shoulders.

That evening, while Howon sat in the parlor, taking Supplimax like popcorn and watching TV, it was to the BGM of Jaehyun going at it with the Rut-buddy. It was like he was never going to stop and when Howon looked at his watch and noticed that Jaehyun had been continuously getting off for almost six hours, he began to wonder why his own rut was so boring. Then he looked down at the jar of tablets in his hand and scoffed.

“Won’t work because the rut’s already started?” he asked himself. “Yeah right.”

As he was contemplating a permanent relationship with a jar of hormone inhibitors, the house door made a tiny “ding” sound as it opened and Sunggyu entered, carrying packs of food as he used his butt to close the door. As his eyes found Howon sitting in front of the TV, he quickly averted his gaze, moving away from him and the couch as he made his way to the kitchen.

Howon had spent the day feeling a little bad about the incident that morning. Especially now that he knew Sunggyu had offered him a drug that helped keep him sane the entire day. So he got up and followed Sunggyu into the kitchen. He waited at the door as Sunggyu hurriedly set out the plates and arranged the food for Howon and Jaehyun as he’d obviously done in the morning.

“I’m sorry I shouted on you this morning.”

“It’s no problem.” Sunggyu said, still avoiding his eyes. “It’s the rut. I get it.”

“Thanks for the tablets, though.” He rattled the jar and Sunggyu looked up at the almost half empty jar.

“You’re supposed to take one at every meal.” Sunggyu said, eyes going wide as he stretched around and snatched it from Howon’s hand. “Do you have any idea how much these cost?”

“I’m… I’m sorry.” Howon said, feeling like an ungrateful idiot and a careless fool. “I didn’t know.”

He could tell Sunggyu was mad and still had very much to say but either because Howon was an alpha or Sunggyu was still wary of him because he’d raged at him in the morning, Sunggyu was obviously holding back and obviously a little anxious to voice his opinions.

Angling his body away, Sunggyu passed by Howon on his way out of the kitchen as he went into his bedroom. Sighing, Howon inspected their dinner wondering why Sunggyu had brought their meal after telling them they should get it from delivery. He peeped into the plates, licking his lips in hunger and anticipating a good meal when the room door opened. He couldn’t even help but look but then he stared in shock.

Sunggyu was out, wearing the same pair of jeans but his bag was gone and his shirt was dark red with the logo of the restaurant that brought their food the dorm… the same logo as the food on the table.

“You have a job?” Howon asked.

“Yes.” Sunggyu replied curtly.

“How can I get one?”

“You don’t need one.” Sunggyu said, heading for the door but Howon was already running after him as he grabbed Sunggyu’s hand to turn him around and Sunggyu stared at him in horror. Immediately, he dropped the hand because he knew what this looked like: a rutting alpha grabbing the pretty beta when no one was around? Yeah only one way that was going to end.

“I need a job.”

“They hired me because Jungyeop-hyung told them I need a job. I have to pay dues. I have other responsibilities. It’s not all of us who have parents that write us checks like class notes.”

Howon stared, perplexed, as Sunggyu took his jacket from the couch and headed for the door before Howon could actually say anything.

Stunned, he returned to his meal, eating without really thinking about the food because his mind as clouded by Sunggyu. He couldn’t quite figure him out. If he took a job at the restaurant then he was castaway like Howon. But that didn’t explain why he would use his hard earned money to buy inhibitors unless…

Unless he needed them too.

And it all came rushing back to Howon as he realized that his crush was never going to go away because Kim Sunggyu was an omega. An omega on suppressants.Which was why there was no problem with CEO-nim bringing them back to his place. If Sunggyu took those tablets religiously then he was as good as being a beta. But without those tablets? He’d be a normal teenage omega, prone to heats and a delirious need of orgasms and…

He was suddenly overwhelmingly turned on and found it necessary to get off as he rushed into Sunggyu’s room.

*********

Howon and Jaehyun spent eight days at their CEO’s apartment before they were finally able to return to their dorm. It was a testament that the world didn’t stand still in their absence when they entered the dorm during dinner to find two new faces. As if they had too much space to share.

When everyone went to bed that night, Dongwoo and Myungsoo stayed up late with Howon in his closet/room giving him an update.

“He’s always so surly.” Myungsoo commented, looking distasteful. “He never talks to the rest of us.”

“He’s new here.” Dongwoo explained. “Remember how you were when you got here?”

“Hyung, I was still cuddly when I was quiet. I didn’t look like I wanted to eat the entire world.”

“Which one is that again?” Howon asked.

“Jungwook-hyung.” Dongwoo and Myungsoo said together.

“He’s kind of a celebrity. How do you not know him?”

“I’ve never heard anything he’s done before.” Howon said feeling stupid as Myungsoo and Dongwoo look at each other.

“He’s not a musician. He’s a Woollim actor.”

“Really? Which movies?”

“Maria and the Inn.” Myungsoo said as Dongwoo said. “Lover’s Concerto.”

“I’ve never heard of those.” Howon admitted.

“Anyway, he suddenly decided he wanted to be an idol and now CEO-nim’s put him with us.”

“He dances like you, hyung.” Myungsoo added. “We think Dongmin-hyung is partial to him because of it.”

“Because it isn’t partiality when he puts you front and centre because you’re handsome even when we all know you dance like an old spider?”

“Spiders are very graceful.” Myungsoo smacked Howon on the shoulder. Howon nursed his shoulder, looking back at the door.

“And the other one?”

“He smiles too much.” Myungsoo said as Dongwoo said at the same time. “Nam Woohyun.”

Both hyungs sighed at Myungsoo as they looked at him.

“What?” He asked, looking from one to the other.

“One frowns too much and the other smiles too much?” Howon asked.

“There is something to be said about moderation, hyung.” Myungsoo said, laying his head in Dongwoo’s lap and Howon scowled at them. They never knew how to stay too long without touching each other and it was a serious burden to watch. He would never get used to it no matter how familiar it was supposed to be.

“But Woohyun doesn’t train with us.” Dongwoo said.

“Why?” Howon asked and Dongwoo shrugged.

“We don’t know. He’s been here two days and all he ever does is train with Gae-hyung in the studio. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him dance.”

“You haven’t.” Myungsoo said. “He’s probably worse than I am.”

“No one is worse than you.” Dongwoo said, cooing and pulling Myungsoo’s cheeks as Howon closed his eyes to try and block out the present.

*********

Howon never gets the chance to see Woohyun in action till he’s at the studio late again. Gae-hyung made arrangements for Howon to have lessons with him now because he’d noticed Howon struggling on his own. Even Dongwoo picked up singing but Howon found himself lagging behind for some reason.

So he was at the studio watching Woohyun sing covers of sunbae songs as Gae-hyung coached him from outside the sound booth when CEO-nim/Jungyeop entered the studio. Howon got to his feet to bow as he noticed that Sunggyu had arrived as well.

“What did you want to show me?” Jungyeop asked as Gae-hyung shut off the music.

“Woohyun?”

“Hyung.” Woohyun called back.

“Can you do the song we were working on earlier for CEO-nim to hear?”

“Yes, hyung.” Woohyun said, nodding.

When he played the BGM, it sounded vaguely familiar to Howon until-

“That’s my song.” Sunggyu said, moving to take the seat beside Gae-hyung. “Why is he singing my song?”

And then Sunggyu’s voice came on from the speakers, confusing them all but by the time they got to the chorus, Woohyun joined in, harmonizing and filling for Sunggyu’s voice in the background so well that they all just stood and sat, transfixed at how well it sounded. Then at the beginning of the second verse, Sunggyu’s voice was shut off and Woohyun took it from there. By the end of the song, Jungyeop-hyung was clapping with a wide smile on his face.

“I knew you were going to make me money.” He said into the mic, causing Woohyun to blush like a fool. As he leaned back, Gae-hyung looked satisfied as well. “This is going to be gold, Gae-ah. Imagine a whole album of it.”

“I already have, sir.”

“The fan girls would go crazy for this stuff: a duo made up of a beta _and_ an alpha? Woogyu will be eternal.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Sunggyu asked as everyone turned to look at him. “A d… a duo?”

“Yes.” Jungyeop-hyung said smiling. “Think about it. You could support each other so you don’t have to do the entire album alone.”

Sunggyu gulped, nodding as he tried to grow a smile on his face to mirror Jungyeop-hyung’s expression but all he ended up achieving was a frowning, hurt look. As if realizing what all that would mean for Sunggyu, Jungyeop-hyung’s smile slowly disappeared too as Gae-hyung sat up in his seat, both of them looking at Sunggyu in worry.

“Sunggyu-yah-” Gae-hyung began.

“That’d be cool.” Sunggyu said, nodding as he fiddled in his pocket and his phone suddenly appeared. “I have to take a phone call.”

He slid through the door, shutting it almost soundlessly as the studio grew quiet. If any of them had said they could see the tension in the air, they would not have been lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Kwak Jungwook's presence is canon. It's been said in more than one interview that he trained with them to be in Infinite before he left. I assume he deserves to be in here somewhere. who knows? he might be useful


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two days early. because i'm itchy like that.  
> enjoy

Howon spent the next week psyching himself into going to see Jungyeop-CEO. Every time he reminded himself that this was the same man that had taken two teenage boys into his house at a moment’s notice, Howon reminded himself that he was still the CEO of the company and no matter how approachable he seemed, there was a full desk of protocol between them that he could never just overlook.

He obsessed about it till even Dongwoo got tired and just told him to do it or shut up. Granted, a few seconds later, Dongwoo was trying to appease him with treats and promises to feed him lunch in a nice restaurant on their free days. But the fact that he was so annoying that he’d annoyed their bundle of joy was what set Howon down on the trip to the CEO’s office.

He sat in a chair, uncomfortable about what to do, itching and twitching every second until the door opened and Jungyeop-CEO entered, eyes buried in a his phone and barely aware that he had company. As he sat and looked up at Howon for a second before his attention shifted to his laptop, he grunted his awareness.

“Good morning, Sir.”

“What do you need?” His eyes still did not come up.

“I need money, sir.”

This got him more attention as Jungyeop slowly raised his eyes till he was looking at Howon.

“I am not your father.” He explained and then Howon realized how it sounded.

“No. Sir. I was just… I need a job. I do not… Sunggyu-sunbae said you got him a job.”

“Because he needs it.”

“I need it too, sir.” Howon said, moving to the edge of his seat to portray his necessity.

“Why can’t your parents help you with money?”

“They stopped paying my dues.”

“Why?”

Howon never spoke about it with anyone. Not even Dongwoo. He’d joined the company for the past two months and now he was about to max out the third month in less than a week. Once he paid that off, he won’t be able to afford dues without a job. He was desperate.

“My father runs a business back in Busan.” Howon began and Jungyeop-CEO just sat there, looking nothing like the attentive man that had pampered him and Jaehyun during their rut. “My older brother is a beta.”

Understanding dawned on his CEO’s features and Howon felt a weight lift from his shoulders.

“So you are here without his blessing.”

“Yes sir.”

“Go back to practice. I will see what I can do.” Jungyeop-CEO said, waving him at the door.

Howon sat, stunned for a second, because it could not have been that easy. It had been a while since his life had been easy and he had expected some hoops to jump through and a thorough justification of his actions. He did not think it would be this easy to convince the CEO to put in a good word for him.

“Thank you, sir.” He said, bowing from his seat as he stood before he bowed again and turned to go.

“Howon?”

“Yes sir.” He turned around.

“It gets better.” He said.

Howon believed him completely.

*********

Howon loved his job at the restaurant. Even if Sunggyu ignored his existence the entire time, he was determined to make the best of his work. It also didn’t help that Sunggyu worked in the kitchen and Howon was a waiter but he was still too grateful that it took him three days to realize that they worked in the same place but they never actually saw each other.

That first Friday, as he sat on the steps at the back of the restaurant, holdingthe envelop in his hands, Howon prayed for the first time in months. It was a prayer of thanks and he honestly didn’t care enough to feel apprehensive about what was coming. Which wasn’t very much. As he counted the notes in the envelop and did the math, he sufficed that by the time he got paid four times that month, he’d have enough to pay for his dues and a tiny scrape to keep to himself.

It wasn’t like he had a wife and kids to take care of anyway.

He took his things and pocketed his hard earned money, and was about to begin his trek back to the dorm when Sunggyu emerged, obviously done with his own shift. His shirt was safely hidden beneath his jacket and his head was covered by a rather useless piece of snapback, but Howon still managed to stand and stare till Sunggyu’s eyes met his.

“Hi.” Howon said, waving but Sunggyu just nodded brusquely before walking past him.

Howon decided to follow, falling into step beside him.

Sunggyu didn’t notice, mind or acknowledge his presence as they walked down the alley and into the street but that was okay because Howon’s tongue felt heavy anyway. When Sunggyu turned left at the junction and Howon followed, Sunggyu stopped.

“What are you doing?” Sunggyu asked.

“I’m going home.”

“Home is that way.” Sunggyu pointed in the opposite direction.

“I…” He hadn’t thought this through at all. “I was walking you home.”

“Why?” Sunggyu eyed him sideways.

“I just wanted to make sure you got home safe.”

“Because?”

“Someone like you shouldn’t be walking on his own at night.”

“Someone like me.” Sunggyu asked sounding a little defensive. “What does that mean?”

“What if some bored alpha finds you out here on your own?”

Sunggyu laughed. Then he stopped. Then he stared at Howon like he was crazy. Then he laughed again.

When he started down the road again, Howon ran behind him.

“So you’re walking me home to protect me?”

“Yes.” Howon said more confidently.

Sunggyu shook his head.

The walk to CEO’s home was shorter than the walk to Howon’s dorm was so he didn’t mind the silence that followed for the five minutes after their short conversation.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Howon said hopefully.

“Goodnight, Howon.” Sunggyu said as he climbed the tiny staircase unto the front door.

It really wasn’t much. In fact, it was almost nothing, but it was something to Howon. He had just walked the nice, pretty omega to his door step and been a complete gentleman about it.

He spent thirty minutes on the road back to his dorm –a trip that would have been fifteen- but he didn’t mind. He didn’t even notice it until he was climbing up the steps to their own home. As he put his hand to the door, it opened out, forcing him to step back so as not to get hit by the door as an angry Jaehyun emerged from the house muttering something like “Stupid betas.”

Howon didn’t pay much mind to it until he entered the house because Jaehyun was almost always angry with one person or the other. If it wasn’t with Woohyun for his loud singing, it was with Myungsoo for his clinginess. Or Dongwoo for his over-hyperactivity. The only people he didn’t seem to have much of a problem with were Jungwook –because they were both so grouchy- and Howon, for whatever reason. Howon assumed that after borrowing a rut-buddy from someone, you couldn’t really be superior to the person from then on out.

As he entered the house, the parlor was empty and all he could hear was Woohyun’s loud singing coming from the kitchen as plates and utensils clanged around him. A whole two weeks and Howon hadn’t figured Woohyun out yet. He was happy and friendly but not as friendly as Dongwoo. He liked to watch movies with Myungsoo and Dongwoo on Myungsoo’s laptop but he didn’t seem to like their skinship just as much as Howon did. He kept to himself most of the time but when he had free days; he could cook and make them all sit around the sitting room. Howon had no idea how he got Jaehyun to join in, but he did humor Woohyun more than he humored anyone besides Howon so that was enigmatic enough for Woohyun.

Another thing that bugged him was the fact that Woohyun felt nothing like any other alpha Howon had ever known. He knew that the interaction between two alphas was so much more subconscious than it was overt and that it was always easy to identify others in the crowd. But he couldn’t identify anything about Woohyun. After he’d tried and tried for so long, he finally gave up with the point that Woohyun must have been on suppressants as well.

He found Woohyun in the kitchen, still singing but he had earphones stuck in his ears so Howon just sighed as he began to undress on his way to his room. As he opened the door, a tiny squeal sounded and Howon was met with Dongwoo’s ass in the air, covering a confused and whimpering Myungsoo beneath him.

“God of mercy.” Howon said, retracing his steps as he shut the door.

Now he understood why Jaehyun was pissed and why Woohyun had his ears blocked.

And yet, because Howon was so preoccupied with his tiny talk with Sunggyu, he had completely failed to sense –or hear- that Dongwoo and Myungsoo were having really loud penetrative sex in his closet/bedroom.

*********

Myungsoo couldn’t talk to Howon for days after that. He’d blush and freak every time Howon so much as looked at him, but at least Dongwoo had the mind to pretend like it never happened.

One thing Howon was thankful for was that now that Howon had seen them, they no longer found it prudent to engage in disgusting fluffiness in his presence. Or in anyone else’ presence for that matter.

Practice continued as usual but with the addition of a job Howon was tired half the time he was on his feet and sleepy the other half. He refused to acknowledge the sad looks he got from Woohyun, Dongwoo and Myungsoo whenever he dawned his restaurant shirt and left because he knew that that was the only way. If their parents supported their decisions to be idols, it was nobody’s fault that his hadn’t. So he wore his shirt with pride and looked forward to his time at the restaurant.

His singing didn’t improve much. Gae-hyung’s frustration with him was obvious. But because of how much extra time he put into practice and coaching, Gae-hyung couldn’t really get as pissed with him as he really should have been. So Howon kept trying. He’d spend every free time he had in the studio and if someone was recording, he’d go back to dorm, lock himself in his closet/room, block his ears and practice till singing was all that he could think about.

On one such night, as he closed for the evening, he passed by Jungyeop-CEO’s office on his way out because the Woollim building was just a tiny building with five rooms shared into CEO’s office, the dance studio, the recording studio, the basement and one last room that Howon had never been in before.

“You’re not even trying.” Jungyeop-CEO said.

“I come for practice, hyung.” Sunggyu’s voice said. “We work with Gae-hyung for hours and then I leave. What more do you want from me?”

Howon moved closer, peeping through the open door as he stared at the back of Sunggyu’s head. Jungyeop-CEO looked frustrated but from where he could see, Sunggyu was slouched in the chair looking not bothered at all.

“Think of it this way,” Jungyeop-CEO sighed, rubbing his eyes. “The longer you refuse to connect with him as your partner in this duo, the longer your debut will take.”

“I have told you, hyung. I am doing the best I can. It’s not my fault that he can’t keep up.”

“Not yourfau…” Jungyeop-CEO trails off as his head drops on his desk.

Howon couldn’t understand why the CEO didn’t just order Sunggyu to behave. This was a boy living in his house, training in his company and working a job gotten from his recommendation. If he wanted Sunggyu to be a good little soldier and work with Woohyun, all he had to do was issue the right threat and that was that. But from what Howon could see, Jungyeop-CEO sounded like he was negotiating with Sunggyu. Almost like an equal would.

“I’m pampering you too much.” Jungyeop-CEO said and now, Sunggyu sighed.

“You don’t need to do that, hyung. I’m a trainee.” Sunggyu said sounding tired and weary.

“You’re not making this easy for me.”

“I’m not trying to make it hard.”

“Then work with the boy.”

“He just got here!” Sunggyu snapped, sounding angry as he sat up. Jungyeop-CEO looked angry for a split second but then it vanished. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, hyung. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. It’s just… I’ve been here for eight months training and you promised that I’d debut early this year. Then you go and lob me in with an amateur who doesn’t even take his singing seriously.”

“He comes in to practice.”

“He thinks being an idol is fun.”

“It’s supposed to be fun.”

“It’s work, hyung!” Sunggyu said, sounding angry again. “it’s work that some of us are hacking our backs and killing ourselves to do. For him to just come here and…” Sunggyu gets up and leans on the table. “He doesn’t want this as much as I do. He hasn’t wanted it for as long as I have. He just woke up one morning and decided that he wanted to sing because a cousin told him his voice was beautiful?”

“Actually, Sunggyu, he said he’s always wanted to be a singer.”

“But he has other choices. If this doesn’t work out for him- hyung, you can let him go tomorrow and he’d just go right back to his family and continue from where he left off but what do I have? This is mine. This is my safety net. I don’t debut and then what? I go crawling back to my mom? Do you know what that would do to me?”

“I understand your situation. More than anyone. And I admire it but-”

“Hyung, you have to take him away from me. I don’t want to work with him and I don’t like him. I’m really not trying to be petty but I don’t ever see us connecting. This isn’t going to work.”

“You leave me no choice Sunggyu.” Jungyeop-CEO said, FINALLY looking stern as he stared back at Sunggyu.

“What does that mean?”

“You’re going to connect with that boy even if it’s the last thing you do. I know you two are meant to sing together. I can feel it in my bones. Even if you don’t see it now, a time will come when you won’t understand why you never saw your chemistry. So I’m going to do what’s best for you and what’s best for this company?”

“What does that _mean_?” Sunggyu repeated, straightening as Howon leaned closer to listen because this sounded like it was going to be really important.

“It means you can’t live in my house anymore.”

“What?” Sunggyu asked angrily.

“Yes.” Jungyeop-CEO said. “This weekend, you’re going to move into the trainee dorm with Woohyun and the rest of them.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Too much information

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I APOLOGIZE FOR THE AMOUNT OF INFORMATION I AM ABOUT TO DROP. THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE SINCE THE FIRST CHAPTER BUT laziness. SO, PLEASE FORGIVE  
> \- Beta: normal people like us  
> \- Alpha: Dominant status. Believed to be better leaders and have a higher social status than other people.  
> \- Omega: not below or above a beta exactly but when it comes to relationships and rearing children, they are believed to be the better mate for an alpha than a regular beta. More fertile, more maternal and generally discouraged from taking jobs or anything that might distract them from being a good house-keeper.   
> \- Uber: an alpha born from alpha/alpha relationship. That is an alpha whose mother and father are both alphas  
> \- Defunct or def.: a person is said to be defunct when he or she is in a relationship with or attracted to someone of the same status. Of course this does not apply to beta/beta relationships. However, an alpha/alpha or an omega/omega relationship is frowned upon and socially unacceptable.   
> \- Omega males and alpha females are believed to be sterile for the following reasons:  
> o Omega males are sterile. The presence of immature ovaries will cause a male teenager to present as an omega. But this also ensures that said omega shoots blanks and can, therefore, not fertilize someone else’ eggs. They can’t carry children themselves because even though they may have heats, their ovaries will never be able to house eggs. (Plus, as much as I love male heats, I haven’t figured out how to wrap my head around mpreg so…)  
> o Alpha females have hostile uteri due to the presence of a knot. It is dangerous but possible for a female alpha to carry a child to term. It is such a rare case that most female alphas don’t even bother and just choose to adopt to grow their families.

They were allowed to work.

They were allowed to post progress online.

They were allowed to date.

They did not, however, have the time –or energy- to bother.

A house of boys, pumped full of adrenaline and no other way to work off stress than to work and agonize about debut dates was a powder keg waiting to blow.

Howon didn’t think it was a good idea. Yes, he was going to live in the same house as Sunggyu, which meant same room, same jobs, same route to said jobs, same _shower,_ and more access and time to give Howon the in he needed.

But on the other hand, this was a house full of horny teenage boys and two older males. And it didn’t sit right with Howon that there were two other alphas in the house that could be potential threats to his intentions towards the pretty omega. He had to do something about it… stake his claim or whatever. Just get everyone to stop. Trying.To. Touch. Sunggyu.

So while Woohyun smiled and welcomed Sunggyu to their dastardly, incredibly, frustratingly overcrowded “dorm”, Howon just joined Jaehyun in the corner to frown. Howon knew why he was frowning but Jaehyun’s reason was as good a guess as anybody’s. Vexed and uncomfortable, he took to his closet/room where he pulled out his earphone and arranged himself on the floor, ready to try some vocal exercises when the door opened and Jaehyun entered.

For a second, he looked surprised to see Howon but then he recovered and moved to the other corner and sat. The room wasn’t so big but they weren’t in each other’s faces anyway. Lying as Howon was, if he spread his feet, they would brush against Jaehyun’s. But seeing as the two of them were determined not to get in the other’s business, the air was not as stifling as it would have been if it was Dongwoo or Myungsoo in the room.

Holding a recorder to his lips, he played the first song and tried to follow with one ear sitting without an ear piece so he could hear himself. He tried the assignment Gae-hyung had given him earlier that Saturday afternoon. He got frustrated every time he tried to playback the set, it sounded horrible. Sighing, he played Dynamic Duo’s “Taxi Driver” and nodded, following the rap, trying to lift his spirits before he took another go at singing. When the song ran its course and he went back to select another song to follow-

“Your accent is holding you back.” Jaehyun said and Howon looked at him.

Howon sat up, feeling tension build in his shoulders and his belly at Jaehyun’s words. Another person was not going to give him crap about his accent.

“What?” He asked.

Jaehyun just sat there, head against the wall and eyes closed as if he wasn’t trying to destroy Howon’s brain with his flimsy statement.

“Your fake accent is affecting your vocals.”

“My accent isn’t fake.” Howon replied, stung. “I sing how I speak.”

“You sing with your company voice.”

“I don’t have a company voice.” Howon felt defensive. Then he frowned. “What is a company voice?”

Sighing, Jaehyun raised his head and looked over at Howon.

“Everyone knows Howon has a dorm voice that sounds like an actual human being is speaking. But we also know there’s the one you use with Jungyeop-CEO and Gae-hyung and Dongmin-hyung and Mithra. It’s the one that makes me want to pick up a plank and beat you with it.”

Howon got to his feet in angry, fuming and clenching his fist so tight he was beginning to lose feeling in from his wrist down.

“This,” he said through clenched teeth. “Is none of your business.”

“Uh… that’s where you’re wrong. See, I’m leader. How my singers perform is my business. If you’re going to go on stage sounding like that, do you think anyone will let you open your mouth?”

“Then I’ll just rap and.”

Jaehyun laughed.

“Do you think Jungyeop-CEO is joking with us? Does Woollim look like any other company?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Rookie.” Jaehyun said, leaning back on the wall as he closed his eyes again.

Howon pounced, dragging Jaehyun by the collar as he punched him in the face but Jaehyun just shifted, causing the punch to lose its trajectory as Howon’s fist collided with the wall. His whole body shot into tense pain as feeling in his fist was recovered and he froze from the shock. Jaehyun just shoved him back on the ground before sitting and looking at Howon.

Over the roughly two months he’d known Jaehyun, they’d had four altercations already. Truth be told, all four were in the first month or so because ever since the incident with the shared rut-buddy, Jaehyun had begun to seem almost like a human being and did not inspire as much irritation in Howon. However, before then, he’d been so annoying that they’d nearly come to blows twice over Jaehyun’s treatment of the other housemates and once over Howon’s place on the couch before he relented and took up residence at the closet/room.

And yet, it seemed that while Howon always moved to strike first, he never actually succeeded in any of his attacks. So he was always the one hurt or the one with the bruised ego. Which was always forgotten the next time Jaehyun got under his skin and his alpha instincts reminded him that he needed to act quick or be disrespected by the older alpha.

Howon really needed to find a way to remind his brain of these incidents whenever the urge to hit showed up.

“I can help you. I live with you.” Jaehyun said. “I see what Gae-hyung can’t and so I know that he doesn’t know you have satoori and that’s not supposed to be your problem.”

Fighting back tears, Howon used his unwounded hand to push himself away from Jaehyun.

“Why would you care anyway?”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes.

“Jungyeop-CEO doesn’t do things like other companies. We are his first real idol group but he’s going to run us like Nell and Epik High. Do you know what that means? Everyone has to pull their weight. He’s not just going to shove you in a group because you can do one thing. He wants all of us to do everything. That’s why Myungsoo takes dance lessons and you’re being forced to sing. If you have a nice face that’s fine but he won’t care about that… not really anyway. When one member of this group stands alone, he should be able to dance and sing without looking or sounding like a year old corpse.”

He didn’t know what to say to any of that. He’d had concerns about not being an all-rounder but hearing it laid out like that just solidified his fears. Even Dongwoo had pulled ahead in the singing but somehow, Howon was left behind. Myungsoo that he may have used as a consolation was the “visual” of the group so he might have that over Howon, atleast. Plus, Myungsoo’s dancing may have been abysmal but it looked to be growing so if someone considered progress rate, Myungsoo would be a better investment than the rapper who still sang the way he’d done on his first day at Woollim.

When Jaehyun asked “Do you want my help or not?”, breaking Howon out of his thoughts Howon nodded back at him in defeat.

*********

The first time he tried letting go during his coaching session with Gae-hyung he found that he sang the entire first verse and chorus before he was stopped. Usually, Gae-hyung never let his get that far.

“Your accent is thick.” He commented but Howon was shocked to note that there was no malice or disdain in his tone. “I’ve never heard you with satoori before.”

“I was told to get rid of it.”

“Is it an old pair of shoes?” Gae-hyung asked, looking at Howon. “No wonder you always sound wrong. You’re struggling.”

“I was told-”

“I heard you the first time.” Gae-hyung said, getting up from his chair in front of Howon to retrieve a new set sheet that he replaced the one in front of Howon with.

“Try that.” Gae-hyung said, tapping the sheet. “With satoori.”

Howon stared at the sheet, confused. Three and a half months at Woollim and this was the first time he was seeing a new song that wasn’t Dongwoo’s copy.

“Why?” Howon asked.

“Because I asked you to.” Gae-hyung said.

Howon wasn’t one of those types who knew how to read music or anything fancy like that. But after hearing his housemates practice it weeks ago, he was fairly certain he could manage the tune and follow the words on the sheet before him.

So he gave it a try.

Once again, he made it to the second chorus before he got cut off.

“Okay. Breakthrough.” Gae-hyung said, not really smiling but without the regular scowl that graced his features when he really needed to tell Howon what was on his mind but he was being considerate. “We’ll work with your satoori for now.”

Howon couldn’t believe his ears. Woollim was fool of completely crazy people.

“You want me to debut with satoori?” Howon asked feeling patronized. After months of struggling to get a semblance of the Seoul dialect.

“Oh heavens! No!” Gae-hyung said, shocked. “Why? You can’t sing that way outside of this building.”

“But you just said-”

“I said for now.” Gae-hyung must have read the confusion on his face because he deflated enough to explain. “You’re uncomfortable with the… new… accent. Worrying about that and worrying about acquiring a new skill in singing is weighing on you. One at a time, okay? We’ll work on your singing and then as you get better, we introduce your acquired accent. Alright?”

Howon was not so sure he completely understood Gae-hyung’s logic but if he was going to debut with Jaehyun and Dongwoo and Myungsoo and Jungwook, he had to at least try.

*********

Ignoring Dongwoo’s need to please and befriend everyone, Howon was very excited about living with Sunggyu. He spent most of his time at the studio but when he wasn’t, he was at his job and when they were both done with that, Sunggyu usually waited for Howon outside the kitchens so that they could both walk back to the dorms together.

“Where are you from?” Howon ventured on one of such trips home.

“Jeonju.You?”

“Busan.” Howon admitted.

They lapsed back into silence and continued their short walk. Suddenly pushed by a urge to continue the conversation, Howon didn’t think before he spoke next.

“What’s the deal with you and Woohyun?” And then his mouth refused to stop. “I mean, you’ll still debut but just with another person. Why is that so hard?”

He really wasn’t being malicious but Howonguessed that if his subconscious was going to take over his brain and pick topics of discourse that would be where they would first go.

Expecting a hiss or something, Howon slowed his step but Sunggyu slowed to a stop as well as he stared at Howon with his hands in his pocket so that Howon could not see if he was brandishing a tiny knife with which to stab Howon.

“How long have you been in Seoul?” Sunggyu asked instead.

“Seven…” He shook his head. “Eight months.”

Sunggyu smiled.

“Was Woollim your first choice?”

“No.”

“Did you get picked by your first choice?”

“Not at first, no.”

“I auditioned for Woollim early last year… January and they said no. Because Nell’s manager told me I was talented.” Sunggyu laughed. “I left home against my mother’s wishes and came to Seoul because I wanted to be in a band and at my first audition, I got shut down. I know that happens to a lot of people but I’m good. And that’s not supposed to happen to me. See? I’m one in a million and it’s not my fault if people aren’t perceptive. So I auditioned for SM and there, they finally told me why they wouldn’t take me. Because I wasn’t handsome enough. Not cute enough. My eyes weren’t visible and…” Sunggyu bit his lips. “I thought I hated Woollim for not explaining exactly what was wrong with my audition but at least SM was informative. So I spent months working odd jobs and struggling to build the nerve up to audition again when I got the call to come in. Just me. No band. Me: as a soloist. So I figure it’s my chance, fate repaying me for months of pain. I have been in Seoul for a whole year waiting for a debut that I have been ready for forever and now, I have to wait for the new shiny toy of Woollim?”

That wasn’t fair.

“That’s not how it is.”

“How would you know? You’ve been here for a couple of months.”

“And you’ve been here for almost a year so what’s holding you back?” Howon snapped.

Anger finally crossed Sunggyu’s face so he turned away and continued home.

“You’re not serious about debuting then.” Howon said. He could not understand why someone was resisting. If the company wanted you to jump, you asked how high.

“You don’t know anything about me.”

“I know that it doesn’t matter if he’s going to help you debut.”

“How is he helping me?” Sunggyu narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Why am I even talking to you about this? You would never understand.”

“I understand a lot.” Howon bit back. “You think that you’re the only one suffering? Look around, the idol world is made up of people struggling to be one in a million.”

“I AM NOT AN IDOL!” Sunggyu shouted back. “Please don’t insult me.”

“Insult you? Hyung, you need to rid that chip off your shoulder. If you become a singer with a band playing behind you, you’re no different from anyone with a group of dancers doing the same routine.”

“I don’t know what you call that, but it’s not the same. To be in a band, you have to actually sing. Now, I have a partner who looks like an “idol” and before you know it I’ll be in a group with other cute boys being asked to learn to dance. How shameful. Hiding the fact that you can’t actually sing.”

This time when Sunggyu started walking, Howon ran after him not planning to let him have the last word in. Howon cut in front of him as he stopped Sunggyu.

“Woohyun can sing. Your argument is faulty. If I was the one being forced on you, I’d agree with you but don’t you think Jungyeop-CEO knows what he’s doing putting you two together?”

“He’s human. He can make mistakes.” Sunggyu bypassed him and kept going.

“And you can’t? One-in-a-million Kim Sunggyu isn’t human then. I wonder what you need a company for when you can do anything.”

“What do you want me to do then?” Sunggyu asked, facing him again.

It took Howon a second or two to realize that he really was asking.

“I don’t know. Talk to the guy. For god’s sake everyone can see he’s trying and you’re not.”

“And say what? We have nothing in common and he’s so frustrating to be around.” Sunggyu said moving and Howon had to jog again to meet him. “I don’t like him very much.”

Everyone knew that too. From the first day Sunggyu had moved in, it had been “Sunbae this” and “Sunbae that” from Woohyun but Sunggyu just ignored him pretending Woohyun was not in the room. Howon knew desperation. Desperation as obvious as Woohyun’s anyone could see. And Howon could not understand how an alpha would let himself be put through that.

It was degrading and an uphill battle but Woohyun didn’t seem to mind that his affection fell on thick skin hardened with hate and malice. Howon didn’t understand how Sunggyu made alphas behave like that around him. It wasn’t the usual posturing or the bossy alpha-ness that alphas exuded when trying to impress the appealing omega. It was something else. Something different. But Howon understood it. Without meaning to, he understood the urge to know Sunggyu… be near him… have him acknowledge that you exist.

“I’m sure you can find common ground.” Howon offered hopefully which earned him a side glance from Sunggyu as they continued on their way.

“There is no common ground between us.”

“You’re both singers.” Howon began counting off his fingers. “You’re at Woollim. You’re about to be partners for life –or at least for a while. You’re both guys. You’re both on suppressants. You’re-”

“How do you know he’s on suppressants?” Sunggyu asked, confused.

“I just do. I mean, he has to be.” Howon said shrugging but Sunggyu still looked confused and pensive.

“You know, for an alpha, you’re not very self involved.”

“Huh?” Howon asked because… _strange turn_?

“Or selfish. I’m not sure which one.” Sunggyu continued.

“Why would I be selfish?”

“I was under the impression that you have a crush on me. Maybe you’d want to spend this time catering to my good side and not calling me spoilt?”

“Wha… I wasn’t… I didn’t call you spoilt.”

“I’m pretty sure you just did.” Sunggyu turned into the road and they could see the house from where they were. “And you didn’t deny the crush.” Sunggyu accused.

_Right._ Howon thought wincing inwardly.

“I never called you spoilt.” Howon said weakly. “Besides if I have a crush on you, wouldn’t I want what’s best for you?”

_Take that_ , he smirked inwardly.

Sunggyu scoffed.

“Smooth.” He commented and Howon blushed from head to toe.

*********

They returned home to find Woohyun waiting for them in the sitting room. He was on his feet the moment the door opened, smiling brightly at Sunggyu with a plate of beans cakes. As if Sunggyu had not just come from a restaurant.

Howon pitied him too much to even see him as competition.

“Sunbae must be tired.” Woohyun said, ushering Sunggyu to the sofa as he pulled away Sunggyu’s jacket and took his bag from him. Sunggyu gave him a dry look and Howon was happy to interpret it as “Save me, would you?” as he laughed at the fawning Woohyun and waved his hands at Woohyun’s back to say back to Sunggyu “Be nice”. Sunggyu just glared before he turned his attention to Woohyun.

Shaking his head, Howon entered his closet/room and Jaehyun was in there again, reading.

“Kept your room sex-free.” Jaehyun said, not looking up from his book as Howon remembered with a cringe the last time he had come home to find Dongwoo and Myungsoo in the act. “You should thank me.”

“Thank you for what?” Howon scoffed, turning around to assemble his pallet because a shower was not an option. Not with the way the back of his neck was feeling. “You pursued me from the couch in the sitting room and now you’ve taken up residence in my room-”

“Closet.” Jaehyun corrected before he even finished.

“I don’t care. I don’t owe you any thanks.”

“I wasn’t talking about the room.” Jaehyun said.

Howon stopped and looked at him, tiredly.

“What else have you done for me now, my knight in shining armor?” Howon asked.

“Your singing’s better.” Jaehyun looked back at him. “I heard you this morning.”

Howon continued what he was doing to give himself a reason to look away because he was now blushing withunintelligent glee. Not only had Gae-hyung not looked constipated, he had complimented Howon and said nice things. Howon could actually feel himself getting better and growing. He was not so afraid anymore. For the first time in months, the two things that had bothered him: singing and money: were not issues. But then he frowned, because half of that was all thanks to the idiot in the corner.

“Thanks.” He mumbled back at Jaehyun. A ruffling sound behind him told him that Jaehyun had returned to his book so Howon finished and settled in for the night.Which was hard to do so he just continued tossing and turning and trying to get comfy.The light was turned on so he could see himself in the mirror just by his head. The angle was weird and worrisome because it was the barest spot in the room o the others had insisted on leaving it there. But Howon could not sleep with the mirror in his way. “The lights.” Howon finally said.

“I’m reading.” Jaehyun said.

“I need to sleep.”

Hissing angrily, Jaehyun shut his book, stretched up and turned off the light in the tiny room.

He rearranged himself again but his neck was still a lot stiff and now the pain was beginning to travel a little ways down his back. So Howon turned around to look for comfort. And then he turned again and then he-

The lights came on.

He stopped and looked up at Jaehyun who looked murderous.

“My neck is aching.” Howon offered quickly.

“Where?” Jaehyun asked, eyes dropping to Howon’s neck like he was actually going to help.

Howon pointed at the back of his neck and slowly, Jaehyun was moving toward him. His worry, shock or curiosity: Howon wasn’t sure which was strongest. But Jaehyun finally got to him, placing his entire hand on Howon so that his fingers splayed out on Howon’s back.

“Here.” He asked.

“Around that area and- arh!” he cringed as Jaehyun massaged, moving his fingers lower.

“Lie down on your belly.” Jaehyun ordered and Howon listened, neck strained back in curiosity and mistrust. Maybe this was the day Jaehyun would finally get rid of the other alpha in the group. Not that someone like Jaehyun would even consider someone like Howon a threat or anything. “Put your head down, Howon.”

Howon found himself obeying, listening to the word of the higher alpha because he knew that he could fight, he could grouch, he could challenge, but the fact that Jaehyun had been named leader would always be a white flag above Howon’s door.

“Do you have any lotion?”

“No.” Howon said because he was not about to admit that a hand-stretch away from their current position housed his rut-buddy and lube. No one needed to know that. And using it with someone else would just weird. Even though what he called lube was just basically body oil and nothing expensive, he wasn’t going to admit because it’s utility was not what was in question at the moment.

“Take off your shirt.”

“Why?”

“Stop fighting me and just remove the damn thing.”

“Yes, it can’t possibly be enough that you’re an idol.” He found his mouth saying in a last bid to be rebellious. “You have to be a singing coach and a masseur as well.”

Jaehyun shifted and Howon removed his shirt before he lay back down with nothing but his singlet between him and Jaehyun’s pajama bottoms. Lifting himself, Jaehyun pressed at Howon’s back, letting his fingers sink into the tense, hurting muscle as Howon winced and then felt his entire life relax without his permission.

“God.” Howon said, closing his eyes in bliss. “Is this like…?” He paused when Jaehyun moved his hands, attacking more sore muscles. “Are you… if I came home sore again…?”

Howon stopped before he went any further.

“Are you asking for my services?” Jaehyun asked and Howon could hear the quirk in his eyebrows.

“Yeah?”

“What would I get in return?” Jaehyun asked.

“Anything.” Howon said brainlessly, feeling unconsciousness knocking behind his eyelid.

*********

He didn’t even know when he’d fallen asleep, but the next thing Lee Howon knew, he was pulled awake when a particularly sharp press was made on his lower back, causing him to freeze awake in shock. He turned his head the other way, blinking to consciousness as he tried to get his bearings.

There was an unusually heavy weight on his ass and someone seemed to be pressing… massaging his back in slow, relaxing circles and he had never felt more at peace than he was feeling at the moment. Sighing in happiness, Howon tried to turn his head again but somehow, he ended up looking up and ahead into the mirror where his eyes met with a sight that caused him to tense up even more.

Sitting astride on Howon’s hips with his tongue peeking out and his eyes darkened in something Howon did not want to address was Jaehyun. His lips were parted and when Howon jostled in discomfort at what the entire scene might mean for him that another alpha was looking at him that way, he felt something move too. Something between Jaehyun’s legs. Something right there on Howon’s bum. Something that was not as docile as it was supposed to be in such circumstances.

Now, Jaehyun froze too, looking up into the mirror where his guilty eyes met with Howon’s. It was an absolute statement to how distracted Jaehyun was at the moment that for the first time ever, Howon had enough time to turn around, topple Jaehyun over and punch him squarely in the face as Jaehyun’s head snapped back into the ground.


	5. Chapter 5

Howon spent the night on Sunggyu’s pallet.

After the punch-that-finally-connected, he’d run from the room, scared that Jaehyun might recover and retaliate or do something even worse like… apologize.

Freaked and bemused, he fled. If he had taken the time to stop and listen, he would have heard the weird conversation happening in the kitchen between Sunggyu and Woohyun where Sunggyu just grunted while Woohyun offered information about himself that was just too much to share with someone who might try to use it against you in the near future. But Howon was too rattled to care. He just needed to anchor himself and calm down and seeing as he couldn’t exactly drag Sunggyu some place quiet so he could bury his nose in that intoxicating scent, Howon settled for the next best thing.

He laid out Sunggyu’s pallet and placed his pillow down before burying his nose in the pillow.

“Howon?” Dongwoo called softly in the dark room. “Are you okay?”

“’M fine.” Howon mumbled into the pillow.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He raised his head from the pillow and glared at Dongwoo.

“Do I look like I want to talk about it?” He snapped and Dongwoo just sat there, unmoved by Howon’s irritation.

“Howon-ah, you don’t need to say anything if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t want to.” Howon said stubbornly.

“Okay.” Dongwoo shrugged yet when Howon returned to his pillow, Dongwoo continued to sit by his side.

Every time he tried to close his eyes, his mind flashed back to a few minutes ago with dread because what the hell did Jaehyun think would happen? What did he wish would happen? Howon was an alpha. Jaehyun was also an alpha. If they got together, what was supposed to happen? What was his role going to be if he was younger than Jaehyun and just a regular member whereas Jaehyun, the leader?

He knew the answer and it didn’t help him sleep any easier. Knowing that he would be required to act as the cup in the relationship… the bitch with his ass in the air for Jaehyun… the lesser of the two… the _submissive one._

Howon shivered in disgust, turning away from Dongwoo as his neck began to ache again from the lack of a massage. And thinking of a massage reminded him of Jaehyun’s hands on his skin. It reminded him of the look in Jaehyun’s eyes and Howon almost hated himself for encouraging such behavior.

_Disgusting, defunct scum._

He groaned and pushed his nose back into Sunggyu’s pillow, reminding himself that _he_ wasn’t the defunct scum. He wasn’t the one in love with a fellow alpha. He was in love with the omega. The sexy, worldly omega that was everything he dreamed of.

By the time Howon finally fell asleep, uncomfortable and unanchored, Dongwoo was still sitting patiently by his side.

And Sunggyu had still not come in to sleep.

*********

He managed to survive without Jaehyun for exactly eleven hours before Jaehyun cornered him in the toilet at the Woollim building. Howon backed off into the stall as Jaehyun crowded him in, reminding Howon that he was midget-high. Feeling literally cornered and subdued by a guy he’d just taken a successful swing at less than a day ago, he lowered his eyes to the ground.

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

“We have to go back to prac-”

Jaehyun moved in and Howon had to hold the walls as the back of his legs hit the toilet seat.

“Are you going to tell anyone what happened?” Jaehyun asked, as Howon could feel Jaehyun’s gaze on him as surely as he’d felt Jaehyun’s touch the night before.

“Nothing happened.”

Jaehyun hesitated for a second before he turned around and left the stall, allowing Howon a moment to breathe before he was back in Howon’s face again.

“Because it’s not like it’s a thing I do.” Jaehyun explained emphatically. “I’m not…” He sighed. “I’m not defunct okay?” Jaehyun stood with one hand on his hip and another rubbing the creases off his young forehead.

And all Howon did was wait. In his stall.

“I’ve never felt this way about another alpha before. I swear.” He continued. “it’s just, I was just…” He looked at Howon. “You don’t even believe me.”

Howon was still not sure what to say so he just held his tongue.

“Say you believe me.” Jaehyun commanded. “Say you won’t tell anyone what happened.”

“I won’t tell anyone what happened.”

Because really? Who was he going to tell? What was he going to say? That he was approached sexually by an alpha?

“Okay but do you believe me?” Jaehyun asked, stepping closer.

Howon did not. He knew what he saw and chances were, it was going to happen again. Jaehyun was going to find him somewhere else and try things with him or worse still, convince Howon that his ghastly lifestyle was worth the experimentation.

“You really don’t believe me.” Jaehyun whispered, sounding confused and betrayed. Which was crazy because Howon was the betrayed party in the room.

“What does it matter if I don’t believe you?” Howon asked, anger surging in him.

“If you don’t believe me, you’re going to talk about this somewhere.”

“I’m not going to say anything.”

“If you do I’m going to lose everything, Howon.”

“I’m not goin-”

“Do you understand what that means?” Jaehyun asked. “I’ll be finished before I ever get a career in this business. You can’t tell anyone about me.”

“I already told you-”

“And your judgment betrays your intentions Howon.”

“I have no intentions-”

“You’re worried that I’m going to… you’re worried I might force myself on you.” Howon did not dispute him. “I won’t. I never would. I just wish you would believe me. If you want me to stay away from you, I will. I will do anything to prove that I won’t ever do anything. I swear.”

He was still coming closer and once again, Howon was forced to step back into the toilet that he had just left a number two in minutes ago.

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun said, standing so close that Howon would have liked to point out that this was probably not the best way to prove that he wasn’t going to try anything. “I won’t do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.”

 _Except this?_ Howon thought.

“I just…” he trailed off as his eyes lowered to Howon’s lips –Howon cringed inwardly- and then he leaned in.

“Shame on you.” Howon snapped, pushing Jaehyun away and stepping out of the stall. “Hyung, what the hell? What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m sorry.” Jaehyun now looked frustrated and guilty.

“For what? Do you even know what you’re apologizing for? You just said… and then you went and- GAH!!!” He shouted, as he walked off, out of the toilet before Jaehyun had the chance to do anything more skin-crawling.

He wasn’t even going to think of the fact that he had just carried number two hands out of the toilet without washing.

*********

Dongwoo wouldn’t take no for an answer so he hauled Howon to the café across the street and Myungsoo tagged along. He sat quiet, listening to them chatter on and on about useless things and important things and idol-life and the things they felt would change when they debuted and all of Korea fell in love with each and every member.

Myungsoo admitted, not for the first time, that he never pictured himself being an idol. he never even thought of it. In fact, he stated that he used to judge idols because all they had were pretty faces and that was why they all became popular anyway.

Which was ironic because of all of them, Myungsoo was the only one in Woollim because he looked good. But Howon didn’t point that out. He had his own problems without inducing a sulky Myungsoo to appear at lunch.

Maybe if he avoided Jaehyun, things would just simmer down and sizzle away.

Or Jaehyun might avoid him all together and make it easier on all of them.

Or they might become so stiff with each other that Jungyeop-CEO would have intervene.

Maybe then, Howon would just tell everyone what was going and save their group the embarrassing scandal that was sure to have if they were led by a def leader.

Even though he couldn’t do it, Howon still relished the idea that he would just walk up and rip the damn band aid. But there was no way he could ruin someone else like that. He knew what it felt like to pursue a dream regardless of where you were supposed to be. He wasn’t supposed to be in Seoul or at Woollim. He was supposed to be home, preparing to learn business and take over from his father. But he stayed here.

Granted, it wasn’t the same thing but he couldn’t deny that Jaehyun would make a fine idol and a great leader… if he would just stop trying to molest other alphas. He had fight in him and he had fire and he was talented and hard working and after spending almost a year at Playcube before Jaehyun joined Woollim, Howon knew Jaehyun would be an irreplaceable asset to their team when they debuted.

So who was he to say Jaehyun shouldn’t be in Woollim?

*********

By the time they got home, Woohyun had on a baffled expression and Sunggyu had more baffling news.

“Jaehyun is gone.” Sunggyu said and Howon’s jaw tightened at the news.

Because he was not to blame for that.

So he really was not going to care anymore.

*********

Except, that was all he could do.

He spent the next few days guilting over the fact that he had just pursued away the only true singer in their group-with-no-name and now, they’d have to hold off on debuting till one or all of them got better or till a new member was introduce. Which would still hold off debut.

Dongwoo was probably their best bet at the moment but even he wasn’t consistent enough to be named main singer. Myungsoo was shaky at best. Howon was a satoori disaster. And Jungwook, who could have been a better option that Dongwoo was almost always never around because he was on some individual schedule in minor acting roles that were not credited and completely useless in his career. Now, Jaehyun their only hope was gone.

And it was all Howon’s fault.

But it wasn’t.

Unless it was.

Except during the few moments where he’d managed to tell himself it totally wasn’t his fault that the defunct alpha -who probably wasn’t fit enough to lead anyway- had left. Because, honestly, what kind of alpha just turned tail and ran? Why didn’t he stay and fight Howon? Or at least, bully him into submission or something? It was so un-alpha-like that he actually packed all his things and left like a pussy.

Howon was so pissed. Even though he hadn’t yet figured out the focus of his anger.

Presently, he was on his third set of two hundred sit-ups, lifting and lying to the hard, loud beats of a hip hop song that was pounding almost painfully in his ears. He was too angry to get up and reduce it but he figured that maybe, on some level, he deserved whatever torture he witnessed.

So, hours after all his other group members had gone back to dorm, he was still pushing himself and working out and punishing and not actually growing in anyway but the ache in his joints.

The music went off and Howon stretched to look back at the stereo where Sunggyu stood, hands on hips and eyes furious with worry.

“You’re being stupid. Whatever it is, exercise isn’t going to help.”

“Shouldn’t you be in dorm by now?” Howon asked, continuing his set as if he had never stopped.

“Shouldn’t you?” Sunggyu snarked back. “I don’t know what’s going on with your talentless little group but your antsiness is affecting the rest of us that live with you people.”

Sunggyu walked up and sat cross legged, beside Howon and facing him so that his left knee brushed against Howon’s left hip every time Howon moved.

“You can’t call me talentless if you can’t dance like me.” Howon replied.

“What happened with your leader?” Sunggyu asked, cutting through Howon’s bullshit.

“Nothing.”

Sunggyu pulled up his legs and clasped his hands around then as he rested his chin on his knees.

“Jungyeop-hyung won’t tell me what happened or why he left.”

Not for the first time, Howon wondered at Sunggyu’s closeness with the CEO and how he, but no other trainee, could call their CEO “Hyung”.

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Howon replied in his readied and prepared answer.

“I want you to talk to me. If it were me, you’d badger.”

“I really wouldn’t.”

“You’re probably right.” Sunggyu looked away but continued to sit so Howon continued to move up-forward and back-down in his work-out-punishment. “Doing this won’t change anything.”

“And talking to you will?” Howon heard the dickery in his tone and sighed, stopping his movement to look at Sunggyu.

Who, by the way, didn’t look offended by Howon’s tone or anything. He just sat there, blinking at Howon and waiting. And Howon had the distinct impression that if Sunggyu continued, he just might cave and spill and talk about everything. And not in the way he had talked to Dongwoo but in like, an extensive way with descriptive narration and everything. But he really did not want to do that.

“Look,” He began. “I appreciate that you want to be here for me or be a friend or whatever but I’m fi-mmphh.”

He stop, inhaling sharply as Sunggyu had leaned forward and touched his lips to Howon’s in a static, delicate kiss that completely took Howon’s breath away.

When Sunggyu moved to sit back, Howon found himself pursuing, seeking as he pushed himself up into Sunggyu’s tiny, thin lips that felt like nothing and everything all at once. Moaning softly, Sunggyu pushed at Howon’s chest, disconnecting their lips as Howon sat back, dissatisfied and unhappy.

“Talk to me.” Sunggyu asked and Howon could have sworn it sounded like a command. But that was ridiculous because Sunggyu was an omega and he was sitting there. Right there. In front of Howon with his teasing, beautiful lips that he was being utterly selfish with at the moment. “Tell me, Howon-ah.”

“Jaehyun-hyung likes me.” Howon said. “I don’t mean that in a friendly or brotherly way. Like like- _likes_ me. You know? Like how I feel about you.”

Howon had successfully admitted to being involved in a defunct thing while at the same time, confessing his feelings to Sunggyu. He had done that and yet, he couldn’t sing better than an elderly eel.

“So?” Sunggyu asked, eyes running all over Howon’s face as if desperately struggling to understand what Howon’s problem was and failing.

“So?” Howon asked back. “He’s an alpha. _I’m_ an alpha. It’s filthy.”

The area below Sunggyu’s left eye twitched in slight irritation before a full frown formed and Howon rolled his eyes, immediately destroying the already ruined moment between them. He got up and shook his head at Sunggyu.

“You’re one of _those_ people.” Howon said.

“What people?” Sunggyu remained on the ground. Howon approached his bottle of water as he began to uncap it.

“Those ones. The liberal ones.”

“You’re saying that like it’s a bad thing.”

“You people.” Howon scoffed. “You’re so hypocritical.”

“What does that mean? How can I be hypocritical? I don’t care if an alpha has feelings for another alpha. Love is love regardless of a person’s presentation.”

“Really?” Howon looked at him. “So you wouldn’t mind if an omega wanted you to fuck him?”

“I wouldn’t but I don’t see how that’s the same thing.”

“Oh God!” Howon could not believe the stupidity of this argument. “You’re telling me you’ve fucked another omega before?”

“I’ve never been with an omega but that’s just me, because I like to bottom. And most omegas want you to fuck them so I’m not that compatible with them either. It has nothing to do with presentation.”

“So you’ve never been. Then you don’t know what you’re talking about. You can’t stand there and tell me-”

“You’re telling me Jaehyun left because he likes you?” Sunggyu asked angrily, cutting through Howon’s speech. Again. “That’s why he left? Honestly, I don’t know who the bigger fool is between the two of you.”

Sunggyu stood, dusting his pants as he headed for the door but Howon wasn’t ready for him to leave yet. As he passed, Howon grabbed him.

“Wait a second. Wait, please.” He said, holding Sunggyu in place by his one arm as he pulled them close together so that their sides brushed as he looked at Sunggyu. “I don’t care about Jaehyun right now.”

He honestly didn’t. Sunggyu had just kissed him and there were so many other things he’d rather talk about –or do- than argue about Jaehyun’s defunct status.

“Do you even know what you’re doing?” Sunggyu asked, looking at Howon in so strange a way that Howon couldn’t interpret what it meant at all. “I thought… I thought we wanted the same thing.”

“We do.” Howon agreed, wide eyed and confused. “We want the same thing.”

He leaned forward and Sunggyu leaned forward and their foreheads collided.

“I don’t want to fight about this anymore.”

“Me neither.”

Reaching forward, he kissed Sunggyu again.

*********

Howon didn’t even care if there was anyone in his room as he burst in, pulling Sunggyu along with him and attacking his lips with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. He tugged at his pants as Sunggyu pulled off his own shirt.

“We have to make this quick.” Sunggyu said between breaths. “My shift is in an hour.”

“Me too. Me too.” Howon said, pulling Sunggyu back for a kiss just as Sunggyu was try to get at his own jeans which cause both of them to fall over in the tiny closet. Howon laughed but continued to kiss, hoping to not waste any time now that he was here.

This wasn’t Sunggyu’s first time and it showed in the way he took control of the situation, backing off the kiss and pressing forward, confusing and exciting Howon so that he was turned on but a little annoyed at the turn of events. This might be his first time but Howon knew who the alpha was between the two of them. So there was no reason why he should be straddled and poked and controlled like Sunggyu was doing at the moment.

Pushing over, he pressed Sunggyu down onto the floor, taking control and reveling in Sunggyu’s shocked freeze before he finally gave up and just let Howon be in charge. He finally had Kim Sunggyu beneath him and there was so much that they could do. Except, this wasn’t what he wanted. Exactly.

“Wait. Wait.” He said, pulling away from Sunggyu’s puckered lips in regret.

“What is it?” Sunggyu asked breathlessly.

“We shouldn’t… not tonight.” Howon said.

“Are you kidding me?” Sunggyu asked, nudging Howon with his hard on. “We’ve come this far.”

“But there’s other stuff… that we could do. I don’t know. I always thought. I just… I want our first time to be during our cycle.”

“Excuse me?”

“I want you off the suppressants the first time we fuck, okay?” He was supposed to be commanding but his voice had gone and done the question thing at the end without his permission. “I want our first time to be during your heat.”

“My heat?” Sunggyu scoffed and pushed Howon off as he sat up, body tense and uncomfortable all of a sudden.

Howon couldn’t tell why.

“Howon, I’m not- I don’t take suppressants because I’m jobless or I don’t have what to do with money. I take it for a reason.”

“I know.” Howon said, trying not to spook Sunggyu away. He felt like smacking his head on the ground because every time he managed one step ahead with Sunggyu, he always succeeded in taking a dozen steps backward. “I’m not trying to pressure you or anything.”

“Pressure me?” Sunggyu laughed. But it was a tired and frustrated laugh. He sighed and lay back on the floor as Howon slowly followed till they were lying side by side. “It’s not that at all. Trust me.”

“Okay.” Howon said. “I trust you.”

Sunggyu made a sound like an injured animal.

“I really don’t want to talk about this.” Sunggyu said and looked at Howon.

“If it’s making you uncomfortable then-”

Sunggyu shoved his hands into Howon’s underwear and Howon’s brain stopped working as Sunggyu climbed over him again. He kissed Howon, still moving his hands up and down his dick slowly and tightly as Howon’s hips began to meet him with every rub, wistfully seeking completion.

He groaned when he felt the familiar swell begin and his eyes flew open in protest because that was not supposed to be happening. Not now. He wasn’t in a rut and he wasn’t in anyone or his rut-buddy and this was not… oh god… this was not the place.

“Shit, Howon.” Sunggyu said, breaking the kiss as he looked down between them to where the head of Howon’s enlargening dick was protruding. “It’s just a hand job.” Sunggyu sounded like he couldn’t believe it.

Howon blushed. It wasn’t his fault he couldn’t control the damn knot. This was his first hand job. EVER! From another human being. It wasn’t his fault if his knot wanted in on that action too.

“Where’s your rut-buddy?” Sunggyu asked.

“In the… in the…” He said, pointing at the corner where he was sure the rut-buddy lived beside a tube of lube.

Sunggyu climbed off of him as he left and then returned as he pulled open the cap and he took Howon’s almost sensitive dick in his hand and then pressed the small swelling of the head unto the rut-buddy’s mouth.

“GOD OF MERCY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Howon shouted, tearing up and squeezing his eyes shut in pain.

“Shhhhhhh.” Sunggyu urged. “Just breathe. It’ll feel better in a second.”

And truly, after Sunggyu forced the head passed the mouth and Howon lay, dick-seated in the rut buddy, everything felt amazing again. Sunggyu kissed him again holding the rut-buddy for Howon so that all he had to do was place his hands on Sunggyu’s shoulders and fuck into it with joy. With his lips on Sunggyu’s, Sunggyu’s scent in the air and his dick about to be sated, Howon found his mind drifting to the possibility that he was not fucking a rut-buddy but was happily knotting the guy on top of him.

He was knotting Sunggyu. Yes. He was knotting Sunggyu. This was happening. And it was real. And he was going to cum so hard it would hurt so sweet. And he would-

Howon came, body jerking as he tensed all over and released into the rut-buddy.

Finally, he began to slow to a stop, feeling his limps lazy out and his eyes droop in happy fatigue. He groaned when Sunggyu rolled off, unto his back with a smile on his face.

“Why the hell did you try to knot my hand?” Sunggyu asked, laughing as Howon’s blush returned.

“I’m sorry.”

“Hey. No apologies. A guy could always use the ego boost.”

“I’m still sorry.”

He turned over and lay almost across Sunggyu as he buried his nose in Sunggyu neck.

“How long do you last for?”

“An Hour. An hour and a half.”

“Wow. You are so going to be late for your shift.”

Howon raised his head with a pout he would later deny ever existed.

“You’re not going to wait for me?”

“Hey, I’m not the one who decided to pop a knot when he knew he has work to get to.”

“It was your fault anyway. It never happens unless I’m rutting.”

“Really?” Sunggyu looked at him in shock. “Only during your rut. Wow.”

“I don’t really see the point.”

They lay in silence for a bit before Sunggyu hissed and tugged his underwear off.

“You are so rude.” He commented, confusing Howon before he was climbing Howon for the fourth time in one night. “You didn’t even offer to get me off.”

He began to answer but then stopped short because Sunggyu seemed to have some weirdness on his mind as he kept shifting up till his dick was right in Howon’s face.

“What?” Howon asked, honestly not sure what was happening.

Sunggyu grunted in frustration and he wiggled his hips over Howon’s head Howon –fool that he is- finally got it. He opened mouth as Sunggyu moaned, lowering his dick between Howon’s waiting lips.

He didn’t know what to expect because he honestly never thought he’d have someone’s dick in his mouth, but something about Sunggyu’s just made him want to suck. And when he finally did, causing Sunggyu to quiver on top of him as he mewled his appreciation, Howon grabbed Sunggyu’s hips and sucked again.

And again.

And again.

And not long after, Sunggyu was cumming, still shaking and moaning, his fingers in Howon’s hair as Howon held on so tightly, he knew he must be hurting Sunggyu. But, God help him, he couldn’t stop. Everything about the situation was turning him on more than he’d ever imagined and his recently spent dick was starting to stir.

Which was not a good idea because he really needed to get to work. The last thing he needed was to extend his knot beyond how late he was.

So Howon was stuck, enjoying Sunggyu’s concentrated musk and sucking like his life depended on it, while at the same time, trying to keep his reducing knot from changing it’s mind.

As he began to feel Sunggyu grow pliant as he melted on top of Howon, he slowly and carefully turned them over, laying Sunggyu on his back and Sunggyu sighed wordlessly. Howon could only assume he was being thankful, because if Sunggyu’s reaction was anything to go by, he must have done pretty well for his first time.

“You’re welcome.” Howon said as he slipped his mouth off Sunggyu’s dick.

Laughing, Sunggyu tried to get up, but then he melted right back down to the floor.

“Your room is going to smell of sex forever.”

“It’s going to smell like you.” Howon knew he was smiling like an imbecile and basking in some un-alpha-ly glow of aftersex. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to feel embarrassed about it.

“I have to get going. One of us may as well show up on time.”

Sunggyu got to his knees, tossing around for his underwear and trousers. He sat on the floor and started to dress but when he stood to wear his pants, his wallet fell from his back pocket.

“Help me.” He said to Howon, who was still boneless on the floor and tied to his rut-buddy.

Lazily, he reached for the wallet that lay open on the ground, revealing slots of colorful cards and a transparent pouch that revealed Sunggyu’s national identity card. Smiling and looking for what to tease, Howon took the card out as he handed the wallet to Sunggyu, knowing that no one –not even Kim Sunggyu- could escape looking stupid or dubious or insult-worthy in a passport photograph.

“You do not look adorable.” Howon commented as Sunggyu smirked.

“No one does.”

He was about to agree when his eyes trialed right to the spot above Sunggyu’s name where he was sure he would find a tiny but visible omega sign but…

No way. _What?_

He sat up and cleaned his eyes. Because it really couldn’t be.

“You’re an uber?” Howon whispered, unable to believe what he was seeing. “YOU’RE A FUCKING UBER-ALPHA?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel that i should say... Jaehyun's not done yet so fret not
> 
>  
> 
> honestly, i don't know how to do the link thing from my blog to ao3 so i'll just go ahead and do this:
> 
>  
> 
> it's new an i'm very excited about it


	6. PART TWO: Nam Woohyun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> finally, we get to see why there's a woogyu tag here at all... i think (runs away)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> change of POV  
> i know we've all gotten used to Howon's voice in our heads but i think it's time we hear from someone else

As usual, Dongwoo and Myungsoo were missing again. Every single time they had any free time, before someone turned around, those two disappeared. And it wasn’t like no one knew what they were doing because everyone did.

Personally, Woohyun didn’t care so much.

However, that evening, as he finished a batch of pancakes, waiting for Sunggyu to get home before his shift so he could fulfill his quota of Get-the-star-trainee-to-like-me, he heard the front door open and looked behind to see who was home. He knew Howon would be practicing. Jungwook hadn’t been home from his drama set. So he assumed it would Sunggyu.

Which was why he was exceptionally surprised to find him entering the house practically glued to Howon’s lips as they both shuffled their way into Howon’s room.

Sighing and resigning himself to a long wait, Woohyun took his trusty ear phones and blocked his ears. Because after that first time that he’d mistakenly heard the beginning of DongMyung copulation, Woohyun knew that the only way to stay sane in a house as tense as this, during someone else’ sexy times was to block your ears and not indulge.

So he cleaned. And when Howon’s door still hadn’t opened, he went ahead to do some laundry.

As he sat on the tiny stool, waiting for the next song to play, he heard the loud shout.

“YOU’RE A FUCKING UBER-ALPHA?”

Removing his earphones, he sat, perked and ready to hear the rest of it but whatever Sunggyu said was muffled. Getting up, he inched out of the verandah that they usually referred to as the laundry “room”. He knew he should probably go back and continue what he was doing. Or at least, just put back his ear phones and pretend like he didn’t hear anything. But it wasn’t everyday you found out that you were living with an uber.

Woohyun had known from the first day he met Sunggyu that day in the studio when Gae-hyung had asked him to do Sunggyu’s song for Jungyeop-CEO, that Sunggyu was an alpha. Sunggyu didn’t smell like it or look like it, or act like it. But he clearly remembered Jungyeop-CEO referring to the WooGyu couple as a beta and an alpha. And if he, Woohyun was a beta, then Sunggyu had to be the alpha.

But never, in his wildest dreams did he think Sunggyu was an uber. No wonder he was on suppressants. One miscalculated rut and he’d have betas in heat and alphas rutting against anything. With an uber’s convenient ability to get people to do anything for them, even on suppressants, Sunggyu would make an awesome idol and an excellent leader. But seeing as they were going to be a rock duo, Woohyun could not even imagine how that would translate to a world as critical as rock-fandom. Sunggyu would win everyone over. He would over shadow the competition and Woohyun? Well, he’d probably just be referred to as “the guy who sings with Kim Sunggyu”.

And he wasn’t so sure he liked the sound of that.

Male omegas were rare but female alphas were even rarer. Yet, female alphas who had children were the rarest. If Sunggyu’s mother and father were both alphas, then Sunggyu shouldn’t be in a training dorm. He should be in a freaking museum.

“I never said that I was an omega.”

“You let me believe it.” Howon accused.

“I thought you knew I was an alpha until-” Sunggyu stopped abruptly and Howon cursed. “It wasn’t until you were talking about my heat earlier that I realized why you were mad at Jaehyun but you still wanted me.”

“Then why didn’t you stop me?” Howon asked, sounding hysterical. “Oh God! What have I done? With an _alpha_. That’s just…wrong.”

“Howon-”

The door opened and Woohyun fell away in guilt as Howon stormed out wearing a shirt with his pants scrounged up and blocking his front from view. He walked off and entered their room as he banged the door behind himself.

When Sunggyu emerged, his eyes were red and his lips were so red and puffy it looked like they had been chewed on for hours. His normally pale skin was flushed and he couldn’t meet Woohyun’s eyes.

“Uh… I have a shift.” He explained. “I should be back by ten.” His voice sounded choked and Woohyun wondered why he was even bothering with conversation. “If you want to run the songs when I get back…”

He trailed off and Woohyun nodded, looking away as Sunggyu’s eyes watered. He wasn’t sure if he was even supposed to be witnessing this.

“I’ll wait for you.” Woohyun promised and Sunggyu looked at him.

“Okay.”

With that, he put on his shoes and left, closing the door gently behind him.

*********

The managers were the first to comment on the tense silence in the dorms. Even Jaehyun had never managed to stir as much discomfort as an unhappy Howon. While Sunggyu moped and avoided dorm as much as possible, Howon became scarily frightening. He snapped at everyone and was so difficult to deal with that the managers tried to give him a time out.

Which was a spectacularly wrong idea because Woohyun got to witness an alpha pull his weight and use his alpha voice on their beta and omega managers who quietly scurried back into their room to do anything but be anywhere near Howon at the moment.

It was surprising that of all the people Woohyun had expected, he never thought it would be happy smiling Dongwoo who managed to put Howon in his place.

After a rather quiet dinner from the restaurant, Howon had gotten up to leave when Dongwoo informed him that it was his day to clear the dishes. Already feeling trouble on the horizon, Woohyun stood and began picking up the packs when Dongwoo moved, pinning Woohyun’s hands to the table.

“Drop it.” He said icily. “Now.”

Woohyun had let go and retreated. And Myungsoo had followed, getting out of the way.

“You’re supposed to do the plates this evening.” Dongwoo said, putting back both packs that Woohyun had picked exactly where he picked them from.

“I don’t feel like it.”

“No one does.” Dongwoo commented. “That’s why it’s a chore.”

“What is this?” Howon asked. “Are you bidding to become leader now that Jaehyun-hyung is gone?”

“I’m bidding to get you to do your duty.”

“Why? I already said that I don’t want to.”

“So who will do it for you?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “You could do it.”

As he turned to leave, Dongwoo stood to his feet.

“You’re not going anywhere.”

Woohyun and Myungsoo flinched in unison and Woohyun knew it was because they both felt the second –the moment- Howon’s hackles began to rise.

“Who’s going to stop me?”

“You don’t really like your place here at Woollim, do you? You don’t seem to care what happens either way.” Dongwoo sneered. “Alpha that you are, I’m sure you have options. Which is probably why you can go around behaving like a dick and not caring if everyone on the team you are about to debut with hates your guts. I get it. But we’ve covered for you too long. Pack up right now or I swear to god I’m going to tell Jungyeop-CEO how you’ve been. And seeing as you’re not that great a singer, I doubt we’ll miss you anyway.”

And that was how Dongwoo wound up being beaten and pounded into the ground of their tiny dorm with no Jaehyun, no Jungwook, no managers and no Sunggyu to stop the assault. When Woohyun and Myungsoo had tried, Howon had growled at them so hard they’d backed away.

Woohyun was ashamed to say that when Myungsoo tried a second time and got flung across the room, he didn’t bother to try a second time himself.

So they just stood there, watching Howon beat the shit out of the eldest person present.

By the time he let go, Dongwoo lay on the floor beside the upturned table, coughing up blood and swollen all over his face. Woohyun moved to pick up the table but Dongwoo grabbed his hands again but much weaker this time.

“Le… leave it.” He stated. “If he doesn’t clean it, no one will.”

Myungsoo had helped Dongwoo up and taken him into the room to clean him up but Woohyun just sat there staring at the plates and wondering if their lives were about to get a lot harder because of it.

He slept off at some point because he found himself waking to sounds of bags and packs and thescreeching of the table against the floor. When he opened his eyes, he saw Howon. He was packing up. Just like Dongwoo had said. Not wanting to spook the angry animal, Woohyun stayed stiff, pretending to still be asleep until Howon finished and took the bags out to the bins.

*********

Howon changed right back after his altercation with Dongwoo. It was as if beating the crap out of their bundle of joy had shaved off the bitter, dark cloud that followed a furious Howon everywhere. Not that he was much different from regular Howon.

Besides when he was talking to Sunggyu, Woohyun doesn't recall when he saw Howon relax or smile or just not walk around with a straight face. His was different from the grouchy thing Jaehyun usually had going on. He wasn’t exactly angry… in Woohyun’s opinion, he probably never was. But he didn’t go out of his way to force other people into outward happiness like Dongwoo usually did.

The only difference now, between the angry Howon of before and the new, old Howon was that he didn’t scowl at everyone and he did his dishes when it was his turn.

The morning after the fight, Howon left bandages, gauze and some spirit and ointment by Dongwoo’s pallet before they awoke. Even though Howon was gone from dorm by the time all of them woke up. Dongwoo shrugged and let Myungsoo fawn over him the entire day. When asked about the bruise by Dongmin-hyung, Dongwoo just shook his head and claimed he sleepwalked into a door.

He even seemed to have moved on from the fight rather quickly. He talked to Howon like normal and continued to include him in conversations in dorm. Like nothing ever happened.

Myungsoo, on the other hand, was another issue altogether.

“He’s dead to me,” Myungsoo confided in Woohyun one night when Woohyun was trying out a new recipe his brother had sent him.

Woohyun was aware that he was no chef. But considering that cooking reminded him of his brother and his home, he did it anyway. He was eternally grateful that Sunggyu never complained about it, but he was ecstatic that Myungsoo seemed addicted to anything that came out of Woohyun’s kitchen.

At first, all he did was sit quietly in a corner when Woohyun first moved into the dorm and began using the kitchen. Until Woohyun noticed one day that even though Dongwoo and Myungsoo were glued at the hip, everytime he was in the kitchen, Myungsoo found a way to detach himself from Dongwoo and stay with him. He never asked for anything and seemed content to take what was offered when Woohyun was done with the whole cooking along with everyone else.

But the breaking point had been the day Woohyun had offered the silent boy cookie dough. Myungsoo had sat up quickly like a meerkat and stared at Woohyun in wistful joy before he leaned over the counter and ate the dough right off Woohyun’s finger.

He was such a spoilt, cute thing.

He never took from the pot or plate without Woohyun’s say-so, but when offered, he’d refuse to reach out and take and instead, he’d open his mouth and wait to be fed. So it became their thing.

“Dongwoo’s forgiven him.” Woohyun said wisely.

“Because Dongwoo-hyung is an angel. I swear sometimes when he talks, I can hear wings flapping.”

Woohyun laughed and shook his head.

“I’m never talking to him again.”

“Even if he apologizes?”

“He already apologized.” Myungsoo said, throwing his face the other way in defiance.

“What of if he apologized to you?”

Myungsoo faltered at this, blinking as if thinking it over in his head.

“I will still never talk to him.” He said stubbornly. “He scattered Dongwoo-hyung’s face and he threw me across the room. He’s an alpha but he can’t go around behaving like that. Group member or not: I don’t have to like him. No matter what he does.”

“Even if Dongwoo-hyung says so?”

Myungsoo looked so betrayed and conflicted. He turned away again and refused to answer, causing his overgrown hair to swipe across his blank features. Woohyun smirked ashe continued to mix.

“What?” Myungsoo asked, looking at him with bright eyes as if he had already forgotten about their recent disagreement.

“I was going to say you reminded me of L but then your over-expressive face showed up.” Woohyun commented.

“L?” Myungsoo asked, narrowing his eyebrows in thought. “Because of my long hair?” He poked at the hair on his forehead absently.

“Because of your expression. From before.”

Myungsoo scoffed.

“Stupid name. I wonder what they were thinking.”

“It’s cool.” Woohyun said, voice rising defensively because if Woohyun was going to be called L in the future, then he didn’t want Myungsoo making a mockery of it.

“What’s so cool about a one letter word? And it’s not like the “L” is that special anyway. I mean, if I was going to go with a name for the “world’s greatest detective”, I’d go with “Q” or “X”.”

“That sounds more like bad-guy names.” Woohyun said.

“Or “M”.” Myungsoo continued. “You know? For Myungsoo.”

Woohyun frowned.

“L is a white character from a Japanese anime. Why would he have a Korean name?”

“I don’t know.” Myungsoo said carelessly as his eyes drifted to the spoon Woohyun was lifting out of the bowl.

Rolling his eyes, Woohyun reached the spoon over the counter and Myungsoo happily leaned and enclosed his mouth around the spoon before he withdrew with a dim-witted smile on his face.

 _Nope._ Woohyun thought. _There was absolutely nothing in common between this duff and the great L._

*********

It seemed to Woohyun, sometimes, as if Sunggyu had moved back in with Jungyeop-CEO. His cloths were still in the dorm and his food got delivered there sometimes, but Woohyun knew Sunggyu was sleeping at the CEO’s home again because after practice when they walked home, Sunggyu always turned in the other direction, leaving Woohyun to go on his own.

They never talked about what happened between Howon and Sunggyu and Woohyun didn’t push because it was absolutely none of his business.

But he was glad that they were getting along. A little bit.

Anything was better than they were a few weeks ago.

Sunggyu was nicer and calmer when he pointed out Woohyun’s excesses or lack. He waited and listened and tried again. It was even easier without Gae-hyung policing them anymore now that Sunggyu had decided to mentor Woohyun somehow.

It was obvious that they weren’t friends. And Woohyun was okay with that. He didn’t need a friend. He needed a partner who could help and who could work with him as easily as Sunggyu had begun to be. So while they didn’t spend hours laughing and having fun, Woohyun was glad for the amount of leaps he was taking in his singing.

But there were times, when he and Sunggyu were free and Sunggyu disappeared. When Woohyun would pass by the boy group’s singing class in the dance studio with Gae-hyung. Woohyun would pity them. With Jaehyun gone, their singing was falling apart and Gae-hyung wasn’t being too easy on them anymore. They’d been at it for six months going on seven and it was time to see some growth. Dongwoo, Howon and Myungsoo might make awesome teammates and terrific dancers when they were at practice, but their singing was a few inches from abysmal.

Jungyeop-CEO was obviously looking for a replacement. If the two boys that had walked in and walked right out of Woollim without a second chance was anything to go by. But no one seemed to be able to meet up with the standards Jaehyun had set as main vocal.

So Dongwoo had begun to fit into the role of leader.

He was honestly trying his best. He made sure they ate well and slept on time and got up early. He had them practicing their singing together and at the end of the day, all that was taking its toll on him. Dongwoo slowly became more subdued and calm with little to no energy to spare that Woohyun decided that it was his job to make sure that their shining light never went out.

So he cooked and pampered Dongwoo when he could. Woohyun sat with him whenever Dongwoo was practicing and tried to help as much as he could but he didn’t know as much about teaching as Sunggyu seemed to. So he stopped trying to coach Dongwoo. But that didn’t stop Woohyun from doing everything else to help.

By the time May rolled away into June, the boy group was slightly better in their singing but Gae-hyung saw so much more room for improvement that Woohyun didn’t think debuting was in the year for them.

However, he and Sunggyu were soaring.

The videos posted online about the two of them doing duets or solo covers were enough to boost Woohyun’s ego. If they stayed the course, by September, they’d start proper promotions and shoots and recordings for a real duo debut. All they needed was name.

Which was when Jungyeop-CEO called Woohyun into his office.

“How are you guys doing?” Jungyeop-CEO asked as he always did when he saw Woohyun even though Woohyun was sure Sunggyu always gave him updates.

“Nothing much.” Woohyun replied, taking a seat opposite the CEO.

“I hope that’s good news?” He asked again and Woohyun nodded. “Good. Good.” He tapped his chin. “I was talking about a roster change the other day and you came to mind. I don’t know why I never thought of this sooner.”

“Sir?” Woohyun said in confusion.

“I don’t want you to debut with Sunggyu anymore. I’d like to debut him as a solo artist again.”

Woohyun’s heart sank as the tears threatened to appear. He couldn’t do this. Surely, the CEO would not do this to him. Not now when everything appeared to be going too well.

“Wha… why?” He asked, voice cracking.

“I want you to join the boy group instead.” The CEO said smiling. “As the leader and the main vocal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope i cleared up the whole uber ish. please let me know if i didn't.
> 
> plus, please who knows how howon became hoya. i'd like to know too. thanks


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was hard for me to write because i'm still getting to know Nam Woohyun. but some of the stuff in it is PRETTY IMPORTANT so i powered through. bear/bare with me. we're getting to the good stuff.

Woohyun stood in front of the mirror, a few afternoons later, phone between his cheek and shoulder as he smiled cutely at the his reflection, making hearts at himself and feeling utterly silly.

“Woohyun-ah, are you there?”

He startled, nearly dropping his phone as he remembered his mother was on the line.

“I’m still here.” He said hastily.

“I don’t like this.” His mom said, sounding unhappy.

“It’s fine.” He assured her. “Really.”

“But now you have three other boys to contend with. Before, there was just one.”

“It’s a better deal, trust me.”

He didn’t mention that the one he had as “competition” before was an uber which just completely overpowered any charm he may have had. But now, he was leader and main vocal in a team of boys that he would almost certainly outshine. Woohyun wasn’t going to pretend that this wasn’t a better outcome than anything.

Making another heart with his thumb and index finger, he winked at himself.

“If you say so.” His mother said sulkily and Woohyun frowned. She really was upset. And it was his fault. He had oversold his place in the duo and made it sound like he and Sunggyu were on even ground when he never even stood a chance from the beginning. So he could understand why she would be worried that his charms would be swallowed up by two more boys.

“Umma listen to me,” He said, not wanting her to worry about rubbish. “This is the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“That’s what you said last time.”

“Because I didn’t know it could be better. Honestly. Idol groups have an easier and larger followership than rock bands anyway.”

“But you were going to do so well.”

“And now I’ll be leader.”

He could practically hear her pause over the line. He had to smack his head in stupidity because in his haste to pass on the message, he had neglected to mention that he would be leader and the main vocal –front and centre.

_Idiot._

“Leader?” His mother asked. When Woohyun discovered the possibility of being an idol and had gone on and on about the machinations of trainee-dom and idol-hood, he’d done it to appease his parents and get them to know as much as possible about what he was about to undertake. So that his mother knew the importance of her son being leader was not much of a surprise. “You will be leader?”

As the soft silkiness of her laughter swept through the phone, Woohyun felt his shoulders fall back in relief.

“Yes.” He said, dropping his eyes and looking up at his reflection through his lashes… hoping to appear bashful.

He looked ridiculous.

Idol-hood meant variety shows, aegyo, dancing and skinship. He could definitely get down with that.

“My baby’s a leader.” She cooed then stopped abruptly. “Pabo!” She chided. “Why didn’t you lead with that this silly boy?”

“Umma-” He began, not really intending to defend himself.

“You had me worried over nothing.” She continued. “Just wait till I tell your father.”

Woohyun would tell Boohyun himself. His older brother would want to tease him nicely about being a celebrity airhead before their parents got to him.

“I better go. Your father didn’t pack anything.” She said. Woohyun nodded. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I know.” He said, smiling so hard. He couldn’t even believe it himself. He’d come to Seoul to join a group and here he was: leader, responsible for other people. He didn’t even know how to be grateful about it because it was something he never considered.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t come home for the break.”

“I’m fine here, Umma.” He said for the billionth time. His parents had already made plans to travel before Jungyeop-CEO sprung a break on them saying they hadn’t seen their families in a while. Woohyun didn’t mind that he was left behind. His brother wasn’t home and so there was no use going home. Besides, if Jungyeop-CEO was letting Howon and Sunggyu stay behind –for whatever reason- he had to Woohyun to stay as well. Granted he knew that he’d have to take care of his feeding and maintenance till the others returned.

He didn’t complain. One phone call had ensured his survival as his parents’ guilt at “abandoning” him had buffed up his bank account some more. So he was fine.

“We’ll stop by your dorm when we get back. I promise.” His mother said. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I’m proud of me too.”

“I love you pumpkin.” She said.

“Love you too, umma.”

The line went dead.

Smiling, he dropped the phone on the floor as he raised both his hands to begin the gwiyomi song.

“And I was just starting to like you.” Sunggyu said as Woohyun whipped around and found Sunggyu peeping in through the door.

He laughed, dropping his hands because even though he was comfortable with being an idol, he was not sure how Sunggyu would react to it. Most people didn’t see idols as real singers so he didn’t want to encourage Sunggyu to say something mean.

“You’re not going home.” Sunggyu commented, entering the room and nodding at his phone.

“My house is empty.”

“Oh.” Sunggyu said, sitting on the floor. “I’m avoiding Jungyeop-hyung.”

“Why?” Woohyun asked, sitting as well and picking his phone just so he could fidget with something.

“After he disturbed me to get to know you, he goes and does this? I’m not going to speak to him for a while.”

He sounded so matter-of-fact that Woohyun couldn’t even bring himself to point out that while Sunggyu was just a trainee, Jungyeop-CEO was their **CEO**. Incase Sunggyu had forgotten who they were talking about.

“I’m okay with it.” Woohyun said, realizing that he was sounding like being an idol was somehow beneath being a rockstar.

“Well, I’m not.” Sunggyu said. “He got me lazy. Made me need someone else and then he pulled you out from under me. Without even discussing it with me.”

 _Again_ , Woohyun thought, **_CEO_** _: no reason to discuss with you._

“We’ll both be fine.” Woohyun said. “You’ll be a rockstar and I’ll be a leader.”

Sunggyu smiled at him.

“You’re too good to be an idol.”

“I’m not.” He blurted out, unable to stop himself. Sunggyu raised an eyebrow at him.

Months ago, he would have thought he was good enough. But after meeting Sunggyu, he didn’t think so. Not anymore. And if he was going to be a swimming fish in water, he’d rather be the big fish in a tiny idol pond.

“Besides, you now have enough room on stage.”

“To do what with?” Sunggyu asked.

“To keep your ego.” Woohyun said.

Woohyun was joking. And he doesn’t even know where it came from. He wasn’t trying to be mean and he didn’t mean any insult by it. But among friends, it was a joke that might just go down smoothly. Yet, he’d just accused the star trainee of being proud.

Which was why Woohyun had suddenly frozen in place, eyes downcast and heart no longer beating.

“YAH!” Sunggyu shouted as Woohyun flinched.

But he didn’t even have time to react any further because before he knew it, he was being wrestled to the floor in flurry of fists as he felt an arm lock around his neck. His heart lurched and he nearly peed in worry before he realized that Sunggyu wasn’t even hurting him and his angry shouts of indignation were not angry at all.

Sunggyu was playing with him.

_Sunggyu was playing with him._

Laughing, he pushed Sunggyu and found that Sunggyu didn’t resist and soon he was the one on top, struggling with Sunggyu’s fists, trying to keep them from getting lose and attacking him again.

Woohyun didn’t know what was happening. He couldn’t even understand it. He had just insulted Sunggyu and yet here he was play-fighting with him as if they did it all the time.

He didn’t even know when his hands had let go of Sunggyu’s and were now running along his sides, mercilessly tickling.

“Stop!” Sunggyu shouted, giggling and struggling to protect himself.

“No.” He stated, wiggling his fingers past Sunggyu’s defenses and causing him to completely lose his mind in unhappy laughter as he fought to keep Woohyun away.

But Woohyun was stronger.

Sunggyu may have been the uber alpha but Woohyun was the one who went to the gym. And it helped that Sunggyu was on suppressants. So at the moment, he was just a helpless beta with no upper body strength.

“Please.” He begged, tears flowing from his eyes as he continued to laugh. “I’m begging you… ah! I will never attack you again.”

“Promise?” Woohyun asked.

“I promise.” Sunggyu said pitifully, looking up at Woohyun with his tiny eyes wide in exertion as if he were struggling to keep them open.

Before Woohyun could answer he heard the door to the house close as muffled voices carried through to the room. Sunggyu looked at him in confusion.

“It’s Howon.” Woohyun explained.

“Who is he talking to?”

“He said his father was coming to visit today.”

As if flipped by a switch, Sunggyu’s entire body became stiff and his expression soiled into a menacing frown as he began to move, pushing Woohyun off of him.

“He can’t come in here and see me.” Sunggyu said, more to himself than Woohyun. Woohyun knew why so he didn’t bother asking. “But someone has to be there.”

He looked up at Woohyun, much like he had done a few seconds ago. Woohyun knew he would regret whatever favor was about to be asked but he also knew he’d say yes to it anyway.

“Can you keep an eye on him for me?” Sunggyu said, taking Woohyun’s hand as Woohyun frowned in confusion. “I’m going to go. But you can’t leave. Promise me you’ll stay.”

“And do what?”

“Just hang around. Make sure he’s fine. He’s going to need that.”

Sunggyu got to his feet and paced over to the wall before he looked back at Woohyun.

Woohyun couldn’t understand what the problem was. Howon’s father was in town to visit. Surely that wasn’t cause for concern. Certainly not as much as Sunggyu was exuding at the moment.

“Okay.” He agreed anyway.

“Okay.” Sunggyu nodded back. “Just get them in the kitchen so I can leave. Please.”

Woohyun nodded but he still didn’t understand the fuss. His confusion must have been apparent as he headed for the door because Sunggyu took him by the arm and looked him in the eye.

“Parents can do or say stuff they don’t mean when a child is disobedient. Howon might look strong but trust me; he’s going to need someone during or after his dad is gone.”

Sunggyu let go of him still frowning as he stepped away from the door.

*********

From Howon’s shocked expression, Woohyun gathered that he had expected to have this visit with no one present.

 _Parents can do or say stuff they don’t mean when a child is disobedient_ , Sunggyu had said.

Woohyun could not imagine what thing could be so hurtful that their expressionless Howon would need anyone. Least of all, Woohyun.

He bowed and introduced himself and said as many polite things as he could think of, all the while watching Howon’s fidgety, scared, humble expression from the corner of his eye. It was as if Howon was worried that Woohyun might do something to offend his father. Maybe Howon had kept bad friends in the past.

But Woohyun still had a job to do. So he offered to show Papa Lee around, taking him into the kitchen as Howon followed. When he heard the unmistakable click of the door to the house, he breathed in relief knowing that Sunggyu was gone.

So he disappeared into his room, hoping to give father and son some time alone but he kept the door cracked open. Sunggyu had to be ridiculous to be so worried but he didn’t want to have to admit that he didn’t at least try to be there for Howon if he needed him. Picking up one of Myungsoo’s Manhwas, he settled on his pallet to read with both his ears perked towards the sitting room.

After a few minute of quiet conversation, Howon’s room door opened and closed and the house went silent again. Sighing, Woohyun got to his feet and migrated to the sitting room, taking a place on the couch as he waited dutifully but needlessly.

Not long after, Woohyun began to feel a little drowsy just lying there and doing nothing. After the first nod, he decided to sit up straight so as to discourage sleep when he heard it: the unmistakable smack of skin on skin.

A shrill feeling slithered down his spine as all his senses snapped awake.

Then he heard it again. Loud and clear and obviously painful.

“Is this your choice?” He heard an angry Papa Lee ask. “IS IT?” He shouted.

Howon’s muffled answer didn’t carry so well through the door but Woohyun could tell he was answering.

“NO! You will pack all your things. NOW!”

Woohyun jumped off the couch as if it were he who was being scolded.

“It’s not as bad as it looks.” Howon explained as his voice finally sounded. “Please.”

“Is this worth it? Leaving like a beggar and squeezing into this sorry excuse for a house? If I have to tell you one more time, I will not use my hand.”

Woohyun gasped in horror at Papa Lee’s words. He was beating his son in there. He had already beaten him twice. And he was going to do it again.

As he stood there, unable to move, Woohyun could not imagine his father treating him that way. How would he even survive if he’d come all the way to Seoul without his family’s support? Woohyun would have never had the guts. He loved his dream and all that, but it really wasn’t that special. Or guaranteed.

Crack!

He heard it and it sounded like wood breaking hard on something. Or someone.

Woohyun couldn’t take it anymore. Without meaning to, he found himself holding open Howon’s room door as he stood there taking in the horrified scene of Howon crouched over on the floor with broken pieces of a plank from god-knows-where sitting beside him and a piece of the plank in Papa Lee’s hand.

“Mr. Lee.” Woohyun chided.

“Woohyun.” Howon said, from his place on the floor. He could tell Howon was trying to use his alpha voice but from his subservient situation to the presence of someone he obviously feared, it was pretty hard for an alpha to be an alpha. Much less sound like one.

“I’m sorry but you have to leave.” Woohyun said.

“Young man-”

“I will call Jungyeop-CEO.”

“I AM HIS FATHER!” Papa Lee roared and Woohyun could have sworn the man was an alpha. Except he didn’t feel the tiny prickle of inherent fear and despair a person experienced when faced with an angered alpha. “Get out of here and mind your business.”

“I will not.” Woohyun’s phone appeared. “I will call our CEO because this is crazy.”

“Woohyun, please.” Howon begged trying to get to his feet but at a loud hiss from his father, Howon quickly returned to his place on the ground, bowing his head.

“No. This is wrong.” Woohyun said. “You will leave.” He informed Papa Lee, eyeing the plank as he recognized it as the pole that usually held their cloths up in the wardrobe. “He doesn’t want to go back with you.”

“He will go back with me.” Papa Lee said.

“He will not. You’re not going to treat him any better than this.”

“This is not your business.”

“I am his leader.” Woohyun said, feeling a heavy weight pres upon his shoulders as he suddenly realized what it meant. What that word would entail for the rest of his life –or until they stopped being a group. Woohyun was responsible for these boys. Not just in their singing but in their lives. It wouldn’t just be the fun stuff of introducing the group or singing the best parts of the songs. He would hold serious decisions in his hands.

Starting now.

Woohyun walked up, pushing between Howon and his father as he pulled Howon to his feet. He was glad to note that the only thing he had working for him was the shock Papa Lee was probably feeling.

But thankfully, Woohyun managed to drag Howon out of the room and out of the apartment without Howon’s father stopping either of them.

*********

**GYU-HYUNG: How is he?**

**ME: He’s fine.**

Woohyun looked over at Howon who was sitting and staring at the tiny cup of soju Woohyun had poured for him almost an hour ago.

**GYU-HYUNG: called Jungyeop-hyung.**

**GYU-HYUNG: he took care of it.**

What exactly did that mean?

**GYU-HYUNG: Howon’s dad’s gone.**

**GYU-HYUNG: but I don’t think you should tell him that.**

**GYU-HYUNG: he probably knows but still…**

Woohyun looked up when Howon finally took the cup to his lips and downed the entire thing.

**ME: he’ll be fine.**

**GYU-HYUNG: hope so.**

**GYU-HYUNG: call me on your way home.**

*********

Another hour later and it was darker and their table had racked up quite the presence of bottles but Woohyun didn’t care. He could afford it. Not wanting to seem patronizing, when Howon drank, he drank as well. He could feel the familiar tingle of awareness in fingers beginning to dim but he stayed the course. He was there to look out for Howon. So if Howon wanted to drink and be silent, Woohyun would oblige.

“You guys have it sooooooo easy.” Howon said, raising his cup above his head as if toasting the ceiling. “Your parents support you. Me: nobody supports me.”

“That’s…” Woohyun burped. “That’s not true. I support you. Jungyeop-CEO supports you.”

“From afar.” Howon whispered. “And I get it. If it were you, I wouldn’t give a fuck anyway.”

Woohyun shrugged because, true. He’d seen Howon ignore his teammates when they had cramps during practice. It didn’t even look malicious. It seemed, mostly, as if he just didn’t notice or simply didn’t care.

Which, Woohyun supposes, might be just as bad as meaning to hurt someone.

“I wouldn’t be here if my dad supported me, you know.” He looked at Woohyun, eyes glazed over in unfocus. “I was at JYP. Probably would have debuted by now.”

And Woohyun believe it. He could see it. Howon’s hip-hop feel would have fit so perfectly with a company like JYP that having him learn to sing wouldn’t have even been something holding him back.

“You didn’t have to worry about me.” Howon continued. “With my dad, I mean. He’d have gone eventually.”

Woohyun doubted that.

“He probably just came to remind me that my life would be easier with him.”

“So that’s why he beat you up?”

“Dipicline.” Howon said forcefully, spraying saliva all over Woohyun’s face.

“Huh?”

“Picidline.” Howon said, looking at Woohyun as if he was supposed to understand what the hell that meant. “Cidipline. Diplicine.”

“Discipline?” Woohyun asked and Howon hugged him tightly, spilling his drink at Woohyun’s back as he sighed in contentment.

“You get me so well leader-nim.” He pecked Woohyun on the cheek with so much gusto that the rest of the drink left the cup entirely and Woohyun just sat there, allowing Howon cuddle him without his permission. “He was only trying to discipline me. He cares about me. He’s just having a hard time understanding.”

“I care about you.”

“From afar.” Howon said again and Woohyun frowned.

“Sunggyu-hyung cares about you.”

Letting go of Woohyun, Howon poured himself another cup and downed it before slamming the cup on the table.

“He’s an alpha.” He sneered. “An uber.”

“He’s the one who said I should look out for you.”

“He’s still disgusting.”

“Yah! Don’t say that!” Woohyun said, feeling bile rise in his throat. “Someone cares about you, you don’t talk smack about them.”

“He fooled me. He knew how I felt about him and he knew that I thought he was an omega. Even after I told him what happened between Jaehyun-hyung and I.”

“What happened between Jaehyun-hyung and you?”

“He still went ahead and made me…”

Howon stopped.

Then he retched, leaning over the table as he emptied out his stomach unto the plates and bottles and everything. Woohyun was on his feet, shifting away as the other patrons looked over at two of them, trying to get out of the way.

*********

After paying the bill and promising never to return with a lot of bows and “I’m sorry’s”, Woohyun emerged from the tent to find Howon sitting on the side walk with his head between his knees. Tired and strung out, Woohyun sat beside him.

“I’m so tired.” Howon said raising his head to reveal eyes red with tears and fatigue. “I miss my mom and I just want to go home. I haven’t seen my family in eleven months and I’m no closer to fulfilling my dream. Maybe my dad was right. Maybe I should just quit.”

He put his face in his hand, sniffing and wiping at his tears.

“Nothing is going right for me. I think I’ve got my footing and then wham! I’m sitting on my ass. I thought JYP was the place but that didn’t work out. I thought Woollim would be better but I’m a singing disaster. I even thought Jaehyun-hyung would be my salvation somehow. Big mistake there. And while I’d thought my love life would provide some escape, I got roped into blowing another alpha. Me.” He touched his chest in disbelief. “Lee Howon. I had a dick in my mouth that was capable of popping a knot.”

Both of them cringed in unison.

Because that would just be painful if it ever happened.

Not that Woohyun thought Sunggyu would pop a knot in Howon’s mouth.

“He’s so selfish and ignorant and annoying and disdainful. Do you know he hated you?”

“Yes.”

“He said you were talentless.”

Woohyun shrugged. It made sense that he’d seem talentless to Kim Sunggyu.

“He doesn’t have filter. And do you know,” Howon looked at Woohyun. “He treats CEO-nim like they are mates? It’s so annoying the shit he gets away with. Just because he’s an uber.”

Woohyun didn’t point out the shit Howon had gotten away with in the past.

“He’s so…” Howon trails off. “He’s so beautiful.”

 _O…kay?_ Woohyun thinks, getting whiplash from the turnabout from nowhere.

“He kisses like he sings, Woohyun.” Howon said, looking at Woohyun as if he needed to defend why he felt what he felt. “He sucks so hard on your lips that it’s almost painful, but you know, it’s just good enough.”

Woohyun didn’t know.

“And when he laughs.” Howon sighed, lying back on the floor. “Oh when he laughs. His eyes disappear and his cheeks come up and his cavities go visible.”

Which Woohyun didn’t even know where a selling point. Cavities. Hunh!

“His smell. My god, it drives me crazy. I don’t even know what it is half the time but I just want to bury my nose in him forever and inhale till I can’t breathe anymore. And down there?” Howon gestures at his dick. “He smells even better. It’s totally him but worse. Or better. I don’t know.”

And now Woohyun was getting pictures in his head. Pictures he didn’t want or care about.

“I tried to knot his hand you know?”

Woohyun still didn’t know.

“Yeah. Right after I proposed cycle sex.”

Woohyun choked on his tongue.

“Whah…?” Woohyun asked, not completely sure how to form words.

But Howon seemed to think he’d shared enough because he clamped his mouth shut, pulling up both legs and crossing one over the other as he remained flat on his back.

Woohyun couldn’t wrap his head around it. Howon wanted to have heat sex with Sunggyu when he’d thought Sunggyu was an omega. That wasn’t teenager stuff. That was grown-up, serious, mate-for-life stuff. People didn’t joke about that. A beta having cycle sex with an alpha or omega was normal but when you put a rutting alpha with an omega in heat, it wasn’t a job done halfway. It was a serious commitment.

He looked down on Howon who was still lying but now, his eyes were closed and wondered how one could go from knowing someone for a few months to wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person. Without enough information. Without any guarantee. With their dreams at stake and their futures ahead of them.

Woohyun didn’t know anyone that he’d give up everything for like that. Being dependent on another person like that was not something he’d ever considered. Not to mention the fact that being apart from each other might be close to impossible after a mating. How did Howon think that was going to work when he went on tour and left Sunggyu behind? Or when Sunggyu left him behind? It was just all too complicated.

But maybe Woohyun understood it, not being one to judge. People wanted all sorts of things. And seeing as someone like Howon was abandoned by people he’d called family, it made sense that he’d be seeking family in any person he remotely felt anything for.

A tiny snore broke him from his thoughts as he stared at the sleeping Howon.

“Alright. Up, up.” Woohyun said, getting to his feet and pulling Howon up. “We need to get you on your pallet.”

*********

Getting a sleepy, drunk Howon into the house was not easy. He whined and grouched in equal measure and at some point he tried to wrestle away from Woohyun just so he could remain right outside the house.

“For god’s sake.” Woohyun hissed, hoisting him up and forcing him up the short flight of stairs leading to their door. “You can’t be this horrible. We had the same number of drinks.”

When he finally succeeded in reaching Howon’s room, Woohyun was tackled to the wall and pressed as Howon tightened his grip around his wrist.

“What are you doing?”

Howon pressed his lips to Woohyun’s and Woohyun’s eyes grew to sixteen times their size as he inhaled so hard he knew his balls were in his stomach. He tried to push but all that got him was Howon’s mouth free of his.

“I don’t care if you’re an alpha too.” Howon said drowsily. “I don’t care anymore.”

“I’m not Sunggyu-hyung.”

“I need you, hyung.” Howon said, trying to kiss him again and when he succeeded, Woohyun stood there, lips unmoving as he waited.

Howon may be a teenager but he was drunk as hell. Maybe if Woohyun just waited out his stupidity, he’d be free in a minute.

About a minute later, when Woohyun was beginning to worry that his plan to wait Howon out was stupid, the door to the room open.

Just as Howon’s lips disconnected from his and Howon slouched to the ground at his feet. Woohyun looked up to meet Sunggyu’s eyes in the dim light shinning in from the street outside the window.

It took him a second or two to realize that was he was looking at wasn’t gratitude for looking after Howon the entire day. It was betrayal. Before he could even feel confused at where the betrayal on Sunggyu’s face was coming from, Howon’s sleeping grunt at his feet reminded him that Sunggyu had just seen the two of them sucking face.

“At least you’re both still alive.” Sunggyu said. Then he left, shutting the door behind himself.

He went from shock…

To hurt…

To disappointment.

Stunned, Woohyun stood, rooted to the spot because he had no words to explain what he was feeling. He couldn’t move, even though he knew he should. His feet wouldn’t listen to him if he tried. He felt as if a house was descending upon him and in a way, it kind of was.

Because in that moment, he’d come to a much pressing realization.

That if he ever was going to give everything up for someone… even if he thought a person might mean more to him than this difficult dream they were all pursuing… that person wouldn’t be Howon or anybody in his past.

It’d be Kim Sunggyu.


	8. Chapter 8

In the last week of July 2008, the others returned to the dorms. Except, they now had only Hyoan-hyung as manager. Yet, somehow, with the reduced presence of presented individuals that had reduced from a blazing four to two, Woohyun was happy that the betas outnumbered them anyway, and considering that Sunggyu was on suppressants, Woohyun felt like only Howon was a presented person in the house.

It was nice.

Not having to worry about that and worry about the brewing drama between their triangle of issues between himself, Howon and Sunggyu, Woohyun thought he was having some sort of a break.

It seemed that having witnessed that silly, drunken kiss, Sunggyu was holding a severe grudge about it. Every time Woohyun stepped into a room, he would make himself scarce till he disappeared or would just refuse to reply to anything Woohyun said even though everyone was looking at the two of them. It was like when Woohyun first got there. Only worse. And better at the same time.

Worse in the sense that Sunggyu didn’t acknowledge his presence which, bummer and better in the sense that now that Woohyun was no longer professionally dependent on Sunggyu, he didn’t have to go to sleep at night with nightmares of getting kicked out. Because he was leader now. Main vocal. He was relevant and Woollim wouldn’t kick him out because Sunggyu was having a tantrum.

It was nice.

Howon, on the other hand, was a whole other matter. Having made up his mind that Woohyun wasn’t in a mushy relationship like Dongwoo and Myungsoo and that Woohyun wasn’t the alpha he was admittedly in love with, he took to staying by Woohyun’s side.

Which was great because Howon was a drill sergeant. He’d forced Woohyun into learning four out of the six dance routines Dongmin had choreographed for them. Having an athletic background helped a lot because Woohyun was quick on his feet and aware of his body so he knew when to hold back and when to push.

But Howon was avoiding Sunggyu, much like Sunggyu was avoiding Woohyun. He’d managed so far without making it any of his business.

Until Howon disappeared beneath the tiny excuse for a kitchen island in their tiny kitchen, which was so ridiculous because Sunggyu could still see him. But Sunggyu had walked in, made himself some cocoa and then made himself scarce again. When Howon re-emerged, he was red with shame and avoiding Woohyun’s curious eyes.

“Don’t,” he said.

“I didn’t say anything,” Woohyun shrugged.

“You were thinking it.”

“Thinking what?”

“Why I’ve been behaving like an idiot? I don’t even know. I pay dues too. I don’t deserve to feel this way. I shouldn’t have to skulk around and hide and pretend like I’m going to hell when I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Okay, calm down, Rocket,” Woohyun said, holding Howon by the shoulders. “Deep breaths,” he urged as Howon stopped, breathing in as Woohyun advised. “Want to talk about it?”

Howon shook his head.

“Do you want some cocoa to start the day?”

Howon shook his head again.

“I want coffee,” Howon said.

Woohyun let go to make the young alpha some coffee. He reached the overhead cupboard just as Howon decided to drop his bomb.

“I kissed him.”

Woohyun stopped moving and turned around to look at him.

“When?” He leaned on the table.

“Weeks ago. I got drunk and I kissed him again,” Howon groaned. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that. I went and encouraged him to think… to think that I condone this sort of nonsense.” He shivered in disgust. “I shouldn’t have. Oh god, Woohyun, the things I said.”

“When was this?” Woohyun asked, struggling to remember a time Howon had ever come home drunk.

“What do you mean? You were there.”

“I was?”

“You bought me those drinks. You are the cause of all this trouble.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I’m talking about the day my dad came to see me. When you took me out and got me drunk. I came back and I kissed him and I said… things.”

Oh.

_Oh!_

“You didn’t kiss Sunggyu-hyung.”

“I did. I swear I did.”

“No you didn’t.”

“How would you know? I remember what happened. You weren’t there.”

Woohyun sighed.

“Yes I was. And you didn’t kiss Sunggyu-hyung.”

Howon’s eyes narrowed as he studied Woohyun.

And then slowly, his eyes began to relax till they began to grow bigger and bigger and-

“I kissed you.” Howon laughed. “I kissed you!”

He walked over to where Woohyun was and hugged him.

“It was you. I’ve been fretting for nothing.”

“You can let go of me now.”

“If I kissed you then it doesn’t mean anything.”

“Please try and spare my feelings,” Woohyun said dryly as Howon let go.

“Oh, you have no idea how relieved I am right now.”

“That’s what’s been bugging you?” Woohyun scoffed and continued towards the cupboard except now, he was going to make Howon a cup of cocoa and not coffee.

“Oh the things I said.” Howon buried his head in his hands. “I kept playing it over and over in my head because I thought I’d said those things to _him_.”

“I don’t care if you’re an alpha too,” Woohyun said, lightening his voice and fluttering his eyes at Howon as Howon blushed furiously.

“Stop it.”

“I need you, hyung,” Woohyun said, following as Howon ran the other way to the other side of the kitchen.

“Oh my god.” Howon covered his ears and closed his eyes. “Stop it. Stop it. Stop it!”

“Kiss me, hyung. Please kiss me.” Woohyun puckered his lips but had to halt his performance just as he’d managed to corner Howon, who was still closing his eyes because a heavy thud sounded behind them, like someone just dropped something.

Howon’s eyes opened as he looked behind Woohyun at the person behind them. Frankly, Woohyun wouldn’t have stopped his teasing but for the fact that all the color in Howon’s face quickly drained, and he looked like he’d seen a ghost.

“I guess the dorm got friendlier in my absence,” the new arrival said.

Woohyun turned back to see a smirking Jaehyun looking at both of them with his travelling bag at his feet.

*********

Woohyun grew paranoid.

And who could blame him? He was the leader of a group where he had two hyungs and two alphas. And he knew that the only reason he was leader and main vocal was because Jaehyun had left that time that he did. At any moment, Jungyeop-CEO could just decide that it was Jaehyun’s place anyway.

So Woohyun overdid stuff. A LOT.

He woke up ahead of everyone. He did roll calls at night. He had self-inflicted meetings with Dongmin-hyung and Gae-hyung. He gave Jungyeop-CEO updates every other day. He made sure the members called their parents. He enforced a curfew… he got Jungyeop-CEO to enforce a curfew. He knew he was made for this job. He could do it in his sleep. Woohyun was responsible and eager to please and he was a fast learner at the few things that he couldn’t do.

But part of being a leader also meant watching for intra-group issues. Like how Myungsoo was still wary of Howon ever since the Dongwoo beat down. And how Dongwoo appeared to be crying more often. And how Jaehyun, while problem-less, seemed to follow Howon’s every move with his eyes the moment they were in the same room. Howon still hadn’t told him what that was about, so Woohyun proceeded to solve the problems that he actually could.

He got Gae-hyung to schedule Howon’s and Myungsoo’s voice training together so that they could meet without the other members. Gae-hyung, being the sage that he was, took to giving both of them joined assignments and voice tests that made it so they’d spend even more time together.

Dongwoo was a lot trickier to deal with, which was really annoying. Because every time someone showed up around him, his smile magically appeared and he started talking or moving or just being distracting from the fact that his eyes were red and his nose was running.

Woohyun caught a break one day as was coming back from the bathroom at Woollim.

“I’ll be fine, I promise.” He heard Dongwoo say.

Woohyun had accepted long ago that being a good snoop could come in handy when dealing with people who didn’t like to share.

“It’s nothing,” Dongwoo curled in on himself sniffing slightly as he leaned on the wall. “Nuna it’s been a few months. It’s better than it was at JYP.” He waited. “This year? I don’t know if we can debut this year, Nuna. We are still struggling with the singing and the- everybody has to sing. Even if I don’t learn to, the others have to do something. It doesn’t matter if I can rap and dance.” He paused again. “I haven’t been crying about it.” He lied. “Honestly, I don’t care when I debut. It will happen. It’s not like I’m cursed or anything.” He laughed a dry, unhappy laugh and Woohyun frowned. “I was at home two weeks ago, Nuna. Why didn’t you show me then? Are you just looking for a reason to come and scope out my dorm?” He laughed and this time, it sounded somewhat more real than the first.

At this point, Woohyun figured it was time to take his leave. He’d snooped his fill either way.

As was his newest habit, he took a shower and then made it over to Howon’s room where he lay on the other side of the tiny space because Howon was very particular –and kinda weird- about sleeping on the side without the mirror.

When Howon returned, Woohyun could hear muffled voices outside the door before it opened and Howon entered but as he tried to close the door, someone stopped him and the door opened again.

“Howon-ah,” Jaehyun said as he entered the dark room.

“I think… I think we should turn on the light,” Howon said shakily, pointing at the light switch but making no move to turn it on as it was right beside Jaehyun by the door.

Hissing, Jaehyun flipped the switch and Woohyun flinched, covering his eyes.

“You’re here again?” Jaehyun asked, voice hard and uncomfortable in a way it never was during voice training or dance practice.

“Hyung,” Woohyun greeted from his place on the floor, sitting up and looking between them with interest that he knew Jaehyun didn’t want.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Howon,” Jaehyun said and retraced his steps till he shut the door closed again.

“Howon?”

“Let’s just go to sleep.” Howon said tightly, dropping his bag and lying down in his rehearsal clothes.

“Who’s going to turn off the lights?” Woohyun asked.

Howon grunted. Woohyun could see his face. He didn’t know if Howon was refusing to turn it off out of laziness or if he just needed the light on as a form of protection considering he’d just used it as a shield a few moments ago. Before Woohyun could get another word out, Howon turned over to the wall and didn’t move anymore till his breathing evened out.

So they ended up sleeping with it turned on.

*********

Kim Sunggyu had sort of an addictive personality. This was ironic considering he was quite an acquired taste. But once you acquired the taste, you couldn’t really imagine yourself doing much else without it.

In the tiny moments that Woohyun actually got to rest in the present days, he found himself examining his feelings for uber often enough that he could safely say it was not exactly romantic. Not really anyway. Not in the way Howon was hopelessly-in-love-with-and-attracted-to anyway. Yet, he missed Sunggyu. Like reallllly missed him. Or at least the short period he had thought they were friends for.

He knew Sunggyu cared about him. That much was obvious in the way he frowned in disapproval whenever Woohyun overdid his leader duties. When Woohyun would sit and wait for everyone to finish their meals completely, he’d look up and see Sunggyu judging him immensely. And when he’d defer his own training just so he could wait on the members and be sure they were headed home first, Sunggyu’d sigh in anger and walk off as if he wanted to just slap Woohyun on the back of his head.

In fact, the only time he didn’t have Sunggyu’s attention was when he was taking a bath, eating or sleeping - in short, when he was taking care of himself.

It was nearly a month since the “kiss” between himself and Howon when Woohyun figured he’d had it. And this had nothing to with him finally realizing he wanted Sunggyu talking to him again. It was just that the entire dorm had gone a full week without incident and the members were growing accustomed to his schedule so Woohyun figured with his empty amount of time to do nothing or lack of a reason to nag, he may as well address the moving elephant between them.

“It’s not what you think.” Woohyun said one morning when caught Sunggyu making himself a hot beverage before the others woke up. “I didn’t kiss him.”

Sunggyu ignored him, remaining silent as he’d done in the past. With his cup locked and ready in his hands, he tried to leave the kitchen but Woohyun stepped in his way.

“We’re going to talk about this.”

“I’m holding a hot cup Woohyun. You don’t want me to drop it on your toes.”

“Will you listen to me?”

“No. I need to sit and drink this.” Sunggyu replied.

“Then sit here.”

“No.”

“I didn’t kiss him. I mean, I know we kissed but it was because-”

Woohyun gasped as he spread his legs, stretching out his hands to hold the wall and the cupboard. The mug crashed unto the tiles and he looked up at Sunggyu in shock.

“Get. Out. Of my. Way.” Sunggyu said through clenched teeth and Woohyun shuffled aside, careful to avoid the broken pieces that he now knew he’d have to clean. Sunggyu stepped over the mess.

“He kissed me because he thought I was you.”

Woohyun shut his eyes at his betrayal. Howon had become a kind of best friend of his in the dorm and he knew Howon would be mortified if he knew Woohyun had just made known his defunct feelings for Sunggyu. But honestly, Woohyun didn’t care. If he was going to get Sunggyu to stop all this nonsense then he had to pull out all the stops.

“Does that make sense?” Sunggyu asked, looking back from the kitchen door.

“It’s the truth. He was drunk. We both were. You remember? I took him drinking. When we got back, he thought I was you and he said he didn’t care if I was an alpha. Last time I checked, Nam Woohyun was not an alpha.”

“He really said that?” Sunggyu was turned fully now, looking confused and guilty as his eyes dropped to the broken cup on the floor.

“Yes. I would have told you sooner. I’m sorry.”

Grimacing, Sunggyu got back into the kitchen as he pulled the door close to reveal the brush and dustpan behind it and then began sweeping the shards into the dustpan.

“I’m sorry.” Sunggyu said, sounding like he was pouting but Woohyun couldn’t tell because he had his face down and he wouldn’t look up anymore.

“It’s fine, hyung. I just… I wanted my friend back.”

Sunggyu stopped sweeping before he nodded and continued. He walked over and deposited the mess in the bin before returning to try and be thorough.

“I’ll make you another cup.” Woohyun suggested and walked over to the cupboards again as the place grew silent.

Except for them moving around and doing stuff, which seemed oddly familiar and very nice. He moved out of the way when Sunggyu tried to get to the bin and Sunggyu waited for him to pass before continuing to sweep. Woohyun couldn’t believe it had been that easy to get his friend back.

Then something dropped behind him.

And Woohyun turned around to find Sunggyu slummed on the ground and unconscious.

*********

Without a second manager, Jungyeop-CEO didn’t even argue that Woohyun wanted to follow to the hospital. By the time he found a cab and came back into the house to get Sunggyu, Myungsoo was awake and scared out of his mind as Hyoan-hyung emerged from Sunggyu’s room with a bag.

Unable to help, Myungsoo shifted to the side as Woohyun and Hyoan-hyung carried Sunggyu out of the house. He remained on the steps, hands over his mouth and eyes spread open and almost frozen as Woohyun and Sunggyu drove away at the back of the cab.

Jungyeop-CEO thought it was sensible to leave behind the grown up, Hyoan-hyung, as the house was about to be fraught with very scared boys who probably wouldn’t listen to a thing Woohyun had to stay if he’d stayed behind. Besides, he was going to meet them at the hospital so there was no need in having two grownups there with Sunggyu.

Woohyun watched in horror as Sunggyu was moved from the emergency room to the cardio ward in confusion. But that soon morphed to fear when it was explained that that was where the people with heart problems ended up. He didn’t know much but that sounded a lot serious for someone who was mopping the floor a few hours earlier.

The doctor called Jungyeop-CEO in and left Woohyun alone in the waiting room to stew as he paced and sat and finally ended up washing his face in the men’s room. He stood at the sink, tossing water at his face every time it started to feel sweaty and cold.

It didn’t make sense.

Sunggyu was a young man. A healthy young man. He had a dream and considering he was about to debut ahead of any of them, Woohyun did not understand why this would choose to happen to him now. Of all the people. Sunggyu who worked to pay for his dues. He had no one except Jungyeop-CEO and even he was barely holding Woollim together without Sunggyu piling on.

After the thing with Howon’s father, Woohyun’s eyes opened up to the fact that not all Korean parents wanted their children singing on stage. It finally made sense that they had jobs or that they didn’t go home or call home or talk much about their families. He was beginning to understand Sunggyu’s attachment to Jungyeop-CEO.

If Sunggyu was tossed out of home or ran away, then he’d found a fatherly –or older brotherly- figure in Jungyeop-CEO. But there was only so much the man could do to help when he had a whole company to run.

When Woohyun started to notice, it didn’t take a high IQ to see that Woollim was in trouble. Their dorm was a wreck and they’d lost a manager and Jungyeop-CEO’s house stopped being a topic of discussion. There was the one night he’d slept at the trainee dorm just after he’d sent the others home. It had been only one night and even though he’d left the very next day, he hadn’t taken Sunggyu back with him.

It was very easy to fear that something had happened with his house but he didn’t want the trainees to know. With all the tension between Howon and Sunggyu, it was the only reason why Sunggyu would brave returning to the dorms at all.

And now, Jungyeop-CEO had to battle this too?

Woohyun wished he could help. In any way. Heart problems sounded like something serious. It had to be. And he couldn’t even imagine what Jungyeop-CEO would have to do to make treatment possible because that job Sunggyu had would not even be able to afford diddlysquat.

As he emerged from the men’s room, Jungyeop-CEO was just coming out from Sunggyu’s room with the doctor when he spotted Woohyun.

“Stay with him, okay? Just for the day,” He said, ruffling his hands in his pocket as if looking for something. “I’ll be right back. I need to see if I can get some…” He trailed off. “Just stay with him, yeah?”

He left right after and Woohyun slipped right into the room.

*********

Hours later, just as Hyoan-hyung left after dropping off Woohyun’s dinner and a bag he put together for Woohyun, Sunggyu woke. He sat up and looked down at his hospital gown before his eyes rose, searching and then landed on Woohyun.

“What happened?”

“You fainted,” Woohyun said from his coiled place on the cushioned, metal seat left in the room for visitors.

“What?” Sunggyu asked. “Why?”

“I’ll let the doctor explain it to you.”

Woohyun got up and pressed the button to alert the nurses.

“That sounds… severe,” Sunggyu commented, one hand tugging at the gown while the other scratched his head absentmindedly. “Should I be worried?”

Woohyun deadpanned.

“Right. Hospital.” Sunggyu waved his hand about as if just realizing where he was.

The door opened and a doctor walked, accompanied by a clipboard from which she was reading before she put away as she neared Sunggyu.

“How are you feeling?” She smiled.

“Okay, I guess. What’s going on?”

“You fainted. It was caused by Cardiomyoparthy. It means that your heart muscles are weakened and overstretched so it can’t pump well or function correctly. In other words, you have a weak heart, Sunggyu-sshi. In most cases it’s a rather severe problem and only gets worse with time but luckily for you, your faint earlier today has helped us to catch it quite early.”

“I have a weak heart,” Sunggyu said, looking down at his lap as he mumbled the words to himself.

“Yes, but something can be done about it. Now that you’re awake, we’ll start you on some Vibatin to even out your heart rhythm before your main medication begins. We’ll have to keep you here while we administer the drug for the first eight days.”

“Even out the rhythm, you say?” Sunggyu asked.

“Yes. I was told you have quite the career ahead of you and a pacemaker would make for a sure hindrance. So we’ll be going the medicinal route with you. Your guardian mentioned that you’re an alpha on suppressants?”

“Yes.”

“May I ask why? If your rut is what you fear, we are more than capable of offering you a seclusion unit to ride it out in the event that it does occur during the eight days even though that is highly unlikely.”

“I’ve never had a rut,” Sunggyu said and even Woohyun had to look up at that. When he looked at the doctor, she too was wearing an expression almost as gob smacked as his.

“Then how do you know you’re an alpha?” She asked.

Sunggyu hesitated.

“My parents are alphas,” He began. “When I turned thirteen, they started me on suppressants.”

“You’re an uber?” She said, her blinking eyes betraying her curiosity.

Taking a step closer to the bed, she leaned on the side, one hand on her hip as the other one rested on the clipboard that was now holding her up from Sunggyu’s bed.

“Well,” She began and Woohyun watched in fascination as she fought to keep control of her professionalism. “As I’ve said, we have seclusion units. Just in case.”

“Why would I need one?” Sunggyu asked.

Woohyun considered the question along with Sunggyu, both of them staring up at the doctor.

“Oh, right.” She said, as if just coming back to herself. “Since we will not be installing a pacemaker, administering the medicine required to get your heart working strong on its own would not interact well with the Supplimax you have been taking or any other suppressant for that matter.” She said. “Before we begin administering your medication for the Cardiomyoparthy, you’re going to have to stop taking the suppressants altogether.”


	9. Chapter 9

After spending three days in the hospital at Sunggyu’s beck and call with no shower, Jungyeop-CEO finally sent Hyoan to relieve him that night to go home, shower and get a good night’s rest. He fell asleep in the cab and was awoken at the house, dragging his feet up the tiny length of steps till he got to the door.

“Hyung!” Myungsoo called, coming up from the pallets laid on the sitting room floor to help him with his bag. “We didn’t know you were coming home.”

“Why are your pallets out? What’s wrong with the room?”

“The alphas are rutting.” Myungsoo explained as the bathroom door opened and Dongwoo came out, adjusting his night pants.

Woohyun began the math in his head, trying to remember that when he’d gotten there in the March, Jaehyun and Howon were at the CEO’s home because of their rut. And so that meant… April, May, June, July, August, September. He sighed. Woohyun knew he should have had a better handle on all this. The boys were putting in all their energy trying to learn to sing and dance and yet he couldn’t do this one thing?

“Did you guys put out water for them? Snacks? Cold towels?”

Boohyun was an alpha, so Woohyun knew what to do. He’d watched his mother take care of his brother till he moved out so handling a couple of alphas was something he could do.

“Dongwoo-hyung and I have been trying to help but I think it is best we just leave them be for the night.”

Woohyun’s eyes drooped, almost closing but he had to stay up. Make sure Jaehyun and Howon were fine. See that they were okay. He had to…

“Bongguk-hyung?” Woohyun added, frustrated and scared that no one had mentioned what happened to the only omega under the roof. Myungsoo looked at him in concern.

“Hyung, Bongguk-hyung left us weeks ago. Don’t you remember?”

He calmed down at the news, but he was no less worried about Jaehyun and Howon as he’d been before. Walking slowly, so that he wouldn’t fall over, Woohyun made his way to their room and knocked quietly.

“Jaehyun-hyung?” He asked, head on the door in fatigue. He opened the door and the room was dark. “Do you need anything?”

“No.” Jaehyun’s voice sounded gruff and almost as wrecked as Woohyun was feeling though, he suspected, for a much different reason that being tired. “I’m fine. How is Sunggyu? Did Hyoan-hyung relieve you?”

“Yes. He’s fine.” Woohyun answered, nodding in the dark.

“I’m fine too.”

From there, he figured he’d give Howon a nod before allowing himself to finally fall on the one couch in the sitting room that Myungsoo seemed to be getting ready for him now that he was home.

But Howon didn’t answer when he knocked or when he opened the door. So he stepped in, intending to push or prod till Howon gave him a status report on his condition. Rolling over, Howon’s eyes lit up a little at the sight of Woohyun before he cringed back and frowned up at him.

“What?” Woohyun asked tiredly. “What is it? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You reek.”

“I haven’t showered in three days.” Woohyun stated. “Don’t be a dick.”

Howon shook his head at Woohyun, eyes wide in apology.

“You don’t understand. You smell like…” He cleared his throat. “Will you sleep here?”

“You’re in a rut.”

“No shit!” Howon said, succeeding in looking both contrite and smug.

Not needed much convincing, Woohyun dropped to the floor, using half of Howon’s pillow as his eyes drifted shut of their own accord. About to fall asleep, Woohyun was reawakened by a shifting Howon at his side. His mouth opened to ask if Howon needed anything when Howon’s arms closed around his chest, gripping him tight and then he buried his nose in Woohyun’s neck.

And Woohyun was suddenly awake.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Woohyun asked calmly.

“You smell like Sunggyu-hyung.” Howon said, voice muffled in Woohyun shirt as his lips brushed against Woohyun’s skin.

“Okay.” Woohyun worried. “But why are you stuck on me?”

“You smell like-”

“Get off you weirdo.” Woohyun tried to raise his hands and push Howon off but Howon just readjusted himself, placing half of his body over Woohyun.

Sighing in defeat, Woohyun just lay there, staring at the ceiling in the dark. He could not believe that he had left one demanding alpha to come home to another. As if rest was waiting for him here.

“He smells so different.” Howon sniffed. “Richer than before. I don’t know how I’m going to handle him being back in dorm smelling like this, Woohyun.”

“You’ll be done with your rut by the time he gets home.” Woohyun replied.

“The problem is that I… I… I kind of love it. I mean, my brain knows it’s an alpha’s scent. I know I shouldn’t want it so much but I can’t help it. I wish he were here.”

He went silent and before Woohyun knew what was happening, Howon was running his nose up and down Woohyun’s neck and then switching to the other side of his neck.

“Stay in one place, Howon. I can feel… you.” He said, clearing his throat.

“Oh. Sorry.” At least Howon had the decency to sound ashamed as he began adjusting himself again so that even though his upper body was still over Woohyun, his hips were on the ground and no longer prodding at Woohyun.

“I wonder what you’re going to do when I shower tomorrow.”

“You can’t shower.” Howon snapped, head raised as he looked down on Woohyun.

“Okay. Fine. I won’t.” Woohyun lied.

“I wish I could see your face. You always go red when you lie.”

“I’m not lying. I won’t shower till your rut is done.”

“Eww.” Howon said, even as Woohyun detected a smile in his voice.

There was so much that was wrong with the whole situation and yet every time Woohyun opened his mouth to force Howon away, his treacherous brain would remind him that he needed to sleep and he would find his mouth shutting. It wasn’t as if Howon was doing anything to him. He was just hugging him in his sleep. Myungsoo did that too when Woohyun used to sleep in their room. If Dongwoo wasn’t present, for any reason, Woohyun would wake to find Myungsoo plastered on his back and restrained from moving because the cuddly octopus had wrapped himself around and all over Woohyun.

This was the same thing. It was nothing to worry about. Besides, if he just closed his eyes and pretended this was a harmless, sleepy beta, Woohyun might actually get the sleep he needed.

But he was Leader. And that meant recognizing unhealthy behavior and doing something about it. If he was going to do this for the next ten years or more, Woohyun had to learn to stop procrastinating.

“Howon?” Woohyun asked, sighing in his head.

“Hmm?”

“When are you going to stop using me as a Sunggyu-surrogate?”

Howon stiffened, raising his head from Woohyun. It was a testament to how well Woohyun knew Howon that he could imagine exactly how scrunched up Howon’s eyebrows was even in the dark.

“I’m not-”

“I’m lying here under you because you’re in love with the person I smell like. This isn’t healthy. For either of us.”

Heaving a heavy sigh, Howon rolled off and lay on his back.

“I know.” He hissed. “I know. I’m not going to- it’s just really bad timing.”

“What does that mean?”

Howon rolled unto his side, lifting his head unto his palm as his elbow supported him below.

“I was going to talk to him that day. I even wrote a speech. I tore it right after I finished but I had a plan. Then I woke up and Hyoan-hyung said he’d fainted. I wanted to go see him but CEO-nim said we had to work. We could go see him after practice.” Howon laughed. “Honestly, I think the universe does not want me to be with him. Maybe God is punishing me for disobeying my father. I don’t know.”

“What happened?”

“Jaehyun-hyung’s rut started. Right at the end of practice.” Howon leaned over Woohyun again, this time trying to minimize how much of his body was touching Woohyun. But he placed his head on Woohyun’s chest and inhaled. “His rut triggered mine and we couldn’t go anywhere anymore. We were stuck… I was stuck. I can’t go and visit him. Yet, while I was looking forward to seeing him in a week or so, we found out he’d been put off his suppressants which means I can’t see him for another _two weeks_ because of the hormonal residue of a rut. And even then, who knows what his uber senses might pick up. And then I might have to wait another-”

Woohyun placed his hand on Howon’s head to calm him, causing Howon’s breath to hitch before he took a long breath and went silent. The lay there, Woohyun petting Howon’s head as Howon burying his nose in Woohyun again, beginning to abandon pretense of self-control.

“So you’re over your defunophobia?”

“I want him.” His voice was almost a whisper. “Almost as much as I want to be an idol.”

“Wow.” Woohyun said. “Serious.”

“Yeah.” Howon nodded into Woohyun’s neck.

“Good for you. Because when I turn eighteen, I am going to present. And believe me, I’m not going to stand for this bullshit if I’m an alpha.”

Howon whined.

“Please don’t be an alpha. I can’t stand having another alpha in my life to confuse me. Two is enough.”

Like no time Woohyun had ever witnessed, Howon’s entire body became a rock instantly as his breath totally disappeared from Woohyun’s neck. It took a minute for Woohyun to figure out why until he realized that Howon just admitted to having… something… with both Sunggyu and Jaehyun.

Then Howon began to breathe again, heart thumping in his chest as lay there rigid and unmoving as if waiting for Woohyun to push him or do or say something to him. Which, if Woohyun wasn’t so tired, he’d totally have punched Howon for because he could not believe that after how much they’d gotten to know each other, Howon would think he’d care about that sort of thing.

“Okay, what if I become an omega then?” He asked, steering the conversation away from points of discomfort.

It took a few moments but Howon minimally relaxed again.

“That’s even worse. Omegas are just distracting. With or without a cycle, they smell and they confuse everyone. And during our cycles, you’ll have to be taken away so one of us doesn’t pounce on you or something which would be ironic considering that every single alpha living in this house is defunct.” Howon paused again, realizing too late that he had once again, referenced Jaehyun’s sexuality. He quickly rushed to add. “Not to mention the fact that omegas are manipulative and needy and schemy. Honestly, I’ll be glad if you remain a beta forever.”

“My mother’s an omega and my dad’s an alpha. Granted, they were both on suppressants from the moment I was born but still, it has to count for something. Also, my hyung is an alpha. So whether you like it or not, I’m going to present something.”

“My entire family is made up of betas.” Howon said.

“Really?” It was so weird that they knew very intimate things about each other and yet they didn’t know the basics.

“Yeah. Which means you might be the first beta in your family.”

Woohyun shrugged.

“Doesn’t matter. A beta is just a person who hasn’t presented yet.”

“Tell that to your grandchildren when they all turn out to be betas.”

“You’re just saying that so that you can cuddle-rape me whenever you two fight. After this rut, I will put my foot down. And avoid you during your rut.”

“Leader?” Howon scoffed. “You won’t even be able to help yourself.”

So maybe Howon knew him after all.

*********

When Woohyun woke up in the morning, his body felt stiff. It probably had something to do with the big baby that had taken up resident on his body but Woohyun was all talked out from the night before and in no mood to do it again. Pushing Howon away, he sat up.

Then he noticed there was something sticky on his shirt.

“Howon.” Woohyun whined as he stared in disgust at the –at least two rounds worth of- dried semen on his cloths.

There was no doubt in his mind anymore. Woohyun was going to shower so hard, Howon would feel it. Getting to his feet, he carefully pulled off the shirt. Not that he thought that would help any. He was just too grossed out to actually think straight. The only good thing about any of it was the fact that he’d gotten some sleep.

He got out of the room, rubbing his eyes and yawning to hear Dongwoo and Myungsoo struggling to make breakfast in the kitchen. He walked up behind them and leaned on the wall as they cluttered around each other.

“No, that’s too much. Soo, what are you doing?” Dongwoo said, sounding fond and scolding at the same time.

“It’s how Woohyun-hyung used to do it.”

“If you can’t do it right without killing us with sodium poisoning, then don’t try to be fancy. Just pour it in the pan.”

“I want to do it like Woohyun-hyung.” Myungsoo pouted. Dongwoo sighed.

“This boy.” He ruffled Myungsoo’s head.

“Well now you have to wash your hand again.”

And honestly, if Myungsoo hadn’t told Dongwoo, Woohyun would have.

“What the hell?” Someone spat from behind Woohyun as all three of them looked back.

Jaehyun was right behind him, sniffing at Woohyun but that was not the reason why Woohyun felt like running away at the moment. Jaehyun looked pissed and angry and in the rut that he was, his eyes had tinged red and deadly as he stared down at tiny Woohyun who was trying to inch away from him. But he didn’t let him go far. Grabbing Woohyun around the shoulders, he tossed him into the sitting room as Woohyun shuffled around and fell into Dongwoo and Myungsoo’s pallets that were still laid out.

“Hyung, what are you doing?”

He advanced on Woohyun as Woohyun felt his heart climb into his mouth.

“Why. The fuck. Do you smell like that?”

_What was with everyone and the way he smelled?_

“Hyung, please call down-”

“DON’T FUCKING TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!” he yelled punching the wall so hard it broke. Woohyun moved back, trying to keep his eyes on the angry alpha when he heard Dongwoo speaking hurriedly on the phone. “What were you doing with him last night?”

“Who?”

“Howon!” Jaehyun gritted out through clenched teeth. “Why do you smell like that? Did you… did you let him fuck you? Did he knot you? Are you two together? Is that why you’re always hanging around him? You fucking beta. What the hell do you have anyway?”

“I’m not doing anything with him.” Woohyun said, shaking his head hysterically and realizing that he was in big trouble. “HOWON!” Woohyun heard his mouth calling because if he was going to be honest, only another alpha could do anything at this point.

“Shut your dirty mouth.” Jaehyun hissed as he pounced, taking Woohyun by the collar and slamming him back into the ground. He climbed on top of him and slapped Woohyun across the face. “What can I do to show you, eh? That he’s freaking claimed.”

“Please, hyung.” He tried to protect his face.

“Look at me. LOOK AT ME, YOU WHORE!” He roared.

And then Jaehyun was pulled off of him. By some miracle.

Woohyun barely had enough time to register Howon’s presence before he was on his feet and running to the bathroom where he locked himself and wedged his body against the door, afraid that someone was still coming after him. He could hear shouting through the door. He could hear furniture being broken.

He sat on the floor and he realized he was shaking and crying and scared like he’d never been before. His hands wouldn’t stay still and his nose was filling quickly as he sniffed, blocking out everything else.

*********

He didn’t know how long he sat on the floor for. But he remained there, shivering and naked from the waist up until he felt a knock on the door.

“Woohyun?” Jungyeop-CEO said quietly. “Woohyun please open the door.”

“No.” He replied.

“Please. Howon and Jaehyun have gone to stay at my place for the remaining of their rut. I promise, you’re not in any danger. Open the door.”

He stood carefully and opened the door.

“I brought you some clothes.” He said, pushing folded clothes and underwear at Woohyun along with a towel. “Shower and come eat, okay?”

Woohyun nodded, taking the clothes as he closed the door again.

After his shower, Woohyun emerged to breakfast in the tiny, quiet house as Jungyeop-CEO set up the sitting room so that they could eat together. As their meal commenced in silence, Woohyun had time to take in his surroundings. The table that always leaned on the wall when they weren’t using it was gone. The door to their room was hanging off its hinges. Howon’s room door was opened and he could that at least a small part of the struggle had ended up there at some point.

“Dongwoo called me.” Jungyeop-CEO explained, looking at Woohyun with concern. “I’m sorry. I should have known leaving you boys alone during cycles wasn’t exactly sensible.”

“It’s not your fault, sir.”

“Call me hyung.” Jungyeop-CEO said and Woohyun nodded.

“Everything was fine until I came back.”

“What happened?”

“Please don’t ask me that.” He said, stuffing his mouth with food.

“Okay.” He agreed. “I’ll drop you off at the hospital though. You need to get checked out. Dongwoo says you got hit.”

“It was just a slap.”

Jungyeop-CEO… Jungyeop-hyung looked at him until Woohyun looked back at him.

“I’ll drop you at the hospital anyway.” He said decisively.

Woohyun shrugged. The way he was feeling, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to sleep in the dorm anyway. Hopefully, he’d be able to get Sunggyu to not send him so much and everything would be perfect.

*********

“You smell weird.” Sunggyu commented the moment he stepped through the door.

_Oh God!_

“I’m really not in the mood.” Woohyun said back almost snappishly.

“I don’t mean that in a bad way.” Sunggyu said, looking at him in worry and Woohyun rounded on him in frustration.

“I swear to God, if you say that I smell like Howon and you try to hump and sniff me, I’m going to kick you in the balls so hard you’d lose your knot.”

Sunggyu’s eyebrows rose. Woohyun felt like a dick.

“Excuse me. I’ve had a day.”

“Apparently.” Sunggyu said. “Do you feel like talking?”

“Not really.” He sat on his sofa in the corner and began to sulk.

“Okay but no, seriously, you smell different.” Sunggyu said again, sitting up.

“Like Howon?”

“Why do you keep saying that?” His face screwed up in concentration as he looked at Woohyun. “Woohyun, is there something I need to know?”

“I’m not talking about it right now. Maybe later.”

Sunggyu hesitated, and Woohyun could see where his hand was balled into a fist in the bed sheet. He had to give Sunggyu some credit. For someone who’d never felt what it was to be an alpha, he sure was handling the alpha urges quite well. Except from when he was making Woohyun massage his feet or take him to the bathroom or rub his back or get him snacks, he was pretty much the same Sunggyu Woohyun had always known.

But there were times, when a nurse gave him a strict order or when Woohyun ignored him. Those times, either his eyes would glow or he’d clench his fist like he was doing at the moment. Or he’d quietly walk from the room to calm himself.

It was as if Sunggyu was struggling to not be an alpha. Woohyun was really grateful for it because he’d just about had enough of alphas bullying him for one day.

“You don’t smell like Howon, by the way.” Sunggyu said. “You smell like you. But it’s different.”

Woohyun could agree it might be different probably from the fact that his whole body was still scared and he may not have come down from the anxiety-high Jaehyun had triggered in him when he was dominating the shit out of Woohyun’s psyche earlier in the day.

That had to be what Sunggyu perceived-

His eyes opened to find a concerned Sunggyu hovering over him.

“What just happened?” Sunggyu said sounding frightened. “You fainted. Woohyun, are you alright? I called for the nurses. Can you hear me?”

Woohyun was lying on his back looking up at the ceiling behind Sunggyu when he felt it.

A slight tremor at the back of his neck.

He shivered and Sunggyu withdrew, horrified.

“What?” Woohyun asked, sitting up and inadvertently pulling himself into Sunggyu’s face.

“Woohyun, you’re…” His eyes widened in fear.

“Hyung, what is it?”

“I think,” Sunggyu said breathlessly. “I… I think you just entered your first heat.”


	10. Chapter 10

“I think you just entered your first heat.” Sunggyu said.

And there they were, Sunggyu on his knees beside Woohyun who was sitting up. Both their faces, inches apart. Woohyun could see everything on Sunggyu’s face… his nose hairs, his rapidly reddening skin and his eyes. Sunggyu’s eyes were right there, staring Woohyun in the face with just a tinge of red around the iris.

Shifting away, Sunggyu appeared to want to get up but Woohyun’s hands grabbed him, pulling him back to his knees as he just continued to stare.

“Woohyun, you need to leave this seclusion unit.” Sunggyu said. “Fi… find another one.”

But none of that made sense. Why would he want to leave? Sunggyu was here. An uber was here. He couldn’t imagine any reason that would make him-

Sunggyu peeled his hands off his wrist but Woohyun just let go and re-wrapped them again, keeping him there… keeping him close. He didn’t know why he needed to but he just did.

“I swear to god…” Sunggyu said, closing his eyes as he exhaled, his hot breath washing over Woohyun.

“Hyung.” He whined as he searched for Sunggyu’s hidden eyes.

“Let me call the nurses.” Sunggyu said, his voice shaking in uncertainty. “They’ll take good care of you.”

Still holding Sunggyu, Woohyun shook his head. Hoping to get his wits about him because something had to be wrong. But he just couldn’t place his hand on it. He knew he was in a hospital and that he was on the floor, but that was the extent of his awareness. If Sunggyu was right here, why didn’t he explain it better? Spurting useless sentences about heat and seclusion units meant absolutely nothing. At the moment, all Woohyun cared about was the… was the…

He shook his head again.

And sneezed.

And squirted something into his pants.

Sunggyu growled and Woohyun looked up, watching his eyes grow bigger as his nose flared.

“I don’t feel so good.” Woohyun noted, feeling as if his ass had suddenly come lose as it began to leak in earnest, making it really hard for him to sit still. “Make me feel good.” He beseeched.

Sunggyu kissed.

*********

After that first kiss, Woohyun’s head got one screw back, heading in the direction of sanity. Because he was no longer lost. Not so much anymore. And he now knew what he wanted, panting beneath the alpha that seemed determined to get into Woohyun through his mouth.

Woohyun’s bones had turned to jelly so he just lay there, allowing Sunggyu kiss him within an inch of his life as he struggled with Woohyun’s jeans.

Yes, he was no longer clueless about what he needed.

He needed the sex.

And he needed it now.

He tried to help. He really did, but that would require too much brain function than just lying there and letting happiness come to him. As his pants came off –he didn’t even know Sunggyu had taken his own off- Sunggyu slid into him.

If Woohyun was any saner, he’d have worried at the ease of access or the fact that his life didn’t feel like it was over when someone else entered him without preparation. But given his current state of mind, Woohyun wailed at the pleasure of being so full all of a sudden that he came, spurting cum between their bodies and soiling both their shirts.

“Oh God.” Sunggyu panted in his ear as he rolled over Woohyun, keeping him trapped to the ground and Sunggyu began to move, pounding into him with as much desperation as Woohyun felt, accepting all that anal abuse.

“Yes.” He agreed, nodding. “Yes. Please. Hyung.”

His dick lay on his belly, still hard and bouncing with every thrust while Woohyun’s mind cleared just a little bit more. Which meant that he suddenly realized the floor was cold beneath his bare ass and for some weird reason it felt good to be touched by something so cold because everything else was just. So. Damn. Hot!

“Augh!” He whimpered when Sunggyu changed angles and Woohyun’s vision whitened. Wondering what that was, he came again, in a flurry of curses as Sunggyu latched onto his lips again, kissing and sucking and trying to bury himself in Woohyun from every single entry.

After the second, orgasm, Woohyun’s brain no longer felt liquefied. His limps regained some more energy. So he figured he’d help, try and play a less passive role in what they were doing. He raised his hands, wrapping around Sunggyu’s neck to bring him even closer as he lifted his hips to meet Sunggyu.

Sunggyu cursed, removing his lips from Woohyun’s as he lost his rhythm, looking at Woohyun as if Woohyun was trying to kill him.

“Woohyun-” He croaked before he froze, eyes rolling to the back of his head as his mouth fell open in stupor.

He was coming. Woohyun knew he was coming because he could feel the rush in his ass as Sunggyu emptied everything he got into it, screeching in ecstasy and unable to form any coherent words.

Which was when Woohyun began to feel it: a swelling in his ass, growing and growing as it pushed against his prostate in vibrating goodness.

“Hyung?” he asked, not sure what was happening.

“Woohyun.” Sunggyu replied, neither of them sure what to do next.

But it felt so good, the continuous pressure to that spot that Woohyun tried to move. To quicken the growth or swelling. To get more. But he found he couldn’t move much. For some reason, he was stuck.

He was stuck because someone was knotting him. Yes, he began to remember. He was in heat. HE WAS IN HEAT. His first heat ever. Which meant he was an omega. And he was being knotted by an alpha. Kim Sunggyu.

 _Oh my god,_ Woohyun thought. He needed to stop this. He needed to stop it or else everything would get worse. Everything would be fine if he could just get Sunggyu to complete his knot without-

Sunggyu bit into his neck, breaking skin and drawing blood as Woohyun’s mind shut off again, cutting every single thought off but the awareness that he and Kim Sunggyu were now one.

*********

Someone was holding his hand in theirs when he woke up feeling the soft palm massaging his and cradling it and kissing it. Sighing, he turned over to his side as he came face-to-face with a very anxious and worried Sunggyu. Woohyun was now lying on Sunggyu’s bed but Sunggyu was seated on a chair, leaning on the bed and looking at him.

“I’m so sorry.” He said, kissing Woohyun’s hand again. “I couldn’t control it. I’m so sorry.”

Woohyun remembered.

Before everything went to shit.

He sat up, pulling his hand from Sunggyu’s grasp as Sunggyu sat up as well.

“Anything you want.” Sunggyu was saying but Woohyun felt like he was in a room far, far away, unable to comprehend the words because his life was over. Completely.

He was an omega. He’d be lucky to still be leader. It was already a problem having two alphas answer to him when he was a beta but now? Now Woohyun was going to be shuffled to the back and left to rot with whatever leftover pieces of fandom fell his way. He was finished. He may as well call his parents and go home.

Woohyun pushed out of the bed to get away from Sunggyu but with each step he took, the heavier his head felt till he swayed and nearly fell but was caught. As quick as that, he found himself in Sunggyu’s arms, headache gone and legs feeling wobbly.

“First things, first.” Woohyun said as he cleared his throat. “Hyung, we need to break it. Now.”

All the blood in Sunggyu’s face drained as he stared at Woohyun in horror.

“No.” He said, shaking his head.

“Hyung-” Woohyun began but he was cut off.

“If you’re worried about not getting a chance to bite me, then fine.” Sunggyu said, cradling Woohyun’s head in his hands. “When you’re up to it, we’ll do it. I’ll knot you and you’ll do it.”

Woohyun struggled out of his hands and stood.

“Listen to yourself.” He said. “You’re lucky all we have is a half formed bond. We need to get rid of it.”

“Then what?” Sunggyu said almost angry. “I’ll be fine. You didn’t bite me. But you, you’re the one who’d have to go through months and months of hormones and medication after which you might not be as strong as you are. You could lose eyesight. You could lose hearing. Woohyun,” Sunggyu said, moving in on him again. “You could lose your voice.” It was then he realized Sunggyu was crying. “I’m so sorry. I was so stupid.”

He pulled Woohyun into a hug, squeezing him so tight that Woohyun could barely breathe as he whispered apology after apology.

“I can’t let you do this.”

“You’re not in love with me.” Woohyun pointed out.

“If you do this, you’ll die.”

“I might be sick for a few months-”

Sunggyu laughed, breaking the hug and taking a few steps away from him as Woohyun suddenly felt dizzy again. The heavy buzz of a heat was still hanging around and the fact that he hadn’t returned the bite was causing serious imbalance in his body. The last thing his body needed was to be away from the person who had bitten him.

In his head, he knew Sunggyu was right there with him. Sunggyu was saying he didn’t want to break the bond. Sunggyu didn’t sound like he was going anywhere any time soon. But Woohyun’s hormones were at war, screaming at each other and trying to get Woohyun to spread his legs and complete the fucking bond.

But he couldn’t.

Sunggyu was in love with Howon and… how could Woohyun have forgotten about Howon?

He leaned forward and rested his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. He couldn’t do this. No matter what Sunggyu said. The moment the he got the chance, he was going to break the bond. If he kept it, this would all just be a bigger disaster than it already was.

“…do you hear me?” Sunggyu was asking. “I won’t do it. I won’t let you.”

“Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

“Do you even understand what you’re asking?” He looked at Woohyun, hurt and confused. “It’s a fifty percent chance you survive.”

“I’ll survive hyung. We can’t be bound together forever. I want to be an idol. You are in love with someone else.”

“BUT HE DOESN’T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME!”

Both of them recoiled at his answer as the meaning of Sunggyu’s statement sank in to both their brains. He was fighting for this because Howon didn’t love him. Even if he was trying not endanger Woohyun, there was a part of him that was gaining something from being bonded to someone. To anyone. On some level, it didn’t matter that it was Woohyun.

Woohyun didn’t understand how he didn’t feel it before but at the moment, he could smell, feel _and hear_ the guilt and shame rolling off of Sunggyu as if those feelings were his own. Without meaning to, his hand rose to the bite as the teeth mark, doomed to be present till a severance, sat on his neck as obvious as a signpost.

“I can’t keep this, hyung. It doesn’t belong to me.”

Exhaling in defeat, Sunggyu sat on the bed. Woohyun walked over to him and sat beside him, taking Sunggyu’s hand in his.

“The earlier the better.” Woohyun said, mimicking Sunggyu’s earlier behavior as he begun to rub circles around the back of Sunggyu’s hand. “If I get this out of the way, I can be back at practice by November. And I’ll be fine.”

“We don’t have to do it now.” Sunggyu asked. “It’s too soon.” Sunggyu shook his head. “I don’t think I can…” He trailed as tears began to fall again.

Woohyun wasn’t sure who he felt more sorry for at the moment. Smiling and struggling to put on a strong face for the both of them, he hugged Sunggyu, placing Sunggyu’s head on his shoulders. Not longer after, Sunggyu was holding him tight again.

“We can wait.” Woohyun said. “We can begin when this cycle is done, okay?”

Sunggyu didn’t nod. He definitely didn’t agree. But Woohyun found success in the fact that he did not argue.

*********

Sunggyu and Woohyun were moved into a double-room later that day. Jungyeop-hyung showed up, furious and angry at no one and everyone. He didn’t last long in the room with them, looking from one teenager to the other before he hissed and left.

Woohyun made it the entire day without sex but that night, he found his way to Sunggyu’s bed, unable to keep away from a knot that his hormones knew belonged to him. And even though two of them cried their way through orgasm after orgasm, neither of them could bring themselves to stop.

So they embraced their unhappy union, only taking breaks between knots to use the bathroom or eat.

When Sunggyu’s eight days in the hospital was over, Jungyeop-hyung took them to his house. And that was where Woohyun’s resolve solidified further.

They were ushered to the room that Sunggyu explained used to be his before he got kicked out for being a stubborn ass. As they entered the room, Sunggyu stopped at the door and it only took a few seconds for Woohyun to pick up on the fact that this was the room Howon had used in his rut because all of a sudden, he was getting serious aroused signals from Sunggyu.

He looked back at Sunggyu, betrayed and annoyed that Sunggyu was still able to feel these things for someone else. He also felt jealous that without Woohyun’s bite, Sunggyu was not subject to the same emo-storm of Woohyun’s feelings. So Woohyun had to suffer through every single tidbit of emotion passing through Sunggyu while Sunggyu stayed free of his.

He really couldn’t wait to get rid of the freaking bond if this was going to be his life. He knew he’d much rather suffer through the hormones and the extracts from Sunggyu and the possible, temporary sensory paralysis. But even he knew it would be stupid to live like this. Especially when he was lucky not to be fully bonded to someone who was still so obviously in love with someone else.

But suddenly, he was overcome with shame. Without looking back he knew Sunggyu must have remembered the bond and was struggling to keep his thoughts to himself at the fact that he’d much rather be banging the previous occupant of the room than his present bond-mate.

*********

Woohyun woke up to loud voices two mornings later as he rolled over for the first time and didn’t find another body on the bed next to his. Sitting up as he rubbed his eyes, he wondered where Sunggyu might have gone. He also realized that the stinging buzz of his heat was no longer present, having been replaced by a dull headache.

He smiled, happy to not be so needy anymore. At least for another six months.

“… can’t be serious.” Sunggyu’s voice said angrily, carrying passed the closed room door. “He’s the leader. He’s your main-freaking-vocal.”

“This is that way it has to be.” Jungyeop-hyung said.

“No!” Sunggyu replied.

Worried, Woohyun got off the bed and shuffled over to the door, opening it quietly so he could see. Sunggyu and Jungyeop-hyung were standing head-to-head, each looking angry. Woohyun frowned because he could count on one finger the number of times Jungyeop-hyung had remotely looked angry with Sunggyu.

“What am I going to do with him?” Jungyeop-hyung asked calmly. “He’s an omega and as if that’s not bad enough, in two months, he’ll lose his voice.”

He turned to go and Sunggyu moved, determined.

“He goes… I go too.”

Jungyeop-hyung stopped and looked at him.

“Don’t be absurd.”

“I’m not. But if my mate leaves, so will I.”

It suddenly occurred to Woohyun that they were talking about him. The urge to be sick began to well up within him.

“It’s a half-bond. It can be broken.”

Woohyun’s heart sank.

“If I don’t submit my blood and my saliva, it’s not happening. It’s as much my commitment too. So you have to keep him no matter what.”

Sighing angrily, Jungyeop-hyung faced Sunggyu.

“Think about the rubbish you’re spouting. If his group goes on tour… if you go on tour… two different cities… two different countries… what’s going to happen then? You’ll still be separated either way.” He said. “You’re breaking that bond and that’s final.”

“No, I won’t.”

Pressing his hands to his own lips, Jungyeop-hyung stepped up so close to Sunggyu that they were in each other’s faces. If they weren’t so angry it’d be oddly intimate. But Sunggyu didn’t shift away. And the level of familiarity between the two made Woohyun’s skin crawl. Watching them react to each other like they were was not comfortable for him. At all.

“Don’t try and manipulate me.” Jungyeop-hyung said, looking right into Sunggyu’s eyes. “I won’t stand for it. Not even from you.”

“Then let him stay.” Sunggyu said, voice softening in placation. Woohyun wanted to tear his scalp off.

“It’s not reasonable. It’s like I said, if you both travel different-”

“Fine. Okay.” Sunggyu snapped. “I’ll join the boy-group then.”

Woohyun wasn’t so sure he’d heard right.

“What did you just say?” Jungyeop-hyung asked because, apparently, he hadn’t heard right either.

Sunggyu gulped, blinking as if what he was about to say was the most painful thing on the planet.

“I won’t debut as a soloist anymore, hyung.” He explained. “You can add me to the boy-group instead.”

Unable to hold it in any longer, Woohyun reeled forward and vomited unto the sitting room rug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter Howon...


	11. PART THREE: Lee Howon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howon finds himself in a tight corner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea how viruses/vira? work. so please just swallow that section and pretend it's accurate.

The CEO didn’t give them much to go on about why Woohyun didn’t return home even after Howon and Jaehyun were done with their rut. So he had to sit and stew in guilt because he knew… he knew it was his fault. Jaehyun had reacted that way because Howon had gone and done a stupid thing. On Woohyun’s body. While he slept.

As if that wasn’t creepy enough.

In fact, Howon was fairly certain that he was going to be indebted to Woohyun for the rest of his life. If not longer. But he figured, they’d have to worry about that if and when they both somehow survived Jaehyun’s wrath who, BTW, was now prowling around the house in anger because Hyoan-hyung had mentioned that Woohyun and Sunggyu would be coming home that evening.

Howon made an effort. Or at least he tried to. He tried to cook but Myungsoo got frustrated and took over so he sat, sulking in the sitting room.

When the door opened and Woohyun came in, Howon was on his feet, staring imploringly and praying that he won’t need to apologize too much.

“Howon.” Woohyun said.

“Hyung.”

He didn’t know whether he should hug Woohyun or just continue to stand awkwardly as they were doing. He didn’t have the choice though. He’d lost it after his behavior from their last encounter. If he was ever going to be friends with Woohyun, his leader, his teammate, then he had to make it up to him somehow. And that started by not being pushy and clingy all the time.

He watched Woohyun fidget at the door, unwilling to come closer and Howon felt terrible. It was his entire fault that he couldn’t talk to his best friend anymore.

Best friend? _When did that happen?_

“Aren’t you supposed to be at practice?” Woohyun asked.

“We finished early.”

The room door opened as Jaehyun emerged and Howon could almost feel the fire being breathed into the room. Without thinking, he faced Jaehyun, moving closer to Woohyun in an attempt to protect. But all Jaehyun did was sneer at them on his way to the bathroom.

The door banged shut and Howon and Woohyun sighed in relief.

“Where’s Sunggyu-hyung?” Howon asked, turning around to face Woohyun when the smell hit him.

He had to remind himself that:

  1. He wasn’t supposed to fixate on Woohyun’s scent anymore.
  2. He wasn’t supposed to fixate on Woohyun’s scent when he smelled like Sunggyu, anymore.



But this was different.

He leaned in just as Woohyun leaned away but he’d gotten far enough to see what the issue was.

“What’s that?” he asked, reaching up without thought as he pulled back Woohyun’s neckline where a bruise shaped like dentition sat, purple and un-healing against his skin. “Why would you have a…?”

He trailed off as he frowned at Woohyun, feeling it all click into place.

It made complete sense. Everything did.

Once again, without thought, Howon pulled Woohyun into his embrace and hugged him tightly, nearly squeezing the breath out of the poor boy.

“I’m so sorry.” Howon said. “It was all my fault?”

“What?” Woohyun asked.

“I shouldn’t have… even Jaehyun-hyung must have… I’m sorry. If we hadn’t done all those things, you wouldn’t have presented so quickly. I know you weren’t ready for it.”

“Howon I-”

“It doesn’t matter what happened. We’ll be better. We’ll take better care of you, I promise.”

Woohyun had presented because Howon and Jaehyun were jerks of different measures.

And he’d presented close to an alpha.

Which meant he’d been bit and mated… bonded.

Woohyun’s life was now linked to someone. Someone he probably didn’t choose or want.

Howon felt like an ungrateful idiot. He should have known better.

“Listen to me.” Woohyun said as Howon’s eyes coasted down to the bite again.

Something floated into Howon’s nose as he stopped for a second to look at Woohyun… to really look at him.

“Woohyun who bit you?”

Woohyun closed his eyes and inhaled heavily. He probably didn’t even know what he was doing. But when he exhaled, about to answer Howon’s question, the scent wafted into the air, moving towards Howon as the mixed, familiar scent of both his favorite people answered his question.

*********

Howon hadn’t had a panic attack since class four when his father had showed up to school because Howon’s teacher had a complaint about him getting in a fight. He’d been so scared because his dad didn’t like trouble… not the kind that was outside the house anyway. Not the kind that other people got to witness.

So when air refused to pass, Howon felt dizzy with nostalgia.

It was probably for a few seconds, but Howon felt like he hadn’t taken a breath in hours.

*********

The next morning, Hyoan-hyung woke him for practice and by the time he came out the dorm was empty.

Good.

He didn’t want to look at any of them.

He couldn’t. Not without a clear target for his anger. His head was all over the place and he didn’t know what he’d do when he inevitably met them.

“You’re already late.” Hyoan-hyung said.

He didn’t exactly rush to get ready. But after Hyoan-hyung had hissed and passively made aggressive gestures at him, Howon put on his sneakers and headed to Woollim in silence.

When he entered the dance practice room, Howon stopped. It was empty. Except for Sunggyu. Who was currently standing in the middle of the room looking at himself in the mirror and looking completely confused. He whipped around as he heard the door close behind Howon and just continued to stand there. Both of them silent.

“Jungyeop-hyung said to wait for you here.” Sunggyu offered, smelling of shame and discomfort. Howon was going to have to get used to the fact that Sunggyu was an uber now. Which meant he affected everyone. Whether he wanted to or not.

“Why?” Howon asked, walking forward and wondering where everyone else went.

“I’m with the group now.” Sunggyu said. “I have to learn the dances.”

The words hung at the edge of his tongue, itching to spring forth and demand that Sunggyu explain what the fuck that meant. What else were they planning to spring on him? Two weeks. Two freaking weeks and the whole world was suddenly so different.

Rolling his shoulders and his neck, Howon began his stretching, hoping to clear his head before he uttered another word. He wasn’t going to freak out. He wasn’t going to whine about anything. He had to keep his head cool. It wasn’t as if he’d never been alone in a room with Sunggyu.

Which was when his hateful mind decided to flash back to the last time they’d both been in this practice room together. When Sunggyu had kissed him. When he’d kissed him right back and everything had been good because Sunggyu was an omega and they were going to fuck and live happily ever after.

He was pulled from his thoughts when he noticed Sunggyu was now a few feet behind him, trying to copy his warm-up and instead, looking like a confused old person.

“What are you doing?” Howon asked, dropping his hands.

“I’m supposed to… you’re supposed to coach me. If I’m going to be in a boy band-”

“You’re not going to be in a boy band!” Howon snapped.

“I already am.” Sunggyu replied quietly, looking at Howon in the mirror. “I’m here.” He said as he took a step closer to Howon as Howon looked down at Sunggyu’s feet. “You’re going to have to deal with me eventually.”

“Stop.”

Howon walked away, retreating to his bag as he took out his bottle of water and began to drink.

“I’m sorry.”

“There’s nothing we can do about it.”

“We’re going to have to talk about it.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Howon!”

“Hyung!”

Sunggyu clammed his mouth shut.

Then Sunggyu started moving. At first, Howon thought he was coming to him but it soon became clear that Sunggyu was heading out of the practice room. And honestly, Howon was going to let him pass.

Until Sunggyu swept passed him and Howon braced himself for the combined scent of a mated alpha and his mate. But all he got was Sunggyu. No Woohyun. No mix.

“Wait!” he said, finding himself holding Sunggyu’s arm in his as he inhaled again. “I can’t smell Woohyun. Why can’t I smell Woohyun?”

Sunggyu tried to wrench his hand away but Howon was relentless, leaning in to inhale again.

“He didn’t bite you?” Howon said in realization, feeling his hard, aching anger melt away at the realization that Sunggyu was not Woohyun’s. Not really anyway.

“Let go of me.” Sunggyu said, trying to pull his hand away again but there really wasn’t much fight to it. Sunggyu may as well be standing there with a sign screaming, “STOP IT! I LIKE IT!” Because from what Howon could tell, he wasn’t doing anything Sunggyu didn’t want him to do. He was an uber: one well-meant word and Howon’s fingers would be peeling off of him.

So he kissed him.

Without a care in the world and the understanding that it had been too long.

Shocked, Sunggyu stood there for all of three seconds before he sunk into the kiss, driving forward until Howon’s back slammed into the wall by the door. Howon couldn’t even understand what it meant that he wasn’t fighting for dominance anymore as he’d done the first time they’d kissed. He just wrapped his hands around Sunggyu, holding him tight and knowing that he was never, ever going to let him go. Not if it meant him ending up in someone else’ arms. He didn’t care. He wasn’t going to do such a stupid thing anymore.

Suddenly, there was a wretched, heartbreaking cry from somewhere far away that disorientated Howon and caused Sunggyu to pull away.

“No!” Disappointed. “Wait. Hyung.”

“Woohyun.” Sunggyu whispered, attempting to tug Howon’s arms off his shoulders but Howon wouldn’t let go. “Please. Howon let go.”

“Don’t leave me.” Howon begged, feeling his eyes fill with tears. “Hyung, please. I’ll be so good. I won’t say… I won’t do hurtful things anymore. I swear.”

“I’m so sorry.” Sunggyu said, sounding scared and sour as he succeeded in pulling Howon’s hands away. “I can’t. Howon, please don’t hate me.”

Sunggyu appeared to be crying as well.

But before he could investigate, Howon was all alone on the practice floor, bawling his eyes out as if there would never be a tomorrow.

*********

Howon knew he’d fucked up.

The longer he was away from Sunggyu and his uber confusion, the clearer his mind became. And so he started understand what had happened and why Sunggyu had fled. And what his actions meant for Woohyun, the needy, hormonal, half-bonded omega that could feel every second of Sunggyu’s arousal.

He’d hurt everyone again.

When he got left behind again because Jungyeop-CEO wanted to see him, Howon felt like he was about to get detention. Postponing the inevitable, he’d sat on the practice room floor till Hyoan-hyung came to take him to Jungyeop-CEO’s office.

As he sat there, watching Jungyeop-CEO work, he couldn’t help but feel that maybe, just maybe, his time at Woollim was finally done. The boy group had another rapper. They also had another main dancer. And now, they had two alphas and an omega and a couple of betas. The five of them would make a perfect group without Howon. If he got kicked out, Woollim would miss nothing.

“Am I going to have a problem with you?” Jungyeop-CEO asked, closing the lid of his laptop to look at Howon.

“No sir.”

“Your history says otherwise.”

“I was just…” he trailed off before he went any further because he didn’t know how much he wanted to reveal about his defunct love triangle.

“I know.” Jungyeop-CEO said, nodding understandingly. “Young love.” Howon looked up sharply, unable to hide his surprise when Jungyeop-CEO laughed. “I know all, Howon.” He pointed at his own eyes. “I see all. You’d do well to remember that.”

If that didn’t sound creepy…

“I’m sorry sir.” Howon said, meaning it. “If there was anything I could do to show you that I’m sorry, I’d do it.”

Jungyeop-CEO smiled.

“Funny you should say that.”

The door opened and a woman walked in, smiling and bowing slightly at Jungyeop-CEO as she came to stand behind his desk, leaning against the wall to face Howon.

“This is Hana.” Jungyeop-CEO said. “She’s a doctor.” He explained.

Howon sat up straight in a bid to bow at her but she just waved him away.

“I need you to break the half-bond between Sunggyu and Woohyun.” He said.

Howon tilted his head, resisting the urge to jiggle his finger in his ear because he couldn’t have heard that correctly.

“I don’t understand.”

“What’s not to understand?” Jungyeop-CEO asked right back.

“I’m not… only the alpha who gave him the bite can break it.”

“Not exactly.” The doctor at Jungyeop-CEO’s side said, drawing Howon’s confused gaze up to meet hers. “Another alpha could do it.”

“And you want me to do it?”

“I’ll put my cards on the table, Howon-ah.” The CEO said in familiarity. “Because I need your help and I know you need my help too. See?” He leaned forward. “We’re both in this together.”

“Sir-” he began.

“Call me hyung.” Jungyeop-CEO urged.

“Hyung… it’s not possible.”

“Actually, it very much is. The thing is that when most people mate, they don’t do half-bonds and when there’s a half-bond, it’s between two people willing to be together so there is never the option of a third party. But this situation is anything but ideal.” The doctor said, drawing Howon’s focus again.

“All you have to do, is make sure that by the time the next cycle comes around, you’re in place to break the bond.” Jungyeop-hyung said.

Howon thought about it.

If it was possible then he wouldn’t need to feel like he was stealing or committing a crime when he kissed Sunggyu. They’d be together. They’d really be together and Woohyun wouldn’t feel everything Sunggyu felt. He wouldn’t hurt every time Sunggyu let himself feel something for Howon.

“Okay.” Howon nodded. “I’ll do it.”

Jungyeop-hyung laughed, clapping his hands.

“Excellent.”

“What do I have to do?”

“When Woohyun’s next heat comes around, you’re going to have to knot him and give him the bite.” The doctor said.

This time, Howon actually tilted his head and wriggled his finger in his ear.

“You want me to give a bitten omega another bite?” He asked.

“Yes.” She said as Jungyeop-hyung nodded beside her. “The mating bite acts very much like a virus, attaching itself to vital organs and vessels in the blood stream. This is what gives bonded pairs the shared sense that seems like a psychic bond. Introducing another alpha bite would only serve as a counter virus that would locate and attack the other alpha’s presence in the omega, leaving him un-bonded to either alpha.”

Howon’s head hurt.

“Is this safe? For Woohyun, I mean.”

“It’s a lot safer than if he takes the extraction from the original alpha. He won’t have to wait two months were we pump him full of hormones and extracts. And he wouldn’t have to lose physical sensibility. If you ask me, this is a much safer choice than the alternative.”

Woohyun wouldn’t be hurt. That had to count for something, right? Woohyun only wanted Sunggyu at the moment because they were bonded to each other. It wasn’t as if Woohyun had ever expressed romantic interest in Sunggyu. If Howon broke the bond, he’d be saving all of them a world of pain.

“I’ll do it. We’ll discuss it when I get back to dorm.”

Jungyeop-hyung frowned.

“Discuss it with who?” He asked.

“Woohyun. He’s the person I have to break a bond for, right? We should at least know what we’re doing.”

“You can’t tell Woohyun anything.” He said.

“But we’ll be having heat sex.”

“And you’ll do it without telling him your plan is to break the bond.”

Howon felt like someone had just doused him in a bucket full of cubed, cold, blocked, sharp ice.

“You understand that if he and I get to a point where he _wants_ to have cycle sex with me without him knowing what’s going on, he’s going to develop feelings for me?”

“I understand that.”

“So why would you-”

“Think about Sunggyu.” Jungyeop-CEO stated. “Do you want him to stay linked to an omega forever?”

“Then let me tell Woohyun.”

“And then he’d tell Sunggyu. Sunggyu wouldn’t let it happen.”

“Why?” Howon asked, horrified. Why wouldn’t Sunggyu want to un-bond with Woohyun? What did that mean? Howon was very certain that Sunggyu still had feelings for him. That kiss had told him everything. Surely, he couldn’t be happy being bonded to Woohyun. There had to be a reason.

“Who cares about the reason?” Jungyeop-hyung asked. “You get to have Sunggyu back. In six months, when your cycles get triggered, I can arrange to have you and Woohyun stay at a nice hotel till the bond is broken. You don’t have to over-think this.”

But then Woohyun would be left in the dust? Heartbroken and alone because the alpha he just spent six months getting to know in a new, romantic way was never really interested in him from the beginning? How was Howon going to live with himself if he ever did that? Woohyun was his friend. His best friend. He didn’t know if he could use him like that. He didn’t think he _should_.

“I’ll let you think it over.” Jungyeop-hyung said.

Howon knew what that was; even if Jungyeop-hyung tried his best to sound like it was merely a request.

It most certainly was not.

*********

The whole world had to be sitting atop Howon’s shoulders. If not, there was no reason why he felt so dragged down and disoriented. He wished he could just go home and sleep in his mother’s bed so that she’d cuddle up close and hold him so tight that he couldn’t feel anything but her arms around him.

But he wasn’t a child anymore and when he said home, he was referring to a dorm shared by six other people that he had no blood relation to, what-so-ever. Luckily, there was no one in the sitting room when he got home and there was no one in his room either. So he just slipped in taking off his shirt and shorts and not bothering with a shower. He needed to sleep and he doubted he’d be able to stand up straight in one place for an extended period without keeling over.

Sitting in the dark, Howon found himself praying for something new to think about. Because every time he closed his eyes, he saw Sunggyu’s face. And if that wasn’t enough to terrify him, his mind had gone and conjured up just how tortured and hurt Woohyun must have looked, screaming and crying because he thought Howon was trying to steal his mate.

“Howon-ah?” Jaehyun said. “I brought you dinner.”

Howon stared at him feeling numb and a little bit angry. Jaehyun pushed into the room, holding a set of take out in his hand as he set the two plates down with a bottle of water in front of Howon. He just looked at it. He wasn’t even sure he was hungry or able enough to eat anything without feeling the need to re-empty his stomach.

He felt sick.

What Jungyeop-hyung was asking was not right. But he understood that it wasn’t much of a choice either. Luckily for him, he had six months to figure out a way to deliver. Which also meant he had six months to figure out a way to make himself un-expendable by agreeing to Jungyeop-hyung’s demands because when the time came, if he did not deliver, he’d be looking at this dorm from the other side of the door.

Not to mention the fact that he’d probably lose his job at the restaurant too.

Then he’d have to go back home. And then go back to school. And it would all be so hurting if it wasn’t so embarrassing to return to Busan without anything to show for his eleven months of defiance.

“Eat.” Jaehyun said, causing Howon to realize that he was now sitting right beside him and nudging the wrapped chopsticks into Howon’s hand. “You’re going to eat.” He stated and Howon took the chopsticks. If he couldn’t sleep, he may as well do something.

So he unwrapped the two plates and turned the tiny pack of sauce into the noodles before he tore open the chopsticks. He pulled the bigger pack into his lap, twirling the noodles absentmindedly without really thinking about it.

“I’m going to slap you soon.” Jaehyun said, taking the pack from him as he proceeded to mix it quicker for Howon. “You haven’t eaten anything since morning. Don’t even argue with me because I know.”

Howon just sat there, waiting for the food to come back to him. He was still down but at least, mixing the sauce in was beginning to awaken him to the fact that it smelled nice and he really was hungry.

“Here.” Jaehyun said, taking his hands and putting the pack back in. “I’ll shred the chicken for you.”

As Howon began to eat, Jaehyun produced a new set of chopsticks that he used to tear at the two pieces of chicken left in the tiny pack. When he was done, he nudged at Howon’s plate and when Howon held it out, he poured it into the plate for him. Then went back to sitting silently at his side as Howon continued to eat.

When he finished his food, the pack was taken from his hand and replaced with the bottle of water. He drank it till it was empty in one go and then dropped the bottle back on the ground.

Sighing and shaking his head, Jaehyun picked the two packs and the bottle about to leave but Howon didn’t even know what was happening or what his body was doing.

“Hold on a second, hyung.” He said, stopping him.

“What?” Jaehyun asked.

Jaehyun really wanted to be there for Howon. He wanted to make sure Howon was not trying to kill himself. Surely Howon deserved some comfort. It was obvious he was never going to get any of that from Woohyun. Not anymore.

“Thank you.” Howon said, finally. Because he meant it. Everyone else had changed their tone with him in the past forty-eight hours. Sunggyu didn’t want to not be mated to Woohyun. Woohyun was an omega mated to the guy of Howon’s dreams. And Jungyeop-hyung? He was the biggest change of all, moving fluidly from the caring hyung who took them into his home to survive a rut to a hyung willing to manipulate and hurt them all. If he could do this to Woohyun that was supposedly more important than the rest of them because of his voice, Howon could not imagine what Jungyeop-hyung would do to the rest of them.

At the moment, Jaehyun was the only one who’d stayed true anyways. He cared about Howon and he wanted him to know that.

“Thank you.” Howon said again.

“It’s no problem.” Jaehyun said, struggling to sound nonchalant even though Howon could see the red rising from his neck and up into his face.

He really was grateful.

So he kissed Jaehyun.

On the lips.

When he felt Jaehyun stiffen at his touch, breath hitched and eyes wide, Howon suddenly realized what he’d done. Pulling back, he stared at Jaehyun in horror.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I wasn’t trying to…” Howon stammered. “Please don’t think-”

Jaehyun just sat there, holding the plates and staring at Howon’s mouth like he wanted back on them. And Howon just knew he’d fucked up. He couldn’t handle this. Not now. Not when there was already Sunggyu in his head and he needed to make room for Woohyun and what he was about to do. The last thing he needed was someone as intense as Jaehyun.

So when Jaehyun tried to lean in, Howon leaned away and hated himself for his stupidity.

“I’m very sorry.” He said, feeling close to tears.

Luckily for him, for once, Jaehyun didn’t push. He gathered himself back up and stood to his feet as he left the room without another word.

Howon pulled his legs up, burying his face in his knees as he rocked back and forth between the wall and the floor, not knowing what to do.

*********

When morning pulled around, he was still wide awake, strung out and without a clear plan of what to do with his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the midst of the chaos happening with Howon, if you're interested in reading a little bottom!gyu, read [DESIRE](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8749495)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Howon and Jaehyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to chelsmels, my sounding board on twitter.
> 
> For those who don’t know yet, let me explain the room arrangements so far.
> 
> -the room the manager(s) stay in is the room Howon, Sungjong and Sungyeol stayed in during Sesame player.
> 
> -the room that’s supposed to be the closet/Howon’s space is the room Myungsoo and Dongwoo stayed in during Sesame Player.
> 
> -the room that everyone else stays in is the room that Woohyun and Sunggyu stayed in during Sesame player.
> 
> WARNING: incomplete, disjointed smut ahead. Author’s head is scattered.

Two days after the kiss, during vocal lessons, Woohyun was asked to join Howon, Dongwoo and Myungsoo with Gae-hyung, while Jaehyun and Sunggyu took lessons after. No one asked. None of them had the mind to. But it was understood what that clearly meant: Omega Woohyun was no longer fit to be main vocal. So Sunggyu was given his spot. But it wasn’t until later that Dongwoo whispered to Howon in the bathroom.

“Jaehyun-hyung is leader.”

“What?!” Howon asked. 

“The group can’t have an omega leader.”

And everything just clicked into place.

Jungyeop-hyung didn’t need an omega in his group. They needed more care than an idol group would ever be willing to extend. Having him bonded to the Woollim prized cow, Sunggyu, wasn’t helping his case either. Which was why Jungyeop-hyung needed Howon to break the bond. It now made sense why Sunggyu wouldn’t want to break the bond. With that kind of treatment, it was so obvious that once the bond was broken, Woohyun would be given cab fare right back to his father’s house… good bye, idol-hood!

Howon felt sick to his stomach that he’d been roped into something so dreadful.

*********

It became apparent, after one too many discovered sexual attempts, that the bonded pair were in serious need of their own space. Howon was sure his room was about to be taken over as a sex cave for Sunggyu and Woohyun but everyone turned out to be quite adamant about letting all that sex happen in the same room they all stored their clothes.

So Howon got to keep his closet.

But Hyoan-hyung’s room, being the next smallest in size was delegated to Woohyun and Sunggyu in the spirit of communal sanity. Seeing as Jaehyun had returned to spending his nights on the couch, Hyoan-hyung was more than okay to join Dongwoo and Myungsoo in the big room.

Which meant that Howon got to hear EVERYTHING!

He knew they were trying to be considerate from all the shared shushing and the whispered/muffled voices but none of that helped. The fact that the two rooms shared a wall was paramount in the entire endeavor and Howon was more privy to their sex life than he had been when they were in the other room… on the other side of the house.

From the continued lack of a bite on Sunggyu’s neck, Howon could infer that Woohyun had refused to give the bite and Howon had to wonder if, on some level, Woohyun was hoping Sunggyu would break the bond.

If Woohyun didn’t want the bond, then wouldn’t Howon be doing a great thing if he went ahead and just told Woohyun what Jungyeop-hyung had asked him to do?

He ran question after question in his mind till he was going dizzy despite the fact that he was lying on his bed with his hand on his head. But every time he did, his mind flashed back to Jungyeop-hyung’s text that he’d sent the day after Howon had left his office.

**CEO: I hope you’re still thinking about what we discussed?**

**CEO: You can’t tell anyone, Howon.**

And that was that. Howon was never going to tell anyone.

*********

Apparently, by kissing Jaehyun, Howon had inadvertently given Jaehyun the right to control his entire life because the next thing he knew, Jaehyun was in his face all of the time. The moment Howon had a free second from rehearsal, voice training or his job, Jaehyun would invite himself into Howon’s room with his disc player and CDs as he forced Howon into voice training that Howon couldn’t honestly say he did not need.

Day in and out, he was singing himself hoarse and only got to stop when he croaked. When he figured out that Jaehyun’s cue was the croak, Howon tried to fake it.

Jaehyun wasn’t fooled.

“Stop curling your lips.” Jaehyun chided.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“You’re so much better than you used to be but every time you strain, you do this curvy thing that muffles the sound and ruins everything.” Jaehyun frowned. “Where did you even learn that?”

Howon knew what he was referring to. It was a trick he’d learned that kept him from going nasal when he started to feel a strain. He wasn’t exactly allowed to use satoori to sing as much as before so now, he had to come up with ways to minimize the dialect. Now here Jaehyun was, trying to destroy him again.

“I’m not dropping it. It has nothing to do with my singing.”

Jaehyun watched him for a few seconds.

“Imagine you’re playing basketball-” Howon groaned but Jaehyun continued. “Imagine you’re playing basket ball and you shoot the ball.” He raised his hands above his head as if to demonstrate. “If you have no follow through, the ball doesn’t arch… it just goes flat.”

“Again: what does that have to do with anything?”

“The sound is like the basketball. It’s already left your mouth but if your mouth has no follow through, it’ll come out wrong.”

Sighing in defeat, Howon sank back to his floor in frustration.

*********

Almost three weeks after the kiss, Jaehyun kissed Howon.

Howon was so tired that he let it happen. He was, however, relieved that Jaehyun didn’t go further than that. He’d watched Howon’s face for a reaction then gotten up and gone to sleep on the couch.

*********

They were introduced to the image director one morning when they’d been expecting Dongmin-hyung. She was unusually tall for a lady and kept looking down her nose at them. Dongwoo didn’t seem to care, asking about her name and her family till she began to loosen up under his attention. By the time the others showed up, her cheeks were colored with mirth and her eyes danced every time she looked at short, tiny, cute Dongwoo.

Myungsoo sulked and pretended to space out every time she spoke to him.

“You’re going out into the world.” She announced, spreading her hands. “So you need to be able to distinguish between the real you and the you that you must… MUST… show the cameras. This second you, the image, must become you as well. It should be second nature. No one should have to call “Action” for you to switch. Your image needs to be on-call, 24/7.” She exhaled, pulling out a file from her bag as she walked around, sharing the papers to all six of them. “I want you all to fill these out. While you do, I have a few things I need you to keep in mind. You don’t have images yet so don’t try to think like someone else when you fill them. I want you to answer them as honestly as you can. Your CEO wants you to have images but he also wants images that are organic enough, easy enough for you to switch between. That’s why you’re filling these out.” She walked back to her stool and sat as the boys continued to sit on the floor, staring up at her. “Write!”

They all snapped into action, getting to their feet in a rush to find pens or pencils.

Howon didn’t find any but when he sat, hoping to wait for anyone to finish, he noticed Sunggyu enter the practice room with three pencils. He handed two to Woohyun and Woohyun walked right up to Howon and handed him the second pencil in his hand.

“Thank you.” Howon said, lowering his eyes.

“You’re welcome.”

As Woohyun moved away, inching closer to Sunggyu -an action that Howon was sure was more instinct than intent- Howon’s eyes rose and they met with a sulking Jaehyun, holding two pens and looking at Woohyun like he was a devil.

“Hyung!” Howon called at Jaehyun, hoping to stop a scene. “Come sit by me.”

Jaehyun looked conflicted, eyes shuffling between where Woohyun was sitting and conferring with Sunggyu and Howon who was praying that he had on an inviting expression. Finally, he turned and came to sit by Howon, folding his legs beneath himself as he straightened his paper on the ground.

“It’s rather odd that you guys are six.” Kimahn, the image director said, looking around at all of them as they all sat, hurdled in pairs. “It’s usually five or seven. Best way to keep a member as point when it’s his time in the spot light.”

“I got added recently.” Sunggyu said, looking up from where he was lying on his belly. “It was five before.”

“Really?” She said. “So, you’re the leader…” She pointed at Jaehyun. “You’re the main vocal…” She pointed at Sunggyu. “You’re the main rapper.” She pointed at Dongwoo. “You’re the main dancer…” She pointed at Howon. “And you’re the maknae.” She reached down and juggled Myungsoo’s cheeks as Myungsoo ducked his head out of her reach. “So what are you?” She asked Woohyun.

Silent, Woohyun began to redden as he sat there, not sure where to look.

“He’s the main vocal.” Sunggyu offered.

“I thought that was you.” Kimahn said.

“He sings as well as anyone in this group. And he dances pretty great, too.”

“But what does that make him?” She prodded. “If we’re going to sell him as a brand, there has to be a designation beyond “hopeless omega”.”

Sunggyu slammed his pencil on the ground as he raised himself to his knees.

“Can I see you for a moment?” Sunggyu said, not bothering to hide his rage.

Shocked, Kimahn took a step back, looking at Sunggyu.

“Excuse me?”

“A moment.” Sunggyu clarified as he walked passed her, not bothering to wait.

As Howon watched them leave, he couldn’t feel sorry for the poor, bigoted beta that she was about to get schooled on the fact that picking on Woohyun was a sure way to lose your job. Regardless of his presentation, he was bonded to Sunggyu and you certainly didn’t want to mess with Sunggyu. Not when he was the CEO’s pet.

And certainly not when he was an uber.

*********

Woohyun cried that night.

How Howon knew was not because he could hear the sobs but because he could hear Sunggyu trying to get him to stop from his trusty, pervious wall.

“I’m fine.” Woohyun finally said, in a lull in conversation. “I just… I haven’t told my parents yet.”

Howon’s eyes widened.

“What am I supposed to say? My mom is going to cry and my dad would be so uncomfortable because I’m already bonded to someone. And it’ll all just be one big mess.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that.” Woohyun said, sounding exasperated. “This is nobody’s fault.”

“It’s Biology’s fault.”

“Right.” Woohyun agreed without sarcasm. “From now on, let’s blame Biology.”

“Okay.” Sunggyu said, his voice nearly inaudible.

“What did your mom say when you told her?”

“I haven’t told her either.”

“Why?”

“We… we don’t talk.”

Howon leaned up, moving closer to the wall because he never really got a chance to know anything about Sunggyu.

“What happened?”

“I came to Seoul to be a star and she didn’t like it.” Sunggyu laughed dryly. “Told me not to come back if I left.”

“And you left?”

“What choice did I have? And I can’t go back now. I have nothing. I’m no one. If I ever go back, I’ll be a rockstar when I do.”

“Idol.” Woohyun corrected.

“Right! I’ll be an…” Sunggyu sighed. “Idol.”

Sunggyu’s story was almost similar to Howon’s. He remembered what Sunggyu had said to him that first day Howon had asked for a job.

 _“It’s not all of us who have parents that write us checks like class notes”_ Sunggyu had said.

He should have guessed Sunggyu’s situation from that sentence. It said everything without saying anything at all.

*********

The first time Jaehyun’s hand brushed against Howon’s dick, he was not so tired anymore that he just let it happen. Instead he jolted off the pallet, trying to get away as Jaehyun crowded him in concern.

“Please. I’m sorry.” Jaehyun said. “Don’t be mad at me.”

“Hyung?” Howon asked. Because he wasn’t ready. He didn’t think he’d ever be ready.

Jaehyun licked his lips and moved even closer.

“You don’t have to do anything.” He promised. “I just want to touch you.”

Months ago, Howon would have been disgusted to the point of revulsion. But after finding out that he was flexible enough to be in love with another alpha, Howon found that as much as he was not dying to have Jaehyun’s hands all over him, it wouldn’t itch him either if it did happen.

So when Jaehyun lowered his hand a second time, slipping it passed Howon’s waistband, Howon held his breath and waited for his defunophobia to kick in.

But nothing happened.

Emboldened by no resistance, Jaehyun pushed forward and nipped at Howon’s lips, withdrawing for a second to see if he was going too far. When Howon continued to not say anything, he wrapped his hands around Howon and began to move, adjusting himself on his knees to get better situated.

Awkward and unsure how to behave, Howon felt jostled and worried that they were struggling to find comfort when Jaehyun had only one hand free and another griping his dick like his life depended on it.

By the time Jaehyun kissed him again, Howon was beginning to get hard.

“Yes.” Jaehyun breathed into Howon’s face as he kissed him again, this time pulling one of Howon’s hands around his neck and hooking it so that Howon would take the hint and hold unto him.

“Okay.” Howon mumbled between kisses, clasping his hands behind Jaehyun’s neck and next thing he knew, Jaehyun was using his free hand to maneuver them both till Howon was flat on his back with Jaehyun between his legs, jerking him off in a speedy, tight grasp. “Oh.” Howon said, feeling his toes curl when he started to leak pre-cum and Jaehyun groaned and nodded, kissing down Howon’s chin and nipping his way down his chest till it became apparent just where his head was going. “Hyung!”

Howon pulled him up and distracted him with another kiss because he was willing to follow Jaehyun to orgasm but he had to set a pace… draw some lines, or else he’d be so far passed normal, Jaehyun wouldn’t even know where to stop.

“I want to suck you.” Jaehyun said, as always, never quite falling for Howon’s tricks. “Let me taste you, Howon.”

He sounded so earnest… so pleading that Howon was almost tempted to just let him do whatever. But Howon was not ready. Before 2008, he’d never thought he’d ever kiss another alpha but here he was, already two lips deep in defunct relations and he wasn’t even sure he knew what he was doing. Jaehyun had asked to touch him and that was all he could give.

“Not today.” Howon said.

But then his hold on Jaehyun tightened in fear when he realized what he’d just said. One little hand job and his lips were running lose and spouting things that he would never, ever be able to defend.

_Not today?_

‘Not today’ meant there would be a ‘tomorrow’ and knowing Jaehyun, he would always come back to collect.

Eventually.

*********

The next morning, Howon took a shower even though he’d had his bath the night before. He couldn’t help but feel sticky and icky even though Jaehyun hadn’t gotten off in the room with him. Judging by the way he’d left the room right after he’d rubbed Howon to completion, he was pretty sure he knew what Jaehyun was going to do immediately the door closed.

After his shower, he joined Myungsoo and Sunggyu in the kitchen as they struggled to make breakfast. Ever since his altercation with Dongwoo, Howon had found that his relationship with the maknae was tentative at best. But it was nice to note that, of recent, it seemed to be getting a bit warmer and on occasion, he was known to wring a smile from Myungsoo’s pretty lips.

But they hadn’t reached the point where they could share gossip tips or ask each other embarrassing sex questions. So when Myungsoo stared at him for three whole seconds the moment he entered the kitchen before he turned back and continued to struggle with the pan, Howon knew Myungsoo knew something… or had at least heard something.

Howon wanted –no, needed- the floor to just open up so he could be buried and die.

If Sunggyu had heard anything the night before, he remained expressionless about it as he greeted Howon good morning and continued on his job, moving around the kitchen as if Howon wasn’t present.

“What are you two doing?” Woohyun grouched sleepily. “Get out of my kitchen!”

“You overslept.” Myungsoo chided.

And Woohyun blushed crimson.

And Howon knew why.

And everyone knew that everyone knew that everyone knew.

It was all just a bundle of chaos.

Based on his two sexual experiences with other people (who were awake), Howon knew he was fairly vocal about his orgasms. It wasn’t really his fault. It was not like he’d had the practice enough to learn to be less audible.

But he’d tried to not think that he was not the cause of what had occurred right after Jaehyun left his room. Because minutes after, while he lay on his back with drying cum hardening in his pants, he began to hear the moaning beginnings of serious mating sex.

And it was always mating sex because Woohyun and Sunggyu weren’t in love with each other so the only time they had sex was when Woohyun was immensely hormonal enough to need  Sunggyu’s knot. Which was so weird because the strangest things set Woohyun off. A cooking show had done. Gae-hyung’s voice had done. Hell, watching a funny video of a couple of birds had done it for Woohyun. Whatever the fuck was going on in his head, none of them were ever going to understand it.

Yet, Howon could tell how he may have been the cause of that late night sexy time. If it was just that hearing Howon get off with Jaehyun had done it for Woohyun, then maybe Howon wouldn’t care so much because, normal. But Howon was crazy enough to decipher what had really happened seeing as Sunggyu still loved him.

It was _Sunggyu_ who’d been turned on by Howon and Jaehyun and not Woohyun. And Woohyun, being a bitten mate had picked up on Sunggyu’s arousal and then gone hormonal enough to want a knot and then the sex had happened.

Which meant that all three of them ought to avoid each other for the next day so that they could get their head on straight.

Presently, the cause of Woohyun’s fatigue was the knot. For some reason, whenever Sunggyu knotted him, Woohyun came out the other side really tired and a little woozy for a while. If they’d let him, he could probably sleep for hours more. But they had practice in half an hour and they had to eat breakfast.

“Go back to sleep.” Sunggyu commanded.

“No.” Woohyun said, trying to climb up to the counter beside Howon but his legs were still a bit shaky.

“Howon?” Sunggyu said, finally taking the time to look him in the eye and Howon didn’t even have time to appreciate that those gorgeous, beautiful, almost invisible eyes were looking at him.

Nodding at Sunggyu, he turned back to Woohyun, placed his hands on Woohyun’s waist and pushed.

“Hey!” Woohyun said, sounding miffed. “What the fuck! Let go of me.”

“No.” Howon said, mimicking him from earlier.

Sighing in defeat, Woohyun let Howon take him back to his room as he opened the door and almost had to stop because it was the first time he had entered it since Hyoan-hyung had moved out. Howon wasn’t going to feel like crap about the fact that there was a time he would have been all over anything that belonged to Woohyun but here? In this room? This was something Howon could never share.

After doing his duty and depositing Woohyun on the ground, he turned to leave.

“Stay.”

“I have to-”

“You don’t have anything to do, Howon. Keep me company.”

Gulping, he sat, folding his legs and keeping as far away from the pallet that he knew Sunggyu and Woohyun had defiled hours ago.

“So,” he said, fishing. “What’s new?”

“What are you doing with Jaehyun?”

“Wow!” His eyes rolled of their own accord as his hackles started to rise in defense. “Straight to the point.”

“I’m not kidding Howon.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to know what you’re doing.”

“I know what I’m doing.” He lied.

“Do you?” Woohyun pressed.

Of course Woohyun knew him better than he knew himself.

“I know what I’m doing.” He repeated.

“Really? Because it looks to me like because you couldn’t get Sunggyu, you dragged the next best thing into your bed.”

“Well we can’t all get knotted by the uber anytime we’re horny.”

His mouth went dry when Woohyun paused and assessed him with knowing eyes. Howon felt like rubbish. Probably because he was rubbish.

“He’s twenty one.” Woohyun said. “He’s taking advantage of you.”

Howon wasn’t so sure of that. If anything, he was the one taking advantage of Jaehyun’s devotion. Woohyun got it right the first time. Howon was enabling the only other alpha in the house because he couldn’t get Sunggyu.

“He may not know that it’s Sunggyu that you like. In fact, I think it’s me he thinks you like and he’s using your seclusion and sadness to take advantage of you.”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Howon was already getting to his feet but Woohyun made no move to stop him.

“Stop being stupid, Howon. It’ll cost you soon enough.”

At the door, Howon stopped, determined to have the last word in.

“I missed you too, Woohyun.” Howon said. “That was all you had to say.”

*********

It became obvious soon enough that Jaehyun thought him and Howon were an item. Howon pretended not to see the angry glint in Woohyun’s eyes every time Jaehyun answered for Howon or made statements using “we”. Once again, if Sunggyu saw anything, he wasn’t showing that he did.

Not that Howon could ever hear anything Woohyun had to say on the subject because Jaehyun made sure to keep Woohyun away.

Another person Howon had to contend with Jungyeop-hyung who made it his mission to send Howon bland texts with just dates of the day on them as if reminding Howon that there was some clock ticking somewhere but Howon just couldn’t see it.

When he thought of what he had to do and saw how much Woohyun would lose if he ever got unbounded from Sunggyu, Howon was glad that Jaehyun was getting in the way. At least with Jaehyun there to take all the blame, Howon could tell himself and Jungyeop-hyung that he never got the chance. Not with the brooding, jealous, hovering alpha who had somehow taken control of Howon’s life.

“I got yooooooouuuu… under my skin.” He sang, nodding to DBSK as he let himself into the house after his shift.

He’d taken to avoiding western songs when he wanted to train his voice. Jaehyun had stated that he didn’t have the maturity to translate their word formation/pronunciation to hangul if he decided to focus on them. Howon could rap any western hip hop in his library and wow anyone who didn’t know that he didn’t understand the words to what he was rapping but singing? That was so much different. So he stuck to k-pop idols. He was going to be one of them soon enough anyway.

As he opened his room door, he had to stop and readjust himself because, once again, Jaehyun had taken to surprising him.

“What’s all this?” He asked, entering the room as he shut the door behind.

Sitting on the floor with a stool in front of him and a couple of candles, Jaehyun had set up dinner for the two of them.

“I made you food.”

“You realize I just came from a restaurant?” Howon said, almost laughing at Jaehyun’s attempt because when he was unsure and confused, Jaehyun had the tendency to be cute. As uncomfortably as that truth might anger or unnerve him.

“You don’t eat at the restaurant. I know.”

“That doesn’t sound stalkerry at all.”

“Please.” Jaehyun scoffed. “Like you don’t know I stalk you.”

“Candles, hyung. Everyone’s clothes are in this room.” Howon teased, opening up the food to find noodles and… beef?

“Really? You didn’t have to.”

“Shut up and eat!” Jaehyun was blushing again, as he rushed to prepare Howon a plate as Howon took of his work shirt and trousers.

Minutes later, after the candles had been put out, the stool shifted and Howon had burped his way onto the wall, they sat, kissing lazily when he asked:

“What’s the occasion?”

“You don’t know?” Jaehyun teased between kisses.

“Tell me.”

“I’ll let you guess.”

He continued his ministrations as Howon sat there, thinking about what the day could possibly be.

“It can’t be the anniversary of the day we met because that was in-”

“Not that.” Jaehyun said before going back to what he was doing.

“Okay.” Howon agreed. “Or first kiss?”

“Was two months ago, idiot.” Jaehyun said.

“Fine. I give up.”

Howon couldn’t think of anything that did not involve the rest of the group. He’d only begun to interact with Jaehyun on a human level quite recently and he really couldn’t think of anything.

“Up.” Jaehyun urged as he tugged on Howon’s boxers. Howon obliged. After the first time, Jaehyun had taken to jerking him off while he was wearing nothing. Then he’d leave to get himself off somewhere else. It was weird but it was all Howon could do at the moment. And he thanked Jaehyun wordlessly that he’d never pushed for more.

“Today’s the day I get to blow you.”

Until now.

“Wait-”

Without waiting, Jaehyun sunk between Howon’s legs and took his hardening dick in his mouth and suddenly, Howon was out of words, banging his head back against the wall because, GOD! It did feel good.

Jaehyun didn’t lick, he didn’t nibble or bite. He just attached his mouth to Howon’s dick and began sucking on it with single-minded purpose as if his main aim was to get Howon off or suck his brains out through his pee-hole. Either way, Howon was fine with it. In fact, at the moment, he was pretty sure he’d agree to anything Jaehyun wanted to do because he couldn’t think. And he knew for a fact that if he opened his eyes, he wouldn’t be able to see a thing.

“Ahh.” He whimpered when he felt teeth but they soon disappeared again as the sucking resumed. “Oh god.” He moaned, gripping Jaehyun’s head in his lap as he spread his legs so that he could prop himself up better.

But Jaehyun must have misinterpreted what he wanted because the next thing he knew, there was a finger poking at his hole.

His eyes shot open and he yanked at Jaehyun’s hair, pulling him up till they were face to face.

“You can’t-”

“You’ll like it.”

“I’m an alpha.”

“So am I.” Jaehyun reminded him.

And there it was: proof that eventually, Jaehyun was going to demand penetrative sex and guess who was going to be at the bottom of that conversation.

“You’ll like it.” Jaehyun said, kissing him on the lips and unfurling Howon’s fist from his hair. “Stop fighting me.”

“Hyung, please.”

Howon found himself positively worried.

“Let hyung take care of you.”

When Jaehyun returned to Howon’s dick, his fingers followed, prodding and pushing at Howon’s hole as he stopped only to lick his fingers before going back in. At some point, Howon could feel his dick growing soft but Jaehyun was having none of that.

He set a brutal pace, sucking and bobbing his head as he worked to loosen up Howon as if to prove that he could do it and that Howon would love it.

But in the end, Howon’s dick started to harden again, following Jaehyun’s lead as he made demands on Howon’s body that Howon wasn’t ready to offer. When Jaehyun’s finger became two fingers and he edged further and further into Howon, he pulled off Howon with a smack.

“Just relax. Howon, relax.” He said.

And Howon tried, realizing that the sooner he let it happen, the sooner Jaehyun would leave to get off so that Howon could figure out his life in silence.

So when Howon cried out, at last, spasming between the wall and Jaehyun’s hand and mouth, it wasn’t only because he’d just come like a freight train.

It was also because there were tears in his eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tiny cameo...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEADS UP: Attempted non-con ahead. Nothing actually happens but it’s hinted at and actually attempted. However, I am going to put ()>)>)>)>)>) just before it begins and at its end so avoid that area if you don’t like that sort of thing. It would be explained as the story progresses so you won’t miss anything.
> 
> Please excuse the mistakes

“Why the sudden need to take suppressants? If I may?” Doctor Han asked, staring down his tiny, circle lenses at Howon.

“I… I’m busy these days.” Howon explained, fidgeting in the seat afforded visitors in the doctor’s office.

The man frowned at him, disbelievingly. Howon didn’t blame him. He’d always been a terrible liar. And he hadn’t had much practice. But thankfully, Doctor Han didn’t think it was worth his time to pursue the argument.

“Have you ever been on suppressants before?”

“No.”

“Have you ever taken suppressants before? Maybe during a rut? Or for fun? Because your friends were doing it?”

Howon thought back to when Sunggyu had lent him the jar of Supplimax.

“Yes.” He answered. “Once. During my second rut.”

“What brand?”

“Supplimax?”

Doctor Han’s eyebrows ascended into his graying bangs.

“Supplimax? I’d like to hope you took it under prescription but let’s be honest with each other and admit that you didn’t.”

Howon nodded.

“Where did you get it?”

“A friend of mine had some to spare and I was having a hard time.”

“A friend of yours?” The disbelieving look was back. “Supplimax isn’t for children.”

“He’s an uber.”

Howon was sure that once he left the office, Doctor Han was going to just stroll out into the hospital so that he could find someone to gossip with because he’d certainly managed to surprise the doctor more than the man had expected when he’d woken up that morning.

“Your friend is an uber? Interesting. Can you describe your experience with Supplimax?”

Howon hadn’t expected him to go back to professional so quick. Usually when someone found out that he knew an uber, the reaction was always the same: disbelief, shock, intrigue, curiosity.

“How many did you take? For how long? Did it minimize the symptoms of your rut?”

“I don’t really remember how many I took. But it was for at least half the day.”

“How did you feel?”

“Almost normal. The fever went down and my joints didn’t ache as much. And I didn’t feel the need to get off as much.”

Howon blushed and waited as Doctor typed into his computer. 

He wasn’t stupid. He knew his options. And it wasn’t as if he was actually ever going to use the suppressants. He just wanted it in case he ever decided to seriously consider a defunct relationship on a deeper level.

But then again, if Jungyeop-hyung ever heard that Howon was about to go on suppressants, he’d be out of Woollim. Which was why he’d taken the train and made it back to Busan… away from the prying eyes of his team mates. Plus, he knew that by the time he got the prescription and left, his father wouldn’t know he’d been to the family doctor and billed his visit on his father’s card. So there!

“I’d have to run some tests before I prescribe-”

“Anything you want.”

He really didn’t want to argue about it. He’d cleared up his day to be in Busan and he had nowhere to be at the moment. The last thing he needed was to leave and have Doctor Han call his dad. If that happened then he’d never be able to return because his dad would have informed the doctor that Howon was to foot his own bill. So…

“Run all the tests you want.”

Doctor Han watched him with concern.

“Howon, is there something you need to talk to me about?”

He pursed his lips, staring into the calm, aging eyes of the man who used to give him lollipops every time his dad came in for checkups. He couldn’t even believe how much had changed in a year and now here he was, seeing the doctor alone, asking for grown-up alpha advice.

_My sort-of-boyfriend is a fellow alpha and wants to have sex with me, so out of fear for my anatomy, I’m considering suppressants… so that my alpha nature would be shed for a more open-minded and submissive demeanor… so as to allow that happen. What do you think, Doctor Han? Hmm?_

“I’m fine, Doctor. I just want a prescription.”

Unsatisfied but in a surprisingly co-operative mood, Doctor Han nodded and stood to his feet as Howon repaired his mind for whatever craziness was about to ensue.

*********

Hours later, as Howon let himself back into the dorm; he shrugged his bag, hoping no one would want to see its contents. He’d gone ahead and bought himself a jar of Pescodine with the money he’d withdrawn from his account. He wasn’t irresponsible. He didn’t use up all the money he’d managed to save. But he had to have some if he decided to change his mind. And he doubted he’d have the time after the day was done.

In the room, he took off his bag and squashed it to the back of the closet before he began to undress. By the time he lay down, Jaehyun had turned around, awake.

“You’re back?” He asked, one eye open and the other one clearly on its way back to sleep. It had been a while since Jaehyun slept in the sitting room.

“Yeah.” Howon said, laying out his pallet. “Sorry I was out so late.”

“Hyoan-hyung’s going to kill you in the morning.” Jaehyun said, giving him a heads up.

Howon sighed as he lay on his back. He had expected nothing less.

*********

Hyoan-hyung didn’t try to kill him the next day. But for all Howon knew, he could have poisoned Howon’s breakfast but Howon didn’t remain in dorm long enough to eat so, there was that.

Myungsoo and Woohyun were given the day off because Myungsoo was looking a bit pale and since Woohyun was Myungsoo’s practice partner, he got the day free too. So while Howon and Dongwoo headed to the dance practice room, Sunggyu and Jaehyun headed to the recording studio with Woohyun tow.

Once again, instead of Dongmin-hyung, Dongwoo and Howon were treated to another surprise in the form of Mithra and Tablo, both of whom were seated on the ground, munching away at take out. Howon had always found himself somewhat partial to Jung Yunho or even Seichkies, but there was still something about walking into a room and seeing a celebrity, even if he/she/it/they were doing something as mundane as eating on the ground.

And if Howon’s brain was struggling to interpret how to act, except for the excessive bowing and almost going dizzy from the bowing, it was nothing compared to how Dongwoo was at the moment. Dongwoo was an Epik High enthusiast. He worshiped the ground Mithra walked on and ever since the day they’d stepped into Woollim, Dongwoo had speculated on how awesome it would be to walk into a room and find his idol there.

At the moment, Dongwoo just kept alternating between looking lost and bowing, choosing to remain silent as Howon greeted and introduced them.

“Hello, sunbae. I am Lee Howon and this is Jang Dongwoo from the new boy group.” Another bow. “Please look after us.”

“Ooohhh, dongsaengs.” Tablo said, gesturing for them to join them on the floor. Dongwoo dropped like a stone, choosing to sit beside Mithra before realizing he was too close and then shifting just a little. Mithra watched him, amused and silent as well as Dongwoo blushed red on every patch of skin visible. “CEO-nim sent us.” Tablo said.

“Oh?” Howon asked, understanding that this conversation was not going to include Dongwoo any time soon.

“Yes.” He said, leaning back on the bench and looking very important. “I understand you two rap?”

“Yes, sunbae.”

“Good. Good.” Tablo said. “I’m sorry Yeobie’s got you leaning to sing.”

Mithra scoffed.

“I’m going to tell him you called him that.”

“But you don’t need to sing with us. We’re all rappers here, right?” Tablo tapped Howon on the arm and Howon nodded, still a tiny bit star-struck. “So,” Tablo clapped his hands together. “Let’s hear what you’ve got.”

*********

As Christmas rolled around, the boys barely had anytime to breathe at all, what with the addition of actual celebrities to their practice roster. Apparently, Dongwoo wasn’t the only one to meet his idol in the past month. From what Jaehyun said about his practice sessions with Sunggyu, Jongwan had become something of a fixture on most days.

While Woohyun was only present as a result of his bond with Sunggyu, Jongwan had gone ahead to suggest that Woohyun sing something for him, once. This wasn’t something Jungyeop-hyung approved of at all. But Jongwan had been persuasive and stated that Sunggyu’s voice went so well with Woohyun’s voice that having Woohyun train with both of them wasn’t such a bad idea.

Jungyeop-hyung didn’t like the idea but Jaehyun said he’d agreed to it.

Sunggyu was evidently Jongwan’s favorite but between Woohyun and Jaehyun, his second was anyone’s bet on any given day. Jongwan could spend one whole rehearsal raving about Jaehyun’s pitch then turn around and ignore him the next rehearsal just so he could fawn over the way Woohyun’s voice wavered beautifully at just the best places. As if Jaehyun didn’t have enough to compete with Woohyun over.

Some days after Christmas, they’d been snowed in and unable to go anywhere so Woohyun made them all lunch and then asked that they have bonding time together. Though, from the looks Howon kept getting from Sunggyu and Woohyun, it was obvious that the two of them were trying to keep Jaehyun and Howon from spending an entire day alone in Howon’s room.

He rolled his eyes and chose to ignore them. They were not his parents anyway.

At Woohyun’s suggestion, Dongwoo had taken up the mantle of going from story to story, trying to keep everyone entertained. And when he was done with a story, he usually had them all answer questions and argue about other possible outcomes till the dorm was transformed into a crazy house of arguing boys struggling to be heard over one another.

But that all came to a sad stop when Hyoan-hyung got home, drenched and laden in snow as he pushed into the house. He took one look at all of them and shook his head.

“Have you eaten?” He asked, taking off his coat as they nodded and answered. “Good.”

He took his bag and headed into the room.

They were about to continue when he returned with a paper bag that he thrust into Jaehyun’s hand.

“If CEO-nim finds out that I gave this to you…” He stops there and stares into Jaehyun’s eyes as Jaehyun nods back at him, squeezing the bag in his hand.

“What the hell is that?” Sunggyu asked the moment the door closed behind Hyoan-hyung again.

“It’s none of your business.” Jaehyun said.

“You’re not going to use it. Not in this house.” Sunggyu said and Woohyun placed a calming hand on Sunggyu’s shoulder but whatever was riling him up was enough for him to ignore Woohyun.

“And who’s going to stop me?” Jaehyun asked, not really caring as he focused more on his newly acquired package.

“I said,” Sunggyu said, standing to his feet. “You’re not using that thing in this house.”

Howon wasn’t sure if Sunggyu even knew what he was doing, but all of a sudden, there was a pressing weight in the entire room and it quickly felt like someone was pushing Howon to bow, to agree… to submit. And Jaehyun felt it too. Because that had to be the reason he suddenly looked constipated, looking up at Sunggyu in confusion and something almost surrender in his eyes.

Shaking his head, Howon rose and stood between them, holding his hands out at Sunggyu.

“Stop! Hyung what the fuck are you doing?”

Sunggyu startled, stumbling back as he shook his head as well. But Jaehyun was already getting to his feet, pissed and uncomfortable as he moved around Howon and crowded in on Sunggyu who was only just beginning to realize that he was younger and much weaker than Jaehyun was.

But he still managed to keep his angry face on as he stared up at the taller alpha.

“Don’t you ever,” Jaehyun said. “Try that bullshit on me again.”

With that, Jaehyun disappeared into Howon’s room, slamming the door shut behind him as the entire sitting room plunged into silence. Sighing, Howon turned to follow when he felt Sunggyu take him by the arm.

“Howon-”

Howon snapped his hand away.

“No. Enough!” He said. “Both of you.” He made sure to look from Sunggyu to Woohyun. “This is none of your business so just… just stay out of it.”

*********

By the time Howon got into the room, Jaehyun was lying on his side, facing the wall and probably sulking. So Howon went to his own side of the room and lay down, wondering what to do. It had been a while since Jaehyun had been angry at anyone. Howon didn’t even think he’d so much as grouched about anything since he and Howon had gotten together.

Was he supposed to ignore the whole uber-over-alpha thing that just happened out there and crushed Jaehyun’s pride a little? Or was he supposed to say Sunggyu had no right? Or talk to him? Or pretend nothing had happened? Or…? Howon had no idea.

“Are you sleeping?” Jaehyun asked.

“No.”

Jaehyun got up and crawled over and came to lie beside Howon, both of them facing the ceiling.

“I didn’t know he could do that.” Jaehyun said. “It’d be fascinating, really. If it weren’t so embarrassing.”

So they were talking about it.

“Are you okay?” Howon asked.

“I’m fine.”

Howon knew that answer. That was his go-to lie when he really didn’t want to talk about it. So he thought he’d put Jaehyun out of his misery. He leaned up and kissed Jaehyun. Jaehyun kissed him back immediately, without hesitation.

“Don’t you want to know what was in the bag?” He asked.

“Do you want to tell me?”

“It might freak you out.”

“What is it?” He asked, curious.

“Can I show it to you tomorrow?”

“Why?” Howon laughed. “What are you hiding from me?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“The last time you had a surprise, it was a blow job.”

“You liked the last surprise.”

“So it’s something to do with sex?”

“I’m not going to answer that.”

He pushed Howon over and took control of the kiss, climbing over him as they continued to kiss. Soon enough, he could feel Jaehyun’s hands on his cloths but what was strange was that Jaehyun was going for Howon’s shirt. He never went for the shirt. He usually just took Howon’s pants off, and that was it.

“Take your shirt off.” He whispered against Howon’s lips.

“Why?”

“Why do you always ask questions?”

Howon lifted himself up and took the shirt off, but as he pulled the shirt over his head, he saw Jaehyun do the same thing.

For the first time ever, they were both shirtless and making out. This was new territory. But as Jaehyun had made a point for, Howon might like new territory.

“Now what?” Howon asked.

Jaehyun began pushing at Howon’s shorts and he allowed Jaehyun to undress him. Yet, Jaehyun didn’t stop there. He took off his own trousers and for the first time, Howon saw Jaehyun’s dick. Without meaning to, he lowered his eyes to his lap. The only dick he’d ever seen in that context was Sunggyu’s dick and that was almost a year ago. For all intents and purposes, Howon may as well be a virgin in that area.

“Look at me.” Jaehyun said.

“Not now.” Howon replied.

Jaehyun returned to kissing Howon again but this time, Howon couldn’t really concentrate on anything but the fact that there was a hard dick digging into his belly that was not his own. And before he knew it, Jaehyun was panting against his face, rutting into Howon’s stomach as he braced himself on the floor above Howon’s head.

“God!” Jaehyun said. “You’re so beautiful.”

Howon wasn’t sure what to say to that: Thank you? You too? Okay?

“I can’t wait to bite you.” Jaehyun said as his rutting started to become more erratic and warning bells went off in Howon’s head.

“What?” He said, pushing Jaehyun off. “WHAT?” He shouted. “Why would you want to do that?”

Jaehyun looked dazed but still managed to hold his gaze as he struggled to focus.

“I want to bond with you.”

“But it’s not possible.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Jaehyun said. “If we’re in a relationship.”

“You can’t bite another alpha. This is ridiculous.” Howon shook his head.

“We’ll wait. We’ll do it during our cycle-”

“What freaking cycle, hyung? I’m not an omega. I can’t…” And Howon’s brain nearly shut down at the ramifications. “Oh my god.” He shifted away from Jaehyun but Jaehyun only moved closer. “You can’t knot me.”

“Howon, listen to me.”

“No, you listen to me for once. This is crazy. I am not an omega. I don’t… expand down there.”

“You’ll like it.”

“You’ll hurt me.”

“You always fight me but in the end-”

“You’re talking about knotting another alpha. My anatomy isn’t built that way.”

“We’ll both be in our cycles. It won’t matter.”

“I won’t be.”

“Yes, you would.”

“I’m on suppressants.”

Jaehyun froze, mouth hanging open as he watched Howon for a second or two.

“Why are you on suppressants?”

“Because of you. I went to the doctor and got pills so that I could be ready because I know you’re going to want to have sex with me eventually.”

“Howon-”

“I could let you do a lot of things, hyung but if you think I’m going to just lie there and take it-”

“I’ve read about this. I can make it so it doesn’t hurt.”

“You’re not knotting me.”

“Are you listening to me?”

“What if I wanted to knot you?” Howon asked and Jaehyun wavered, tilting his head in apprehension at the idea of someone else doing what he was happily proposing he do to Howon.

“I’m not a bottom.”

“And I am? Hyung, I’m taking fucking suppressants just to be with you. Does that seem like something I would want to do if I had my head on straight?”

Jaehyun huffed and straightened, eyes flashing in anger.

**( <(<(<(<(<(<>)>)>)>)>)>)**

“Wow. I didn’t know you felt that way.”

Howon sat, waiting for him to leave.

“I’m sorry if the thought of having sex with me is so revolting.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you think it every day, don’t you?”

“I never said that either.”

“Why? Is it the omega? Did you suddenly realize that you’d let me fuck you because he went out and got himself bonded to a better alpha?”

“Stop.” Howon said, folding away from him.

“Why? Why should I stop? You’re finally speaking the truth: maybe I want to, as well.”

“Hyung, it wasn’t like that.”

“Do you think of him whenever you’re with me?” He asked, towering over Howon, naked as Howon tried to turn away but he was already backed into the wall with nowhere else to go. “Look at me.”

“No.”

“Look at me.”

“I SAID NO!”

“LOOK AT ME!”

He dragged Howon away from the wall as he pushed him unto the ground and climbed on top of him.

“For months… MONTHS, I’ve had to beg you for everything.”

“What are you doing?”

Howon might have started taking the suppressants just a few days earlier but he was still strong. And he was still an alpha. And it probably helped that he was not at all distracted by an erection. So when Jaehyun tried to kiss him, he found that he had the power to push him away.

Jaehyun didn’t miss a beat when he came back around, but Howon didn’t either. So without thinking, he just swung his fist and he caught Jaehyun right in the jaw.

“OW!” Jaehyun screamed, scrambling away as Howon got his feet, reaching for his pants and his shirt in a bid to get dressed and leave.

He raised one leg up to wear his pants when Jaehyun took the other leg and suddenly, without balance, Howon slide and knocked his forehead on the ground. Everything went fuzzy for a few seconds, but he could feel Jaehyun’s hands grabbing at him from behind.

“Please.” Howon pleaded, trying to turn around but Jaehyun just pressed him down further. “Let’s talk about this.”

Jaehyun answered him by taking his hand and holding it above his head as Howon struggled to regain some level of motor-control. But he was still feeling a bit dazed. Giving up and resigning himself to his fate, Howon’s head lolled to the side as he felt unconsciousness sneak up on him. But not before he heard:

“GET YOUR FILTHY, DISGUSTING HANDS OFF OF HIM!”

**( <(<(<(<(<(<>)>)>)>)>)>)**

When Howon woke, he was lying on his side, and someone was petting his head. His aching and bandaged head.

“Even if you go higher, I can still match your pitch, hyung.” Woohyun said and Howon could practically hear the smile in Woohyun’s voice.

“I’m not talking pitch, here. I’m talking breath.” Sunggyu said as the sound of papers rustling emitted on the other side of Woohyun.

“I can hold my breath.” Woohyun said and Howon felt it when he shrugged.

“Can you hold a note for sixteen seconds?” Sunggyu asked.

“Hyung!”

“What?”

“You can’t hold a note for sixteen seconds.”

“Of course I can.” Sunggyu argued.

“No, you cannot.”

Howon groaned, adjusting himself as he realized his head was in Woohyun’s lap and that Woohyun was the one petting him.

“He’s awake!” Woohyun announced but Howon made no move to get up. Instead he snaked his hands around Woohyun’s thigh and clasped them above and underneath, snuggling further as Woohyun giggled over his head.

“Yah!” Sunggyu said, sounding angry.

Paper smacked Howon on the head. He really didn’t need this. He just wanted to go back to sleep and forget everything.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Sunggyu asked, still sounding angry.

As Howon moved his head to ask what the problem was, he realized that his head was practically rubbing against Woohyun’s crotch. Which was probably why Sunggyu didn’t sound so happy about all the touching.

He pushed away and got up, smiling apologetically at Woohyun.

“Sorry.” He offered.

“It’s fine.” Woohyun said. “Sunggyu-hyung’s just being jealous because your head is not in _his_ lap.”

“What-?” Sunggyu began then stopped, fumed and then fell silent at Woohyun’s other side.

“How are you doing?” Woohyun asked.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re always fine.”

“Where’s Jaehyun-hyung?”

“He’s not here.” Woohyun answered.

“When is he coming back?”

“You’re kidding me.” Sunggyu said, staring at Howon. “You’re not actually asking that because you want to see him are you?”

It was not as if Howon wanted to see him. It would just be best if he knew where Jaehyun was at the moment so that he could better prepare himself for whatever he had to say. Howon was sure they were pretty much done anyway. Whatever heart-broken cloud had shrouded his judgment was gone because there was no way Howon was going back to that.

And no amount of suppressants could change that.

“I was just asking.”

“You were just…” Sunggyu trailed off, covering his mouth with his hands as he got to his feet, seething.

“Hyung, calm down.” Woohyun said, wincing. “You’re wearing me out.”

Like a button was pushed, Sunggyu immediately went  from about-to-tear-Howon-a-new-one to chastised. And that was something Howon was never going to have with Sunggyu. The bond between Sunggyu and Woohyun may have began as involuntary, but the amount of energy Sunggyu put into making sure Woohyun was comfortable or happy or sated was a very conscious effort that had nothing to do with biology.

Before Howon’s eyes, Sunggyu was beginning to care for Woohyun.

“I was just asking.” Howon repeated. Sunggyu looked at him.

“Well, you can’t see him anymore.” He said.

A switched flipped and Howon was angry.

“Excuse me?” Howon asked, feeling the ache in his bones peel away at the obvious challenge. “I can’t see him anymore?”

“Howon-” Sunggyu began but Howon wasn’t done as he got to his feet.

“Everyone is going to recommend what Howon can or can’t do. I can’t be an idol. I can’t fuck an alpha. I can’t get a job. I can’t be whoever I want to be. There’s always something with you people.”

“Listen to me-”

“Do you think you’re any different than Jaehyun? Huh? You just want to keep me in my tight little corner and control me. Well guess what? I’M DONE WITH THAT! Nobody gets to tell me what to do anymore. I’m a grown man. And if you’re not my father, you’re not going to tell me who I can or cannot see. Now get out!”

“You didn’t let me finish.” Sunggyu said, determined to defend himself.

“I didn’t need to.” Howon said. “You know, sometimes I still don’t believe you’re an alpha. Because you don’t throw your weight around and you certainly do not posture. But that you’d think you need to control me like that-”

“I just saved your ass.” Sunggyu spat. “Literally.”

“I don’t care.”

Sunggyu withdrew, shocked and worried as he looked from Howon to Woohyun as if looking for back-up. Finally, he laughed, scratching his head in disbelief as he turned around and headed for the door. Then he stopped.

“I would never try to control you, Howon. But when I said you couldn’t see Jaehyun, it was not a command. It was a fact.” Sunggyu said. “Jaehyun isn’t a part of the group anymore so you can’t see him anyway.”

Howon must have stood in the same spot for minutes after Sunggyu left, letting his words sink in as he felt the urgent need to swallow his entire foot down his throat.

Woohyun tugged on his hands till he looked down at the omega still in the room. Woohyun tugged again and this time, Howon obliged and sat beside him.

“I’m such a fool.”

“Mm hmm.” Woohyun agreed. “You didn’t even let him explain himself.”

“I thought-”

“I know what you thought, Howon. You don’t even like Jaehyun. And considering what he tried to do a few hours ago, I’ll have a hard time believing you actually wanted to see him again.”

Howon pulled up his legs and held them close, feeling the need to hug something.

“Did he leave because of me? Was he mad?”

“It wasn’t his choice.” Woohyun said, petting Howon’s head again.

“What?”

“Sunggyu-hyung called Jungyeop-hyung and told him everything. He may not have been very polite about asking that Jaehyun leave. I think, at some point, he may have said something along the lines of,” Woohyun bunged up his voice. “Either he goes or I go.”

Howon whined and buried his head in his knees. He’d just chewed out Sunggyu after such he’d put his future career on the line for Howon. Arrgghh!

“Yeah, you’re definitely going to have to grovel at his feet.”

*********

After Woohyun finally left, Howon sat in the quietness of his room as he stared off into nothing. This was going to be his life forever. He was on a team of five boys as the odd one out with no one to cuddle on cold nights and no partner in crime.

Smiling wryly, Howon searched around for his phone as he switched it on and saw that he had a new message. He sighed heavily and opened the text.

**CEO: I got rid of Jaehyun for you.**

**CEO: Now, if only there was something you could do for me too.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTWs, the thing in the paper bag was condoms and lube.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • Sorry I missed last week but I’m back! Yay!  
> • So I decided to switch it up and use their Korean ages just because  
> • Also, I have searched and searched and searched but I can’t find Jungyeop-CEO’s age anywhere. I’m just going to go ahead and assume he’s older than everyone else in this story.  
> • There’s stuff in this chapter that might seem utterly random and out of nowhere, but I promise you, it is relevant. So please stick with me. Please

Being friends with Sunggyu and Woohyun at the same time was strange for Howon.

With Jaehyun gone, Woohyun moved back into Howon’s room. He took up most of the space around the tiny room and Howon couldn’t turn around without finding Woohyun in his way. It wasn’t exactly worrisome except that the straight-backed beta had been replaced with a very clingy omega and Howon wondered how Sunggyu got anything done when he was the sole-receiver of Woohyun.

However, dealing with Woohyun was easy when put beside Sunggyu. Howon didn’t know what to do around Sunggyu anymore. And he was pretty sure Sunggyu had no idea what to do around him either. So on the rare occasions that the three of them found themselves alone in the house, Howon and Sunggyu tried awkward conversation while Woohyun just sat in the background and rolled his eyes till they nearly popped.

Jungyeop-hyung announced their name in late December. Big Dipper!

Howon hated it. Woohyun complained about it. But no one… NONE of them understood what it was supposed to mean. But if Big Dipper was going to debut as a five boy-group, then there was no time to spare. Especially if they were looking at a 2009 debut date.

The day Jungyeop-hyung mentioned the possibility of a debut in the next year, Dongwoo came alive. Having noticed his permanent, dark pallor and his strange quietness, Howon had begun to worry about the senior rapper. But presently, Dongwoo was back –at least the Dongwoo Howon had met when they were back at JYP.

After rehearsal, one day, Sunggyu announced that Jungyeop-hyung was looking for Howon. So with his heart in his throat and his life close to an end, Howon began the fearfully short trek from the practice room to his office. When he got there, Jongwan was present. Deciding to wait outside, Howon turned around when-

“Come in.” Jungyeop-hyung said through the door and Howon nearly had a heart attack.

He pushed the door open and entered, bowing at the two men in the room.

“Sit.” Jungyeop-hyung gestured at the empty seat beside Jongwan and opposite Jungyeop-hyung.

“I’m not saying you have to listen to me.” Jongwan said.

“Right.” Jungyeop-hyung said sarcastically. “You just spent the past few minutes chewing my ear off for no reason.”

“If it’s not Sunggyu, then there’s no one.” Jongwan said and Howon couldn’t help the straightening of his back at the mention of Sunggyu’s name.

“You’re just biased because he worships you.”

“Because you’re not biased either?” Jongwan retorted.

“I don’t want this for him.” Jungyeop-hyung stated, clenching his jaw in slight anger.

“What? You’re not still thinking you could debut him as a soloist are you?”

Slamming the pen he was writing with on the table, Jungyeop-hyung looked right at Jongwan. Howon was shocked to find that when he looked over at Jongwan as well, Jongwan looked completely unfazed.

“You’re not the CEO of Woollim, Kim Jongwan.”

“Oh shush you, hyung.” Jongwan said, waving at him in total lack of concern. “As long as those boys are bonded-”

“Half bonded!”

“-Sunggyu is never going to be a soloist. Just accept that and make him the goddamned leader already.”

Oh. They were talking about Big Dipper’s leader.

“I’ve heard you. I’ll be taking your views into consideration.”

Jongwan scoffed, crossing his legs.

“Hyung, that’s what you say right before you walk away and completely ignore me. Do you think I don’t know you?”

Sighing in frustration, Jungyeop-hyung looked at Jongwan.

“It’s a group of five boys and any of them could be the leader.”

“Nope.”

“Would you let me talk?” Jungyeop-hyung said.

“Myungsoo is the maknae, Woohyun is an omega and Dongwoo is just another beta. Surely you’re not going to appoint leader to a beta in a group with two alphas. And seeing as Sunggyu is not only the older of the two alphas but an UBER!!! Hyung, there’s really no choice.”

“I should just sit here and let you keep talking to yourself.”

“Who can be leader if not Sunggyu, then?”

Jungyeop-hyung’s eyes drifted to Howon’s for a split second and Howon felt a minor chill at the silent admission… or maybe he was so desperate not to be kicked out that he was now reading behavior that just wasn’t there.

“I have choices, Jongwan-ah. I know what I’m doing.”

“Yeah right.” Jongwan got to his feet. “You are so not going to listen to me.”

“I never said that.”

Jongwan left in a huff as the room fell into silence.

Howon sat, fiddling with his fingers as he waited for Jungyeop-hyung to say something.

“You’re a serious disappointment, Lee Howon.”

“Hyung I-”

“Please do not think you can interrupt me because I let Jongwan get away things like that.”

“I’m sorry, sir.” Howon said, lifting off of the seat so that he could bow over the table.

“Christ!” Jungyeop-hyung said. “I told you not to call me “sir” anymore.”

Howon sat back. He was so confused. He had never really known how to act around the man and entrusting him with such a murky task hadn’t helped Howon’s feelings much, either.

“I asked you to do something for me but you haven’t even lifted a finger.”

“I… I don’t know where to start. I’m trying.”

“No, you’re not. You can be very charming when you want to be. Just ask Jaehyun.”

Howon gulped at the mention of Jaehyun’s name.

“That was not… it wasn’t deliberate, hyung.”

“You lost me a vocalist, an alpha and a leader. I don’t know. If this were another company, you’d be the one I let go of and not him. Do you understand that?”

Howon couldn’t answer. He was a little scared that this might all be one big test and if he answered, Jungyeop-hyung might just see fit to let him go.

“I need Sunggyu to debut in the next year and that won’t happen if he’s dragging dead weight.”

“So you still want me to break the bond?”

“I want you to grow up, Howon.” Jungyeop said, looking at him in unwavering lack of understanding. “I’m debuting five boys and I have someone else coming in to join Big Dipper. It’s your choice if the five boys would include you or Nam Woohyun.”

*********

This “new boy” Jungyeop-hyung had alluded to haunted Howon’s dreams and waking moments. Every time he could think, his mind strayed to the possibility of what the new boy was like, how he talked, if he sang well, what his presentation was, if he looked like an idol…

It got so bad that his rap was suffering and Tablo-hyung was so confused at how horrible Howon had become in rapping when he was supposed to be getting better.

“Is anything the matter?” Tablo asked him one evening as he was getting ready to head to his shift from the studio. “Do you want to go home? Is that the problem?”

“No, hyung.” Howon said, shaking his head. “It’s nothing. I’m just a little preoccupied.”

“With what? You’re an eighteen year old alpha about to debut as an idol. What else could possibly be on your mind?”

If only…

By the time the New Year came, Howon was even more scared about the new guy. March was right around the corner which meant another cycle was about to hit but Howon was still no closer to breaking the bond with Woohyun. Not even close to initiating any sort of intent in that direction.

And it didn’t help that he was also kind of avoiding Woohyun. He’d taken to avoiding Woohyun’s hugs and flexing out of his grip when they slept because it didn’t help how disloyal he felt every time Woohyun threw himself at him when Howon was contemplating plans that might very well be the end of Woohyun’s career.

This just meant that he got more confused and hurt looks from Woohyun and on more than one occasion, Sunggyu had smacked the back of his head for his silliness. But Howon knew he’d much rather have the looks of confusion than the look of betrayal that he was aware was quickly heading in his direction.

“Did I do something wrong?” Woohyun had asked.

“No. I’m just going through something.”

“Going through what?”

Howon had shaken his head and turned around to sleep when he heard Woohyun’s muffled voice from the other side of the room.

“I just got you back, Howon-ah. I’m not going to lose you again.”

*********

Jungyeop-hyung arranged an excursion to SM for the entire group.

Everyone was incredibly excited about it. Howon was personally glad for the distraction because knowing that they were going to meet and spend a day with SM Town’s newest toy was enough to juice down his present depression.

Howon knew it was too much to ask that SM offer them a day with DBSK or SNSD but he could not even begin to express how much he did not believe that he was about to spend the day traipsing through SM’s hallowed halls.

Even if it was only to meet the maknae-group of the company.

Dressed in his best clothes (A purple shirt and a pair of blue jeans) he ditched his glasses for the day and decided he could manage the blindness without falling. If he was going to be introduced as the team rapper, he had to look the part.

When they emerged from the house to find a van in front of the house with Hyoan-hyung at the wheel, it suddenly occurred to Howon that he probably wasn’t the only one hoping to impress the big company.

*********

After a rather stiff introduction with the still chic-looking members of SHINee, Big Dipper was forced to sit through what was probably the most boring seminar he’d ever been to. And considering he’d assumed it would be a more carefree day where they could bond and have fun with people of the same age, he could not believe how many older people were present.

The SHINee manager, the PR-noona, a man that Howon didn’t know what his job description was and a couple of girls that seemed to take notes about everything that was going on. It also didn’t help that they were in an auditorium with a man speaking to them about the rigors of debuting and every idol’s duty to country and company.

Howon could not believe how much he’d wasted his time wishing and hoping for the day.

He excused himself during the lunch, hoping to actually see the entire building. Nothing could be possibly more boring than this was. They’d seen the main lobby on entrance into the building. They’d been shown some offices, a couple of recording studios and the dance practice room that they’d recently filmed in for one of the company’s groups.

So he took to the stairs, making it up a couple more floors before he emerged from the staircase to find one of the SHINee boys standing there with his hardened hair and made-up skin.

“I was just looking around.” Howon explained.

“Your members are looking for you.” He replied.

“Fine.” He sulked, walking out toward the elevator.

“I thought you wanted to see something fun.” The boy said and Howon spun around in glee.

Five minutes later, they were spread out on a protrusion from the top of the building, looking out unto Seoul as everything seemed almost quietly peaceful. The boy sighed, lying back with his hands clasped behind his head and his eyes closed. Howon refused to follow as he continued to lean forward, looking down at the far street bellow. He couldn’t see much without his glasses, but he sure enjoyed the woozy feel from the angle he was positioned at.

He could not imagine a time Woollim would ever be more than a few rooms on one floor of a building that Jungyeop-hyung was renting.

“I’m Jonghyun, by the way.” The boy said.

“Howon.”

“Lee Howon.” Jonghyun said, leaning up to rest on one elbow as he eyed Howon. “They had us memorize your profiles.”

Howon didn’t know he had a profile.

“I can’t believe SM agreed to let us come here. It’s so beautiful everywhere.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Jonghyun said, still looking at Howon. “So what’s your deal? Besides what is in the folder?”

“I don’t know what’s in the folder.”

“Nineteen. Alpha. Busan native. Sings, dances _and_ can rap. Ran away from home. Father runs a restaurant business back in Busan. Quiet to the point of moody. Supporting his dreams by working at a restaurant. What else is there?”

Howon looked at him in surprise.

“What else could I possibly tell you, then? You know everything.”

“There’s always something juicier than the folder.”

“I don’t know much about you.” Howon began as something nagged at the back of his mind. “Why do you know so much anyway?”

Jonghyun’s eyebrows rose so high they hid behind his bangs.

“You really don’t know how any of this works, do you?”

“Know what?”

“Your company lets you guys post stuff on the internet.”

“Yeah but it’s not serious stuff. It’s just twenty second clips of dance routines or songs we’re learning.”

“So you have fans?” Jonghyun asked.

“Like three different people. No one cares about a group of boys struggling on the internet.”

Jonghyun looked at him, head tilted in pity as his eyes roamed Howon’s entirety.

“There’s an uber in your group.”

“So what?”

“So that’s interesting.”

“I know that.”

“You can see how that might garner attention.”

“We haven’t exactly publicized that bit of information.” Howon frowned. “How do you even know we have an uber?”

“SM prides itself on information.”

“About us?”

“About competition.”

Howon laughed.

“We’re competition? To who?”

“Don’t mind me.” Jonghyun lay back on his hands, still looking at Howon. “I’m just being paranoid.”

“No. Don’t backtrack. You already started. Did your company tell you that we were competition?”

“They didn’t. But you can read the signs. I mean, how many times does SM invite a group of trainees over to have seminars and pissing contests?”

_HOLD UP!_

“SM invited us? I thought Jungyeop-hyung asked for this field-trip?”

Jonghyun scoffed, rolled his eyes - _and snorted?_ \- at the same time.

“How magnanimous do you think this company is? We don’t have things to do that they’d invite you guys over and divert an entire day to keeping you company? They want to witness you first hand… see what you guys are made of.”

“See what we’re made of? We’ve been sitting in an auditorium all day.”

“After lunch, there’s the “shared practice session” where your dancers get to dance with our dancers and your singers get to sing with ours.”

Two things: on one side, Howon was glad that if he went down again, they wouldn’t be stuck in that auditorium any longer. But on the other hand, he didn’t want to imagine that while his teammates were having fun and feeling like the world was cutting them a break, someone was watching from the sidelines and taking notes and probably looking for weaknesses.

“But we haven’t done anything. We’re not worth the trouble.”

“Not yet, you aren’t.” Jonghyun said. “Welcome to the idol world.”

*********

He completely sucked when they finally returned to the others. Hyoan-hyung was furious and the SHINee manager pulled Jonghyun away to whisper as the other members from both groups looked on in confusion.

They split them up as Jonghyun had predicted so that Dongwoo, Myungsoo and Howon went with Taemin and Minho to the dance studio.

And Howon was completely horrible.

Dance was the one time he was not afraid to shine and even if he had any doubts about anything or any problems, he could always count on dancing to make it better. But all he could think about was what Jonghyun had said and even if he wasn’t trying to suck, he couldn’t concentrate enough to do better. Everyone kept giving him worried looks and Dongwoo resigned himself to rubbing Howon’s back every time the dance instructor had to give an instruction twice for Howon to keep up.

Howon didn’t need this. He didn’t need any of the trouble that had somehow found itself into his lap. He was worried about everything. Because he knew everything about stuff he didn’t care about and his head was about to explode. He was keeping secrets and his idol life was in jeopardy for it.

If he still even had a future in the idol world. Seeing as there was a new guy on the way to Big Dipper to either take his place or Woohyun’s. Because his life had to suck. But now he was left to worry about big companies looking to worsen their situation if they proved to have too much potential and everything was just too much.

When he suddenly doubled over, fighting to breathe with the entire room crowding him as the dance instructor struggled to shield them away; Howon knew it was inevitable that he was having a panic attack.

“Give him some room. Step away.” The dance instructor said, waving everyone away as he ushered Howon out of the room. He placed him on one of the seats stuck to the wall in the corridor as he squatted before him with concern all over his face. “Are you alright?”

“I can’t… I couldn’t breathe.”

“I know. Just sit here for a bit let me get you some water.”

The man entered back into the practice, leaving Howon with himself and all his dreadful, dreadful thoughts.

*********

On the ride home, Sunggyu sat in the front with the driver while Woohyun and Howon sat in the middle as Dongwoo and Myungsoo took the back seats. He still wasn’t feeling so great so he just remained silent as Sunggyu and Woohyun raved on and on about how well they’d done during the voice practice with SHINee.

Apparently Jonghyun, had tried to outdo Sunggyu at a very testy note but Woohyun had stepped in and just gone to town on it till Jonghyun had to stop. But Woohyun just kept going.

Woohyun was excellent.

Sunggyu was really proud.

Howon was nauseated.

Showing off was just increasing the size of the targets on their back and SM had the resources to make it so their group never got off the ground. They were going to be one of those groups that debuted but no one even noticed them. Then they’d have to disband in a year because no one cared. Sure, the three fans they had plus the two new ones they might get might be disappointed, but Howon was sure everyone else would still survive a world without Big Dipper.

And then he’d have to go back home and… he shivered in distaste as both Sunggyu and Woohyun looked at him. He tried to smile back reassuringly but he was so sure he failed.

“Howon-” Sunggyu began.

“Did something happen?” Woohyun asked.

“He had a panic attack, I think.” Dongwoo said from behind Howon as Howon clenched his eyes shut to just escape the horror of the situation. But now, Sunggyu had turned around in his front seat till he was staring right at Howon again.

“I was just tired and that’s all.”

“Talk to me.” Woohyun said, almost pleadingly.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” He snapped. Before feeling like an utter dick. “Can we just talk about something else?” _Please._

He looked from Sunggyu to Woohyun, praying that one of them would grant him freedom.

“There was this boy at the café during lunch.” Woohyun said, voice rising into the van so that Sunggyu had to drag his eyes away from Howon. “He was just standing there, looking all chic and very idol-ly. You know, I was sure he was an alpha but then-”

“Stop looking at other alphas.” Sunggyu chided, falling back to his seat.

“I wasn’t looking.” Woohyun said, eyes shifting guiltily. “You didn’t even let me finish. He’s not an alpha anyway. He may look like one but he’s a big ol’ dork. Do you know he tried to flirt with this girl at the counter? The moment his mouth opened, disgrace just started pouring out and none of it was cute or sexy. I was so sorry for her. And then he got mad that she wasn’t responding.”

“Dick!” Myungsoo commented from behind.

“I know, right!”

Listening to their voices drone on, Howon sat back and closed his eyes, allowing sleep to find him.

*********

When they got home, Howon and Dongwoo were the first through the door. As they pulled off their shoes Howon heard the door to the big room slam shut, causing both of them to look up at the sound as a tiny looking, bright eyed, familiar face smiled back at both of them.

“What are you doing here?” Dongwoo asked, engulfing the little boy in a hug.

“Jungyeop-CEO told me to leave that time. He said I should come back when I turned seventeen.” The boy said, smiling up at Howon. “It’s a new year, now, hyung. I’m seventeen. I’m so happy you haven’t debuted yet, hyung. I was praying I’d come back before you debuted but that was such a small chance because you’re both so talented. I can’t believe it. I’m so excited. I’m-”

“Calm down!” Dongwoo chided, taking him by the cheeks as he began to coo at the boy when the door to the house opened and in walked Woohyun, Sunggyu and Myungsoo.

“Who is this?” Sunggyu asked, looking at the newest entry with curiosity.

“I’m sorry.” The boy said, breaking out of Dongwoo’s embrace as he bowed all the way down to the floor and got up. “I’m the new, old maknae, Lee Sungjong. Please look after me.”


	15. Chapter 15

The message was pretty clear. And seeing as no other inauspicious texts woke Howon at odd hours, he could tell that Jungyeop-hyung knew his message was clear. Every time he looked up and he saw the new maknae shining his teeth at him, Howon wanted to bend over and just hurl out everything in his stomach.

And one day, something was going to have to give.

So Howon sat on his own one night… and wrote a letter.

Everything that he never got the guts to say, he found the power to write. And even though the likelihood of him ever actually getting bold enough to drop it on Jungyeop-hyung’s desk seemed impossible, it began to serve as a talisman in his pocket… wherever he went.

But it didn’t help that Sungjong was always eager to learn. Eager to practice. Eager to join Howon in the practice room and learn everything he could. And for every single step, every arm toss, every lean that Howon taught the boy, he could feel himself sealing his fate all the more.

And when he started to think of that, Howon would have to excuse himself from practice so that he could get away. Breath in air that Sungjong was not also sharing. Anything to not feel like he should just take his fist to the younger one’s smooth, baby skin.

As he closed the door on his way out, he could still hear the breathless counting coming from inside as Sungjong continued to practice, regardless of Howon’s watchful eye. His dedication, too pure to let Howon hate him completely. And Howon could understand why.

Sungjong was cute and small and smart enough to read everyone present in the house till they were all eating out of his hands. Myungsoo was too happy to have someone to spoil that he always had somewhere to take Sungjong. Woohyun took to cooking only based on Sungjong’s palette the first few nights Sungjong spent with them. He seemed completely convinced that Sungjong must have been homesick. Even after Dongwoo and Howon explained to him that Sungjong was a trainee at Woollim even before Myungsoo joined. Dongwoo was partial to everyone so his behavior to Sungjong wasn’t exactly different from his behavior to anyone else. And Sunggyu had taken to carrying Sungjong everywhere, convinced that as the oldest hyung; it was his place to “show Sungjong the ropes”.

None of them seemed to grasp that Sungjong had started his idol training before any of them.

He walked down the corridor from the practice room, taking a quick stop at the studio to see if it was occupied. When he peeped in and found Sunggyu and Woohyun in the booth, he slipped in causing both of them to look up at him for a second before they continued.

They were both seated, facing each other with sheet music in their hands and the head phones holstered over the stands. With Jaehyun gone, Jungyeop-hyung had had to bump Woohyun up to main-vocal. So that Woohyun and Sunggyu spent a lot of time in the studio alone was not the strangest thing to see.

“I’m not saying you have to sound like me.” Sunggyu said, sounding frustrated.

They always fought about singing in their “we’re not really fighting” voices. More often than not, Howon was thrown in the middle of it but at the moment, given that his choice was to either remain with the mated pair or return to Sungjong, Howon didn’t think it was much of a choice at all.

“Fine!” Sunggyu said. “Sing it your way then.”

“So you agree you wanted me to sing it your way?”

“Oh God!”

“Howon-” Woohyun began, turning around to look at him as Howon held his hand up with his eyes closed.

“Don’t even put me there, Woohyun.” He said.

Pouting, Woohyun turned back and Sunggyu.

“We’ll try it your way, then.”

Sunggyu started humming and Woohyun joined seconds after, harmonizing. Soon after, Woohyun was singing as Sunggyu continued to hum. By the time Sunggyu started singing as well, Howon was sitting up in the chair, staring at Sunggyu, transfixed as the first day he saw him singing in the studio behind that same glass.

In the time since the first meeting, Howon could not believe how much his view of Sunggyu had changed. From shy, talented beta to submissive, sexy omega to charging alpha. Howon wasn’t surprised his sexuality was a complete mess. He could not understand how he’d been so ignorant of all the signs at the time. So stuck in his conservative, defunophobic ways that he hadn’t even allowed himself to consider the fact that loving someone was not always predictable. And it certainly didn’t follow the rules of what society wanted. If someone was going to fall in love, it was going to happen. Whether or not they were of the same presentation or currently bonded to your best friend in the whole wide world.

Woohyun cleared his throat.

Howon blinked.

He stared –really stared- and realized that Sunggyu was looking right at him and no longer singing. Howon’s skin felt tight around his neck and his stomach was doing the flipitty-flopitty thing it did when he was having unclean thoughts about Sunggyu and his heavenly voice. And Woohyun-

Oh God, Woohyun was right in the room.

Howon saw Sunggyu blink as well and blush as he looked over at Woohyun too in as much shame as Howon was feeling.

“I didn’t mean-” Sunggyu began but Woohyun just rolled his eyes, reached over and tugged Sunggyu to his feet, dragging him out of the sound booth as Howon got to his feet as well, rubbing his hands in guilt.

“I’m so sorry.” Howon said.

“Oh shut up!” Woohyun scolded before shoving Sunggyu into the sofa beside where Howon had just gotten up from. “Sit.”

Howon sat.

“So, I’ve been thinking.” Woohyun said.

“Woohyun!” Sunggyu warned.

“We have to talk about this sometime.” Woohyun said, challengingly.

“We have talked about it.”

“With him?” Woohyun gestured at Howon.

“Talk about what?”

Sunggyu leaned back on the sofa, resting his elbow on the armrest and covering his mouth with his hand.

“We have a situation.” Woohyun stated. “You get turned on, he gets turned on, I get turned on and then we’re all frustrated.”

“I said I was sorry.”

“Would you shut up for a second?” Woohyun said. “There’s another option besides our communal, domino erections, you know?”

“Which is what?”

“This is so ridiculous.”

“Hyung!” Woohyun said, eyeing Sunggyu.

“What is it?” Howon asked, looking from Sunggyu to Woohyun in confusion.

“We can all be together.” Woohyun said, spreading his hands out before him as Howon shifted away and Sunggyu recoiled in the corner.

“What?”

“Yes. If we’re all so sexually connected, we can just make it official.”

“You’re not attracted to either of us.” Howon said.

“I’m attracted to knots.”

“Woohyun!”

“Howon!”

“I’m not doing it. No matter how good you think it is, you’re not going to be so alright if the alpha you’re bonded to does anything sexual with someone else.”

“Then you’ll bite me.”

Howon’s jaw fell.

Sunggyu gasped, eyes nearly bulging out.

“What?”

“You’ll bond to me too.” Woohyun urged. “I’d be double-bonded to two amazing alphas.”

That was not how it worked. That was not how it worked at all. Biting him didn’t mean Woohyun would be bonded to two alphas. It just meant he’d be bonded to no one. And then Jungyeop-hyung would be able to kick him out and then Woohyun would be left all alone and sent back home to his family as a dejected omega no one wanted anymore. And then-

“What do you think?” Woohyun asked, staring at Howon, eyes bright with supplication.

Howon almost, nearly fell in love with him for it.

Here was Woohyun, looking for a way to make both his friends feel better and he had no idea what his sacrifice could mean. That he’d be surrendering so much more than a sole bond to his uber.

“I can’t.” Howon said, shaking his head as he stood.

Sunggyu and Woohyun stood too, looking at him in concern.

“Howon-”

“What you’re talking about, Woohyun… it’s not… it won’t work!”

“It would.” Woohyun said, trying to take Howon’s hand in his but Howon shifted away, sashaying out from Woohyun’s reach as he slipped out of the room in seething sadness.

*********

Howon found the letter the moment he opened his gym bag, sitting exactly where he’d left it the last time he’d pulled it out to look at. Gulping and shaking in resolve, he entered Jungyeop-hyung’s office, letter-first, as the CEO looked up at him in surprise.

“Howon. I’m expecting good news from-”

He stopped, looking down at the letter Howon dropped on top of his desk.

“What is this?”

Without another word, Howon left the office.

*********

His box had been sitting in a corner from the first night he wrote that letter, packed and ready. Once or twice, Woohyun had commented about it and said something akin to a joke once but Howon pretended he didn’t hear, each time. It wasn’t a conversation he was ever going to involve himself in.

As he entered the dorm and threw what few scattered things of his remaining belongings into his travel bag, he cleaned off the few tears that decided to make an appearance. This was it for him. He was never going to be an idol. At least, not with these people. Not with the group he’d spent nearly two years getting to know and love and grow up with.

He was willing to take almost anything but that discussion with Woohyun and Sunggyu was just the last straw. He also kept playing the conversation when Jungyeop-hyung had first told him about breaking the bond. If it had been Sunggyu, he’d have said no. If it had been Woohyun, he’d have protected Howon. He couldn’t help remembering how Woohyun had fought his father for him. Something Howon had never been able to bring himself to do.

And Woohyun was only a beta, at the time… a budding omega. Someone who should never have had a voice to begin with. Yet, he’d fought his way into Howon’s life and gotten ready to protect him. From anything.

It was really no choice.

If he left, there was no other alpha present for Jungyeop-hyung to use. Woohyun would stay until the debut and then the whole world would know… would see how awesome he was. And then Jungyeop-hyung would never be able to kick him out.

He pulled his box from the room, slinging the bag over his shoulders as the house door opened and Jungyeop-hyung entered, looking livid and waving the letter at Howon.

“What the hell is this rubbish?”

He stopped, eyes lowering till they landed on the packed box and bag in Howon’s hand.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Howon squared his shoulders and adjusted the bag.

“I’m leaving.”

“Because I asked you to do a simple thing for me?”

“Simple?” The bag slipped from Howon’s shoulders. “You asked me to ruin someone’s life.”

“I asked you to break a half bond.”

“YOU WANT TO KICK HIM OUT!”

The shocked look on Jungyeop-hyung’s face was enough to give Howon pause but he could feel something stirring in his gut. Something he’d lost for so long… a need to protect and defend and stand up for himself or anybody else. He was an _alpha_ after all.

“You will watch your tone.”

“You don’t control me anymore.”

Howon pulled his bag back up as he shifted to move around Jungyeop-hyung.

“I was never going to kick you out.”

Howon paused at the door; hand on the knob as he heard Jungyeop-hyung sigh behind him.

“It’s not right.” He said, moving as he dropped unto their brown, raggedy sofa. “Omegas aren’t supposed to be here. It’s too distracting.”

Howon turned around to look at the weary man who, all of a sudden, looked years older than Howon had ever seen, sitting there with a rigid lean forward and his hands clasped around the letter.

“I can’t have an omega on this team.”

“I’m not going to kick out my friend.”

“I thought you were in love with Sunggyu.” Jungyeop-hyung looked up at him. “I thought you’d do anything to get him back.”

“Woohyun is my best friend.” Howon said. “I’m not doing it if you just want to kick him out.”

“I don’t want to kick you out.”

“But you said-”

“I needed you to do what I asked, Howon.” Jungyeop-hyung’s face disappeared behind his hands. “I never wanted you to leave.”

“I’m not going to stay if you keep asking me to do this. Woohyun deserves to be here just as much as the rest of us.”

“But Sunggyu deserves more.” He said. “I do not want this for him.”

“What about what he wants?”

“He doesn’t want to be an idol either.”

“He has grown to care about this team, hyung. Woohyun included.”

“Nothing you say is going to make me want Woohyun on this team anymore.”

“Just because he is an omega-”

“Yes. That might make me sound like such a bad person but you’re a kid. You don’t understand what this means. How many groups do you know with omegas?”

“We can start a trend.”

Jungyeop-hyung laughed, his face cracking into in discs of skin as his shoulders shook in helpless mirth on the couch.

“You really don’t know anything. Thank God, you’re talented.”

“Hyung-”

“Woollim is a small company. There is no trend from us. No one is going to see us and believe that this is a risk they are willing to take. Omegas are distracting and time consuming. Can you imagine the strain it will put on him every time we have to go somewhere or do something that requires twenty five hours in the day? Who’s going to look after him?”

“Woohyun can take care of himself.”

“You say that now.”

“I’m not staying if you want me to break the bond. I won’t do it.”

He stood there, refusing to let the door shut as if keeping the door slightly open would make Jungyeop-hyung understand that he was really serious.

But even as his defiance and boldness remained, Howon couldn’t help wishing… praying… hoping that Jungyeop-hyung would agree. He really wanted to stay but he didn’t want Woohyun to go either.

“Fine.”

Howon nearly melted to the ground in relief.

“So you’ll stop trying to kick him out?”

“Don’t push your luck.”

“Then I need to hear you say it.”

As the CEO looked up, into his eyes, Howon nearly lowered his in submission. But he was suddenly hyperaware of the fact that he was an alpha again. And he honestly didn’t see how he’d let something as important as this be bullied from his hands.

“You can stay in the group, Lee Howon. I will never try to use you to break the bond between Sunggyu and Woohyun so that I can kick Woohyun off the team.”

Howon was about to nod in agreement when he felt a tug on the door as it was pushed open and Sunggyu stood there, looking right at Jungyeop-hyung with more anger than he’d ever seen on anyone’s face.

“What did you just say, hyung?” Sunggyu asked.

*********

Chaos ensued.

Woohyun and Sungjong joined Howon in his room where they’d been sent to as they entered the house in the wake of the shouting match going on in the sitting room.

Sunggyu was pissed and angry and he wasn’t pulling any punches when he spoke back to the CEO, not minding that everyone under the roof could hear him. Jungyeop-hyung wasn’t mincing words either. Which meant that they were all now privy to his earlier conversation with Howon as he angrily –and very loudly- pointed out reason after reason why Woohyun should not be in an idol group.

Dongwoo and Myungsoo joined not long after, both of them taking a silent seat on the floor like the other three members as the shouting continued.

Howon couldn’t keep his hands from shaking as he sat in the corner.

He wasn’t going home.

He wasn’t going home.

_He wasn’t going home._

He didn’t know how to act. Everyone knew what was going on now. He didn’t have any secret. And the fact that Sunggyu had taken up the fight about Woohyun was enough to cause Howon to just sit back and relax.

But his hands wouldn’t stop shaking.

Woohyun reached over and took both his hands, cradling the in his as Howon closed his eyes and welcomed the warmth.

Yes, omegas were too much work for an idol team. But they were the best at reading people. Maybe companies had it wrong. Maybe having an omega around smoothed things over and made it so that the idols didn’t go crazy in their narrow-minded focus on their dreams. Howon couldn’t imagine his life with Woohyun. And it hurt that Jungyeop-hyung was incredibly against it.

When the door slammed shut and everything went quiet, Woohyun whined, retracting his hands from Howon as Howon suddenly realized that Sunggyu had probably left with Jungyeop-hyung.

“He’ll be back soon.” Howon said, puling Woohyun into his embrace as both of them continued to sit and lean on the wall.

“We’ll get started on dinner.” Myungsoo said, taking Dongwoo to his feet.

“Yes, hyung.” Sungjong said, getting up as well. “You don’t have to worry about it.”

“I’m fine.” Woohyun lied, feeling like he was about to get up but Howon just tightened his hold on Woohyun, not letting him go anywhere.

“Of course you are.” Howon agreed, stroking his hair as Woohyun calmed down just a little bit more.

It wasn’t much. It wasn’t nearly as good as what Woohyun needed at the moment.

But it was all Howon had to give.

*********

Sunggyu came back late that night with alcohol. He had them all sit in the sitting room and drink and go round telling secrets. Everyone! Including the maknae because Sunggyu announced Sungjong was Myungsoo’s age mate for the night. If they were all going to be one group, they couldn’t hide from each other. They couldn’t hate each other.

Had anyone else been threatened by the CEO? Did anyone else want to go home? How were they doing? Did they hate the group? Did they hate the company? If they debuted in two months, would they all be able to handle the stress? What did their families think? What did they expect to get from being idols?

He was relentless. Half the questions he asked, he didn’t have any solutions for them because Jungyeop-hyung might love Sunggyu like a son, but there was only so much “suggestion” he could take before he put Sunggyu in his place. But that didn’t mean Sunggyu wasn’t willing to talk about it. None of them had perfect lives. And seeing as they all wanted to be idols, they were not going to have it very easy in the future, either.

The struggle would always be real.

By the time the alcohol ran low, only two were still awake. Myungsoo was wrapped around Sungjong as both of them slept with their heads in Dongwoo’s lap and their feet in Sunggyu’s and Woohyun’s laps, respectively. Howon was the only one not touching anybody as he lay beside Sunggyu, staring up at the ceiling and rolling a soju bottle at his side.

“Big Dipper is going to make it, hyung.”

“I know!” Sunggyu said. “Which is why I asked CEO-nim to make me leader.”

Howon raised himself till he was looking down at Sunggyu.

“What did he say?”

“He’d think about it.”

Howon scoffed. Jongwan wanted Sunggyu to be leader. Sunggyu wanted to be leader. Sunggyu was mad at Jungyeop at the moment. That only led to one possible outcome, no matter how thoughtful Jungyeop-hyung was pretending to be at the moment.

“You’ll make a good leader.”

“I’ll make an awesome leader, excuse you.”

Howon laughed.

A few hours ago, he was so sure his life was headed back to Busan… to a future he never wanted for himself with the possibility of ever seeing Woohyun or Sunggyu or even Dongwoo, Myungsoo and Sungjong almost nonexistent.

But in that moment, Howon could not even begin to explain how good he felt. He was going to be an idol. And Woohyun was going to be an idol too. Granted, he was never ever going to be able to be with Sunggyu the way he truly wanted. But compared to what his life had been, Howon could not help the smile spreading across his face as sleep began to creep up on him.

He could totally see his future being great and awesome and full of possibilities. His potential being what it was, it was going to get better and better and it was never going to stop. Not for him, not for any of them.

Their happiness was going to be infinite.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interested in some woogyuya smut? Then read [In Between](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8706859)


	16. PART FOUR: Lee Sungyeol

In the middle of February, 2009, Lee Sungyeol dropped off a cab at the address that was listed in his acceptance package. As he stood on the quiet street looking up at the dilapidated building with a pillar of brick wall sealed into the side and handful of steps with boards leaning off the front of the house, he could not resist the urge to delve into his leather knapsack and retrieve the slip that had the address on it.

He had the right place. That was for sure.

But how…

The front door creaked open and someone stepped out carrying two overfilled garbage bags. The boy climbed down the steps, looking between Sungyeol and the bags in his hand until he came to stop in front of the house. Sungyeol was still across the street where the cab had dropped him but he figured his staring was what warranted the attention.

“Can I help you with something?” The boy asked.

“Is this the Woollim dorm? I’m looking for Kim Sunggyu-Sshi.”

“Who’s asking?”

Sungyeol frowned.

“I’m Lee Sungyeol. I’m supposed to move in here.”

He walked forward, lifting the slip in his hand to the boy who just deadpanned at Sungyeol till he realized that the boy’s hands were full of garbage.

“He’s in there.” He said, nodding up at the door before he walked passed Sungyeol and headed for the end of the street.

Sungyeol licked his lips at the insult. He was taller than the rude shit. And seeing as neither of them could tell whose age was what, would it not be prudent to reserve the rude behavior till _after_ proper introductions had been made?

He pulled his box to the steps and then lifted it and made his way up, wondering what other surprises lay in wait for him.

Inside, the dorm smelled stale and damp and full. Full of people, clothes, shoes, anything you could think of. And to top it off, someone was cooking in the kitchen and adding the cooking smell to the heap of aromas flooding and confusing his senses at the moment.

“Good morning!” Sungyeol called to the empty sitting room before he heard movement in the kitchen in front of him.

“Who’s there-” A boy stepped out of the kitchen and stopped to look at Sungyeol. “Fake alpha!” He said smiling in recognition. “What are you doing here?”

“Excuse me?” Sungyeol asked.

“We met. At SM. In the coffee shop last month. You wouldn’t leave because you were talking to the barista?”

Sungyeol didn’t remember any such event and he sure as hell had never seen this guy around SM before.

“Are you Sunggyu-sshi?” Sungyeol asked.

“Woohyun.” He wiped his hands on his shorts and reached out for a handshake that Sungyeol tried not to avoid.

“Lee Sungyeol. I was told I’d be expected.”

“For what?”

Woohyun finally looked down to see the box and bag in Sungyeol’s hand.

“You’re moving in?” Woohyun asked. “Well, I guess as long as there’s space for oxygen, we’ll just have to keep accepting people in here, won’t we?”

He opened the door close to where Sungyeol was standing.

“Gyu-hyung, someone’s looking for you.”

“Who?” A gruff voice full of sleep asked.

“Sungyeol?” Woohyun said into the room while looking at Sungyeol as Sungyeol nodded his confirmation.

“Shit!” Sunggyu said inside the room. “Today’s Saturday. Right!”

Woohyun shifted out of the room as a second boy emerged, eyes almost closed with sleep.

“Lee Sungyeol?”

“Yes.”

“Hyoan-hyung said you were coming today. Sorry I forgot.” He led the way to another room. “Uh… this is where we leave our clothes. When you take them out of your box, I can help you hang them up. All boxes go in the upper room because there’s no space for them down here. I see you have a bag. You can keep that in the room you’ll be sleeping in-”

“I’m not sleeping here?” Sungyeol asked looking around the tiny, stuffy room in relief.

“No. This is just for the clothes… and Howon. Here.” He left the room and opened another door. “You’ll sleep here with Soo, Dongwoo and the maknae.”

Sungyeol had to pinch his cuticle to keep from widening his eyes in angry shock. This? This was where he was going to sleep? There weren’t any bunks even and the pallets looked old and worn and…

“Does anyone sleep in the sitting room?”

“You can.” Sunggyu said, shrugging. “But then you’ll have to live with the pain in the morning. Anyway.” He led out again. “Just take your bag and put stuff you use all the time so that you can keep that in the room that you’ll sleep in. This is the sitting room. That is the kitchen. That’s all. If you need anything just ask me. Woohyun, Howon and Dongwoo are the only ones who have cell phones right now and their numbers are on the wall in the kitchen. Add yours in case you’re not home and we need to reach you.”

Sungyeol stood in the room that still smelled of detergent and overuse as he stared at the stacked pillows and pallets in the corner and the shelf on the other side of the room and the squash of bags in another corner. He could not believe he was going to share this room with three other people.

He wondered if this was what dorm life would have been like if he’d ever been anything more than an MC trainee while he was there. He guessed not, though. SM could afford better. They might be cruel but they would not put their training minds through this much torture. But then it made so much sense.

Sungyeol really should have questioned EVERYTHING when he’d seen the amount that was supposed to be his monthly dues.

*********

Sungyeol got through lunch by eating whatever it was that Woohyun concocted in the kitchen that afternoon but when night came and dinner was delivered, he shook his head and reclined. He may have disagreed with a lot of what was happening at SM but the trainers did get one thing right. And that was their diet plan. He was not about to screw up his feeding schedule by eating after six.

“You’ll sit with us, though.” Sunggyu informed him. “Soo will be coming back from home and Dongwoo would be around. It’s a good chance to get to know your housemates.”

At least Sungyeol knew who was in charge… who to defer to. And it was not even that Sunggyu was commanding him like the alpha he obviously was. He just sounded like he was making conversation and somehow, confrontational Sungyeol just didn’t feel so confrontational anymore.

So that’s how he found himself sitting on the couch while the others unpacked their dinner as the room continued to get fuller and fuller till seven boys were present and Sungyeol found himself praying that no one else would add to the number.

“Okay, so that’s Dongwoo,” he pointed at the hyung sitting right beside him. “You know Woohyun. That’s Sungjong. Take care of him.” Sunggyu pointed at the tiny, sharp-eyed mouse sitting between Woohyun and another boy who Sungyeol was sure had mapped out every contour of Sungyeol’s entire being.

He’d just sat there from the moment Sungyeol came into the sitting room and he’d stared and stared and stared some more, saying nothing and creeping Sungyeol out of his bones.

“That’s Myungsoo.” Sunggyu pointed at the starrer. “Howon.” He pointed at the rude boy from outside. “And I think that’s all of us.”

“You think?” Sungyeol asked, apprehensive.

“It’s all of us.”

Sungyeol nodded, trying to go over the names in his head as he pressed at his phone, looking for something to do.

“Woohyun said you’re from SM.” The one called Howon said.

“Not anymore.”

“But you used to train there.” He prodded. Sungyeol really did not like this guy.

“Yes.”

“And now you’re here. At Woollim.”

“Howon.” Woohyun said, nudging him with his shoulder.

“I’m just… making polite conversation.” Howon shrugged, his eyes glinting looking anything but polite. “Why did you leave?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” Sungyeol replied.

Howon scoffed.

“How old are you?” He asked.

“How old are you?” Sungyeol asked right back.

Howon’s tongue engorged his cheek as he smirked back at Sungyeol.

“That’s how you want to be.” Howon said with a shrug that was anything but casual.

But Sungyeol figured he’d take it. Anything not to have the conversation Howon was pushing for.

“Are you here to join us, hyung?” Sungjong asked.

“No.” Sungyeol said shaking his head. “I’m not an idol.”

“You won’t join Big Dipper?” Dongwoo asked, eating noisily in the corner.

“What’s that?” Sungyeol asked.

Woohyun translated it to Hangul.

“Dipper? What’s that, like some fish?” Sungyeol wanted to laugh.

Woohyun laughed.

“None of us get it, either.”

“But you’ll debut with the name anyway?” Sungyeol asked.

“A lot of questions for someone who won’t answer any.” Howon said.

“Hyung!” Sungjong said but Howon spoke over him.

“What are you doing here if you won’t be an idol?”

“I’m here as an actor. I signed with Woollim.”

“So SM sent someone to spy on us and actor was the best they could do?”

“Spy on you?” Sungyeol could not believe the idiot. “No one wants to spy on you.”

“Then why did you leave SM?”

“Because I got a better deal with your CEO.” Sungyeol sputtered out, hot under the pressure and eager to disprove the silly notion that he was to be treated different from anyone and not trusted.

Howon scoffed at him, dropping his chopsticks as he faced Sungyeol.

“You want us to believe that you left SM,” He held his hands high over his head. “To join Woollim,” He held his hand barely above the table surface. “Because of a better deal?”

Well, that was not the only reason he left SM but no one needed to know that.

“Big fish, small pond eh?”

“And you didn’t understand the concept of Big Dipper?” Howon sneered.

“If you have something to say to me, Howon just say it.”

“I believe I’ve already said all I have to say.”

Picking his pack of food and a side dish, Howon walked back into his own room and shut the door as he entered.

*********

Sungyeol did not push his company on any of them. And seeing as how he was the only other person in the dorm that was not training to be an idol, Sungyeol found he had lots of hours free in the day and he usually spent most of it in dorm, laying about doing nothing but pressing his phone.

Sunggyu was busy and did not seem bothered by Sungyeol’s need for privacy. He’d soon accepted that Sungyeol ate only lunch on some days and tried breakfast on hectic days. He also accepted that Sungyeol was not much of a social butterfly and so decided not to push him on integration into the group.

The second oldest was a little harder to pick as he was hardly ever in the dorm anymore and the moment he got back, he was either eating or asleep. Sungyeol was fine with the exclusion from whatever plans Dongwoo had and if he planned to run himself into the ground preparing for a debut, then that was his choice and nothing for Sungyeol to worry himself about.

Woohyun was the problem, really. He tried to include Sungyeol a number of times but that just blew up in everyone’s face. Because, for some reason, Woohyun was a packaged deal with Howon. And whenever Woohyun tried to include Sungyeol there was always a problem.

Because Howon was another problem. If Sungyeol accepted the invitation to sit with them or eat with them, Howon would frown or just get up and go away. But if he declined to join them then Howon would make some snide comment like: “No, please join us. Who knows what secret strategy we might devolve?”

Sungyeol stopped answering the first day he’d tried to meet Howon head on without Sunggyu present and was immediately alerted to the fact that Howon was an alpha. Sungyeol avoided Woohyun and Howon after that.

Sungjong generally just followed Sunggyu’s lead, Sungyeol realized. On the days that Sunggyu asked Sungyeol to eat with them, Sungjong asked about his day and was polite in his conversation. On the days that Sunggyu saw that Sungyeol wanted to be alone, Sungjong left him alone too, sticking to just greeting him politely and staying out of Sungyeol’s way.

Myungsoo was another issue altogether. He didn’t speak to Sungyeol the first three days he spent at the dorm and then on the fourth morning, just before they left Sungyeol for practice, he’d walked up to Sungyeol with a stack of comic books and dropped them right beside where Sungyeol was lying in the room.

“What’s that for?”

Myungsoo had smiled down at him and left the room after that.

He still didn’t talk to Sungyeol. But he still watched him anyway. And it seemed like he had no shame in the issue. No matter what Sungyeol was doing, the moment he came within sight of Myungsoo, Myungsoo’s eyes followed him until he was gone. He was not sure what to make of it until one morning, he’d decided to follow them over to Woollim to see if he could speak with the CEO so he’d woken up to shower early.

As he entered the room, Myungsoo was awake, lying on his side and looking up at Sungyeol. Sungyeol ignored him because somehow, he had reached the point in his life when someone staring at him at all hours of the day was now normal. So he went to his bag and began to offload his toiletries and underwear. He let the towel fall as he bent over to pick his underwear when it suddenly occurred to him to turn around.

And Myungsoo was still there… staring right at him… naked.

He pulled is towel back on and turned around.

“Okay, seriously this is not normal.” Sungyeol said. “Why do you stare so much?”

Myungsoo’s eyes disappeared for a second as his eyes closed, brushing his long, scanty, sleepy eyelashes along his cheeks.

“Are you ever actually going to say anything to me?” Sungyeol asked and Myungsoo shrugged. Then he turned around and faced away from Sungyeol, looking at the other wall.

*********

“Huh?” Sungyeol asked, wiggling his index finger in his ear.

“You’ll practice with Big Dipper.”

“I’m not a dancer.”

“You’re not a singer either.”

“Then why am I-”

“Because I said so.” Jungyeop-CEO said. He looked at Sungyeol and sighed heavily. “You need training, Sungyeol. And I can’t just let you sleep in the dorm doing nothing.”

“Then get me a trainer.” Jungyeop-CEO raised an eyebrow. “Sir.” Sungyeol added.

“I told you. I’m working on it. In the mean time, train with the group. You’ll learn a lot from them and if it doesn’t do anything else for you, at least you learn about lines and how not to lose your breath when you speak.”

“I don’t lose my breath when I speak.”

“There’s no harm in learning more then.”

*********

Sungyeol was not a dancer. He sucked. Even more than spidery-arms-Myungsoo.

And whatever small faith he had incurred by pretending not to be interested in group activities was completely reversed the moment Jungyeop-CEO announced that Sungyeol would be joining them for practice.

Howon had looked worried and then he’d become angry but they were in the CEO’s presence so that helped for about two seconds.

“Sunggyu, I need you to talk to some people.”

“Why?” Sunggyu asked tersely as everyone in the room froze watching the CEO and the eldest hyung.

“Because you’re the leader.”

From where Sungyeol was standing -leaning, dying really- his eyes zeroed in on Woohyun who went completely colorless at the fact that the CEO just called Sunggyu the leader. He blinked about a million times before his lips parted and he appeared to be breathing again. But Woohyun’s color did not return for the entire rehearsal.

Even after Sunggyu had conceded and followed the CEO out of the room.

*********

Sungyeol left the moment the instructor said it was time to go. But not before Woohyun stormed out of the room, ignoring everyone who tried to talk to him. Sungyeol was only too happy to follow, stopping for a moment to splash water on his face in the bathroom. He’d come to building in a pair of jeans and a shirt so that was all he had on. Which meant that that was what he was going to have to wear on the trek back to the dorm. And his calves were killing him. Not to mention the fabric burns he was sure he’d have when he took of the jeans.

This was not what he’d signed up for. At all.

His phone rang.

“Mom.” He said into the phone.

“How’s my baby?”

“He’s good.”

“How’s the new place? Is it better than SM? Are they treating you better? Do you want me to come over and see? Please tell me you’re on an actual program. Your brother checked it out for me online and it looks promising. Epic High? I think? That’s good right? Yeolie talk to me.”

“It’s… different.” He said, looking down at the rusting faucet beneath the cracked mirror.

“What does that mean?”

“It means it’s something new.”

“Do you want to leave?”

“I didn’t say it was bad.”

“Is it bad?”

Sungyeol stood there, looking at himself in the mirror. It really was a better deal… if he squinted real hard and pretended not to see all the other things that made it such a much worse deal than anything SM could have ever offered him. But he couldn’t exactly tell his mom why he’d actually left.

“It is better, mom.” He lied, grateful that she could not see him.

As she dropped the call, he splashed his face some more before he decided he was ready to brave the walk back to the dorm.

As he got up to the top of the stairs, the door openedand Woohyun came bounding out of the dorm, tears in his eyes and headphones around his neck. He stopped when he saw Sungyeol and nodded at him before scampering off.

When he opened the door and entered the dorm, Sungyeol was not prepared at all. If he’d thought their dorm was trashed before, it was nothing compared to how it looked at the moment. The couch had been torn out and the two sticks from the mop and the brush lay broken by the wall in pieces. The fridge was open and from what he could see the kitchen had been trashed too.

“What the…?” he trailedoff realizing he was alone in the dorm with no one to actually answer his query. Unless someone had broken into their dorm and done this, there was only one person he knew had done it. As he turned around to head out again he stopped, watching the rest of the dorm members enter the door as they took in its disturbed state.

Howon looked up at him.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

“For god’s sake-”

“ANSWER ME!” Howon shouted as the two youngest shrank back and Dongwoo placed an arm on Howon’s shoulder.

“Why did you do this?” Dongwoo asked calmly.

“I didn’t.”

“You’re the only one in the dorm. You left us a while ago.” Howon said.

“But it wasn’t me. I swear.”

“Then who was it?” Dongwoo asked, looking like he really did want an answer as he entered further into the dorm, looking around at the mess.

“It was him.” Howon said. “I know it was him.”

Hissing in anger, Sungyeol turned from them and entered to room, banging the door as he went. This was never going to change. As long as he was in the dorm, Howon was going to keep thinking every single thing was his fault.

Minutes later, the door opened and Howon entered as Dongwoo tried to stop him.

“Where’s my disc-man?” Howon asked.

“I told you-”

“I don’t believe you. Give me my disc-man back or I would beat the fuck out of you.”

Sungyeol got up, shaking in anger as he stared down at the midget alpha threatening his life.

“Touch me and I would sue you till you die.” A threat richer than Sungyeol’s status but one he’d heard enough of at SM that he honestly believed he could pull off with this bunch.

“You won’t survive long enough to.” Howon promised.

“Alright. ENOUGH!” Dongwoo said, standing between both of them as he faced Howon. “He said he didn’t take anything. Stop this, Howon.”

“The CD in that disc-man had our recordings hyung. Our rap and vocals. You know? The ones that we’re actually supposed to debut with?”

Dongwoo turned around and looked at Sungyeol and Sungyeol could feel Dongwoo’s faith in him waning.

“SM thinks we’re competition for their new shiny toy and so they sent him in to spy on us or sabotage or whatever. I don’t care.  But he’s trashed this dorm looking for anything to use against us and now he has my disc-man.”

Sungyeol was about to reply when Howon rushed at him and he got slammed into the wall. As Howon pulled back his fist to lay a punch, Myungsoo appeared, grabbing Howon by the hand.

“Soo-”

“I will never forgive you for this.” Myungsoo said, looking right at Howon as Sungyeol saw Howon falter. “This is what you do? You get angry and you make it look as if every alpha must be violent to be heard and maybe I’ve forgiven you in the past but hyung if you hit him, if you touch one hair on his head, I will never talk to you again.”

Myungsoo let go of Howon’s hand and just stood there, eyes never once leaning Howon’s. Not even to look at Sungyeol whose life he was holding in his hand.

Howon looked at Sungyeol again, anger still coloring his eyes but Sungyeol just knew, even before he dropped his hand, that Howon was never going hit him or even try again.

“I want my disc-man back.” Howon said shoving Sungyeol away.

He stood there and waited for the room to clear out. Dongwoo followed Howon out but Myungsoo stayed behind, looking down at the floor and away from Sungyeol.

“Thank you.” He said but Myungsoo did not respond.

It appeared he’d spoken enough words in Sungyeol’s presence and he was not going to do it again.

Not any time soon.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- for all you who wanted woogyuya, check out part two of this series for some smut, titled "February 2009"  
> \- there's also a piece on woogyu titled "October 2008"
> 
> I do not know how asphyxiation works and I’m too lazy to research this so please don’t hate me

When Sungyeol woke up to pee later that night, he could hear movement in the sitting room. As he came out of the room, he saw Woohyun packing up the mess and shifting the table and the couch into place.

“You caused a lot of trouble.” Sungyeol said as Woohyun stood up.

“I know. It’s messy.”

“Howon thinks I stole his disc-man.”

Woohyun’s eyes dropped to the disc-man that was currently sitting on the shelf in the sitting room.

“I’m sorry about that.” Woohyun said. “I’ll return it.”

“You’ll tell him you took it right?”

“Of course.” Woohyun said, looking at Sungyeol for suggesting that he might not.

Nodding, Sungyeol moved on, entering the bathroom to ease himself.

As he got out, Woohyun had moved the couch out of the way and righted the other shelf and was now sorting through the shoes at the door.

“Why did you do this?” Sungyeol asked. “Inquiring minds.”

“It’s no big deal.” Woohyun said, not bothering to look back at Sungyeol. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Someone just tried to punch me out because of you. I think I deserve to know why.”

Woohyun got up and turned, hoping to disappear into his and Sunggyu’s room but Sungyeol blocked his way, putting his hand in Woohyun’s path.

“I insist.”

“Just move.” Woohyun said, sounding tired.

“I don’t know how old you are,” Sungyeol began. “But I’m pretty sure that all the alphaness I smell on you is secondary and comes from the many alphas who somehow think they ought to spend so much time around you therefore I feel pretty secure in saying, once again: I insist.”

Woohyun huffed and pushed Sungyeol out of his way but Sungyeol barely staggered as he looked at Woohyun in shock. So that’s how he wanted to play it?

Sungyeol rushed at him, tackling Woohyun to the ground but before he knew it, Woohyun shifted, turned and suddenly, Sungyeol was the one under.

“Stop it-” Woohyun chided but Sungyeol continued to struggle. “Stop it. You’ll wake everyone.”

“Get off me you psycho!” Sungyeol said, annoyed that he’d been bested.

“Me? You’re the one trying to start something at 3am.”

“GET OFF-” Sungyeol began to shout but Woohyun let go of his hands to grab Sungyeol’s mouth with one hand as the other slipped unto Sungyeol’s neck.

His reaction was instantaneous as Sungyeol went rod straight beneath Woohyun so fast that Woohyun looked down on him in shock. If he’d been lucid enough, Sungyeol would have been able to note the look of sheer fear on Woohyun’s face.

“Are you alright?” He asked, concern dripping from his voice as he tried to pull his hand from Sungyeol’s neck but Sungyeol acted on instinct. He reached up to where Woohyun’s hand and held it there, fastened to his neck as he looked back up at Woohyun. “Wha… what do you…?”

He trailed off when Sungyeol moved, just a little… very small twitch of his waist, trying to test the waters as he rubbed his growing hard-on on Woohyun’s thigh that was between Sungyeol’s legs. Woohyun looked down between them at Sungyeol’s lower body before he looked back at Sungyeol, questions upon questions in his eyes.

Still looking at Sungyeol, Woohyun pressed his neck. Testing as well. And Sungyeol loved it. If he’d been in his right mind, he’d have known that this was probably not something he wanted a stranger knowing about him too soon, but that one squeeze was all the go-ahead Sungyeol needed to move again, pressing his hips into Woohyun’s thigh as he pressed Woohyun’s hand down on his neck further.

Woohyun, blessing as he was, squeezed again and Sungyeol moaned, licking his lips as his hips began to move now that he knew… oh, he knew… Woohyun wasn’t going to run. He wasn’t going to shove Sungyeol away and go crying to management that Sungyeol was some kind of freak.

“Harder.” Sungyeol urged.

When Woohyun pressed and squeezed Sungyeol’s neck till he couldn’t breathe, he could feel the whooshing in his head as he’d begun to feel dizzy and lightheaded but it felt good. It felt awesome. And if Woohyun just kept at it for juuussssstt a little longer, he could… he could…

Sungyeol let go of Woohyun’s hand but mostly because the lack of air was beginning to make it hard to move his hips so he had to hold unto to Woohyun as he rubbed against him, feeling the slight tick at the back of his eyes and the tingle at the base of his spine. It wouldn’t take long. If he just stayed the course, if Woohyun continued to press and press and press- Sungyeol jerked up as he came but was restrained to the ground by the strength of Woohyun’s grip as his hips shook on their own, riding out his orgasm till his legs began to feel weak and the lack of air started to get scary.

He sucked in air, loudly, the moment Woohyun took his hand away. He sat up, choking and turning unto all fours as he felt the stickiness in his night shorts. Sungyeol remained kneeling with one hand to prop him up as the other explored his neck, unbelieving of what he’d just witnessed at Woohyun’s hands.

As he turned over to look for Woohyun, he saw Woohyun just sitting there on his ass looking back at Sungyeol with something akin to wonder in his eyes.

“Something is _very_ wrong with you.” Woohyun noted.

Sungyeol didn’t bother to disagree.

*********

Sungyeol couldn’t find Woohyun the next morning.

So he pulled on a scarf and didn’t let go of it the whole day. Even throughout practice and his lessons with Dongmin. Sungyeol wasn’t even still sure what he was doing learning to dance for. He would never need it and he had to suffer because Woollim probably couldn’t afford to take on another staff considering how little money was coming in anyway.

He saw Howon with his disc-man but Howon didn’t even acknowledge him so he guessed he was in the clear. Whatever had happened the night before, at least Woohyun had returned it and Sungyeol could finally live in peace.

When he woke up the second day after everything, he lay in bed for a few minutes, hating his life and rethinking his decision to join Woollim at all. It wasn’t like he’d been blacklisted or anything. He could go to another company. He could do anything he wanted. No one was standing in his way, per se.

But then he’d have to either start from the beginning or fight for jobs with at least twenty other people. Whereas, in Woollim, there were only six other trainees and they weren’t even looking to be actors anyway.

The door opened and Sunggyu shuffled in, still asleep himself.

“Wake up.” He called as Sungjong sat almost immediately but Dongwoo and Myungsoo remained asleep. “Wake up, guys. We have to meet with the director in an hour.”

It was 2am and Sungyeol worried that Sunggyu must have been crazy if he truly believed he could get Dongwoo to wake up when they’d just gone to sleep about three hours earlier.

Yes, they’d been told the director was coming.

Yes, they all knew the man would be in Seoul for about three hours so he was going to drop by Woollim and be gone.

No, that was not enough to magically cause Dongwoo to wake.

But Myungsoo managed some semblance of consciousness as he rolled over and snuggled into Sungyeol, holding unto Sungyeol’s right arm as he sniffed at Sungyeol’s shoulder.

Sungyeol sighed. Myungsoo was never going to make sense. Every time Sungyeol got used to some weird inhuman behavior, Myungsoo upped the ante.

“Maknae, wake Dongwoo up?”

“Yes, hyung.” Sungjong said, still sitting in the position he’d awoken in as he squeezed his eyes with his fingers.

“Sungyeol, are you awake?” Sunggyu asked.

“Yes, hyung.”

“Make sure Myungsoo’s ready in fifteen minutes.”

Sungyeol sat up as well as he shared a look of exasperation with the maknae.

“It’s what we have to do, hyung.” Sungjong said as he rolled Dongwoo over and began patting at his head and speaking to him loudly. “Dongwoo-hyung. Wake up.”

Sungyeol looked down on the cuddle-monkey still holding a part of his hand.

“Soo?” He said as Myungsoo hummed. “You have to get ready.”

“For what?” Myungsoo asked, moving till his face was practically in Sungyeol’s ass.

“You have a meeting with your image director.”

“Would you come with?” Myungsoo asked, voice muffled by Sungyeol’s sweat pants.

Sungyeol thought about his day and realized that he wasn’t due to the Woollim building until 5am. But seeing as he was awake anyway and with nothing to do, he figured why not.

“I’ll come with.” He said as Myungsoo sniffed at his butt and tried to burrow into him from behind, but Sungyeol shifted away. “Would you stop that?” He smacked Myungsoo on the head.

Myungsoo sat up as well.

When he looked at Sungyeol for a few seconds, Sungyeol could see the sleep-webs clearing from his eyes. This was how it was most mornings. Myungsoo only ever had sensible conversation with Sungyeol when he was till half asleep. Once he woke up, his lips sealed and he pretended Sungyeol wasn’t speaking the same language as he was.

Myungsoo blinked and stood, stretching above Sungyeol.

“You’re not even going to greet me?” Sungyeol asked but Myungsoo just left the room.

Meanwhile, Sungjong was still struggling with waking Dongwoo as he’d turned him around on the floor, yet again.

Sungyeol looked at him, about to offer some sympathy when he noticed the evil glint in Sungjong’s eyes as he wrung his fingers and cracked his neck from side to side.

*********

Sungyeol watched Big Dipper get vetted for public. They looked like they’d been through it before because the moment the image director showed up, they all began assembling chairs in the practice room to resemble a recording studio for a variety show.

He sat in one corner and watched the man run through routine, cliché questions that they’d obviously prepared for. Being an MC and an acting student, Sungyeol could practically see the script that each and every one of them was reciting from memory.

The director seemed to have done a pretty good job though. The differences between the members and their real life personas were not so far off that it didn’t make sense but it was just close enough that once the camera came on, slipping into character wouldn’t be a problem for any of them.

Sunggyu was obviously a favorite and as leader, he was pushed forward and made to talk a lot even though Sungyeol could tell he was mighty conscious of his lisp and pronounced words in order to hide it. But every once in a while, it would slip up and he’d blush furiously, trying to control his shame by shifting around in his chair and adjusting his shirt.

Dongwoo was quiet and always smiling whether the focus was on him or someone far away from him. It wasn’t so different from the Dongwoo Sungyeol knew from the dorm but when Dongwoo laughed, Sungyeol could tell there was a difference there. He covered his mouth more and he tried to reduce the tone and the amount of times he gargled but it was close enough to the real thing.

Woohyun was the second talker of the group, stepping in whenever Sunggyu’s lisp caught him. It was almost as if he could tell when it was about to happen because immediately Sunggyu got stuck, Woohyun began speaking, gesticulating and being ridiculous so that everyone had no choice but to look in his direction. The moment he broke out the aegyo, the director laughed, nearly coughing to death at Woohyun’s first attempt to be cute.

“Don’t.” The director said, trying to straighten his face. “Ever. You’ll embarrass the entire team.”

Woohyun laughed along with everyone because even though the aegyo had been a total fail, no one seemed to remember that Sunggyu was sitting at the edge, shaking from another lisp attack.

Howon was specifically asked to keep quiet.

Sungyeol could see why.

The moment Howon’s mouth opened, snark just flowed and even though it was brilliant and smart, it was definitely not idol behavior. Most of it wasn’t even family friendly and after he’d mouthed off a very innuenduos joke, the director just sighed and asked him to sit silent for a bit. Howon had shrugged and gone silent. He didn’t look too uncomfortable about it either.

Maybe that had been his plan all along.

Myungsoo’s image was the funniest of all. Considering that Myungsoo had exactly two emotions to show -both of which were very _emotional_ \- Sungyeol thought the director was most wrong with him. In the dorm, Myungsoo usually swung between being incredibly quiet and derpy _and_ being incredibly loud and happy. But he’d been asked to be the chic cool guy. Which could have worked out quite well if Myungsoo didn’t always zone out of the entire conversation and leave behind his derpy alter-ego.

Sungjong was asked to play the respectful but brilliant maknae. He did it to the fullest. His back was straight at all times and when the hyungs referred to him in affection, he’d blush and lean into their touch like he was supposed to.

He was perfect.

“Sungyeol?” The director said, looking at Sungyeol.

“Yes, Sir.” Sungyeol said, sitting up.

“Would you like to bring your chair up here?”

Sungyeol blinked at him.

“Why?”

“Because I said so.”

Sungyeol continued to sit.

“You’re in the room. We may as well test you out.”

“I’m not going to be an idol.” He informed the director.

“It wouldn’t hurt to join us.” He said.

Sungyeol could tell he was holding everybody up so he got up and carried his seat over to the others. He placed it at the edge, beside Dongwoo and sat.

“So, for your image…” The director said, looking at Sungyeol thoughtfully. “We don’t have any funny guy.” Sungyeol remained quiet, waiting. “You could be the team choding.”

Sungyeol deadpanned.

“You’ve met me, right?” He asked.

“Your image doesn’t have to be exactly like you. That’s why it’s an _image_.”

“I’m not lousy, I don’t do jokes and there’s no way I’ll ever sell choding to anyone. I’m more the cool guy.”

“Sungyeol, there’s a video online of you fighting with a cat over a piece of paper.”

“He had my script. I was on my way to practice.”

“But it’s already out there. It’s set a good pace for you and if you want to be an idol, you have to capitalize on what you’ve got.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m not going to be an idol then.”

Getting up from his chair, he turned around and left the room.

*********

He slid a cigarette between his lips as he lit it, leaning on the side of the building as he watched a man stroll by in the dark morning’s dim light. He didn’t know why he let that stupid video get to him anymore. It had been a joke at SM but that was all it was. A joke. He’d never thought that it would affect any career he wanted to follow.

And yet now, here he was at Woollim… because of that damn cat.

He huffed as he expelled smoke, licking his lips to keep from having a dry mouth. Maybe Woollim had been a mistake. If that darn video was affecting his virtual idol-hood, how much damage would it do to the kinds of roles afforded him when the time came?

“You’ll mess up your voice.”

He looked to the side as he saw Woohyun strolling up to meet him, his hands gloved and his neck buried in a scarf. Sungyeol took another puff and let it wash through him before he exhaled, ignoring Woohyun. Woohyun had been ignoring him so he could return the favor. Today was not the day and he really was not in the mood.

“You should find another bad habit.” Woohyun said.

“Why?” He asked. “Are you offering?”

Woohyun’s eyes grew before he composed himself and leaned back on the wall beside Sungyeol.

“I’m just saying.” Woohyun prodded. “You might not want to be an idol but as an actor, you’ll want a clean voice.”

“Is my voice _dirty_ now?” He asked, putting emphasis on the word “dirty”.

“Joke all you want but smoking isn’t going to solve your problems.”

This could be fun.

“And you could?” Sungyeol asked, turning to lean on his side so that he could watch Woohyun better.

“I could.” Then Woohyun inhaled. “Not in the way you’re probably thinking, Sungyeol. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re all a family. We help each other. We talk to each other.”

“You want to talk?” Woohyun nodded. “Okay. Then maybe you can start by telling me where you run off to these days.”

Shrieking in fear, Woohyun shoved Sungyeol around the back of the building as he pushed him up on the wall and covered his mouth with his hand.

“What are you talking about?” He asked, sounding worried and guilty.

Sungyeol looked at Woohyun and then looked down to signify that Woohyun was still holding his mouth. Woohyun removed his hand but didn’t step away.

“You don’t have a job. You don’t go home and I know for a fact that you haven’t been going to the practice room because someone is always there and they don’t see you.”

“You can’t tell anyone.” Woohyun said, looking around as if he expected someone to hear them. “Please.”

“You think I’m the only one who has noticed?”

Woohyun groaned in frustration but Sungyeol didn’t try to appease him even though he knew none of the other boys had noticed. In fact, the only reason Sungyeol noticed was because he’d become something of a Woohyun aficionado ever since their _encounter_.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Woohyun said.

“Your behavior says otherwise.” Sungyeol said, eying Woohyun up and down.

Pushing his lips together, Woohyun stepped away, trying to step to the side but Sungyeol followed, shoving his cigarette in his mouth as he caged Woohyun between his hands.

“What are you doing?”

“Offering you a deal.” Sungyeol said, standing astride with Woohyun between him and the wall.

“What deal?” he asked with narrowed eyes.

“You know what I want.” Sungyeol said, lifting his chin at Woohyun. Surely, he wasn’t going to make him spell it out.

“What you want is disgusting.” Woohyun said. “I’m not going to-”

“Liar.”

“Excuse me?”

“You were good, but you weren’t that good that I didn’t notice a few things myself.” He blew smoke into Woohyun’s face as Woohyun turned away. “You didn’t try to kiss me. You didn’t even try to get off and none of that might be strange. Except for the part where you couldn’t take your eyes off my neck.”

With the morning beginning to turn bright, Sungyeol could see the reddening of Woohyun’s blushing cheeks as he stared up at Sungyeol.

“Yeah, I was the one getting off but you enjoyed it too.”

“That wasn’t-”

“You liked it. Admit it. You wrapped your hand around my neck and you watched it more than you watched me. Just say it.”

“I didn’t.”

“You’re lying.” Sungyeol snapped.

Woohyun pushed him away, causing his cigarette to fall on the floor. By the time he looked up, Woohyun had turned round the building and disappeared.

Scoffing, Sungyeol picked up the cigarette, shook it and put it back in his mouth as he leaned back on the building.

“Delusional.” He said.

Then he lit the cigarette once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mystery Pairing!!!!!!


	18. Chapter 18

Woohyun was intriguing to watch.

Sungyeol couldn’t figure out why, but he found everything Woohyun did just… poetic. From the way he danced, to the way he sang. Even the way he scrubbed the floor or lined up the shoes on his cleaning days was worth the attention. And if Sungyeol was any bit shameless, he’d have found a way to be tactful about it. But he really didn’t care.

Honestly, he preferred having Woohyun squirm everytime he looked up and found Sungyeol looking right back at him.

Then it started to get weird… or better.

It slowly began to seem like Woohyun was putting on a show for Sungyeol. As if he was asking for the attention that Sungyeol was all too willing to give. Suddenly, the blushing disappeared and was replaced by a self-aware smirk. And everytime he saw Sungyeol looking, his back went straighter, his gaze zeroed in and his moves got sharper.

They didn’t do anything after that first time, though. Not since Woohyun had run away from him outside the studio. But Sungyeol was patient. He could wait. If Woohyun was going to be a complete girl about it all, he’d give him the time to figure out his shit so the entire thing didn’t blow up in Sungyeol’s face.

The last thing he needed was for Howon to mistakenly hear that Sungyeol was putting strange ideas in innocent Nam Woohyun’s head.

It also didn’t quite help that Woohyun always seemed to be around one alpha or another at everytime of the day. So it was not like Sungyeol was about to start something in front of them that he couldn’t defend if they decided to ask.

Flirting was good… for the time being. Neither of them was going anywhere anyhow.

Sungyeol could wait this whole thing out like a monk.

Then one morning, Sungyeol found Woohyun in the sitting room, mouthing out words from a letter in his hand as his eyes moved across the page from one side to the other. The moment he realized Sungyeol was present, Woohyun coughed and squeezed the paper before sliding it into the pocket of his shorts.

“Why do you wake up so early?” Woohyun asked.

Sungyeol shrugged, nodding at Woohyun’s pocket.

“What was that?”

“Letter from my mom.”

“She doesn’t have your phone number?” Sungyeol asked.

“She’s old school.”

 _Yeah right_ , Sungyeol thought. _Because that’s how anyone would treat a letter from their mother._

“How’s voice training going?” Woohyun asked.

He was so transparent; Sungyeol thought it was immensely cute.

“It’s completely redundant for me and you know it.”

“What’s redundant about keeping your voice clear?”

“I’m not going to be an idol.”

“But it won’t hurt you.”

“Not unless I don’t want to spend the rest of my life pretending that I actually care about aegyo and silly MV costumes.”

Woohyun’s eyes narrowed at the unintended insult and he looked like he might pounce on Sungyeol.

“Look, don’t go picking a fight with me.” Sungyeol told him as he watched Woohyun blink himself away from his growing anger.

“What?”

“You don’t have to be angry with me. Just say the word…” Sungyeol said seriously. “You can do anything you want to me.”

He meant every word.

There was no one else present: no members, no disturbing amount of exposure. Just the two of them. Just like it had been that first day when Sungyeol discovered that Woohyun was a blessing from God. Woohyun didn’t need to pretend to pick a fight. Sungyeol would do anything, regardless.

He was shameless like that.

Woohyun’s jaw slid open just a bit as he stared at Sungyeol, his gaze oscillating between cornered and a little turned on. But if Sungyeol had misread Woohyun’s mixed signals that morning, it was swiftly confirmed the moment Woohyun’s eyes slid down to Sungyeol’s neck.

He began to take a step toward Woohyun when Howon’s room door opened.

So Sungyeol just kept walking as he made his way past Woohyun and out the door, into the cold, March morning.

*********

Sungyeol didn’t last long in practice that day.

He watched Woohyun strut around like the alpha he totally was not and then he offered to teach Sungyeol the steps by not actually touching but saying incredibly provocating things.

“Thrust forward.” Woohyun had said once.

“Show me.” Sungyeol had said right back and was pleased to note Woohyun still owned a bit of shame as he slipped away and pretended the maknae was making a huge mistake.

Pent up and incredibly aware that he would not be missed, Sungyeol left to the dorm.

He got off alone in his room, avoiding the shower because Sunggyu had given him the lecture about not wasting water to find private happiness. Sungyeol had asked how anyone was supposed to find private happiness without the shower in a house full of boys, to which Sunggyu had replied:

“Get creative.”

When he was done, Sungyeol retired to the sitting room to give their room time to air out.

*********

Myungsoo woke Sungyeol up with two of his newest manwhas as he slid them into Sungyeol’s lap and fell unto the sofa cushion next to Sungyeol.

“When did these come?” Sungyeol asked, not really expecting an answer.

“This morning.” Myungsoo replied.

When Sungyeol looked up at him, Myungsoo just smiled and shrugged, pushing the manwhas at Sungyeol’s face.

As Sungyeol opened it to read, Howon emerged from his room carrying a duffel bag.

“Jungyeop-hyung’s on his way.” Howon said as Myungsoo sat up, looking around at their untidy dorm. “Don’t worry. He’s not coming in.”

“Oh.” Myungsoo said, eyes assessing Howon’s bag. “How many days?”

“Two weeks maybe? Just to be safe.” Howon blushed. “First time I’m being responsible.”

“Did you pack everything?” Sunggyu asked, coming out from his room with Woohyun trailing behind him.

“Don’t mother me, hyung.” Howon said as Sunggyu waved in surrender and headed for the kitchen.

“Last chance.” Woohyun said, looking at Howon in a strange way.

“That’s not even funny anymore.” Howon said, getting tense with Woohyun for some reason.

Sungyeol rolled his eyes at their strange conversation as he returned his attention to the new manwhas that he now had to read.

“Jungyeop-hyung might keep you longer than two weeks.” Woohyun said, sitting by Howon’s bag as he began to go through its contents. “You didn’t take a toilet bag.”

“I don’t need one.”

“You’re going to shower, Howon.” Woohyun chided.

“It’s a rut. I’ll be indoors for most of it.”

Sungyeol found his interest piquing at the fact that Howon was the only alpha leaving, if it was because of his rut. Sunggyu did not appear to have a bag packed.

“It hasn’t started yet, Howon. You have like two days before it actually kicks in.”

“Jungyeop-hyung has soap and I have a toothbrush. Done.”

Woohyun snorted.

“Such a brute-alpha thing to say.”

“Fine.” Howon said. “I’ll pack the damn toilet bag.” As he left, Sungyeol was sure he heard Howon mumble: “Nag.”

But something didn’t quite add up. If Howon and Sunggyu had already presented, then why did Howon have to leave? Triggering Sunggyu’s rut wouldn’t mean a damn to thing to either of them and considering they had been living together for as long as they had been, it was possible they both had the same cycle anyway so why did Howon have to leave?

Unless there was an omega in the house.

But if Sunggyu was staying behind then he was bonded to the omega.

Which meant there was a bonded omega in the house. Sungyeol looked at Myungsoo beside him before he leaned over and gave him a long whiff.

Myungsoo’s breath hitched, as he looked back at Sungyeol, confused.

It wasn’t Myungsoo. He didn’t smell like an omega and he certainly didn’t smell like he’d spent a lot of time with an alpha. In fact, the only person who Sungyeol knew that smelled like an alpha but wasn’t actually an alpha was…

A smell wafted into the air as Sungyeol’s nose sniffed, his eyes zeroed in on the source of the sweet, spicy scent permeating the air.

Sungyeol gulped, leaning forward in his seat as Woohyun looked over at him and for a second, he was sure Woohyun was leaning forward too.

“You’re an omega.” Sungyeol said, not quiet believing the words pouring out of his mouth.

How could someone like Nam Woohyun be an omega? He was anything but feminine and he certainly had more power in the house than most omegas would have been afforded. There was also the issue of an omega being an idol trainee in a house with TWO ALPHAS.

Before Sungyeol could continue his interrogation –or get any answers- Howon stepped between them, raising his hands at Sungyeol and looking like Sungyeol was the enemy.

“Back the hell off.” Howon said, voice hitched in his throat like he was struggling to control himself. “HYUNG!” Howon shouted. “Sunggyu-hyung!”

“What is it?” Sunggyu came out lazily until his eyes suddenly went sharp. And then he was leading Woohyun into their room as Myungsoo got to his feet in worry.

“What should I do, hyung?” Myungsoo asked Howon. “What can I do?”

“I’m fine, Soo.” Howon said, grabbing his bag as he headed for the door. “I’ll just wait outside for Jungyeop-hyung.”

As Howon left and Myungsoo remained with Sungyeol who was still too confused about the scene that just occurred before him, Myungsoo looked down on Sungyeol.

“You could smell Woohyun’s heat.” Myungsoo noted.

Sungyeol nodded.

“I thought you’re beta.”

“I am.” Sungyeol said.

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Myungsoo said.

 _Well_ , Sungyeol thought, _add that to the long list of things that didn’t make sense in the Woollim dorm_.

*********

Big Dipper’s vocal line as well as half of the rapper line and one of the main dancers was out of commission. Which meant no practice for the rest of them for the entire week.

So Sungyeol got to stay at home and listen to Woohyun and Sunggyu having round-the-clock heat sex. He found himself increasingly irritable and short-tempered with everyone around him that Dongwoo and Sungjong chose to stay out of his way.

Myungsoo didn’t budge. He remained glued to Sungyeol’s side as if Sungyeol wasn’t becoming a jackass.

Sungyeol was almost as confused as he was angry.

He was sure Woohyun was attracted him… on some level. But if he was mated to Sunggyu, then how was he getting away with it? Wasn’t the bond designed to alert a mate if another was being untrustworthy?

Granted, he’d found answers to his Woohyun-omega confusion after he’d sat back to reassess all he did know about Woohyun. He had power in the house but not the forceful, authoritative kind that alphas had. It was more like the sleek, undercover, manipulative kind omegas used to keep alphas in check. And all those muscles and gyming? Probably an overflowing habit from his days as a beta.

Woohyun was so self-sufficient that Sungyeol couldn’t fault himself for not seeing his omega-ness sooner. But he could at least admit the fact that the signs were there.

If Woohyun was mated, did that mean that some alone time with Sungyeol was off the table? If it wasn’t, how was he going to get it? How was Sungyeol ever going to get Woohyun alone when the cycles were over and Howon was back and Sungyeol, once again, had two alphas in his way?

“You’re angry over nothing.” Myungsoo told him one day.

“What?”

“It’s a half bond.” Myungsoo explained. “When Sunggyu bit him, Woohyun never bit back. They’re not attracted to each other so,” He said. “You’re angry over nothing.”

Sungyeol wasn’t so sure of that.

If it was nothing, then why was he out in the sitting room feeling like an idiot while Woohyun was in his room, getting his brains screwed out by an alpha?

*********

After the cycle rolled over and Howon was back in dorm, Sungyeol thought it would be prudent to stop the bad behavior. It wouldn’t be good for either of them if they got caught.

It was nice to play with Woohyun and all but when you included Sunggyu the obvious, future poster boy for Woollim, it didn’t sound like it would be worth it to pursue so much trouble.

So Sungyeol stayed away.

But, apparently, staying away meant a completely different thing to Woohyun.

It seemed that without Sungyeol being the forward, rude one between them, Woohyun figured he’d pick up the slack. This included walking around the house with only a pair of boxers on and taking off his shirt during practice. And while it may have been one of the few things Sungyeol had prayed for when he first arrived, he began to dread it every time he saw Woohyun’s spotless skin marred by the mating bite sitting on his shoulder.

Whatever was turning Sungyeol on would suddenly become a reason for his balls to jump back in the moment he remembered just who Nam Woohyun really was.

“You’re avoiding me.” Woohyun accused on the morning Sungyeol was to rinse and dry their clothes.

“And you’re shameless.” Sungyeol snapped as he hung a shirt on the drier. “Put a shirt on, hyung.”

“Why?” He asked. “Is it bothering you?”

Sungyeol walked out from the tiny drying room and looked into the sitting room to make sure there was no one who could hear them.

“You’re mated.”

“Not completely.”

“I don’t care.”

“I’m not in love with him.”

“You really don’t need to explain yourself to me.”

“He wouldn’t care.”

“Woohyun!” Sungyeol said, looking at him and feeling tears beginning to burn at the back of his eyes. “I can’t do this right now.”

“I’m not trying to make your life difficult.” Woohyun said.

“Then leave.”

“No.”

Sungyeol sighed, about to give Woohyun a lecture on why this was such a bad idea to even consider when Woohyun jacked him down by the neck and kissed him. It wasn’t even a real kiss because half of his mouth was on Woohyun’s cheek and vice versa but he was so close that he could feel every inch of Woohyun’s front when Woohyun reached up and wrapped his firm arms around Sungyeol’s neck in a tight embrace, keeping him hunkered and unable to move.

“It can be a secret, yeah?” Woohyun asked before kissing him again. “No one needs to know.”

Considering all the reasons that they should not go ahead with it, it was such a stupid, silly idea, but Sungyeol did not think he had ever heard anything so brilliantly inspired in his whole life.

*********

The thing with Woohyun was absolutely marvelous.

It was fulfilling.

It was energetic.

It was secret.

But more than that, it was with Woohyun.

He didn’t just do the things Sungyeol wanted, he asked for things too. He was so demanding sometimes that Sungyeol wondered about his previous sexual encounters. Either Kim Sunggyu was kinkier than he looked. Or Woohyun just had a dark mind of his own. Or maybe –and this was a biggie- maybe Woohyun was letting Sungyeol affect his taste.

Sungyeol liked to believe it was the last one.

They found odd places to meet: Woollim bathroom, in dorm when no one was home, at the playground in the neighborhood at night, anywhere that no one was, really.

It was so frequent that Sungyeol thought the rest of the members complete imbeciles that they didn’t know what was going on right under their very noses.

Everyone except for Myungsoo.

Sungyeol already understood that his life now had a private viewer who knew more than he’d have liked anyone else to know about his life. And there was the day he’d heard Myungsoo cover for him with Sunggyu when Sungyeol had spent the time with Woohyun.

He had never been more thankful for all the times he’d indulged Myungsoo’s weirdness than he’d been at that very moment.

But all that happiness could not be for long. Not unless something didn’t come and just throw a total dampener on Sungyeol’s party.

He’d been walking through dorm, awake and on his way to the bathroom again when he’d found Woohyun looking at another letter.

After he’d asked and Woohyun had given yet another flimsy answer, Sungyeol had stopped asking, choosing to let Woohyun believe that he’d distracted him with a spontaneous, morning blow job.

It was not as if he was worried that Woohyun was lying to him. What worried him was the fact that Woohyun could have gone and gotten himself mixed up in something that could very well affect all of them living under the same roof.

So really, Sungyeol’s worry was nothing but a mere demonstration of public service.

Later that day, he’d followed them to practice and then excused himself to return to dorm because Sungyeol figured it was about time he got some answers. He searched Woohyun and Sunggyu’s room until he found Woohyun’s knapsack. He’d thought of ignoring it but in the last second, he’d just looked inside for no reason. There, he’d found two papers rolled up together: one, he recognized as the squashed up paper from a month prior and one from that morning.

Heart beating in his chest like a resounding gong, Sungyeol opened the two letters and read their short texts side by side:

_Dear Mr. Nam Woohyun,_

_On behalf of the management at YG Entertainment, we are extending an acceptance to join our training program as you have passed the final level of auditions…_

The other one read:

_…choosing to join the other trainees at JYP Entertainment would bring you one step closer to being a great and respected Korean Pop Idol…_

Sungyeol gasped, remembering that he’d been holding his breath for too long as he realized two very different things.

Woohyun had been going out on auditions because he wanted to join another company.

And both companies, unsurprisingly, wanted Woohyun as well.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, silly me, i didn't know what big dipper meant till i heard it in a movie a couple of nights ago. please excuse my ignorance

When Woohyun started asking around for the “stuff” that he left in his bag, no one knew what he was talking about. His reluctance to explain what was actually missing didn’t help his case much either.

And even if Sungyeol knew what was missing and where it was, he was not about to admit it. Holding on to the letters gave him some false hope that maybe… just maybe… Woohyun wouldn’t be able to leave without them.

Of course, this was a stupid, foolish thing to wish for.

He had no idea when he’d become so sentimental. He didn’t understand it. Sungyeol was no stranger to abandonment and he’d certainly had his fair share of breakups in the few years he’d been a teenager. But for some reason, the thought of having Woohyun leave Woollim just when he was beginning to settle was not something he thought he’d like much or handle well.

Finding the letters had forced him to notice some things that he’d never seen before.

Woohyun and Sunggyu were bonded and even though Woohyun’s mark was only visible when he went shirtless, Sungyeol never saw an identical mark on Sunggyu. This only served to verify Myungsoo’s claim that it was a half bond.

There was also the issue of Jungyeop-CEO’s difference in behavior towards both main vocals. While his efforts to make Sunggyu happy on any occasion was met with anger and barely concealed rage, the CEO did little more than acknowledge Woohyun’s existence. So Woohyun kept his head down, did his work and pretended like he wasn’t about to jump ship in a few weeks. 

Sungyeol didn’t know how he could have missed it. It all added up. In some sad way. If he’d been Woohyun, he wouldn’t want to complete a bond when he had plans to run away. But what kept nagging at Sungyeol was what Woohyun thought he’d be able to do about the bond.

By Woohyun’s reluctance to tell anyone about the letter, it was obvious he was going to sneak away. But that wouldn’t solve his bond issue. Sunggyu could afford to be away from Woohyun but Sungyeol didn’t see how Woohyun thought he’d survive without the consent of the alpha who had bitten him. Wouldn’t he need Sunggyu’s enzymes and extracts and all that yucky stuff? At some point, he was going to have to tell Sunggyu, if not everyone.

Sungyeol didn’t see how that was going to turn out to be a fun conversation to be a part of.

*********

Sungyeol found, in the best possible way, that choking on a dick was just as satisfying as having someone’s hand on your throat. He’d seen the freaked out look on Woohyun’s face the first time he’d mistakenly jerked into Sungyeol’s throat and made him gag on it. Woohyun had tensed, struggling to take his dick out but Sungyeol had shoved him against the sink and forced his dick back in, ignoring Woohyun’s halfhearted protests above his head.

By the time it happened the second time, with Woohyun crouched over Sungyeol’s head on all fours and his knees digging into the pallet beneath Sungyeol’s back, he’d held unto Woohyun’s hips, expecting him to squirm again.

Woohyun hadn’t.

He’d buried himself dick-deep in Sungyeol’s mouth and waited for Sungyeol to adjust to the eye watering pain. When Sungyeol finally settled, he’d tried to breathe through his nose but had somehow managed to gulp down with Woohyun’s dick down his throat, thereby massaging it involuntarily. Sungyeol could have sworn he’d choke to death.

But then Woohyun had squirmed. Not in the same scared way as the first time, but in a seriously-loving-it way as his hands grasped at Sungyeol’s hair before he began to move, fucking into Sungyeol’s mouth with reckless abandon.

He was discovering new things about himself with every sexual encounter. He was also learning that the possibility that there would be anyone else for him but Nam Woohyun was getting slimmer and slimmer with each encounter.

“When are you going to fuck me?” Woohyun asked, later that afternoon as they lay side by side in the big room. That was Woohyun’s own kink, Sungyeol figured. He liked to get choked and Woohyun liked to cum forever. Maybe it was because he was an omega or maybe Woohyun just loved to cum that much. But every time they got together, Sungyeol made like a normal boy and came once before he was sated enough to rest. But Woohyun wouldn’t even hold back. He’d cum from kissing. He’d cum from a blow job. He’d cum from giving a blow job. And then when Sungyeol came, Woohyun would kiss him again and cum as well.

And now, he wanted to up the ante. Because no one else was home.

He’d watched Woohyun flinch the moment Sunggyu left the room and he’d also read on the consequences of an incomplete bond and how there could be real physical pain if the unbitten was ever separated from the bitten. The first time they’d snuck away and Woohyun had coughed and spat and protested that there was nothing wrong with him, Sungyeol had been confused. But after his research, he’d noted it for what it was: withdrawal hormones.

And yet, it seemed like the more they snuck away, the easier it got for Woohyun. It as if he was testing himself to see if he’d ever be able to fully leave.

Or maybe he was getting better at hiding the pain.

“This isn’t enough for you?” Sungyeol had asked, as if penetrative sex had never crossed his mind.

“You can fuck me if you want.” He’d said, rolling over to his side as he leaned on Sungyeol. “I’m lax and self-lubricating.” He licked Sungyeol’s ear. “And very bendy, too.” He kissed Sungyeol’s ear before he caught the lobe between his teeth and gnashed his teeth softly, rubbing the sharpness against the back and front of the soft skin.

“If I left the dorm,” Sungyeol said, cutting through Woohyun’s insatiable libido. “How would you feel?”

“Are you leaving Woollim?”Woohyun asked, frowning down at him.

“I didn’t say I was leaving.”

“Then why would you ask that sort of question?” Woohyun chided.

Sungyeol turned around to face him as well.

“What are we doing here?”

“We could be having sex but someone is having a problem getting it up so he’s asking stupid questions to stall.”

“I’m not…” Sungyeol sighed. “I’m not stalling. And you haven’t answered either of my questions.”

Woohyun lay on his back, looking up at the ceiling.

“I’d miss you.” He said. “I like having sex with you.”

“Is that all this is?”

“That’s all it can be.”

Sungyeol’s heart sank.

“Look.” Woohyun said, leaning up on his elbows. “I’m not trying to be a jackass. I care about you. But there’s stuff in my life I’m trying to get through right now and this isn’t the time to develop feelings for anyone. You understand that, right?”

He nodded. He did understand. If he was planning to jump ship, the last thing he’d want to do is form a lasting bond with anyone.

“I’m too much of a controversy and I have a way to make it better. I want all of Big Dipper to debut one day. We can all be idols. Even if something happens and we’re not together, what I have to do will make all of us stars one day. And I can’t have a relationship on my conscience, you get it?”

He looked at Sungyeol till Sungyeol looked back at him.

“I get it.”

“Good.” He kissed Sungyeol.

“Hmm.” Sungyeol hummed into the kiss, nudging Woohyun’s lips away. “I just got it.”

“What?” Woohyun frowned in confusion.

“Star… Big Dipper.” Then he repeated the name in Korean.

“Yeah so?” Woohyun asked.

“You guys are Big Dipper because you’ll be bright stars like the constellation.” Sungyeol laughed. “I’m so stupid.”

Woohyun looked down at him and blinked like he couldn’t understand Sungyeol’s stupidity.

“When you said the thing about the fish, you weren’t being sarcastic?” Woohyun asked.

“No. I actually thought big fish that… not the… I… urgh!” Sungyeol covered his face with his hands as Woohyun laughed at him, crawling over him till he was straddling Sungyeol’s hips.

“You’re so stupid, it’s almost sexy. Fuck me, already.”

_Oh, this guy._

“Are we back on this again?” Sungyeol asked. He couldn’t understand how Woohyun was so willing to give himself to someone he didn’t plan to form an emotional bond with.

“Yes. You’re a fool and you should fuck me.”

“What’s wrong with what we’re already doing?”

“It’s not complete sex.”

“Oral sex is still sex.”

“Manual sex-”

“Don’t call it that.”

“Then what should I call it?”

“A hand job.”

“Fuck me, Lee Sungyeol.” Woohyun kissed him.

“No.”

“I’m your hyung. Do what I say.”

“We were born the same year.”

“February to August is a long time.”

“On the 31st of December, we’re the same age anyway.”

“Urgghh… you’re being so difficult.”

“You’re being a spoilt brat.”

“Because you can’t see a good thing that’s right in front of you.”

 _I can see a good thing. I’m looking right at you_. Sungyeol almost said as he lay on the ground, staring up at the unusual, sexy, strong omega who had a surprisingly strategic mind.

Woohyun wanted to be an idol and he was never going to get any good treatment if his company didn’t support him. He was an omega that was half bonded to an alpha. There was so much Nam Woohyun could do if he was given the chance. And if he was going to find a better situation at YG or JYP, Sungyeol didn’t see why he should pray for anything else for Woohyun.

Woohyun kissed him again, this time letting his lips linger before he looked right into Sungyeol’s eyes.

“Seriously,” He said. “Why won’t you fuck me?”

*********

Sungyeol unearthed the letters from the bottom of his box and decided to return them. There was no need to hold Woohyun back. If he wanted to leave, then he should. Sungyeol resolved to enjoy what he could get now while he still _had_ Woohyun.

So he snuck back into WooGyu’s room to put the letters back but he couldn’t find the bag. He searched the pile of clothes in the corner and checked the cupboard by the rollups. When he didn’t find it, he figured he’d just come clean… or find a way to drop it somewhere that only Woohyun would find it. If he didn’t want the others to know yet, there was no sense in-

“What are you doing in here?” Howon asked as Sungyeol turned around, hiding the letters at his back. “What’s that you’re hiding?”

“It’s nothing.” Sungyeol said.

“Did you steal something?”

“I didn’t steal anything.” He backed away as Howon advanced on him. When Howon lunged, Sungyeol slipped beneath his hands and managed to make it to the door before he realized he letters weren’t in his hand anymore.

He turned back in horror as he watched Howon’s eyes grow bigger and bigger as they began to read line after line of the letter.

“What the fuck is this?”

“Please, Howon-”

“NAM WOOHYUN!”

*********

Sungyeol stood, frozen in the room as the world outside exploded in loud angry voices.

He could hear what was going on.

He could hear Woohyun struggling to explain over Howon’s hurt questions about why he’d do this to all of them.

“We promised to look after each other.”

“That’s what I’m doing?”

“By going to another company? What will that solve?”

“I’ll be an idol and you guys would be idols too. It’s win-win.”

“You’ll still be an omega, Woohyun.”

“I told them I’m an omega during my audition.”

Howon didn’t have any reply to that.

Instead, the entire house stood still and quiet but far from calm as Sungyeol’s heartbeat sounded in his ears so deafeningly loud.

“How were you going to survive with the bond?” Sunggyu’s calm voice broke the silence.

“I found someone.”

Howon laughed. Dry, angry, hurt laughter that no one else dared follow.

“I was going to wait till the next cycl-”

“Please stop talking.” Howon said. “Ignoring the fact that this doesn’t say ANYTHING for our friendship… if I’m going to be rational about this, I’ll just ask: how did you think this was going to go well for us? You go off and join a big fancy company and we get left in the dust.”

“I wasn’t going to leave immediately.”

“But you still were. And then what? We’ll be short one main vocal.”

“You don’t need me.”

“SAYS WHO?”

“SAYS YOUR CEO!” Woohyun screamed. “Do you think this was easy for me? I have trained just as hard as any of you. A year ago I was leader… I was going somewhere but now, what am I in Woollim?”

“Woohyun-” Sunggyu began to say but Woohyun wouldn’t let him.

“What do you think you can change for me? I stay here for you but then what? Eventually Sunggyu might cave and let me take the damn extract and I’ll still have to leave. Or one day, we could slip up and Howon, you could bite me during a cycle and I’ll still have to leave. Having an omega with a half bond is not secure for any of us. And I’m not about to just sit back and rely on the off chance that nothing will go wrong. If I get bitten in another company that appreciates what I have to offer then I become immune.” Sungyeol hears Woohyun sniff. “Do you hear me? I… become… immune. I won’t be palatable anymore to rutting alphas… I’ll lose my hormones but best of all, no one –and I mean  no one- would be able to control what I can or can’t do because I won’t be bonded to anyone. In a company that wants me. ME! Not the alpha that I’m bonded to. So yes, Howon. You can call me selfish… call me whatever the fuck you want but when August comes around, I’m leaving Woollim and there’s nothing anyone could say or do to stop me.”

Sungyeol had to shift as the door swung open to reveal a charging angry Woohyun.

“You!” Woohyun said, eyes red with anger as he looked at Sungyeol with betrayal and distrust.

“I didn’t tell them anything.” Sungyeol said, rushing to defend himself.

“You took my letters! You showed it to Howon.”

“I didn’t. I swear.”

“Why?” Woohyun continued, not hearing a word coming from Sungyeol’s mouth. “One little conversation… why? Because I said I wasn’t lookingfor anything serious? What do you think you have gained now?”

“I wasn’t trying to gain anything.”

“Then why did you take my letters?”

“You were acting suspicious-”

“Because it’s my BUSINESS!” He screamed, pulling his hair. “WHY CAN’T ANYONE SEEMTO GRASP THAT IT’S MY… FUCKING… LIFE?”

Sungyeol raised his hands up, waving at Woohyun.

“I wasn’t being petty. I took the letters and then I was going to return them.”

“But you just thought you’d show Howon first.”

“I didn’t show him.”

“I never imagined that you’d be so spiteful. Everyone is mad in this house now, because ofyou.”

“Woohyun-”

“You will gain nothing from me.” Woohyun promised. “I can’t trust. I don’t love you and whatever stupid satisfaction you thought you’d get, I’m done with it.”

Sungyeol couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Don’t make it sound like our arrangement was one-sided.” Sungyeol said, beginning to get angry.

“You want to know why I agreed to it?” Woohyun said, walking right into Sungyeol’s face as Sungyeol tried to walk back but got stuck by the cupboard.

“You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I was scared that you’d tell someone about me. But I guess the cat’s out of the bag now. Everyone knows I’m leaving. There’s no reason to suck your dick anymore.”

The door creaked as Sungyeol looked up at Sunggyu and Howon who were now looking at him with something akin to growing distrust and barely suppressed anger.

“What is he talking about?” Sunggyu asked.

“Didn’t you know?” Woohyun asked spitefully, looking back at Sunggyu and Howon. “We’ve been doing it behind your back.”

“I don’t care about that.” Sunggyu said, walking into the room. He looked from Woohyun to Sungyeol. “Did you threaten him?”

“Whoa! What?”

“Did you ask him to have sex with you in exchange for keeping his secret?”

“That’s not how it-”

“Answer the fucking question.” Howon said, coming to stand by Sunggyu as Woohyun took a step back, away from Sungyeol, his eyes still burning with anger.

“It was a joke. And I never even said it like that.”

“But you implied it?” Sunggyu asked, prodding between the lines.

“No. It was completely mutual.”

“So you’re telling me, bonded Woohyun agreed to have sex with you of his own freewill?” Howon asked. “You’re saying that there was never a time he could have felt there was something you were holding over his head.”

Sungyeol shook his head, feeling like a liar because at the back of his mind, it had occurred to him at some point. He felt his thoughts slink off to that night outside of Woollim when he’d first propositioned Woohyun. He remembered how they’d been talking about Woohyun’s secret outings. He remembered how anyone coming into that conversation would have seen it as Woohyun’s way to appease him… to get him to shut up.

But that wasn’t true.

Woohyun had wanted it. Just as much as he had. He’d seen it in his eyes. He’d felt it.

“I didn’t force you to do anything.” Sungyeol said, looking over Sunggyu and Howon’s shoulders. “Tell them.”

Both alphas spun around in unison as they looked at Woohyun.

“Can you tell us honestly, Woohyun, that you didn’t receive any form of pressure from him?” Sunggyu asked.

Sungyeol watched as Woohyun looked into his eyes and he realized his big mistake.

By taking the letters and unleashing Howon’s anger, Sungyeol had exposed Woohyun to three, four months of tension between himself and the rest of the group that he’d probably been hoping to avoid. And as Woohyun stared back at him, he could already see the answer forming before he even replied.

“No, I can’t.” Woohyun said.

Without warning, as he’d been itching to do since the first day Sungyeol got to the dorm, Howon pushed at him and punched him in the face as Sungyeol’s head snapped to the side and banged on the wall.

By the time he dropped to the ground, Sungyeol was already unconscious.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is so late and much shorter the others. i am so sorry, please forgive

JANUARY, 2009

Sungyeol sat at the back of the SM auditorium awaiting his turn. Being as he’d signed up as “Sungyeol”, he was at the end of the list. Just how he liked it anyway. He needed the hall empty when it was his turn to get up there and seeing as his previous coaching sessions had ended with the coach asking him to wet up his humor, Sungyeol didn’t think he could take much more of it.

So he waited.

Finally, it was just the coach in the hall besides him when he made his way up to the front with the script in his hand; he felt his palms begin to sweat.

 _I can do this_ , he thought. _There’s no one else here_.

His script was for the host of a radio show. He’d been advised to keep his comments –not jokes- short, witty and dumbed down. Because hosts weren’t comedians. They didn’t tell jokes. They made funny comments. And Sungyeol hated the distinction. He also hated that his jokes went over the coach’s head much too often to be seen as growth worth success.

The truth was that he didn’t really want to be a host. He’d auditioned to be an actor but had been turned down too many times to risk it. So he figured he’d audition to be a host. And he’d gotten in on one try. But now the host thing was waning thin and he didn’t enjoy much of it. His mother still paid for acting classes that he religiously attended but that was never going to be good for anything.

Not until someone noticed him in this big, busy machine full of other talented people that outshone Sungyeol every single day.

“What does that even mean?” The coach asked, looking up at Sungyeol from his perch on the tiny stool at the foot of the stage. “You know what? Don’t even bother answering.”

“It just means-”

“If you have to explain a joke, then it’s not funny.”

“I thought we weren’t supposed to tell jokes.” Sungyeol said stubbornly as the coach burned red as he stared at Sungyeol.

“Lee Sungyeol,” He said. “You’ll waste your parents’ money at an expensive company like SM and after training for ten years, it will suddenly occur to you that it would have been better if you’d just remained back in your town and sold fish at the market like every other man in your family.”

“Excuse me?”

“Very much so.” He said standing up. “Don’t come to my class again. Not until you’ve fixed your attitude and definitely not until you’ve found a way to make polite conversation that does not require the use of a translator or a thesaurus.”

Sungyeol left after that, refusing to storm out of the auditorium and look like a child in a tantrum. So he made his way to the back of the hall in a swag as he took the back door out in a turn and then stopped to lean on the wall closing his eyes in frustration.

He was talented. He knew that. If only the world would just give him a chance.

“I thought you were funny.” A man said, leaning on the other side of the door.

Sungyeol stood up, adjusting the collar of his shirt as he looked the man up and down wondering when SM employees started dressing in shirt and jeans to work.

“Thanks.” Sungyeol said.

“It’s nobody’s fault if your coach is a simpleton.”

“I don’t know. He just used pretty big words to tell me off just now.”

“Every idiot with a laptop knows what a thesaurus is.”

“You’d be surprised.”

The man let out a dry laugh as he stood from the door. He pulled out his wallet from his back pocket and removed a card from it. He handed it to Sungyeol.

“Gimme a call some time.” He said. “Who knows? I might have use for a genius with a dry sense of humor.”

He walked off, waving at Sungyeol like they’d been friends for more than two minutes. As he turned a corner, Sungyeol looked down at the black, plain card that read:

LEE JUNGYEOP, CEO

WOOLLIM ENTERTAINMENT

*********

Later that day, as he’d done so often, he found himself knocking on Jang Sema’s door.

“Come in.” She said, her head still poised over the notes she was taking at her desk when he entered. “You’re late.” She said, knowing that it was Sungyeol even before he opened his mouth.

“There was an incident in the café.” He said, trying not to remember the thing with the girl behind the counter. It was usually uncomfortable to talk about but he knew before the day was over Sema would hear of it. He figured he’d get in front of it. Mention it before she got vexed over it.

“Stop flirting with the staff, Sungyeol. They’re under contract to stay away from trainees.”

“So all I have to do is debut then. Once I’m an employee, I can flirt successfully with the staff.” He said as he walked closer and closer to the desk.

“Assuming their contract is the only reason they won’t respond to you.” She said, finally looking up as she smiled crookedly at him.

“It seemed to work with you.”

“Don’t get smart with me.” She chided. “On your knees.” She snapped her fingers beneath her table, turning her seat around to face the cabinet beside her desk as Sungyeol rounded the desk and got to his knees before her.

She lifted herself up from the chair as she raised her skirt, spreading her legs to accommodate Sungyeol.

“You can use a little teeth today.” She said.

“You can pull a little harder, noona.” He replied, feeling the familiar tingle as her fingers circled his throat, not gripping but merely caressing.

“Do me good and I’ll see if I reward you.”

Oh, how he loved it when she was being a tease. They both knew she’d do what he wanted. She wanted it too. She wouldn’t be able to help herself.

“I have an idea.” She said, suddenly pulling away from him as she opened a drawer and a silk tie followed her hand out. She straightened it in both hands and smiled down at him, devilishly. “Ever had someone strangle you with a rope?”

“That’s a silk tie.”

“It’ll do.”

“I like your hands better.”

“Just try it.”

She roped the tie around his neck, loping it into a knot before she pulled.

He lurched forward and landed in her bosom as she wrapped her legs around him, leaning back in her chair and tightening the tie, further.

It was not the same as a hand, but he was beginning to feel the sting of the fabric, pulling into his skin. Unable to help himself, Sungyeol’s hand rose to the tie as he touched it… felt it up, trying to imagine what he looked like. She pulled again and his mouth fell open. He closed his mouth and tried to swallow but he couldn’t.

“Ti…ghte…r.” He urged, unable to form the words well. But she understood. She knew what he needed. So she pressed at his neck with one hand as the other tugged on the tie again and Sungyeol was sure he could see stars on the edge of his vision.

“Shit!” Sema said suddenly, sitting up so quickly that Sungyeol’s brain didn’t quite catch up. Next he knew, she was shoving him beneath her table and pulling her seat forward but as he opened his mouth to ask what the fuck was going on-

“Sema-sshi.” A man said, walking into the office.

“Manager.” She said, laughing dryly. “What can I do for you?”

“I have these files for you to look over. I would have emailed them to you but my laptop is quarrelling with the wifi so here we are.”

He dropped it on the table above Sungyeol’s head as Sungyeol continued to crouch, scared and unwilling to move a muscle.

“Of course.” Sema said. “Anything else?”

“I’ll come by later to pick up the flash so just save it there.” He said. “I doubt IT would have made it to my office by the time you’re done.”

Then the room went silent.

“What is it, manager?” Sema asked but now, her voice sounded tight and uncomfortable.

“Who is under there?” the manager asked and Sungyeol looked down to see that the lace of his shoe was not under the covering of the table. In his scared state, he jerked, pulling his leg and the lace along. “I can see you.”

“Manager, I believe your job here is done.”

“Come out!” He urged.

“What two adults decide to do with each other is their own business.” She said.

“An adult?” he asked.

“Yes.” She replied.

“Wearing sneakers? At SM?”

Sungyeol felt tears in his eyes as his breathing began to speed up.

“Just go.” Sema said.

“No. Come out here, this instant or I will call security.” The manager threatened.

“Sungyeol come out.” Sema said, realizing as Sungyeol had, that dealing with one manager was a lot safer than security.

Obediently, Sungyeol shuffled his way out from under the table as he stood. The manger inhaled in horrified shock as his eyes zeroed in on the tie that had come lose around his neck and was no doubt revealing a burgeoning bruise.

“It’s not what you think.” Sema said.

“Sungyeol, is it?” he asked. “Come this way.” He said, urging Sungyeol away from Sema. “It’s okay. Come this way.”

“Honestly, manager, that… I didn’t hurt him.” Sema said, her voice shaking earnestly as Sungyeol felt the manager’s fingers clasp his wrist and tug him closer, away from Sema.

“Then how do you explain the tie hanging from his neck like a noose? Or the awful bruise he’s spotting?”

_I wanted it._

“He wanted it.”

“You want me to believe that this child wanted to be wounded this way? Shame on you, Jang Sema-sshi.”

With that, he was leading Sungyeol out of the office and down the corridor. As they entered into the elevator, Sungyeol was so out of it that he didn’t even notice that they were all alone till the man was spinning him around and pulling the tie off his neck as he looked right at Sungyeol.

“You should have told someone. It won’t make you debut sooner if you let these people treat you this way.”

Sungyeol didn’t know where his tongue had gone.

“It doesn’t matter. She’s not going to hurt you anymore. I will make sure of it.”

If Sungyeol could speak, he would have told the manager that that was exactly what he was afraid of.

*********

He never saw Sema again after that day. He figured she’d been fired because that was the gossip that was spread. What was also being said was that she’d been having rough sex with a trainee. And there had been lots and lots of speculation as to which trainee it could possibly be.

Sungyeol was relieved to note that the trainees being mentioned were all idol trainees and no one even thought to look at the hosts or actors. He was safe. He could ride this storm till it died and no one even remembered it.

It went on for a whole week before he began to feel the pity stares from the other trainees in the building. Speculation was over and they were now sure that Lee Sungyeol, the host-trainee was the one being molested by Jang Sema. He could practically feel their sympathy on his skin whenever he walked passed a group of people and it was beginning to make him feel sick.

But he had to remind himself that SM was full of rumors and scandals and that in a day or two, the story would change.

And change it did. But not in the way Sungyeol had hoped.

People were now beginning to say that he wasn’t molested. It had been an affair. Yes, she had hurt him. Yes, he had liked it.

Frustrated with the accuracy of the story, Sungyeol couldn’t bear it anymore. The stares had morphed from pity to disdain and once, he’d been shoved aside in the bathroom as a trainee called him a freak.

He wasn’t getting anything from SM enough to keep him there with all the hate and the rumor that was always going to follow him around the building. So when January ran out and his dues was done, he packed his bags from the trainee dorm and went back home to his mother.

*********

PRESENT DAY

Sungyeol woke up and groaned as the back of his head felt like it was just waiting to explode. He’d let himself go again. Let himself be fooled into thinking he had found something real… something good at Woollim. He’d been so wrong it was almost funny.

 _“Can you tell us honestly, Woohyun, that you didn’t receive any form of pressure from him?”_ Sunggyu had asked.

 _“No, I can’t.”_ Woohyun said.

Karma was a cold-hearted bitch. If Sungyeol couldn’t open his mouth to defend Sema, he figured he shouldn’t be surprised that the universe would serve him some of his own soup.

As he got up, he noticed the peculiar quietness of the dorm. There was no one in the room he was in. there was no one in the sitting room. And there was no one in the room where he slept. The dorm was empty and he had it all to himself.

How long before they returned? How much hate did he have coming to him? He had no delusions of camaraderie among these boys who’d barely known him for two months. And even in that time, he hadn’t spent much time with them. They didn’t owe him anything. How long till someone let lose the sentiment that Sungyeol was a freak who was molesting the resident omega that everyone seemed to love. He was sure the stares were going to start at Woollim like they had at SM. And here, he wouldn’t even be afforded the grace period of pity. It would go right to anger and judgment and hate and everyone would know.

_Everyone would know._

No acting career. No hosting gig in his future. No reason to stick around if he was going to have to deal with so much bullshit and no benefits at all. If no one needed him, then he didn’t need any of them.

Maybe the coach had been right. He was better off following in his father’s footsteps. If being on TV was going to be this hard, Sungyeol didn’t think he could take it. He’d tried, -heaven knows- and nothing wanted to work for him. He didn’t want to have to wait ten years to figure out he was a useless, talentless freak. He could end it all now.

It didn’t take long to load his belongings into his lone box.

A couple of hours after he’d awoken from Howon’s blow to the head, Lee Sungyeol was gone from the Woollim dorm.

 


	21. PART FIVE: Jang Dongwoo

He stood beneath the scotching shower, letting rings of water run scalding down his skin in retribution for yet another night of weakness. He’d promised that he wouldn’t do it again. But last night, he’d been struck by a wave of weakness that immediately after practice; he’d made his way to the club.

But now, here he was, regretting as he always did and struggling to rid himself of the cigarette smell and the smell of body gel and nightclub.

That was what he got for sneaking around anyway.

As he got out, he ignored the large bed in the hotel room as he made his way to his clothes that had been cleaned and laid out on the chair, waiting for him.

At the sound of a giggle, he finally graced the bed with his attention to find Sparks and a lady beneath the covers, looking right at him.

“Stop being a martyr.” Sparks said. “Come. Lie down. Take a load off.”

“I need to go back to the dorm.” Dongwoo said.

“It’s not even dark yet.” Sparks said. “They won’t know you’re gone.”

“I’ve been gone long enough, hyung.”

“It’s Saturday tomorrow.”

“Yeah, like that means anything.”

Dongwoo pulled on his jacket and headed for the table where he picked up his wallet and his phone.

“So… tomorrow then?”

“I can’t keep doing this hyung.”

“You sad that last time.”

“I have to stop at some point.”

“You’ll be back.” Sparks said, smiling as the girl pulled his head around for a kiss.

Dongwoo didn’t bother sticking around for whatever came next.

*********

When Dongwoo entered into the dorm, everything was in chaos.

There was shouting coming from Sunggyu’s room so he went there and stood, shocked at the door to find what was happening. Howon stood, towering over an unconscious Sungyeol as Myungsoo screamed, scratching at him from behind. Woohyun stood in a corner, stiff with his eyes blown wide in confusion as Sunggyu looked to be reaching for Howon.

Angry, Howon shoved everyone back as he picked up Sungyeol, looking like he was aboutto do more damage.

Dongwoo rushed at him, dodging Sunggyu and Myungsoo as he tackled Howon from behind, shoving him at the wall, away from Sungyeol. As he got up, he braced for a fight, watching Howon hit the wall and steady himself.

“Stay out of this, hyung.”

“You need to take a step back, Howon.” Dongwoo warned, remembering vividly the last time he’d gotten in a fight with Howon.

“You don’t know what he did.”

“He’s unconscious. What are you going to do now?”

“HE WAS FORCING HIMSELF ON WOOHYUN.” Howon screamed. “And none of us did anything about it.”

“Because we didn’t know.” Sunggyu said, helping Myungsoo to his feet. “No one did.”

“And that makes it okay?” Howon asked. “We’re about to debut as a group. We’re going to sell ourselves as brothers who look out for eachother but in here… there’s nothing? How many times are we going to ignore sexual predators that keep coming into this dorm?”

“HE WASN’T!” Myungsoo shouted. “Woohyun-hyung is lying.” Myungsoo was crying again. “He’s lying and you believe him because you never gave Yeolie a chance.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Soo.” Sunggyu said, trying to hold him but Myungsoo just shrugged him off.

“How ignorant do you think I am? You’re supposed to be the hyung… the leader. But you’ve failed us time and time again.”

“Soo-”

“You knew what Jaehyun-hyung was doing to Howon yet you did nothing.”

“It wasn’t-”

“Now you’re all pouring your frustrated failure at an innocent boy.”

“Listen to me-”

“Tell them!” Myungsoo commanded, looking at Woohyun. “Tell them how you liked it. How you, yourself, pulled Yeolie away from practice just so you could get off together.”

“How do you know this?” Howon asked.

“BECAUSE I PAY ATTENTION TO MORE THAN MYSELF IN THIS HOUSE.” He shouted, frustrated. “If Jong was here, he’d back me up. Go on. Tell them”

Everyone was looking at Woohyun as he stood off to the corner, fidgeting with his pocket.

“Is this true?” Sunggyu asked Woohyun. “Did he force you or not?”

“He told me he’d keep my secret.”

“Is that what really happened?” Sunggyu pushed.

Dongwoo shifted, keeping himself between Howon and Sungyeol as Howon stood there, shoulders hunched as he looked at Woohyun… waiting.

“He knew about-”

“Answer the question!” Myungsoo snapped.

“I’m sorry.” Woohyun said and air seemed to still in the room as Howon inhaled sharply, looking back at what his hands had done to an innocent. “I didn’t mean to lie.”

“Oh god!” Howon said, his voice barely higher than a whisper as he took a step toward Sungyeol but Myungsoo ran at him, pushing him away.

“Get out! All of you. GET OUT!” He said.

“Soo-” Howon began.

“I warned you I’d never talk to you again if you touched him, hyung.” Myungsoo said and Dongwoo watched as the blood drained from Howon’s face. “You keep hurting everyone that’s not Sunggyu-hyung or Woohyun-hyung.”

“Don’t say it like that.” Sunggyu said.

“How else am I supposed to say it?” Myungsoo said hysterically. “You three walk about like it’s just you with problems. Like the rest of us are living life in heaven. But there are more than three people in this dorm. Even though the rest of us are just betas, we’re still people.”

“It’s not like that.” Howon promised.

“It isn’t? Dongwoo-hyung tried to stand up for himself and what did you do? You beat him till he couldn’t move. And since the first time you met Sungyeol, you’ve looked for any reason to beat him up. Congratulations! You finally found one. I guess it’s just a matter of time before you beat me or Jong up. Maybe we should all just leave so that the three of you can debut together.”

“Please-” Sunggyu started to say but Myungsoo shot passed him, running out of the room and a few seconds later, the door to the house banged shut.

*********

Dongwoo found Myungsoo on the playground, crouched on a bench with Sungyeol’s jacket wrapped around his shoulders. He refused to engage the tiny bit of jealousy boiling inside of him at the sight of his boyfriend taking comfort in another’s clothing… another’s scent. Not that he’d been much of a boyfriend recently.

It was as if the moment Sungyeol had shown up, nothing Dongwoo did could match up to the awesomeness of Lee Sungyeol.

“You want to freeze to death?” Dongwoo asked.

“It’s March, hyung.” Myungsoo said.

At least he wasn’t ignoring Dongwoo.

So he sat beside him, astride with Myungsoo and the bench between his legs.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“Okay.” Dongwoo said. Because he wasn’t sure he’d know what to say or how to react if Myungsoo began to spill his feelings for Sungyeol, regardless of how Dongwoo felt.

“He’s different.” Myungsoo said and Dongwoo nearly sighed in agony. “You know? He’s a little crazy but… but in a good way. I love his freedom.”

Dongwoo couldn’t say he agreed or disagreed with the sentiment, seeing as he’d spent little time in the dorm since Sungyeol’s arrival.

“And he loved my comic books. He’d read them and talk to me about them.” He laughed. “Like I hadn’t already read them before. He’d try to explain things to me and he’d get some of it wrong but it was okay. He didn’t care that I didn’t talk back. In a way,” He looked at Dongwoo. “He reminded me of you.”

Dongwoo didn’t know what to say to that.

“I was so sure he’d eventually join us in Big Dipper. But…” He trailed off, pulling that silly jacket tighter around his shoulders as Dongwoo smiled and patted him on the back.

*********

He finally got Myungsoo to return home around midnight. But they were both so hungry and tired. He led him into the house, sniffing at the remorseful dinner Woohyun had cooked. But Myungsoo grunted, choosing to sleep in hunger as he left for his room, passing Howon who had just emerged from his with an apology on his lips.

Howon looked up at Dongwoo.

“You’re back.” He said.

“We were at the playground.” Dongwoo explained, taking the sofa as Howon went into the kitchen and began rustling things around. Dongwoo got out of his jacket and was about to start on his socks when Howon returned with food.

“You must be hungry.”

Dongwoo took the meal gratefully.

“Where are the others?” He asked.

“Sunggyu-hyung and Woohyun are sleeping. Sungjong hasn’t returned from home yet.”

“What of Sungyeol?”

“He went out. I think. I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since we returned and we haven’t gone into the other room.” Howon pulls his legs up unto the sofa. “I think he deserves a few hours to not see my face.”

Dongwoo knew he should comfort. It was his default setting. But he’d been put through a grueling day and he didn’t honestly think he could take to comforting yet another teammate going through something rough.

“I’m sorry… about that time” Howon said.

Without much more explanation, he could tell what Howon was talking about. He’d watched Howon be gentler and more respectful since their fight but never –not once- had he apologized,

Growth.

And all it had taken was a distraught, angry Myungsoo to cause it.

“It’s fine.” Dongwoo said. It was no like it mattered anyway. Dongwoo had never learned to hold a grudge. If Howon needed to apologize to anyone, it was Sungyeol and Myungsoo.

“It’s not.” Howon said, looking down at his hands. “I used to hate Jaehyun. I didn’t understand how an alpha could throw his weight around like that. It only got worse when I found out that Sunggyu-hyung was an alpha. And I got to see an alpha that was calm and not bossy and everything I wanted to be.” He looked at Dongwoo and Dongwoo was surprised to see tears in his eyes. “But I’m just like Jaehyun, aren’t I?” He asked.

“No, you’re not.” Dongwoo said, his empathy finally kicking in at the obvious sign of a distraught teammate. “I don’t have all the facts about what happened between you two but you’re nothing like him.”

“How can you say that? Myungsoo is right. I never gave Sungyeol a chance. I almost beat him up because he had my Discman and then I tried to blame him with spying on us. And now look what I’ve done. Jaehyun’s gone and I’m here now. I’m the one with a horrid temper and the power to back it up.”

Dongwoo dropped his food and pulled Howon into his embrace as he backed up into the couch, taking the sniffling alpha with him.

“None of us know what we’re doing, Howon.”

“You do.” The stubborn boy said, pushing himself off Dongwoo to look at Dongwoo. “You’ve always had your shit together.”

Dongwoo’s mind flashed back to Sparks’ club.

“Believe it or not, I do have my own shit to deal with.”

“Hyung!” Howon said, laughing through his tears. “I love it when you use bad words.”

“I was quoting you.” Dongwoo said. “I’ve used bad words.”

“Not often.” Howon said, lying back on Dongwoo.

“Not often.” He agreed. “If we’re to believe Jungyeop-hyung, then we’ll be debuting sometime this year. We’ll be thrust into a world of grown-ups and asked to grow up even faster. Who cares if we make mistakes along the way? We’re only trying to get to know eachother.”

“It’s been two years. We should know eachother by now.”

“Howon, trust me when I say this: but in six years time, when we’re popular and the world would ask us questions about eachother and we’ll answer them correctly, there would still be things we learn about each other. Every single day.”

“Oh God! You’re such an old woman.”

“I’m a _wise_ , old woman.” Dongwoo clarified. “Now go to bed and sleep so that I can finish my dinner and go to bed and sleep myself.”

Howon hesitated as if he didn’t want to leave, but then he got to his feet and began heading for his room.

As Howon’s door swung shut, Myungsoo’s room opened and the boy stood in the door, shaking.

“He’s gone!”

“What? Who?”

“Yeolie. None of his things are here. He’s packed up his stuff and gone.”

Dongwoo got to his feet, following Myungsoo into the room as he shifted out of the way. Surely enough, the space where Sungyeol’s room bag used to be was empty and none of his shirts were lying around. By the time he turned around, Myungsoo was gone was from the room and opening Howon’s door.

“Where’s Yeolie’s box?” Dongwoo heard Myungsoo’s angry voiceechoed through the wall in a muffled sound.

He ran out and went straight to Howon’s room to find a confused Howon looking up at Myungsoo.

“I don’t know.” Howon said. Both he and Dongwoo stood aside as Myungsoo pushed the clothes aside to count the boxes present. Dongwoo could recognize his box, Howon’s box, Sunggyu’s box, Woohyun’s two boxes and the maknae’s box. Myungsoo was holding his own box but even Dongwoo could not deny the obvious absence of Sungyeol’s box.

“He’s gone. You finally chased him away.”

“Myungsoo, I didn’t know.”

“Yes, because that’s supposed to make it all better.”

Myungsoo stormed from the room back to theirs as he slammed the door.

“I didn’t know.” Howon said, eyes wide in confusion. “I swear.”

“It’s okay.” Dongwoo said.

He went back to their room, opening the door slowly to find it in darkness. He flicked the lights on.

“Turn it off.” Myungsoo commanded and Dongwoo obeyed. But not before his gut clenched at the fact that Myungsoo was crouched in the corner, wrapped in Sungyeol’s jacket, again.

Dongwoo shifted closer and sat beside Myungsoo, wondering if this was going to be his life from then on. If everybody was fighting, then they were going to have to figure out a way to make this less angry and more communicative for everyone.

“Are you going to be okay?” Dongwoo asked.

“I’m fine.” Myungsoo said, forcefully.

“Yeah but do you need anything? Should I get you dinner?”

“How can you be thinking of dinner at a time like this?”

“I’m trying to help.”

“You want to help? Then go bring back Yeolie.”

“I don’t know where he lives.”

“You asked and I answered hyung.”

“Why are you being this way with me?”

“Because you don’t see it. None of you do. None of you even tried to include him.”

“That’s not fair.”

“I don’t care about being fair right now. I want Yeolie back.”

“And what about me?” Dongwoo asked, suddenly feeling angry. “While you’re moping about your shiny new best friend, what about me, Myungsoo?”

“This isn’t about you right now.” He moved away from Dongwoo.

“I guess you’re right.” Dongwoo said, smilinginto the dark room. “I guess it doesn’t matter who I am… was… to you. As long as you have your precious Yeolie.”

Myungsoo didn’t reply.

Dongwoo pursed his lips, willing himself not to cry.

“I can see I’ve been having this conversation all on my own for a long time now.” A tear finally fell. “I can’t imagine you’d want me with the mysterious Sungyeol by your side. But Myungsoo, I’m not going to fight for you. Especially not if the guy that’s my rival isn’t even here but still has the upper hand.” Dongwoo said. “I’ve tried and I-”

He stopped as he phone buzzed and buzzed in his pocket. He shifted and pulled it out, clicking it on as he saw a message.

**SPARKS: I’ll be passing your dorm soon**

**SPARKS: if you’re not outside waiting for me**

**SPARKS: I’ll know you’re done with me**

**SPARKS: I won’t bother you again**

**SPARKS: I promise**

He got to his feet and headed for the door without a second thought. Myungsoo didn’t want him anymore. And he wasn’t debuting anytime soon. Who was he kidding? If Sparks wanted him up on that stage, that was where he was going to be.

“Where are you going?” Myungsoo asked as he reached the door to their room.

“I’ll be back in the morning.” He replied before he closed the door.

He took his jacket from the sofa and pulled on both his socks as he checked the time on his phone one last time. As he wore his shoes and left the house, he heard the door open and close again.

“Where are you going, hyung?” Myungsoo asked, pulling Sungyeol’s jacket around himself even more.

“Go back inside.” Dongwoo said. “I said I’ll be back.”

“We were having a conversation.”

“No, Soo. I was talking and you were pinning over Lee Sungyeol.” He faced the road. “But that’s alright. I’m learning. If we’re not going to be together anymore then I guess it’s better this way.”

“I never said we’re not going to be together I don’t want to fight with you outside, hyung. Please come back inside.”

“You go inside. I have somewhere I have to be.”

“Somewhere? It’s 1 in the morning.”

“We don’t have any practice today. I can go where I want.”

“Fine. Go where you want, then.”

Dongwoo couldn’t bottle up his anger anymore.

“What was this then?” He asked, turning around. “Why did you follow me out here?”

“We were having a conversation.” He repeated.

“No, you’re bored. Because he’s gone and there’s no one else to tickle your fancy.”

“That’s not fair.”

“I have been leaving the dorm to go out for weeks now. How many times have you even noticed? How many times have you cared to ask where I was going? Now, all of a sudden, you want to know.”

“I didn’t know you were going anywhere.”

“Which is exactly my point. I guess all the things we said to each other were just lies.”

“No.” Myungsoo said, shaking his head. “I love you.”

“NO YOU DON’T!” He shouted. “I was the first hyung you got close to. That could have been anybody. I was nice to you and _that_ could have been anybody. There is nothing about me that’s special enough for you to love. And that’s okay. But please don’t stand there and make it seem like I can’t see what’s truly going on before my own eyes.”

“Which is what, exactly?”

“You’ve fallen for Sungyeol.” He said.

_Please deny it._

_Please say it’s not true._

_Tell me I’m all you want._

_Please, Myungsoo._

Myungsoo’s lips hung open but nothing came out. He didn’t agree with him and he certainly didn’t disagree.

Dongwoo laughed, feeling the sting of tears again as he wiped them away and turned back to the road, glad to see Sparks’ car hurtling down the morning road.

“If you could just-”

“There’s nothing left to say, Soo.” Dongwoo said. “I told you. I’ll be back in the morning.”

As Sparks’ car came to stop by Dongwoo, he opened the door and slid in as he saw Myungsoo coming down the stairs frantically.

“HYUNG!” He called.

“Drive.” Dongwoo ordered.

Sparks drove off, leaving Myungsoo standing alone in the street.

“What was that all about?” Sparks asked.

“Nothing.” Dongwoo said. “Absolutely nothing.

 


	22. Chapter 22

April was a good enough month, considering the dorm managed a sort of tense standstill from all its occupants. Dongwoo waited and waited to be quizzed as to why Sungyeol just left but when nothing happened, he figured Jungyeop-hyung was getting used to having boys leave the dorm before he got the chance to kick them out.

Dongwoo continued his routine as always, taking classes with Dongmin-hyung and Mithra-hyung and then going to Sparks on his nights off. Sunggyu and Howon still had the night shift and more often than not, Woohyun left with them because somehow, regardless of what Woohyun had recently done, all was forgiven. Sunggyu and Howon pretended like he hadn’t done anything wrong.

But then Dongwoo would remind himself that he didn’t care about Sungyeol. That it was not his place to worry about Myungsoo’s friends anymore because Myungsoo had hurt and he was still mad at Myungsoo. So he kept quiet and didn’t call the alphas out on their indulgence of Woohyun’s behavior because, honestly, it was something someone should have tabled. At least, if Woohyun had gotten up in front of all of them and apologized, Dongwoo knew he’d forgive him and move on.

Another thing that was bugging him was the simple fact that Woohyun was leaving them.

He’d only learned about it on one of Myungsoo’s rant when Myungsoo had suggested Woohyun take his dinner with him to JYP when he was leaving. If they’d been on better terms, Dongwoo would have asked what that meant. So he just stayed quiet on the whole subject, choosing to garner what he could from conversations and arguments ensuing around the dorm till Sungjong managed to make it back.

It was from Sungjong he learned the whole story about Woohyun’s letters and his plan to break the bond during his next heat.

“I don’t understand why he’s still here.” Sungjong grouched angrily so that Dongwoo wouldn’t have to. “I don’t even know why Sunggyu-hyung isn’t saying anything about it.”

“It’s a difficult situation for everybody.” Dongwoo found himself explaining.

“You know what was difficult? Watching the love of your life stay bonded to your best friend because you didn’t want said friend to get kicked out of Big Dipper. But now, he’s just going to walk away? We can’t debut as five people. We’re not that strong to support Sunggyu-hyung. My voice cracks if I sing more than a few seconds and you and Howon-hyung aren’t nearly good enough to do much more than I can. Unless Big Dipper’s planning to debut as a rap group that dances around Sunggyu-hyung while he does all the singing, we’ll be in serious trouble.”

“Calm down.” Dongwoo said, patting Sungjong’s head as the small beta took in large bouts of breath and let them out.

“I’m sorry.” He said, sulking. “I didn’t mean any of you. You and Howon-hyung can sing well.”

Dongwoo ruffled his head as he got to his feet and stretched. They’d had another early close to practice that day. If he left in time, he could get to the club in time to perform.

*********

Dongwoo’s hands always cramped up right before he got on stage. It was something that had never ever happened when he used to dance with his sister. Yet, he’d gotten used to it somehow. He chose to believe it probably had something to do with the fact that this was different. It wasn’t the same. And it definitely wasn’t where he thought he’d be performing. In his mind’s eye, he’d seen himself on a debut stage by now, rapping and dancing and fulfilling his dream. But none of that had happened.

If he could get a little of what he’d hoped to get as an idol on this stage, Dongwoo supposed it would have to do till he finally found his way to mainstream.

“Five minutes till you’re up.” The stage manager said as he walked passed Dongwoo briskly as Dongwoo nodded, looking down at his jacket one more time.

His fingers seized up for a second as he froze, giving them a while to relax before he straightened both hands and then wrung them around, twisting his neck and pacing. He wasn’t nervous. He could never be. There was so much he was afraid but Dongwoo knew what he was like when he got up on a stage… any stage. No matter where he placed, front or back, he always seemed to get attention because of the single-minded focus with which he performed. He was made for this. He was built for this.

“Hyung, you can’t do this.”

Dongwoo swung around and came face to face with Myungsoo who looked like he’d been crying.

“Wha…” Dongwoo looked around, grabbing Myungsoo to the side. “Why would you follow me here?”

“This isn’t right, hyung. Let’s just go.”

“How did you get in here?”

“I used the back door.”

“What freaking back door? How did you came in here, get the hell out before someone sees you.”

“No.” Myungsoo said, stubbornly. “Not without you. Come with me. Please. This isn’t the way. What if it breaks out that Big Dipper’s Dongwoo used to dance at a night club frequented by gangsters and all kinds of wrong people?”

What?

“Dance? Who’s dancing here?”

“Is this guy bothering you?” the stage manager arrived with a bouncer in his wake as the bouncer picked Myungsoo up. “Do you know him?”

The bouncer looked ready to throw Myungsoo out and the stage manager just looked impatient.

“Yes.” He said, not knowing what else to. “Yes, I know him.”

“He’s your responsibility then.” The stage manager said as the bouncer dropped Myungsoo unto the floor and the stage manager shoved a mic in his hands. “You’re up in ten seconds now.”

“How…” Myungsoo started to say as his eyes zoomed in on the mic in Dongwoo’s hand but it was too late to have any more of the conversation as Dongwoo was all already being called on stage.

*********

It wasn’t easy to shake himself free the moment the beats began. Sinking into his rap-mind set had never been a problem. Granted, more often than not, his lyrics changed on their own. It was one of the things Sparks like so much about him. He called it Dongwoo’s natural thing. He’d play the BGM to popular music and have Dongwoo rap out the entire thing, choosing to switch out rap for singing parts because Dongwoo wasn’t confident enough in his singing.

But what he liked best… on those nights when he had a song with a slow beat where he could speak and be calm and really think out the words that were flowing from his mouth as he stood there, beneath the glare of the lights as the audience hushed before him. Understanding, realizing that he was the boy on the stage was where he was supposed to be: on a pedestal.

_On the days our words don’t sync_

_In your eyes, I’ll die and die_

_When I lose and fail and blink_

_When my love falls hard and dry_

And honestly, if no one could understand that he was singing about his dreams, then they didn’t know him at all. That he’d learned long ago that he wanted his dream but his dream didn’t want him. That he’d slave and work and practice but a debut date would just keep on slipping ahead like a mirage. He’d put all he could into it and had received nothing in return. Because he loved too much. He wanted too much. He could have settled for less. He could have remained at the studio. He was going to be a dancer. That should have been enough.

He should never have wanted more from the world, from his team mates, from Myungsoo.

He looked to his side and there he was. Kim Myungsoo. Standing on the sidelines with his hands clutching at the wall as he stared back at Dongwoo, tears and something vaguely resembling adoration in his eyes.

That couldn’t be right.

Dongwoo blinked the delusion away, as he looked back at the crowd. He could understand the crowd. In some ways, they were better. They’re probably even safer even though he was sure a few of them had guns hidden around them but seeing as Dongwoo was Sparks’... person? No one was going to try to shoot him. He was safe on stage. There was an invisible forth wall between them and no one was going to hurt him as long as he was there. All eyes were on him, anyway. In that moment, everyone cared what he thought and what he did. No one was going to sabotage that by hurting him physically. Or emotionally.

*********

Sparks dropped them off after Dongwoo asked for a ride. He usually didn’t. He mostly just stayed till Sparks was ready to return to the hotel and then after he’d taken a shower there, he’d take the short trip from the hotel to the dorm by cab.

Dongwoo didn’t want to imagine how Myungsoo had managed all the way to the night club. He didn’t ask they both rode quietly in the car with Sparks singing along to the radio and ignoring the warring teens in his car. Even though he could have gotten someone else to do.

“Are you ever coming back?” Sparks asked as Myungsoo ran up the stairs into the house and Dongwoo suspected this was probably why he’d driven them home.

Dongwoo shook his head.

“Yeah.” Sparks said, frowning. “Something felt rather final about tonight.” He waved. “Who knows? Maybe when you’re a star, you’ll come sing on my stage again.”

“Maybe.” Dongwoo said, laughing as the car drove.

Sighing, he matched up the stairs, eager to get clean and out of the smelly clothes before the others got home. Sungjong was asleep in the sitting room, his hand hanging off the side of the couch while one of his legs lay hooked over the back of the couch.

As Dongwoo entered the room, he was keenly aware that Myungsoo was sitting in the corner doing nothing. So he set about taking off his clothes.

“I took a cab.” Myungsoo said. “In case you were wondering.”

Dongwoo hesitated, refusing to engage Myungsoo even though it was completely RIDICULOUS to spend that much on cab fare to get across town. It was expensive. Which was why Dongwoo didn’t do it.

“I followed you to the hotel then I followed the both of you to the club.”

He’d figured as much seeing as Myungsoo had materialized in the club somehow.

Dongwoo reached for his towel and froze when Myungsoo said:

“You were beautiful. Tonight. At the club.” He said. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

Dongwoo pulled his towel down from the makeshift hanger in the ceiling and made to leave the room as he heard Myungsoo rush to his feet.

“I should have answered when you asked that day and I’m sorry.” He held Dongwoo’s arm, looking like he was ready to pull if Dongwoo didn’t stop and listen. “I love you. And it has nothing to do with Sungyeol. I swear. I mean, I love him but in a totally different way. Oh god. This is coming out wrong. I love you and I love him but you’re my brother… wait. He’s my brother. You’re my hyung. I want…” Myungsoo shook his head. “It’s-” He stopped, gripping Dongwoo’s hand as he closed his eyes to try and calm himself. When he opened them, he looked right at Dongwoo. “Sungyeol was new and fascinating and I loved to hear him speak. I still do. I miss him every single day and I understand that you don’t feel that and it’s okay. I don’t expect him to incite the same feelings he does in me in you.”

“Then why am I here? If you love him so much-”

“I love you.” Myungsoo said. “I’ve loved you since the first day I saw you. You say there’s nothing special about this? About you? Are you kidding? I couldn’t believe you wanted to talk to me. Most people just see me and ignore me because I’m quiet and they say I’m standoffish. You pushed and shoved yourself into my life till I couldn’t survive without you.”

“But Sungyeol-”

“He gets me. And somehow, I get him too. It’s like we’re both here.” He touched his head. “But you… hyung, you’re here.” He touched his chest. “And it hurts every time I can’t speak to you. It hurts even more than not talking to Sungyeol.”

 _O…kay,_ Dongwoo thought, turning slightly into Myungsoo.

“I didn’t know what it was at first. Which was why I didn’t answer you. I needed some time to sort out my feelings and the more I examined them, hyung, the more I came to realize that I can stay in this god-forsaken dorm and I can be angry with everybody. Just as long as you’re not angry with me.” Myungsoo was crying again. “I think I’ve reached my limit. I can’t take it anymore if you’ll stay mad at me. Please.”

Even if it wasn’t Myungsoo standing before him and saying the things he was saying, just the mere thought of someone wallowing in guilt was enough to melt Dongwoo as he grabbed Myungsoo into a hug that Myungsoo immediately clung to like a lifeboat. No sooner had the hug began that Myungsoo’s shoulders shook as he just let it all out, crying his eyes into Dongwoo’s shoulder as Dongwoo patted him on the head and lowered them both to the ground with Myungsoo sniffling and wailing into his neck as he burrowed into Dongwoo.

“I’m so sorry. Hyung, I’m sorry.” He cried.

“It’s okay.” Dongwoo said, kissing him on the forehead. “I’m not mad.”

“Don’t be mad. Please. Hyung.”

With his face full of tears and snot, Myungsoo leaned back and kissed him, merely pressing his lips to Dongwoo’s and not demanding much more than body contact as his sobs began to subside. As he pulled away, he laughed and blushed, cutting at the slime dragging between their lips as he looked up at Dongwoo in shame.

“Sorry about the mess.”

“I missed kissing you too.” Dongwoo said.

Myungsoo laughed as Dongwoo moved them and lay down, pulling his bag behind him to use as a pillow as Myungsoo snuggled above him, sniffling into his neck.

“I missed you.” He said, planting another tentative peck on Dongwoo. As he dropped his head down again, face-first , into Dongwoo’s neck, he felt Myungsoo’s skin feel oddly heated all of a sudden.

“Are you alright?” He said, pushing Myungsoo up to touch his head.

“It’s fine. My temperature’s been all over the place for a while now.”

“Why are you blushing all of a sudden?” he asked taking in Myungsoo’s reddening skin and his lowered eyes.

“It’s nothing.” Myungsoo tried to go back to the sniffing but Dongwoo held him up.

“What’s going on?”

“I’ve been feeling… warmer, the past few days.”

“Do you have a fever? Should we tell Jungyeop-hyung?”

“NO!” Myungsoo shouted, eyes wide as he stared down at Dongwoo in fear.

Dongwoo moved to get up as he felt the hard poke of Myungsoo’s erection against his belly. As he adjusted, trying to lift Myungsoo with his ass, he was shocked to find his pants a tiny bit damper than they’d been a few minutes ago.

“Oh god.” Dongwoo said, looking at Myungsoo. “Are you in heat?”

Myungsoo shook his head.

“Not yet.” He said, looking like he was about to cry. “It started two days ago. The lubrication comes and goes. If we wait a few minutes, I’ll be dry again and the fever will go.”

“What does that mean?”

“I called my mom and she told me it’s normal.” Myungsoo scoffed. “My mom is an omega. I have two uncles that are omega. I guess I always knew I’d be one.” Tears flowed down Myungsoo’s eyes. “She said it must mean my cycle’s around the corner.”

“Soo, if you’re dripping your cycle isn’t around the corner. It’s here.”

“I know.” Myungsoo said. “But not completely. None of the alphas have smelled it yet. And it’s not close together. There’s still time-”

“Do you understand how dangerous this is?” Dongwoo said, standing to his feet as he looked down at the irresponsible boy before him. “You’re living in a house with two unmated alphas and you think it’s safe to just… what? Wing it? What if they come home and your heat starts properly?”

“I’ll figure something out.” Myungsoo said, looking scared and afraid and very much the teenage boy that he was.

Sighing in frustration, Dongwoo squatted down in front of him as he gathered Myungsoo into his arms again.

“No, idiot.” He said. “ _We’ll_ figure something out.”


	23. Chapter 23

Myungsoo went to bed early and Dongwoo was very grateful for that. After Myungsoo’s bath, Dongwoo finally got the shower all to himself and in there, he had the time to think of a way to solve their problems at the moment. By the time he got out, his watch told him that WooGyuYa might be home soon.

So he dialed Woohyun, thinking he had to sort this out before they were met with serious disaster.

“Yeah?” Woohyun said.

“Are you guys heading home already?”

“Howon and Gyu-hyung need to get their paychecks but then we’re good to go. Why?”

“You can’t come home.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Myungsoo’s heat is about to start.”

“Come again.”

“Myungsoo’s heat is about to start.” He repeated, louder.

“What? He’s an omega. Hyung, we can’t come.”

“What’s going on?” Sunggyu’s voice came on, signaling that he’d just taken the phone from Woohyun. “Who’s an omega? Who is this?”

“Hyung, it’s Dongwoo.”

“What’s going on?”

“Myungsoo’s heat is starting. You guys can’t come home.”

“Fuck!” Sunggyu said. Then Howon’s voiced was heard as Sunggyu explained to him what Dongwoo had just said. “We can’t come home. We just had our cycle. We’ll get sick.”

“I know.”

“Where would we go then?” Sunggyu asked. “We can’t go to Jungyeop-hyung’s house.”

“Why?” Dongwoo asked.

“Then he’d know Soo is an omega. An unmated omega. If he wants to throw Woohyun out what do you think would happen to Soo? We can’t go there.”

Shit. Dongwoo hadn’t even thought of it before he called. They couldn’t out Myungsoo to Jungyeop. The only reason Woohyun was still a trainee was because he was mated to a Sunggyu that didn’t want to break the bond. If that wasn’t true anymore then Woohyun would be gone. And the same could now be said for Myungsoo.

“Don’t come home yet. Just stay at the restaurant.” Dongwoo said, not meaning to sound so commanding. “I’ll call you back.”

He cut the call and called Sparks.

“I knew you couldn’t stay away.” Sparks said.

“Hyung, in all the time I’ve performed on your stage, I’ve never taken a dime from you. You’ve never paid me and I’ve never asked.”

“Okay, you’re kinda freaking me out right now.”

“I need a favor.”

“I can’t give you my kidney, Woo.”

“That’s not what I want, hyung.” Dongwoo explained.

“What’s going on?”

“My friends need a place to stay for a week or so.”

Sparks sighed into the phone.

“Don’t start conversations with me like that.” He scolded. “People around me are always asking for weird shit all day long.”

“I’m sorry hyung.”

“How many friends?”

“Just three.”

“Why?”

“A friend of mine just entered his heat.”

“Then why doesn’t your friend come over here?”

“I’m not letting him anywhere near your kind of people.”

“I’m hurt.” Sparks said, dryly. “I can put them all in one room at the hotel. I can even send them breakfast and dinner. You know, because I’m great like that.”

 “Thank you hyung-”

“If you do a couple more nights before you cut me off.”

 _Of course,_ Dongwoo thought _. Slimy-hyung._

“Fine.”

“Really?” Sparks said. “Then make it a week.”

“A full week.”

“You must be really desperate. I should ask for more.”

“I’ll send them your number, hyung.”

He cut the call as he dialed Woohyun’s number again.

“I’ll send you a number to call. Just tell him you got my number. I’ll bring over some clothes for you guys in the morning.”

He was about to cut the call when Sunggyu stopped him.

“What do we tell Jungyeop-hyung?”

“We don’t tell him anything.”

“We can’t go for practice or he’ll ask about Myungsoo missing.” Sunggyu noted. “You know what? Tell Jong. You guys don’t answer his call or Hyoan-hyung’s till I call you back.”

“Why?”

“I’ll handle it. Just watch Soo, okay? Make sure he eats. Keep him hydrated. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

*********

Dongwoo had seen alphas go through their rut before. Once, he’d visited Howon at Jungyeop-hyung’s house. He’d had to be gracious and pretend he didn’t see the perpetual boner in Howon’s pants and in return, Howon managed to stay the entire twelve minutes of Dongwoo’s visit without forcing his hands unto his dick and fucking his fist like he really wanted to.

They’d respected each other.

Howon was a worst case scenario for any alpha in a rut without an omega to ease the hurt and horniness. Best case scenario was Sunggyu’s own experiences during a rut. Dongwoo, having witnessed one cycle with Sunggyu and Woohyun under the same roof as he was, he knew all too well how amiable alphas could get after an exhaustive term of heated sex. Sometimes, when he’d come in to leave water or drop towels or food, he’d find Sunggyu calm or happy and almost loopy and unable to hold sensible conversation.

He hardly ever found Woohyun awake when he came in. If Woohyun was awake then he’d be demanding sex and then no one would be able to come into the room or else, they might just meet a rather astutely territorial alpha. Best to wait it out till his knot was fully formed and his brain had temporarily liquefied before checking on their welfare.

The contrast between an alpha with an omega and a single alpha was astounding to watch because it seemed, no matter how many times Howon had come before Dongwoo had entered that room, his knot didn’t afford him the same amount of happiness that Sunggyu’s knot –buried snuggly in Woohyun’s heat- did.

Bottom line was: an alpha’s rut without an omega was inconvenient.

An omega’s heat without an alpha? Downright painful.

By the next morning, Dongwoo had woken up to find Myungsoo in tears, curled up in one corner and quivering like his whole body was trying to break apart with each breath he took. He tried to find out how he could help but by the time he’d turned Myungsoo over, the omega was sweating and crying and yet… still asleep.

He’d managed to secure some iced towels so he laid Myungsoo on his back and placed a towel on his forehead, a towel on his chest and a towel between his legs. The last one, he’d just done because Myungsoo was hard and red and it looked like he needed something cold down there.

Myungsoo had refused clothes since the night before. He’d taken two showers during the course of the night and then for the first time ever, he’d slept without trying to suffocate the only other living human being in the room. Hell, even the time Dongwoo had been mad at Myungsoo, Myungsoo had taken his cuddling out on the maknae. That he’d chosen not to have any bodily contact was enough to tell Dongwoo that they were no longer dealing with maybes. The real thing was afoot.

“Are there any more ice-cubes?” Myungsoo asked, sitting up with a groan.

“Yes.” Dongwoo was already rushing to the kitchen to get more cubes. He was sad to note that the cubes were finished and yet the other canisters he’d filled out hadn’t even started to harden into cubes yet. When these last cubes melted, he didn’t know what he’d do if Myungsoo wanted more.

As he entered the room, Myungsoo was cussing at himself and wiping his chest with the towel that was supposed to be on his head. Dongwoo noticed the sticky, white substance that was still on his stomach and didn’t know if he should ask how possible it was that Myungsoo had just come in the few seconds since he’d been awake.

And Myungsoo was still hard.

Dongwoo supposed that was bound to be part of the deal considering that the whole point of a heat was to ENCOURAGE SEX.

“Do you need help with that?” Dongwoo asked, handing Myungsoo the cup of cubes as he nodded at the red dick between his legs.

“I feel icky.” He said, his eyes puffed red and smudges of tears apparent. He was still in pain and there was nothing Dongwoo could do to help. He was just a beta. He didn’t have a knot. He didn’t even know if his dick would do anything at all. But it would never hurt to ask.

“We could have sex, you know?”

“Do you want to?” Myungsoo looked up at him, unsure and confused as to why Dongwoo would want to have sex with him. Because that was such a big marvel.

“Yes.” He sat beside Myungsoo, careful not to touch him more than was necessary. How was any of it supposed to work, even, if he couldn’t even be near him without rubbing him the wrong way.

“I feel… different.” Myungsoo blushed.

“How?”

“It feels like…” He trailed off and looked at Dongwoo like his whole life was aching him. “I can’t explain it.”

“Do you feel wider?”

Myungsoo’s eyes stretched to their limit as he looked at Dongwoo in wonder.

“It’s natural. It’s normal.” He explained.

“I refused to have the sex talk with my mother.”

“What did she say about suppressants?”

He laughed.

“She said –and I quote- ‘They are the best things ever’. And I agree.” He licked at the highest icecube in the box and Dongwoo had to remind himself that Myungsoo was not trying to seduce him. “The moment this heat is over, I’m going to see a doctor about some prescription.” He slurped at another cube as the water trickled down his chin, taking all of Dongwoo’s concentration with it.

“Seriously. Can we have sex?” Dongwoo asked, not sure if he was offering to help or just offering to fuck his boyfriend.

“It won’t be good for you.” Myungsoo said, turning away as he picked a cube out and put it in his mouth.

“How does that make any sense? It’s sex.”

“And I’m bigger.” Myungsoo said. “I can feel it.” He groaned as his shoulder touched the mat. “It won’t be the same.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do. Hyung, I don’t mean to be mean but I don’t… I don’t need a beta right now.”

Dongwoo felt like crying because Myungsoo was right and he was really useless at the moment. But Myungsoo was crying again and sucking on the cubes like they were the key to life but they weren’t changing anything. He was going to keep feeling like crap if he didn’t get off at least. Constantly.

“You’re just going to have to quit being a baby.” Dongwoo scolded, turning Myungsoo around on his back as Myungsoo gasped in both pain and shock at Dongwoo’s sudden brusque behavior. “Just lay there.”

“Hyung-”

“You don’t want me to have sex with you but you need to get off.”

“I can do it myself.”

“Can you?” Myungsoo looked drained and tired and the fact that he wasn’t trying to masturbate since the last time he’d gotten off was telling of how much strength he didn’t have. “You don’t want me to have sex with you? Okay. But let me do this. Please.”

Myungsoo looked at him, frustrated and unsure what to do before he finally relaxed and lay back, watching and waiting.

“Good.” He began looking around.

“What are you looking for?”

“Lube.”

“Don’t need it.”

Dongwoo was about to argue when Myungsoo spread his legs open to reveal the damp, gel-like substance leaking out of him and unto the towel beneath him. From where he sat, he could see it just lying there, not really moving much at the moment, but there was so much of it and he also see that without prep, he could fit three fingers in, maybe four. And even so, the hole still looked like it was moving, clenching around air and relaxing of its own accord as if waiting…

It was probably one of the most disgusting things he’d seen in a while considering that his boyfriend’s asshole currently resembled a cross between a normal asshole and a round vagina and had stuff coming out of it.

But weirdly enough, he felt like dipping his finger into the lube. He imagined what it would be like to just put his nose down there and inhale the sweet, barely-there scent of an omega in heat that he knew could drive any alpha into frenzy. He imagined what it would be like to taste it, to lick at it till it was dry and Myungsoo was comfortable and sated. Maybe slip a finger or two in there and poke around till he found his prostate. Make Myungsoo come till he was so gone, he’d pass out and sleep for the rest of the day.

He needed to do something. He wanted to do something. A lot more than he was being allowed to do.

Yet, he settled for a hand job. He put his hand on the towel and swiped up into Myungsoo’s ass as he heard him moan when his fingers brushed against the tender skin and then he took Myungsoo’s dick in his hand and started to stroke. It felt hotter than usual and now that he had a chance to really look, he found that Myungsoo’s dick hadn’t changed at all from when he was a beta. By the time he moved up and down twice, Myungsoo moaned and he came again, spurting weak drop of cum that seeped from his dick and unto Dongwoo’s hand as Myungsoo’s back barely ached from the lack of strength.

“Thank you.” Myungsoo said.

“We’re not done.”

He nodded as Dongwoo rubbed the back of his hand against Myungsoo’s dick, smearing it with his cum as he continued to stroke him and soon enough, Myungsoo was cuming again and this time, he was back to tears, whimpering as if in pain and looking up at Dongwoo with his lips sealed shut as if that would help his situation.

When Dongwoo dipped low to take more lube, he couldn’t help his fingers etching towards Myungsoo’s hole as Myungsoo mewled, eyes going wide for a second. Curious, Dongwoo did it again and Myungsoo actually looked up at him, this time, confused.

“Don’t freak out for a second, okay?” Myungsoo nodded.

He slipped a finger into his boyfriend’s ass and Myungsoo pursed his lips, not taking his eyes off Dongwoo. Dongwoo found that Myungsoo was actually as loose as he’d looked. He let his fingers fall free till all five of them could slip in and it… it almost felt as if the more fingers he added, the wider Myungsoo got.

“I told you.”

Dongwoo sighed, about to remove his hand when he brushed against the sensitive bundle of nerves and everything happened very quickly. Suddenly, Myungsoo’s entire body vibrated as his asshole that was as slack as a gaping hole a few seconds ago clamped shut around Dongwoo’s hand. Myungsoo held his hand, his eyes rolling back into his head as he moved his hips and moaned at the friction Dongwoo’s fingers gave his prostate.

“Oh god.” Dongwoo said, imagining what it’d be like if it was his dick feeling the incredible tightness and not his fingers. “Can I move?”

“Yes.” Myungsoo said, helping himself to some more friction as he held Dongwoo’s hand and fucked himself down on it, his mouth falling open at his first real reaction to anything since he’d woken up that morning.

Too fascinated to even worry, Dongwoo watched Myungsoo fuck himself on his fingers for a while before it suddenly occurred to him that Myungsoo hadn’t come in a while. He moved around, situating himself between Myungsoo’s legs so that his fingers wouldn’t cramp, he decided to be a little more active as he moved his hands a bit more, feeling his thumb get stuck on Myungsoo’s rim every time he pulled out.

Myungsoo’s eyes were open now, still looking at Dongwoo as he stuck his bottom lip between his teeth and bit and bit and bit till it was beginning to look like it would bleed. But of all the pain that he seemed to be in earlier, it didn’t look like Myungsoo would care about a little knick on his lips

And then Myungsoo’s body was tensing, his eyes were slamming shut as his nails bit into Dongwoo’s arm and he came, growling and shaking beneath Dongwoo like nothing Dongwoo had ever heard before.

*********

Myungsoo didn’t let Dongwoo out of his sight after that.

At some point, he even got strong enough to climb Dongwoo, and Dongwoo was a bit relieved to not be on his knee for so long but he was seriously beginning to worry about his dick.

Because Myungsoo just wouldn’t leave it alone anymore. He was in heat and Dongwoo understood. So he kept quiet and let Myungsoo use it till he was spent. But even the breaks within didn’t last long before Myungsoo was on him again.

Many rounds later, as Myungsoo lay beside him, recently sated and almost sleepy on top of him, Dongwoo yawned himself to sleep as well, wondering why he hadn’t just listened to Myungsoo and kept his dick out of an omega’s ass.

*********

When Dongwoo woke up, Myungsoo’s face was in his crotch as he knelt before him. There was a buzzing in the room that Dongwoo was not familiar with. It took him a few seconds to realize that Myungsoo wasn’t sucking his sore dick or doing anything with it. He just seemed to be sniffing at him privates and licking the insides of his thighs as Myungsoo moaned like something really great was happening to him.

“Soo?”

“You’re awake.” Myungsoo said, moving closer to his mouth as he crawled in a funny way to kiss him.

“What’s up?”

“Gi… gimme a sec… ahhh!” Myungsoo came all over.

When he calmed, the buzzing stopped.

“What was that?”

“A heat reliever.” He said, waving a small, pink remote in Dongwoo’s face. “Courtesy of Sunggyu-hyung. I’ll go back to hating him when they get back.”

“What’s a heat reliever?” Dongwoo asked.

“It’s a vibrator.” He explained. “But with a knot.”

Where the hell was it a few hours ago?

“You’re lucky it came. I would have broken your dick.”

Dongwoo looked down at his dick but there wasn’t any cum around.

“I licked it all. And then I blew you a few more times.” He blushed. “You taste… you taste great.”

“Thank you.” He moved to kiss Myungsoo but then he stopped. “How did you get a gift from Woohyun?”

“You were asleep so Jong went to the hotel.”

“What?” He sat up. “You let the maknae go to that kind of place?”

“No. he didn’t go there –go there. He called them when he reached the area and they came to meet him at the café. You were tired and there was no way you were going to go in your condition. He said Sunggyu-hyung asked Sparks-sshi for one and he sent someone out to buy it. It’s the best thing. When you get tired, I can use it till you heal.”

“Why would you want me when you have that?”

“Are you kidding?” Myungsoo said, looking confused.

“Yeah.” Dongwoo said, laughing even though he couldn’t see the comparison. If a heat reliever was like a rut buddy then an omega should be more than a little underwhelmed by a beta’s dick. He really didn’t understand Myungsoo’s fascination with his dick. “I’m here for you.”

“He also said that Sunggyu-hyung told Jungyeop-hyung that they couldn’t go to practice because you’d presented as an alpha.” Myungsoo laughed. “He’s so silly. I know he’s trying to protect me but what will we do when Jungyeop-hyung finds out that there’s another omega in the group?” He hid his face beneath Dongwoo’s arm and Dongwoo could tell he was crying. “They’re going to send me home.”

“Sunggyu-hyung has a plan.”

“You don’t know that.”

“He said he’d take care of it. Let’s trust him.”

“Okay.”

No one had ever successfully debuted a group with an omega. Most groups that got disbanded or just fade into obscurity had omegas and there was too much maintenance and too much stigma to deal with when people found out that there was an omega in the group. They’d always known this.

Dongwoo felt like such a hypocrite for not really caring so much that Woohyun had been an omega because now that Myungsoo was an omega, he could not imagine what he’d go through if Myungsoo got kicked out before they even debuted.


	24. Chapter 24

Myungsoo’s heat lasted six days.

In that time, Dongwoo had to clean him up every morning before he woke with a towel and bowls of water. By the fifth day of the heat, Myungsoo managed to get up and leave the room long enough to stand beneath the shower as he braced himself against the wall. He didn’t bother with his soap, he didn’t even brush his teeth, but Dongwoo was too glad about the improvement. On the sixth day, Myungsoo stood long enough to use his toothbrush and Dongwoo was even happier. By the seventh day, Dongwoo was just lying on his pallet, waiting for the energy to open his eyes and finally begin his day when he was pulled to full consciousness by a kiss and a smile, when he opened his eyes.

“I’m done.” Myungsoo announced.

“I’m getting you to a doctor.”

Myungsoo laughed and nodded as his curls bounced around his head enthusiastically.

*********

The other three returned to the dorm later that day, carrying bags of groceries and a case of takeout that bore Sparks’ label. While Sungjong gushed at the food and began offloading the hyungs to move it into the kitchen, all Dongwoo could see was his payment increasing. Sparks was going to increase his stage time to a month. He’d best get it out of the way and not even argue the next time Sparks brought it up.

“You smell nice.” Howon said to Myungsoo as Myungsoo took a step away from him and Howon quickly realized that while that might have been an honest, innocent sentiment a week ago, at the moment, it was as good as a threat coming from an unmated alpha. “I didn’t mean… I was just.” He sighed and entered his room, banging the door in his wake.

Sunggyu sniffed, wiped his nose and motioned for Dongwoo to join him and Woohyun in their room. When Dongwoo looked back at the angry/freaked out omega who was clutching his shirt from behind, Sunggyu spoke up.

“I’ll try to make it fast, Soo.” He said. “I promise.”

Myungsoo nodded. Dongwoo kissed him on the forehead and followed as Woohyun entered the room behind him.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

“I’m going to see Jungyeop-hyung tomorrow.”

“To do what?” Woohyun asked. “You can’t tell him about me.”

“Listen to me-”

“My parents don’t know I’m an omega.” Woohyun said. “I can’t go home because then I’d have to leave you. And if I have to leave you then the bond hurts me because I can’t be away from you till the next cycle. You see how it’s pertinent that I remain at this dorm with you guys?”

“I have a plan.” Sunggyu said.

“I’m not banking my future on your plan.”

“Just listen to me.” Sunggyu said, hissing at Woohyun as he shocked Dongwoo and Woohyun into a stunned silence. Dongwoo hadn’t really appreciated just how much tension must have been running between these two. But as he looked from a fuming Woohyun to Sunggyu who now had his head bowed on his clasped hands as he bounced his legs on the floor in his sitting position, he could almost recall the pass weeks in a whole new light.

Maybe they weren’t tolerating Woohyun’s behavior so much as pretending they could live with it.

“This isn’t just about you now, Woohyun.” Sunggyu said, tightly. “Myungsoo is an omega. He’s not bonded to anyone. If Jungyeop-hyung finds out, he’s gone. You won’t go anywhere-”

“Because we’re bonded.” Woohyun said, unable to keep the mockery out of his voice. “How lucky am I?”

“Stop being a baby.”

“I’ve had to sit around for a year in bond that I DO NOT want while Jungyeop-CEO struts about, barely hiding the fact that he hates me and yet, one little heat from Myungsoo and you suddenly have a solution?”

“I’m not a miracle worker-”

“You’re not much of a leader, either.”

“Woohyun.” Dongwwo said, unable to stay out of it anymore. “Don’t talk to him that way.”

“How should I talk to him?” Woohyun asked, leaning on the wall, still refusing to sit like everyone else. “I’m an unwanted limb because of my presentation. Can you imagine that?”

“There’s no need to be rude.”

“I was an awesome leader.” Woohyun said with certainty. “I did my part. I looked out for everyone. I did more than sulk at CEO-nim. I protected my members. Ironic that you, an alpha, hasn’t done anything commendable since you became leader.”

“Stop it.” Sunggyu said, shaking his head.

“Or what? I. DON’T. WANT. TO BE HERE!” Woohyun shouted. “I want to be an idol and guess what? I will be. I’ll go to YG and I’ll debut like a mother-fucker and when your dear-darling CEO sees me on TV, he won’t even be able to live with himself.”

“Woohyun!” Dongwoo said, standing between Woohyun and Sunggyu because, apparently, Woohyun didn’t even realize he was walking up to Sunggyu as he spoke. He shook his head, shrugged and moved back to where he was at the door. “He has a plan. Will you listen or not?”

“I don’t care about his fucking plan.”

“Soo could get kicked out.”

“Dongwoo, I understand that he’s the moon in your sky or whatever, but I don’t give a fuck.” Dongwoo flinched. “I can’t be nice all the time. It’s exhausting. My situation is fucked and I shouldn’t feel sorry if I have found a solution.”

“You’re not fucked anymore. Sunggyu-hyung-”

“Took a whole year to find a solution.” Woohyun said. “Think about that, Dongwoo. He’s your leader because he’s the oldest alpha in the group. He was going to debut as a soloist. He was never meant to be responsible for a group of boys. You know who was? Me! I saw a problem and I fixed it. I had a problem and I fixed it while he was busy running around struggling to learn dance moves.”

“That’s not fair.”

“It’s not? Have I said anything that wasn’t true? None of you cared about what happened to me. Myungsoo’s an omega and then,” He snapped a finger. “Just like that. Solution.”

“I care about you.” Sunggyu said, finally, stopping Woohyun from his rant. “And that you would stand there and…” Sunggyu trailed off as he rocked back on his make-shift seat, wiping tears from his eyes. “You’re right. I was never meant to be leader. I wasn’t prepared for it. But don’t make it sound like I haven’t done this before. I was leader of my band in high school.”

“Congratulations.” Woohyun said.

Sunggyu smiled, shaking his head as more tears fell. He got up and wiped his eyes some more.

“I never wanted to be an alpha. I’m not built for it. I never was.” He brushed his hand over his nose. “But I’m here now and the job’s mine. I’ll do it. To the best of my ability. I’ll do it. Maybe I haven’t been responsible or even sensible but lucky me, we haven’t debuted yet. I still have time.” He walked around Dongwoo so that he wasn’t in the way anymore. “If you can’t trust me then you shouldn’t be here anymore. Go. A big company is where you belong anyway. But me? I’m staying here. I called Jungyeop-hyung and we’re supposed to have a meeting with him in a couple of hours. If you don’t want to join us, you can do whatever the fuck you want.”

Sunggyu made his way out of the room, slanting sideways so he wouldn’t touch Woohyun on the way out as Dongwoo and Woohyun remained.

“Don’t judge me.” Woohyun said, folding his hands and looking Dongwoo in the eye.

“I’m not.” Dongwoo said.

“I would.” He licked his lips. “If someone else was leaving.”

“You’re not just someone else, Woohyun. Don’t you see that?”

“I get it. Lead vocal or whatever.”

“Yes.” Dongwoo said, nodding.

Woohyun’s face hardened.

“That’s all I am, eh?”

“That’s all you want to be remembered as.” Dongwoo said. “I’m not sure you want the other options.”

“You said you weren’t judging.”

“I’m not.” He really wasn’t. “You’ve spent two years with all of us. No one would say much about you leaving. Have they said anything about the other people who left? Jungwook? Bihun? Jaehyun-hyung? Even the other one with the Japanese name that was here before Howon and I got here. We don’t talk about them and why they left. It’s not because we’re stupid. It’s because we know it’s hard. No one expects all of us to debut but we _hope_ that we all will. We didn’t grow up together, Woohyun. We met here. At this dorm. We’re getting to know each other. And yeah, some serious shit might go down and we’ll freak out. But don’t ever think it’s just you who holds the victim card. We all bought one the minute we chose this dream.”

Patting Woohyun on the shoulder, he left as well.

*********

“How are things at the dorm?” Jungyeop-hyung asked Sunggyu but kept throwing shifty glances in Dongwoo’s direction.

“Fine.” Sunggyu said.

After Dongwoo had found Sunggyu at the playground, he’d explained his plan to him. Granted, it would have felt surer if Woohyun was with them considering the plan almost hinged on him, but Sunggyu seemed confident. They could do this. It was just five of them now but who knew who else might present as an omega? Better to deal with it now and know their future was certain than stay quiet and hope that no alpha at Woollim sniffed Myungsoo’s status out.

“We wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What is it?” Jungyeo-hyung said, leaning forward on his desk and trying not to look as tense as he did.

Sunggyu hadn’t been talking to him since he’d found out that Jungyeop-hyung threatened Howon to break the bond. It had been awkward, at first, to watch their CEO try to be nice with a very prickly and unresponsive Sunggyu. After a while, Dongwoo had learned to tune it all out for his sanity’s sake.

“Dongwoo isn’t an alpha.”

Jungyeop-hyung looked over at Dongwoo, confused.

“But you said he was.”

“He’s still a beta.”

“Okay.” He said, transitioning slowly from tense and awkward to nearly angry. “Want to tell me why you just cost me seven practice days?”

“Myungsoo’s an omega.” Sunggyu said. “I know what you’re thinking.”

“You do?” Jungyeop-hyung asked. “Good. Then I don’t have to tell you what comes next.”

“He doesn’t have to leave. He shouldn’t leave.”

“How do you think I’m going to support two omegas in one group? Are you trying to kill me?”

“They’re not as breakable as you’ve made them out to be.”

They really were not. Omega or not, Woohyun had continued to gym. In fact, being around him was good for lazy Sunggyu who had to be dragged along to do some exercise outside of the practice room. Dongwoo didn’t know what Myungsoo would be like once they got back to the real world and practice began and training was tossed on them again. But he’d seen Myungsoo buckle up and work even when he was a hair’s breath away from fainting. He was willing to bet that if given the chance, Myungsoo would not let the CEO down.

They just needed him to give them a chance.

“Kim Myungsoo?” he asked. “He was already breakable before. Now he’ll be a catastrophe. How many managers do you think I’ll need?”

“You’re training a group of boys to be idols and you won’t even trust us to know our limit.”

“You need to study about the Korean concept of an idol. The whole point is that you don’t know your limit. It’s the company’s job to decide how far to push and when to just give up on someone and send them packing.”

“Like Woohyun?”

“This again?” He hissed. “He’s fine. I’m not trying to kick him out anymore.”

“Well, he’s leaving.”

Jungyeop-hyung scoffed.

“Good for him then.”

“He’s going to YG.”

“Then let him be their problem.” He said. “I just hope his condition doesn’t blow up at an inopportune moment.”

Dongwoo waited, holding his breath as he knew exactly what was coming next.

“He told them during his audition that he was an omega.”

“What?” Jungyeop-hyung asked. “What?”

“He told them before he auditioned and they still took him in.”

The silence in the room rang like an alarm.

The blood drained from Jungyeop-hyung’s face as he sat there, poised over his desk on his hands as he blinked, staring at Sunggyu uncomprehendingly.

“YG wants to debut an omega?”

“Yes.” Dongwoo answered when Sunggyu remained silent.

“They’ve never debuted an omega. SM, maybe but that flunked. JYP tried but it never even got off the ground. You’re saying YG wants Nam Woohyun?”

“Yes.” Both boys said.

“And if he goes, he won’t be with us anymore?”

“That’s the point, hyung.” Sunggyu said.

Jungyeop-hyung leaned back in his chair, tapping his head with a finger as he stewed in silence. Dongwoo didn’t know what any of them were waiting for. But if Sunggyu was going to sit there and pretend like he could out-wait the CEO, then Dongwoo figured he’d sit too.

A few minutes later, Jungyeop-hyung sat forward, clearing his throat.

“Myungsoo can stay.” He said, his voice strained and uncomfortable.

“What about Woohyun?” Sunggyu asked.

Jungyeop-hyung pursed his lips.

“He hasn’t left yet, has he?”

“He’ll be leaving soon.” Sunggyu said.

Jungyeop-hyung sighed as he waved them out of his office, unwilling to indulge them further on the subject. Sunggyu moved, looking like he wanted to argue… to push, but Dongwoo reached out and held his hand, squeezing gently as Sunggyu paused. Then he nodded and got to his feet before he bowed and left.

Dongwoo didn’t follow.

He had a request of his own to lay before the CEO.

*********

“Are you sure that’s what he said?” Myungsoo asked for the thousandth time as they climbed up the final flight of stairs.

“Yes, Soo.”

“Does that make any sense?” Myungsoo asked, stopping at the door before them as he held unto Dongwoo’s sleeve nervously. “Why would he agree to that? Did you promise him anything?”

Dongwoo rang the bell.

“No, I didn’t promise him anything.” Dongwoo said, rolling his eyes as they waited. It was his fault for thinking he was doing Myungsoo a favor. But on a grand scale of things, Dongwoo also figured it was the right thing to do.

“Do you think the CEO will just agree to something like this?”

“He already did.” Dongwoo said.

“Are you getting kicked out?” Myungsoo asked, frantically.

“No.”

“Then how-” Myungsoo stopped as the door to the house opened and before them stood a very surprised Lee Sungyeol.

“Hyung!” Sungyeol said, squinting at both of them as if he suddenly needed glasses. “What are you doing here? Soo. Welcome. Come in.” He shifted and showed them in as Myungsoo and Dongwoo walked in but then Dongwoo had to stop because Myungsoo had stopped behind him and he was still holding Dongwoo’s sleeve in his hands.

He turned around to see what the holdup was as the two friends just stood at the door, looking at each other in equal confusion.

“You’re an omega?” Sungyeol asked incredulously at the exact same time that Myungsoo asked: You’re an alpha?”

 


	25. Chapter 25

“You’re an alpha?” Myungsoo said, before he caught himself and stepped closer to Dongwoo, blushing as he went.

“Figures.” Sungyeol said as he closed the door. “I go one way and you go the other.”

“He just presented last week.” Dongwoo explained.

“Oh.” Sungyeol said. “The week I left the dorm, I presented. Sit, please.”

Sungyeol didn’t seem like he had changed a lot. Except, he totally had. He still had the same build and he still looked the same. His hair was merely a few inches shorter and he even seemed to have pudge up around the midriff just a tad. But the most of the difference came from the way he carried himself. His back didn’t seem as slouched as before and his voice sounded like it had dropped a bit, giving him a much older and more confident air than Dongwoo remembered.

Pushing down the clear fact that Sungyeol’s return was yet another alpha in the house with his Myungsoo, Dongwoo obeyed, moving into the house with a lot more care than he’d anticipated he’d need to talk to Lee Sungyeol.

Dongwoo sat on the sofa as Myungsoo sat close to him, hands still clasped on Dongwoo’s sleeve as he looked down at his lap.

“We were wondering if you were ever coming back.” Dongwoo began. “I actually spoke to CEO-nim about you returning.”

Sungyeol’s eyes grew wide as he regarded Dongwoo in disbelief.

“You did?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

Dongwoo had expected as much. It didn’t make any sense to anyone why he would want to ask for Sungyeol’s return. Especially as it seemed that Myungsoo was a bit too enamored by Sungyeol. But that was part of the reason why he’d done it. Myungsoo missed his best friend but more than that, Sungyeol needed to know that there was no stigma if he returned.

“You got into Woollim fair and square. You deserve to be there.”

“So that you guys can exclude me more than you already used to?”

“That,” Dongwoo began. “That was a misunderstanding.”

“Howon and Sunggyu would disagree.”

“They wouldn’t. They know what happened.”

“That I molested Woohyun?”

“That you both ran things. Consensually.” Dongwoo said.

“But how…” He trailed off as his eyes moved to look at Myungsoo. “Thank you.”

“You can come back now. I know you wouldn’t want to after the way the others acted but I promise, they won’t do that again. In fact, they stayed behind beca-”

“And also, hyung bargained his future for you.” Myungsoo blurted out as Dongwoo and Sungyeol both looked at him in shock. He looked back at them, inhaling as he straightened his back to speak with more confidence. “If you don’t come back, Dongwoo-hyung’s deal would have been for nothing.”

“I didn’t make any deal like that.” Dongwoo said.

Staring straight at Sungyeol as if he didn’t believe Dongwoo, Myungsoo continued to speak.

“CEO-nim never makes deals unless he’s sure of profit. If he’s letting you come back, then my hyung has let go of something in return.”

“I didn’t let go of anything.”

“Everyone is expecting-

“I’ll come back with you.” Sungyeol said as Dongwoo and Myungsoo both stared at him in confusion. Smiling wryly, he pointed over to the corner, sending Dongwoo’s and Myungsoo’s attention to where Sungyeol’s bag and box sat, packed and seemingly ready to go somewhere. “I’ve been fretting about how to talk CEO into letting me back into Woollim. My mom was ready to send me away the moment I got home but then my rut started and she had to take care of me.”

“You’re coming back?” Dongwoo asked, unable to keep the relief out of his voice.

“Yes, hyung.” Sungyeol nodded. “My parents are worried that I’m scared of my own dream.” He frowned. “First SM, now Woollim. They think I’m being self-destructive.”

“You can come back now. Your parents would be very glad.”

“I know. At least now I can put all those acting classes to good use.”

_Hmm,_ Dongwoo thought, cringing inwardly.

“About that.”

Sungyeol looked up at him.

“What is it?”

“CEO said that the acting coach he got you won’t come back for just one actor.”

“Yeah, so?” Sungyeol asked.

“If you come back to Woollim, you won’t be a trainee actor.”

“Then what will I be doing there?” Sungyeol asked, apprehension growing in his voice.

“You’ll be training as an idol. If you come back, you’ll be the seventh member of Big Dipper.”

*********

It didn’t take long for Myungsoo to warm up to Sungyeol after the initial discomfort. He’d reverted back to his old, silent self but other than that, he seemed okay with Sungyeol as an alpha and didn’t put up the same wary and defensive front he’d put up with Sunggyu and Howon back at the dorm. As they waited for Sungyeol’s mother to return because Dongwoo thought it would be polite to greet before they left, Sungyeol put on an anime for them to watch, taking Myungsoo’s attention from his surroundings as he sat, immersed in it with one hand in Dongwoo’s shirt and another in Sungyeol’s lap.

Dongwoo’s mind took him back to the day before, as he’d say in Jungyeop-hyung’s office, asking about Sungyeol’s return and if it were possible. If he hadn’t just witnessed the CEO go from happy-to-be-rid-of-Woohyun to worried, he’d have been confused at his quick reply of consent. For a moment, he looked like there was no fight left in him. Dongwoo was pretty sure that if he’d asked for anything, he’d have probably gotten it, what with the CEO being sad, downcast and presently full of confusion.

Sungyeol wasn’t going to come with them. He was set to return to the dorm the next day, anyway. Dongwoo didn’t see any reason in rushing his return. Especially since he was going to take Myungsoo right to the doctor the moment they left Sungyeol’s home.

*********

Sparks’ driver took them to the doctor’s later that day in the afternoon, after Sungyeol’s mother had insisted on a late morning snack for her son’s friends. She’d taken to pinching Myungsoo’s cheeks and seemed to be under the impression that her son was Myungsoo’s boyfriend.

Because Dongwoo didn’t have enough to be jealous about.

His only joy was that Myungsoo seemed as eager to get on the suppressants as Dongwoo was to have him on them.

The doctor his mother recommended was a woman… a beta. And not that Dongwoo was feeling particularly possessive but he didn’t really think he’d feel comfortable having Myungsoo around a guy or an alpha. But betas? Betas were sensible. They didn’t walk around fluttering hormones and thinking with their dicks or private parts. Beta women were the perfect balance between maternal and sensible. He would know. His mother was a beta. His sisters were betas. He knew he could trust betas.

“You’ve only had one heat?”

“Just finished a couple of days ago.” Myungsoo said.

“You’re sure you want to go on suppressants?”

“Yes.” Myungsoo nodded.

“Okay.” She stood to her feet. “Let’s get you checked out.”

While she took Myungsoo to the other room, Dongwoo waited, fiddling with his phone and calming himself down. He wished he’d come with his iPod. At least the music could have kept him sane, sitting here in a hospital with nothing to do.

Nodding his head, he began tapping his feet and smacking his thighs to a brand new beat as words just started flowing in his head. But he kept them in his head. Mithra-hyung said it was weird when Dongwoo rapped out loud in the muttering way he did when he was restless.

Sparks loved it when Dongwoo did it.

Dongwoo had long since learned that Sparks’ taste didn’t run exactly normal. When in doubt, he would much rather listen to Mithra than the weird hyung who had a fixation with anything Dongwoo did.

He wasn’t even sure he’d want anyone to hear the lyrics flowing through his mind. Especially since they were all x-rated and featured vivid memories from Myungsoo’s heat. The moment he realized this, he sat for a while in silence, wondering if there would ever come a time that he’d be regretful of Myungsoo’s choice to go on suppressants. But then he figured that would be highly unlikely. Not unless he someday present as an alpha.

And given his disposition and his genetics, Dongwoo did not think that was possible.

*********

“So?” Dongwoo asked the moment Myungsoo swallowed his first tablet.

“I don’t feel any different.”

“Maybe it would take a while.”

“You think?” He asked, looking down at the bottle. “I’ll walk by a random alpha and see if he sniffs out anything.”

_No._

“How about we take you home and have you walk by alphas that we both trust?” Dongwoo asked.

“Good idea.” Myungsoo nodded as they hoped back into the car and took off back to the dorm.

********

Sungjong was in the sitting room on the sofa with Howon sitting on the ground between his legs as he fiddled around with Howon’s hair using colorful hair ruffles to put Howon’s hair in patched bundles. In front of Sungjong, Howon sat with a mirror in his hand as he looked around the front of his hair, inspecting Sungjong’s progress.

“Ho-girlie.” Dongwoo teased as he helped Myungsoo out of his jacket.

“Jong says I’m pretty.” Howon said, not talking his eyes from his reflection.

“Like a princess.” Sungjong said, smiling at his work.

“Why are you using only the purple ruffles in front?”

“They finished after the first row.” Howon said, pouting. “He had to start using the other weird colors but only behind.”

“He’s really weird about purple.” Sungjong said, hiding behind his hand as if Howon couldn’t hear him.

Howon didn’t care. When he finally chanced a glance at Dongwoo and Myungsoo, his brows raised in confusion.

“You don’t… smell.”

“Thank you very much.” Dongwoo said, bouncing unto the sofa beside Sungjong.

“No. I mean Soo.”

“It worked.” Dongwoo informed Myungsoo as Myungsoo continued to stand stiffly, not sure what to do or say.

“What worked?”

“I’m on suppressants.” Myungsoo said. “I can’t smell you either.”

“Should you be saying ‘smell’? It sounds like you’re talking about odor.”

“What else do you want them to call it?” Dongwoo asked his fellow beta.

“What did Sungyeol say?” Howon asked Dongwoo.

“He’s coming back tomorrow.”

“Wow. He didn’t even give you a fight.”

“He was already going to come back. He was even afraid that CEO-nim wouldn’t let him back.”

“Well, I’m glad he’s coming back.” Howon looked right at Myungsoo as he said and Dongwoo got the impression that Howon was apologizing… or at least trying to.

“Soo—hyung. Come let me make you pretty.”

“You’re not done with Howon-hyung.”

“There are no more purple ruffles.”

“You can go ahead.” Howon said, standing to his feet as he ushered Myungsoo unto his vacated space.

Smiling sheepishly, Myungsoo sat as Sungjong looked around to his side, selecting colors from his bottomless box of tiny ruffles as he hummed to himself. Howon handed the mirror to Myungsoo and Dongwoo took Myungsoo’s bag of drugs as he headed into the room.

When Sungyeol came, everything would be fine.

In the morning, it would all be fine.

*********

All was not fine the next morning.

Dongwoo woke to Sunggyu’s and Woohyun’s voices raised above Sungjong’s and Howon’s as the latter two tried to quaff the scuffle between the lead vocals.

“You had no right!” Woohyun shouted.

“He’s not kicking you out.”

“I don’t care.” Woohyun said just as Myungsoo and Dongwoo came out from the room to see Woohyun arguing with Sunggyu while he had a pile of his clothes in his hand. “You shouldn’t have told him without me.”

“I was trying to tell you but you wouldn’t listen.”

“You sold me out because you wanted to use me to keep Myungsoo?”

“Yes but you get to stay too.”

“I don’t want to stay. I’m not welcome here anymore.”

“Says who? The only person who didn’t want you here accepts you now. Jungyeop-hyung is okay with you staying.”

“As long as I stay bonded to you?”

“He never said that. You can break the bond if you want to.”

“I’m so glad I finally have my alpha’s blessing.” Woohyun said, disappearing into Howon’s room as he emerged again, dragging his box with him.

“Don’t do this. Woohyun, please.” Sunggyu said, following him and blocking his path into their room. “You’re being silly.”

“Am I?” Woohyun asked. “I don’t feel safe here.”

“Why?”

“Are you seriously asking me that?” Woohyun said, sagging in frustration as he looked at Sunggyu, betrayed and almost confused. “Do you really not know why I wouldn’t want to be here as opposed to two big companies who seem to think I’m very worthy?”

“It’s not about the big companies. We’re here together. We’re supposed to be brothers.”

“Brothers? Sunggyu, I understand that I sound like a horrible person but this really isn’t about you. No one wants to stay in a place where they’re not wanted.”

“You’re wanted.”

“He’s been pushed into a corner, hyung. Can’t you see that? What’s going to happen to me in the future? If anything goes wrong in Big Dipper, it would be because of me. It will be because Big Dipper has an omega. He’ll hate me. He won’t promote me well. Talent or not, if the CEO of your company does not like you, you get forgotten and pushed to the back. But if I leave, if I go to YG, that won’t happen to me.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Anywhere would be better than how I’ve been treated here. Think about it, hyung. Right now, I’m the first omega that YG has ever wanted to debut. I’m special. They’ve made me FEEL special.” Woohyun bends down to pick the clothes that fell from his hand. “I don’t want to be horrible but it needs to be said, hyung. I wish you all luck and blessings and I pray that someday, when you debut, the whole world accepts you guys for your talent and strength. But I can’t be here. Woollim is not the place for me.”

It was almost painful to admit but having Woohyun express how he was really feeling without the underlying anger that they had come to know in the last two days, Dongwoo found himself agreeing with Woohyun’s logic. Maybe the CEO wanted him today. Maybe they were all set to debut seven and in peace now. But what happened if they couldn’t keep up? If they flopped in their first year and they were a group with –not one but- two omegas, people would have so much to say as to why they didn’t work out or why they did not succeed.

Which was just a load of bullshit and source of anger to Dongwoo every time he saw Woohyun and Myungsoo work hard. Losing or flopping had nothing to do with the omegas. If someone had trained hard enough to debut, then they certainly weren’t weak enough to be the sole cause of failure. If they could just get Woohyun to stay, Big Dipper would be an exception. When they debuted, they would be breaking so many stereotypes… about small companies, about omegas about large groups with seven people.

They just needed a little faith. From others, but also, from themselves.

The door to the house opened and Sungyeol entered, dragging his box and his bag behind him as the door closed.

“Hello everyone.” He called, taking off his cap and shaking his head before wearing it back.

“Su… Sungyeol?” Woohyun said, looking right at the door in stupor as Dongwoo was reminded that in all his anger and sulking, no one had told Woohyun that Sungyeol was coming back.

Smiling tersely, Sungyeol entered the house as he bowed at Sunggyu.

“Dongwoo-hyung said I could come back.”

“Yes.” Sunggyu patted him on the back. “You’re one of us now.”

Sungyeol nodded, moving passed them all as he bowed slightly to Howon and Sungjong as Myungsoo took his bag and box and led him straight to their room.

When Dongwoo looked back at Woohyun, he was still staring in the space Sungyeol had entered into the room through, his mouth open, his clothes on the ground and his box long forgotten.


	26. PART SIX: Kim Myungsoo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please, i know this story is so loonnnnngggg and full of twists and turns and some tropes might not be so easy to understand. if you have any queries please ask. i am always willing and ready to answer. i was going to do a chapter/recap of stuff but then it occurred to me that i'll never really be sure of what may have confused someone. so please ask your own questions and i'll answer.
> 
> also, if you've made it this far, thank you so much for the support

Myungsoo was hovering.

He wasn’t going to care though.

He’d missed Sungyeol a whole lot and having him back in the dorm was exciting. There was so much to do together… so much to read. He also had so much to tell Sungyeol about how he didn’t talk to Woohyun… how Dongwoo-hyung was an “underground” rapper… how his first heat had gone… how he’d come to know what a heat reliever was… so much.

If only his mouth would just open and the words would follow.

It didn’t. So he stayed quietly at Sungyeol’s side. Dongmin-hyung had sighed and assigned Dongwoo to catch Sungyeol up but Howon had stepped forward. He’d do it, he’d said, staring at Sungyeol in what Howon probably thought looked contrite. In Myungsoo’s opinion, he just looked like a wounded bulldog with way too much brow. But he had to admit that even that was better than anything else. At least Howon understood. At least he was accepting. They could debut in peace because Sungyeol’s number one hater was now his fumbling dance instructor.

Dongwoo was also gone a lot during their free time. When they finished with practice and Howon and Sunggyu went for their shift, Dongwoo would leave as well, kissing Myungsoo on the cheek and telling him he’d be back. He understood why Dongwoo had to go. But he didn’t like it. All those people in that club, staring up at Dongwoo and wanting him and sometimes trying to get at him. What if someone succeeded? What if someone succeeded and Dongwoo didn’t want them to? What if, what if, what if.

“He’ll be fine.” Sungyeol said as Dongwoo kissed Myungsoo and left once again. “He’s not as innocent as he looks.”

Myungsoo had sagged back against their ruddy couch, determined to not worry. At the feet of the couch, Sungjong sat, his ears muffed by Howon’s earphones, connected to Howon’s Discman as Sungjong tried to sing along to recordings done by Woohyun and Sunggyu.

They all knew the stakes and none of them could be irresponsible about why they were at Woollim. It was not enough that Sungjong was the maknae. He could be cute. He could do it well, but they’d since learned that by the time Big Dipper debuted, they’d need to sing almost as good as Sunggyu and dance just as good as Dongwoo. Those were the standards. Jungyeop-hyung wasn’t asking them to get buff like Howon. He wasn’t asking them to get pretty like Myungsoo. He wasn’t asking them to get tall like Sungyeol. But he was asking them all to grow some talent.

Sungjong’s voice cracked as he cleared his throat, shaking his head as he hummed along, looking for a point to join in again. Leaning down, Myungsoo ran his fingers through Sungjong’s soft hair. He’d love to have hair like Sungjong’s. Hair that wasn’t lotion repellant and stiff with spongy curls. Everyone said he was pretty with his curls but Myungsoo knew he’d have to get rid of them eventually.

Long before he’d ever entertained the idea of being an idol, Myungsoo had done his research on them. He’d posted a picture on SNS and someone had commented on how very much like an idol he looked. It wasn’t an insult to him. It was a compliment. But then someone else had commented that idols couldn’t keep spongy hair. They didn’t have the brain to carry it.

After that second comment, he’d found himself paying more attention to idols in general. Not just DBSK because he thought Kim Jaejoong was a god. Myungsoo actually started looking, comparing, watching and trying to see if there was an underlying thread amongst idols in the industry. And really.

None of them had spongy hair.

*********

Myungsoo wasn’t the only one hovering.

He could feel Woohyun’s attention on them every time they were in the same room.

When Myungsoo looked up, Woohyun was looking somewhere else. He knew Woohyun hadn’t tried to talk to Sungyeol since Sungyeol had moved back in. but Sungyeol hadn’t tried either. And he was pretty proud of Sungyeol for that.

Any talk Woohyun had of leaving the company had been cuffed and ignored ever since Sungyeol got back, but Myungsoo wasn’t going to trust it. He was never going to trust Woohyun again. If Woohyun so much as neared him, he was going to go off on him and unleash all his anger.

He took comfort in the fact that Sunggyu wasn’t so invested in keeping Woohyun anymore. Either he’d simply had enough of the silent treatment and the tantrums or he’d figured Woohyun was going to go if he was going to go and nothing he said could stop Woohyun. Either way, the two of them weren’t stuck to each other like they’d once been. And considering the fact that Woohyun was going out of his way to prove that he could survive being away from Sunggyu, Sunggyu didn’t seem so keen on pursuing or placating Woohyun as he’d been a few weeks ago.

It had been rather subtle and Myungsoo hadn’t really noticed it at first. It wasn’t until the first day that Myungsoo realized that the older alphas had gone to restaurant and Woohyun hadn’t followed that it occurred to him to pay attention. Then Woohyun had fallen at practice and Sunggyu hadn’t even flinched, looking right ahead as if he was ignoring Woohyun on purpose. Even Howon had managed a glance in Woohyun’s direction but whether or not he was going to do anything, Myungsoo couldn’t tell because seconds later, Dongwoo was helping Woohyun to his feet.

If the two of them were fighting, no one was hearing about it. When night came, they both retired to the same room. But when morning rose, they’d emerged and go about their business like strangers.

Sunggyu was learning to speak more firmly with them now. He’d developed a certain edge in his voice that Myungsoo could detect when Sunggyu was suggesting something and when he was commanding. He may not have wanted to be leader… or even an alpha, but Sunggyu was filling both shoes. Which meant seeing them through their practices and being present every time one of them had to go to the studio.

He’d caught Sungyeol smoking one night as Myungsoo sat by his feet, drawing on the ground with a knife. Sunggyu had been so mad at both of them.

“I’m not smoking, hyung.” Myungsoo had said as Sungyeol barged up into the house angrily.

“And you think that’s different?” Sunggyu demanded. “You’re about to debut as a SINGER!” he smacked Myungsoo on the head. “Second-hand smoking still sucks, Soo.” He said.

Sungyeol had tried to smoke again later that week. Unable to speak to him, Myungsoo had pulled the bum out of his mouth and smashed it at his feet.

“Soo?”

 _Sunggyu-hyung said we shouldn’t_ , he wanted to say.

Instead he shook his head vigorously.

Sungyeol didn’t smoke again. At least, not in Myungsoo’s presence.

Everyone was slowly finding their place as the group rustled around. The image director worked with them once a week and Myungsoo had since learned that his image was to be the quiet, mysterious omega. The one everyone wanted to take care of -but also sleep with. Though he’d been advised to tone the latter part down. It was already bad enough they were debuting an omega. Who knew what the ramifications of over-sexualizing an omega might be?

He could feel the relationships forging the group and as much as they all knew what the stakes were with each other, no one really knew where they stood with Woohyun. They either stayed away like the maknae and Sungyeol or they ignored him like Sunggyu or they pretended like he wasn’t a big problem like Howon and Dongwoo were doing. Myungsoo? He didn’t try to engage but he knew that his hate was known… was felt.

Because he was still angry with Woohyun.

1] Woohyun didn’t seem very sorry. After he’ picked up his jaw from the ground that first night of Sungyeol’s return, he’d gone on to hold his head up high and had since refused to apologize to Sungyeol even though everyone now knew he had lied.

2] Woohyun seemed to think he could erase from everyone’s mind the fact that he was an omega.

The second one miffed Myungsoo off more because he was also an omega. Yet, while he’d accepted it with vigor and developed a more intense clinginess to everyone around him, Woohyun had gone in the exact opposite direction, choosing to gym till it probably hurt and walk with his chin parallel to the ground. He was the only other omega present and being senior, any sensible person would have assumed that they’d be bonding over their shared presentation.

But that wasn’t the case.

Myungsoo hated Woohyun.

And Woohyun wasn’t trying to change that fact.

*********

Myungsoo liked Dongwoo’s scent and even though he was on suppressants, he could still feel some hormonal need to have Dongwoo close to him. So Myungsoo had taken to have pieces of Dongwoo’s clothing with him. Just so he could sniff at it. It had become such a habit that now, even though Dongwoo was there anyway, Myungsoo still held unto to something that he could smell. Because if he tried to hang on Dongwoo during practice, Dongmin-hyung would talk. This had to do.

After Sunggyu had informed him that holding underwear in his hand in public was not appropriate, Myungsoo had stuck to towels and kerchiefs and public-friendly material.

Yet, nothing ever came close to the comfort he got from having the real thing by his side when he went to sleep. Cuddling up beside his hyung and burying his nose in Dongwoo’s shoulder as he drifting into deep, snoring sleep. It also helped that if Dongwoo managed to roll away –or if he was the one to roll away- on his other side was Sungyeol. He loved his life. It was full of comfort and two of the best people who let him smooch as much as he wanted without much complain.

So when he’d gone to bed one night without Dongwoo, wrapping his head in Dongwoo’s sweater and holding Sungyeol’s arm in both of his Myungsoo was only half happy at his situation. He got restless and woke with a start to horrifically find that Sungyeol wasn’t even in the room with him. He was alone with the maknae who had curved himself into a ball on the other side of the room.

Pouting and offended, Myungsoo got up, tapping his way to the door in the dark room. As he opened the door, he heard a voice speaking in the sitting room and frowned. He peeked in and saw Woohyun sitting on the couch with the long mirror resting on his box.

“Hello, my name is L.” He half bowed. When he sat up, he sighed, looking uncomfortable and dissatisfied. “I’m Big Dipper’s L, please take care of me.” He bowed again but when he sat up the front on his face was even deeper. “This is Big Dipper’s Woohyun. Hello.” His hissed and slouched back into the couch, looking up at the ceiling as if it would help. He sighed again and sat up. “Hello, this is Big Dipper’s Main Vocal, L. Please take care of me.”

The door to the house opened and Woohyun froze, keeping his eyes on the mirror as if he couldn’t see Sungyeol walking into the house. From where Myungsoo crouched, he could see Woohyun’s hands trembling but Woohyun just cleared his throat and stared back at the mirror.

Equally ignoring him, Sungyeol walked passed him as he headed right for their room so Myungsoo shifted away and sat by the door. Waiting.

The moment Sungyeol entered and closed the door, the smell of smoke wafted into Myungsoo’s nose. Annoyed and unable to speak, Myungsoo smacked the ground and Sungyeol spun around, shocked and frightened as he stumbled in the dark and fell.

“What the fuck!” he cussed and suddenly the room door was flying open.

“What happened?” Woohyun asked, worry etched in his voice as he flicked on the light.

Sungyeol looked from Woohyun to the angry Myungsoo on the ground and all three of them just stayed, stiff and awkward till Woohyun stepped out again and closed the door without turning off the light.

“I’m sorry.” Sungyeol said, sitting up and looking at Myungsoo.

Myungsoo wanted to go off on him. He wasn’t a solo act anymore. They were going to be a group. If the leader told him to do something then he had to do it. Why was he trying to be difficult? Did he not know how to act anymore because he’d become an alpha? Was he an idiot? Did he want to get kicked out? Was smoking so special?

He opened his mouth, feeling tears well up in his eyes at his inability to speak. The few times he’d managed it, he hadn’t been thinking too much. He’d just spoken his mind and then gone quiet. The last time he’d spoken to Sungyeol, he’d been so overwhelmed with missing him that he didn’t even know he was joining in on Dongwoo’s conversation with Sungyeol before he realized he was doing it.

These days? These days he was so AWARE!

He exhaled.

“Stop it.” Myungsoo said and Sungyeol’s eyes bulged out in shock. “It’s bad for you.”

“I will.” Sungyeol promised.

Choosing to believe that Sungyeol wouldn’t deceive him again, Myungsoo took to the edge of the room, refusing to cuddle as he rewrapped himself in Dongwoo’s jacket and went back to sleep.

*********

They were at practice a few days later when Myungsoo got called out to see the CEO. Nervous and fidgety, he made his way down the short corridor from the practice room to the office as he opened the door and walked in.

“Good day, sir.” He greeted, looking from Jungyeop-hyung to the man sitting in the chair in front of him.

“Ah… Myungsoo.” Jungyeop-hyung said, closing his laptop as he noded in his direction and the man turned around. He smiled at him. “Would he be alright?”

“He’ll do.” The man smiled, getting up to offer Myungsoo his hand. Myungsoo shook it with both of his. “I’m Lee Soonim.”

Myungsoo looked over at Jungyeop-hyung who was looking back at him. He didn’t understand what was happening.

“What…” He cleared his throat. “What do you need me for?” He asked.

“Oh.” Soonim-sshi said, sitting back as he waved Myungsoo into the seat beside him. “I’m directing Epik High’s new music video.”

“He’s looking for a lead.” Jungyeop-hyung said. “You’ll do it.”

“Yes.” Myungsoo said without even thinking and Jungyeop-hyung inclined his head, something of a smile ghosting on his features.

“I was going to suggest Howon but I’ve been…” Jungyeop-hyung sighed. “Advised… to give my omegas more responsibility. Can you do it? Are you sure you can handle it?”

“Yes.” Myungsoo said. All he had to do was show up and look pretty. He could do that. He could so do that.

“I like his face.” Soonim-sshi said. “I’d cast you on that alone. But we’ll have to start shooting this week. Are you ready for that?”

“He is.” Jungyeop-hyung answered for him. “He’ll do it.”

“Yes.” Myungsoo said. It wasn’t the same as an idol debut but if he did this, he’d be the boy from Epik High’s video. He’d be Myungsoo. He’d be known-

“What should we call you then?” Soonim-sshi said.

“His name is Myungsoo.” Jungyeop-hyung said, deadpanning as Soonim-sshi laughed.

“That’s going to be his stage name?” he asked. “Do you want a stage name, Myungsoo?”

“Yes Sir.” He said. He wanted something cool. Something to stick. Something easy that just rolled off the tongue.

“Should I give you one?” Jungyeop-hyung asked.

Myungsoo shook his head.

“Can I sleep on it?” he asked.

“Of course you can.” Soonim-sshi said and Myungsoo bowed his way out of the office unable to walk a straight line because of too much joy.


	27. Chapter 27

Dongwoo left for Spark’s place the moment they got out of practice. And Myungsoo really, really wanted to talk with him about the name thing but there was hardly much he could do without alerting everyone before he had the chance to talk to Dongwoo. He was, however, very grateful that even though they’d all seen him get called into the CEO’s office, they didn’t push much. Except for Sunggyu, who had stopped him on his way out of practice.

“Are you getting kicked out?”

“No, hyung.”

“Is your family alright?”

“Yes hyung.”

And then he was gone.

So Myungsoo waited. He sat in the sitting room, curled up on the couch in darkness as he waited for Dongwoo to return. He was going to be in a music video. That was big news. He was an omega and he was going to be in a music video. He shook his entire body on the couch, struggling to reign in some giggles as he smiled into the dark room.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Myungsoo looked at their room door to find Sungyeol walking out as he quietly closed the door behind himself.

 _Yes._ Myungsoo thought. But he wanted to talk to Dongwoo first.

Sungyeol walked over, feeling up the couch till his hands touched Myungsoo’s leg and then he carried the leg up and sat down, holding Soo’s leg in his hand.

“You don’t have to talk, you know.”

“It’s…” Myungsoo began. “It’s private.”

“Okay.” Sungyeol agreed, patting Myungsoo’s legs gently as Myungsoo relaxed just a little bit more. “Truth be told, I was going out to smoke but then-”

“Hyung!” Myungsoo chastised before he realized Sungyeol was laughing. He sat up and smacked Sungyeol on the head.

“Ouch.” Sungyeol grouched. “I am senior to you.”

_Then act like it._

They both sat in silence in the dark sitting room, listening to each other breathe.

“You don’t have to talk to me.” He said. “But in case you ever want to talk, I’m here.”

Myungsoo nodded, even though the room was in complete darkness and Sungyeol would never be able to see what he was doing. But he was grateful for the sentiment. It wasn’t as if the house was full of monsters with no feelings, but as an omega, Myungsoo found that reassurance was always something he’d be welcome to. Along with touching… and cuddling… and public skinship… and petting –which Sungyeol was doing a little bit of on his leg at the moment.

“Thanks.” He said, as the door to the house opened. From where they were sitting, they could both see the silhouettes of Sunggyu and Howon, returning from their night shift as they took their shoes off in the fore room.

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Howon said.

“It won’t work.”

“Because you don’t like him anymore?”

Sunggyu stopped, turning around to look back at the younger alpha.

“He’s being difficult.”

“He’s been accused of being a possible dead weight in the group. He’s trying to be independent.

“He’s being difficult.”

“Just talk to him.”

“He’s being difficult.”

“You’re being difficult too.” Howon argued. “You’re our leader. You’re supposed to rise above all this nonsense.”

“I’m not super human.”

“You’re leader!” Howon snapped. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. I just… he’s not leaving anymore. If he’s going to stay, at least… at least just be nice.”

Patting leader on the arm, Howon passed him and left to his room.

Myungsoo had no doubt who they were talking about but he wasn’t about to table Woohyun. Not when he and Sungyeol were two thirds of the half of the dorm not talking to Woohyun. Neither of them needed to rehash how they really felt on the subject. It was obvious enough.

When the door closed behind Sunggyu, Sungyeol continued his petting, as if the presence of the other two alphas had somehow confused him into immobility. But then it suddenly occurred to Myungsoo that his beef with Woohyun was nothing like Sungyeol’s beef with Woohyun.

Woohyun was being a dick to him and toe everyone so Myungsoo was mad at him in a pretty general I-can’t-stand-you kinda way. But Sungyeol and Woohyun had developed a sexual and somewhat romantic relationship. If it was anything like what Myungsoo had felt when Dongwoo had stopped speaking to him months ago, then Myungsoo was very sure he was not doing all he could do for his friend.

“You can talk to me too.” Myungsoo whispered in the dark and Sungyeol huffed.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Oka-”

“If he’s going to be a child, why does that have to be my problem? It’s not like we made any promises to each other. It was just a thing. A thing between two dudes but whatever.” He shrugged. “There’re plenty of omegas on the street and by the time we debut, I’ll be a star. An alpha star. It wouldn’t matter. No one will say no to me anymore.” The tone of his voice changed somehow. “I could get anyone.”

Myungsoo sat up and pulled one of Sungyeol’s hands into his as he stroked them calmly. Sungyeol was hurting more than he thought. He wracked his brain for all the ways he’d seen his mom comfort his dad when he was angry or discomfort or sad. But most of the pictures in his head were way toooooo not platonic enough for the situation. So Myungsoo settled for petting Sungyeol’s hand as he waited for Sungyeol to calm down some more.

Sunggyu opened his room door again and emerged, wearing shorts and a towel as he walked down to the bathroom. And about a minute later, Woohyun emerged as well, walking the tiny way down to the bathroom.

In Myungsoo’s hands, he felt Sungyeol clench his, holding on tight as if the thought of Woohyun being in the same room as he was, was much too uncomfortable to bear. But that didn’t last long before Woohyun knocked on the door.

“Who is it?”

Woohyun opened the bathroom door and disappeared into it.

“They might just be…” Myungsoo trailed off because what could he really say?

It was true that the oldest alpha and omega in the house had once had a rather audible and quite jealous-worthy sex life in the past but ever since Sungyeol had returned, nothing had happened. At least nothing that anyone in the house knew about, anyway.

But this? The two of them being in the bathroom together while they were very sure that at least Sunggyu was naked? This was different from any interaction they’d had in recent times. Myungsoo knew that and Sungyeol knew that and Myungsoo was a little frustrated.

“CEO-nim offered me the lead role in Epik High’s music video.” Myungsoo spat out.

Sungyeol’s squeezing of his hand lessened.

“Really?”

Myungsoo nodded.

“That’s great!” Sungyeol said, sounding strangled. “Is that what you wanted to talk to Dongwoo-hyung about?”

“Yes.” Myungsoo said. “No.” He argued with himself. “Not just that.”

“What else?”

“I need a name.”

“Like a stage name?” Sungyeol asked. “Actors don’t need those.”

“I need one.”

“Magic Soo.”

Myungsoo pinched the back of Sungyeol’s hand.

“Okay. How about M?”

And Myungsoo’s mind flashed back to a conversation he had with Woohyun about L being called M instead. And then that flashback triggered a series of other memories where Woohyun didn’t seem to have devil horns attached to his head to signify the evil personality he’d taken on since the year had begun. He couldn’t believe that there was ever a time that he’d trusted Woohyun more than anyone.

Thinking of days when he’d sat by Woohyun in the kitchen, watching the older omega cook and accept treats and tastes from Woohyun’s hand whenever Woohyun needed an opinion. He was then left to wonder what had happened to that Nam Woohyun to make him so hateful of recent.

“I hate M.” he declared.

“Okay. Maybe not something with one letter, then?”

“I like Magic though.”

“I hate Magic.”

“It was your idea.”

“My idea was Magic Soo not just Magic. Without the Soo, it just sounds-”

Someone grunted in the bathroom and Myungsoo’s entire body tensed. Myungsoo opened his mouth to continue the conversation at all cost when another, louder moan sounded through the door. If they’d tried to brush off the first one as anything but sexual, the second one definitely was.

And Sungyeol must have thought so too because the hand he had on Myungsoo’s leg was now pressing and squeezing him so hard, it hurt.

Another series of moans erupted from the bathroom and Sungyeol only dug deeper into Myungsoo’s leg so Myungsoo had to act fast, throwing caution to the wind as he yanked his leg from Sungyeol’s grasp and climbed into Sungyeol’s lap, hugging Sungyeol to his chest as he directed Sungyeol’s nose to his neck. Granted, he was an omega on suppressants but he was still an omega. Maybe this would calm Sungyeol down and help a little. Maybe Sungyeol wouldn’t feel any more destructive than he’d been.

Besides, he wanted to help. And if letting an alpha scent him was what he had to do, Myungsoo was willing to let it happen.

Seconds later, Sungyeol’s hands wrapped around him as he held Myungsoo tight, sniffing at his neck and sobbing a little as Myungsoo patted his head. They could both still hear the moaning and groaning coming from the bathroom but Myungsoo put his back into it, rocking them both back and forth as he petted Sungyeol’s head, slowly. He’d seen his mom do this a lot. He could do it. He could calm Sungyeol’s anger. Omega/Alpha dynamics was just biology. It didn’t have to be sexual.

Except, it totally was.

Because it seemed Sungyeol must have managed past his anger. Because he was getting hard beneath Myungsoo.

“Sorry.” He mumbled into Myungsoo’s neck as his hands tightened. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Myungsoo thought. In for a mile… and all that.

“Fuck!” Sungyeol cussed as a rather loud, drawn out moan sifted through the doors and he bucked up into Myungsoo, causing Myungsoo to hold on so he wouldn’t fall off the couch.

“Are you okay?”

“No, Soo. I am not okay. I am not alright. Can’t you smell that?”

Myungsoo shook his head. He couldn’t smell anything. Except bathing soap and Sungyeol. His nostrils weren’t attuned to Omega/Alpha hormones anymore.

When Myungsoo felt something wet sweep across his neck, it became apparent that Sungyeol thought it would be okay to lick Myungsoo. Which… weird.

“Don’t do that.” He said, still trying to hold on even as Sungyeol decided it was okay to use Myungsoo to bring himself off to the sound of Woohyun being fucked in the bathroom. But if he was going to be a part of the frotting part, Myungsoo wondered why the kissing was worse.

 _Because he isn’t Dongwoo_ , his mind supplied. And Myungsoo thought it was rather awesome that his mind had a mind to remind him that this was nothing sexual… nothing directed at him, anyway.

Then Sungyeol kissed his neck again, shifting against his skin because Sungyeol’s own hips couldn’t be bothered to steady long enough for him to get a kiss in. Not that Myungsoo was willing to encourage the kiss. But then he felt teeth graze his neck.

 _ERROR!_ His mind supplied, because heat or not, an alpha’s teeth near an omega’s neck was just toeing a disastrous line. He pushed away from Sungyeol, but Sungyeol only held on tighter. So he did the only think he could think of.

He slapped Sungyeol hard across the face.

And everything in the room went quiet. Myungsoo gulped, staring into the dark place that he assumed was where Sungyeol’s face was. He hadn’t only just slapped an alpha, he’d just slapped a hyung. Myungsoo panicked, pushing off to move away from Sungyeol so that he wouldn’t receive punishment for what he’d just done.

But Sungyeol wasn’t letting go.

“I’m sorry, hyung.” Myungsoo said, his hand fastening on Sungyeol’s. “I didn’t mean-”

“I’m not mad.” Sungyeol said. “I just… I just really want to come.” He loosened his arms around Myungsoo. “Can I come?”

“Hyung, isn’t this weird?”

“What’s weird is you’re not turned on right now.”

“Because I don’t want you that way.”

“But can’t you smell it?”

“Smell what?” Myungsoo asked. “My hormones are suppressed, hyung.”

“Right.” Sungyeol said. “Suppressants.”

“Yeah.”

They both settled in, Myungsoo still on top of Sungyeol as the bathroom also seemed quiet too.

“I still haven’t come.” Sungyeol told him.

“Go ahead.” Myungsoo resigned himself to his fate. With how tight Sungyeol was holding him, he doubted he’d be going anywhere if the alpha didn’t get off at least once.

“Don’t sound so weary.”

“How am I supposed to sound? Cheery?”

“You’re helping a friend.”

“You’re holding me against my will.”

“You’re the one who got in my lap. How the fuck was I supposed to interpret that?”

“I was trying to help.”

“EXACTLY!”

Oh. Right.

“Fine. Get off then.”

“I will.” Sungyeol said, sounding angry again as he pushed off the couch and Myungsoo found his back hitting the couch as Sungyeol ground down on him, pressing and pressing till he was coming on top of him.

It was rather anti-climactic, considering the powerfully ecstatic sounds that were coming from the bathroom a few minutes ago.

Sighing into Myungsoo’s neck, Sungyeol laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“You’re talking to me.”

“Yeah, so?”

“You hardly ever do.”

It dawned on Myungsoo. He hadn’t even thought about it. He’d been so worried about distracting Sungyeol from all the WooGyu sex about to go down, that he’d just gone ahead and spoken.

_Hunh!_

“It’s a good thing I guess. At least now you don’t have to sound constipated when you talk to me.”

Myungsoo smiled. Right before he shoved Sungyeol off of his body, sending him to the ground in a groan.

“You owe me a lifetime supply of cuddles.” Myungsoo informed.

And Sungyeol didn’t disagree.

*********

Dongwoo laughed when Sungyeol spent the next morning apologizing for molesting his boyfriend. He wouldn’t let up. And he wouldn’t allow Dongwoo to even do his part of the house chores.

“Just let him do it, hyung.” Sungjong suggested. “He should be punished.”

“I think so too.” Myungsoo said, plastered on Dongwoo’s back as Sungyeol washed the plates.

“If he’s going to go around doing that to Soo-hyung because you’re not around, he should know there are consequences.”

“Consequences for what?” Woohyun asked as he and Sunggyu entered the sitting room.

Myungsoo’s mouth clammed shut as Sungjong turned around to explain.

“Yeolie-hyung was-”

“It was nothing.” Dongwoo said, waving at Woohyun and Sunggyu. “They’re all being ridiculous.”

“About what?” Sunggyu asked, falling on the couch beside Myungsoo and Dongwoo.

“Yeolie-hyung got off on Soo-hyung.”

 _How the fuck were they all discussing this like a table-topic???_ Myungsoo blushed, hiding his face in Dongwoo’s back as Dongwoo laughed, turning around to pull him out.

“It tickles, Soo.” Dongwoo said.

“I need to hide.”

“He did what?” Woohyun asked. As Myungsoo looked up, he found Woohyun looking right at him and he couldn’t quite decipher if it was curiosity or anger or worry that colored his gaze. But Myungsoo didn’t care anyway.

Refusing to answer, he extracted himself from Dongwoo’s body and entered into their room, slamming the door shut.

He pulled out his pillow and lay on the floor, listening to the mumbled voices of his members just outside the door grappling at each other. As the door opened, Myungsoo could have sworn he already knew who it was before they spoke.

“Soo?”

Myungsoo ignored him.

“Can I come in?”

Myungsoo still didn’t speak to him.

So Woohyun entered, shutting the door gently.

“Sunggyu-hyung said CEO-nim offered you a role on Epik High’s MV. Congratulations.”

Myungsoo remained quiet.

“I’m sorry about how I’ve been treating you and the others. I didn’t consider the effect of my words and actions so I acted brashly. And I’m sorry.”

Myungsoo could have never anticipated the power such simple words.

 _“I’m never talking to him again.”_ Myungsoo had once said about Howon to Woohyun.

 _“What if he apologized to you?”_ Woohyun had asked sagely, never thinking for a second that he’d be on the receiving end of Myungsoo’s ability to hold a grudge.

 _“I will still never talk to him.”_ Myungsoo had said.

And he’d meant every word.

But hearing those words directed at him, after such a tense string of months, Myungsoo felt lighter. Felt vindicated somehow. Even though he still felt a little hurt, he felt better knowing that Woohyun was aware that he was in the wrong.

“If you were looking for a stage name-”

“I’m not.” He lied. He might be on his way to forgiveness but this was getting too familiar too quick.

“If you are,” Woohyun insisted. “I think L would work great for you. I could never pull it off anyway.”

And with that, Myungsoo was left alone with his thoughts. He could not even begin to fathom how heavy it felt to be bestowed such a name… a name that he’d hated so much. A name that he’d made fun of. But considering the circumstance and the amount of thought Woohyun had put in to the name, he couldn’t help feeling a lot placated that Woohyun was willing to give him the name he’d wanted for himself.

Looking up at the ceiling, he said out loud:

“My name is L. Please take care of me.”

He couldn’t think of anything else that sounded so right without even trying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like to know what was going on in the bathroom while Myungyeol were in the sitting room, read [TEARS](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9529154)


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

_Shuffle, shuffle, hit, hit, swipe._

This was so different from the run in the stadium. They’d faced lights on him and tinted everything to look dim but he could still feel the burn on his skin as it mixed with his fatigued sweat and his arms hurt. But he had to do it. CEO was standing a corner. Watching him. And every time he wanted to stop, he had to remind himself that he’d been through worse.

He was going to go through worse.

_Shuffle, shuffle, hit, hit, swipe._

He kept going, ignoring the camera tracking his move and floating around him in the boxing ring as he continued to count in his head. This wasn’t so hard. It was exactly the same thing as doing choreography. Except he was alone and the rest of Big Dipper wasn’t present.

“Cut.” The director said as Myungsoo relaxed, leaning forward, placing his hands on his knees as he waited for water.

“Here.” He took the bottle of water and looked up at Woohyun.

“Where’s Sunggyu-hyung?” he asked, drinking the whole bottle in one go.

“He’s recording.”

“Shouldn’t you be recording too?”

Big Dipper had music now. Music that they were sure was going on their album. There was no need to hang around at Myungsoo’s shoot if he had other things to do.

“I finished early.” Woohyun looked around at the shoot. “I wanted to come see you. Show my support. L-sshi, Fighting!” He raised a fist to the side of his face, struggling to look cute.

Myungsoo frowned at him as he handed Woohyun back the bottle.

“Okay L?” The director asked as Woohyun backed away from the glaring center of the shoot.

“Yes, sir.” Myungsoo said, wondering when he’d ever get used to being called L. “I’m ready sir.”

“Okay.” He raised his hand and then dropped it as Myungsoo stiffened into his stance.

_Shuffle, shuffle, hit, hit, swipe._

*********

Sungyeol wasn’t the best influence in Myungsoo’s life but he didn’t seem to mind. That he’d somehow gotten the alpha to let go of his smoking was a miracle. So when Sungyeol suggested they go drinking, he decided to hold his tongue on the subject. It was evening and the hyungs wouldn’t be home anyway so he followed.

“To L.” Sungyeol said, holding up a bomb before he emptied it into his mouth and exhaled into the evening.

“Don’t call me that here.” Myungsoo looked around uncertainly.

“It’s a stage name. I don’t even have one.”

“You didn’t come to my shoot.” Myungsoo said.

“I snuck home.” Sungyeol said, shrugging like he hadn’t just broken one of the rules.

“You could’ve come to see me shoot.”

“You were awesome.” Sungyeol filled his cup again, nudging one in Myungsoo’s direction.

“How would you know? You weren’t there.”

Stopping, his cup mid-air, he looked at Myungsoo.

“You’re always awesome. I don’t have to be there to know that.” He drank it all and then nodded at Myungsoo with the soju still in his mouth until Myungsoo drank his and then Sungyeol swallowed.

“It taste horrible.” Myungsoo said, staring at the glass in frustration.

“Give it a couple more bottles and you’ll know.”

“Know what?”

“That you should give it a couple more bottles?”

Huffing, Myungsoo pushed Sungyeol’s head away as Sungyeol just laughed at him. He didn’t want to argue with Sungyeol but Myungsoo didn’t think he was going to want to drink anymore. Not when it tasted like it did and burned all the way down his throat.

However, three bottles each, later, Myungsoo was pretty sure he was reading the watch on his hand backwards. Make that up-side-down.

“It’s 10:11.” He informed Sungyeol, who had his head on the table, moaning to himself. “We need to get home before Gyu-hyung does.”

“I want to sleep.” Sungyeol said, pouting up at him as Myungsoo got to his feet and staggered back, clutching the hood of Sungyeol’s sweater to keep himself upright.

“You’ll sleep in dorm.” He said, hopefully sharply enough that Sungyeol understood that they were about to be in serious trouble.

“Ah. You’re no fun.” Sungyeol got up, pull out bills from his pocket as he dropped them on the table and began following Myungsoo out. “You don’t feel drunk.”

“My eyes feel heavy.”

“It’s too early for that. That’s supposed to happen in the morning.”

“My eyes feel heavy, now.”

“Probably because you’re looking right into a street lamp.”

Myungsoo shook his head at Sungyeol. He wasn’t looking into a street lamp. He wasn’t even drunk. His head just felt a little heavy. That was all. He could get through the night feeling like if he didn’t drink some more, he just might puke. He wasn’t going to puke, though. He could hold it. It wasn’t that difficult.

“Woohyun-hyung came to visit me today.” Myungsoo burped. “Even though you didn’t.”

“Probably came to ask for an apology.” Sungyeol sneered, walking the quiet road up the hill to their dorm.

“He’s been apologizing a lot.” Myungsoo pointed out. “Wouldn’t it be better if we all just forgot it?”

Turning around on him so fast that Myungsoo knocked into Sungyeol’s shoulder, Sungyeol glared at him.

“He hasn’t apologized to me.”

“Because you won’t talk to him. You’ll barely talk to him. How is he going to apologize?”

“I DON’T WANT HIM TO APPOLOGIZE!”

“THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

“I WANT…” Sungyeol stopped, right in his face, breathing heavily and looking at him as if he’d betrayed him somehow. “One little visit and you’re on his side?”

“It’s not like that.” Myungsoo said, taking Sungyeol’s hand in his as Sungyeol groaned, pulling his hand away.

He turned around and kept going, making a turn into the road as the dorm came into sight. Myungsoo jogged up to meet him, feeling his eyes burn with tears.

“I’m not on his side, Yeolie.”

“I don’t care.”

“I’m on your side. I just think-”

“Myungsoo, I don’t care.”

“Please don’t be this way.” He tried to take Sungyeol’s hand again but when Sungyeol dodged him this time, he shoved Myungsoo back so hard that Myungsoo stumbled and nearly fell if not for his grip on the wall. “Why would you-”

“Don’t talk to me again.” Sungyeol said. “Go hang out with your new best friend.”

Shaking his head, ran ahead and stopped Sungyeol, placing his hand on Sungyeol’s chest.

“You don’t have to like him. Forget I said anything. Just don’t be mad at me.”

“What did he do for you anyway? He’s still the same shit he’s always been. Just because he walked around smiling for a couple of days, we’re all supposed to bow down to the great Woohyun?”

“He’s been nicer these past two days.”

“This is why people don’t trust omegas.”

Myungsoo stood, stunned as Sungyeol grumbled and passed by him.

“You’re all the same. Manipulative and evil. I’m wondering what he needs now.”

“You take that back.” Myungsoo said, finally feeling the tears run down his face as he watched Sungyeol walk away. “I’ve never manipulated you.”

“You’re taking his side. You’re just like him. What was this? You know what he did to me. You know how he is.”

“So you’ll hurt me too? Because you’re hurt? Stop and talk to me. Yeolie!”

Sungyeol spun around and took a swing at Myungsoo but he was so sluggish that Myungsoo could duck in time. But then it occurred to him that Sungyeol had just tried to punch him.

He took his own swing and it connected, sending Sungyeol barreling into the ground.

Before he had time to realize, Sungyeol was standing and rushing at him and Myungsoo was suddenly on his back as Sungyeol punched him as well. But when Sungyeol pulled back his hand for another punch, Sungyeol was suddenly being pulled off as Myungsoo was dragged to his feet.

“Are you stupid? Do you want to die?” Sunggyu asked, holding Myungsoo as he shouted back at Sungyeol who was busy struggling in Howon’s grasp. “There’s no space in dorm that you’re fighting on the stre- ARE YOU DRUNK?”

Myungsoo tried to shift as Sunggyu began sniffing at his mouth.

“You two fucking idiots.”

Sunggyu pulled his ear and Myungsoo screeched but soon Sunggyu was also pulling Sungyeol’s ear and they were both being led back to the house with Howon in tow.

“Maybe you don’t want to debut. You want to live in this house as trainees till you die, eh?”

“Hyung-”

“Shut the fuck up!”

He pushed them up the stairs and followed letting Howon close the door behind them.

“What’s going on?” He asked the two of them as Sungyeol slouched, trying to remove his shoes. “If you two don’t start talking-”

“He’s mad because I told him to talk to Woohyun-hyung.”

Sunggyu looked at Sungyeol, his expression calming down to something that looked like understanding.

“YAH!” Sunggyu shouted, walking further into the house as he began banging on the room doors. “EVERYBODY! OUT! NOW!”

“What’s going on?” Sungjong asked, poking his head out from the room as Woohyun emerged from his and Sunggyu’s room.

“Where’s Dongwoo?” Sunggyu asked.

“He went to the club.” Sungjong said, coming to sit on the couch.

Sunggyu groaned, waving them all to the couch as he gestured for them to sit. As Myungsoo took the space beside Sungjong, Howon stood, leaning on the wall while Woohyun sat at Myungsoo’s feet. But Sungyeol sat on the floor where he’d been standing, refusing to come any closer.

“So, it’s gone on long enough and all this… nonsense has got to stop.”

“Hyung-”

“Zip!” He commanded, drawing his fingers apart like they were zips. “I’m going to debut. I don’t know about you guys so if anyone wants to fight and hate and do all that rubbish, you best leave now because I’m not having that. Not in this group.”

“You can’t force us to like each other.” Sungyeol said, looking up at him defiantly.

“What kind of group do you want to be a part of, Sungyeol?” Sunggyu asked and Sungyeol kept quiet. “I’m really asking. Do you want a group of boys who sign a contract and go to work and do the right thing and get paid for it, or do you want a group of boys who sign contracts, go to work, get paid and still support each other? Because it’s going to be one or the other. It’s here. It’s now. This is when we decide.” He looks round at the rest of them. “How many of us want option one?” No one raises their hands. “Who wants the second one?” Sungjong raises his hand without much prompting. Howon raises his at the same time Woohyun raised his. Myungsoo raised his own, looking pointedly at Sungyeol who was still sulking on the ground.

Sunggyu walked over him and squatted in front of him.

“I’ve spent two years with these guys and if you’re a part of us, I hope to spend more time with you too. But that’s not going to mean anything if you’re left out. I understand pain and I understand hurt but I want more than that. I want love among us. Understanding.”

“You don’t know what he did-”

“I know that you two used to fool around. I know that he lied and got you beaten. I know that he’s been apologizing but I also understand that it’s your right to forgive him or not.”

“I don’t want to forgive him.”

“I guess that’s a precedent you want to set for the whole group, eh? We wrong each other and we never forgive till what happens? Till we break up? I love music and I know I’m going to love doing this when we debut but I’m not so sure we’ll last forever if bandmates are already talking like this.”

“Hyung-”

“I want forever, Sungyeol. I want to go years knowing that there are people who have my back. I’m tired of being left behind or running away. If I stay in Big Dipper, I don’t just want a career. I want brothers. I want forever. I want a five year anniversary. I want a ten year anniversary. I want to go for military service and come back to Big Dipper. And you know how that would be possible?”

“Because we’re forever?” Woohyun asked.

“EXACTLY!” Sunggyu said. He stood up and addressed everyone. “I’ve been a bad leader. Maybe democracy isn’t what you want. But I swear to god, Lee Sungyeol, you’re going to talk things out with him today.”

Myungsoo winced knowing that the worst way to get Sungyeol to do anything was to threaten. Sungyeol hissed and looked up at Sunggyu.

“You can’t force me to do anything.”

“Are you sure about that?” Sunggyu asked as his face went hard and Myungsoo saw Woohyun groan at his feet, head tilted just a little. As he looked up at Howon, he had a confused and angry expression on his face but he also had his head bowed. Sungyeol, who was in Sunggyu’s direct line of sight looked pained, struggling to look up as if something was holding his head down like an invisible hand.

Myungsoo looked over at Sungjong and realized that he and Sungjong were the only ones not reacting weird or strange but then the room seemed to deflate as everyone leaned back, breathing heavily as Sungyeol cussed and smacked the ground with his hands, standing up as if to challenge Sunggyu. But Howon was already standing between them.

“What the fuck was that?” Sungyeol asked, looking afraid but still struggling to hold unto an angry façade that was so transparent, it was pathetic. “What did you just do?”

“Woohyun get in the room.” Sunggyu said, holding Sungyeol’s gaze. Without a word, Woohyun was on his feet, swaying a little as he made his way back to his room. “Follow.” Sunggyu commanded Sungyeol. Sungyeol hesitated, blinking at Sunggyu and looking like he wanted to argue. “Did you hear me, Sungyeol?”

“Yes.” Sungyeol forced out, through gritted teeth.

“NOW!” Sunggyu barked and Sungyeol flinched back, edging toward the room as the door closed behind him and Woohyun.

“Are you alright?” Howon asked the leader, taking him by the elbow as Sunggyu nodded at him but didn’t say more on the subject, choosing to look at Myungsoo instead.

“They can’t come out. Not until I’m sure they’re fine with each other.”

Understanding that he’d just been tasked with an assignment, Myungsoo nodded at the leader as he and Howon retired to Howon’s room.

*********

Myungsoo slept outside the door, taking his job seriously, but also worried about his friendship with Sungyeol. They’d just fought and he wanted to make sure they were fine when Sungyeol came out. He couldn’t sleep and he was feeling a bit antsy that he couldn’t hear what was going on in the room.

Sungyeol had only two modes that he was aware of. One was the calm and unconnected Sungyeol while the other was the angry and explosive Sungyeol. He wasn’t sure which he wanted to be in the room with Woohyun at the moment. He wished and prayed that if they were talking to each other that it was going somewhere. Because the very thought of Sunggyu’s unspoken ultimatum resulting in Sungyeol giving up and quitting again was something Myungsoo did not think he could handle. Again.

Quietly, he opened the door and noted that the light was turned on. From the angle of the door, he couldn’t see either of them. But he could hear voices… or a voice. Woohyun’s voice.

“I always wanted a sister.” Woohyun’s voice was saying without any reaction from Sungyeol. “It would have been fun to take her out and spoil her. Or turn her against Boohyun. I pestered my mom for a sister for so long that they eventually gave me a name. Lihyun. It eventually occurred to me that my parents weren’t getting any more children but at least I have a name, right?”

Sungyeol didn’t answer.

“But there are days when I’m glad they never-”

“I’ll tolerate you.” Sungyeol said, cutting into Woohyun’s soliloquy. “Just shut up for one second.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“I don’t give a fuck about your apology, _hyung_. But Sunggyu-hyung is right. We need to support each other. This idol-world is going to be hard enough as it is and I’m willing to let the past be the past if you are. But it doesn’t mean I have to like you.”

Woohyun remained quiet.

“Deal?” Sungyeol said.

Woohyun still didn’t say anything.

“If you don’t want to work this out, then that’s fine.”

“This isn’t working it out.” Woohyun pointed out.

“This is the best I can do.”

“I need you to forgive me.”

“I’ve forgiven you.”

“You said you’ll tolerate me.”

“And that would only happen if I forgave you.”

“But I don’t just want you to tolerate me. I want-”

“I don’t really give two fucks what you want. We’re supposed to be on a team and I’m willing to be a team player, if you are. So if you’re refusing my truce, I can go let leader know that I offered my hand but you refused.”

The room was silent for a few minutes before Myungsoo heard a clapping sound signifying two hands shaking.

“Good.” Sungyeol said. “Myungsoo? I know you’re there.”

Smiling in guilt, Myungsoo pushed the door open as he caught sight of the two of them sitting side by side on a wall.

“You can tell leader that we’ve made up and Big Dipper is all one big family now.”

Myungsoo looked over at Woohyun to receive confirmation and was shocked to find the omega with red eyes, looking as if he was two seconds from crying.

Nodding at Myungsoo, Woohyun said.

“Yeah. We’re cool.” His voice broke as he spoke but Sungyeol just wagged his eyebrows in triumph.

“See?” Sungyeol said. “Now can I go take a piss?”

As he walked passed Myungsoo, leaving the two omegas in the room, Myungsoo wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do now that Woohyun was curled in on himself, sobbing on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Interested in some Hogyu, since it's been soooo long, read [FEELINGS](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9856919)


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long.
> 
> Also, I can't believe that the first chapter of this series introduced me to someone like chelsmels. she's been awesome as a beta and has seen me through all the kinks in the series. I want to thank her for beta-ing this chapter and the rest of the series

Jungyeop-hyung surprised them all, cancelling practice for the weekend as he arrived in the house with take-out and drinks and… and a TV!

They’d have to set up the cable and everything but seeing a television in the dorm gave such high spirits that they all hung around while Hyoan-hyung set it up. Myungsoo was giddy about it and he knew what he’d most likely spend more time sleeping in front of it than actually watching it. But his joy –as well as anyone else’s- was about more than the physical TV. It was about what it represented.

Money. Activities. Debut.

Jungyeop-hyung had called them all into the sitting room to eat lunch and they’d sat around, eating quietly while waiting for the CEO to leave so they could pounce on the TV.

“So,” He said. “What’s been going on in the dorm?”

The boys looked around at each other, not sure how to answer that. But Sunggyu had risen to the question.

“Nothing much. We’re all just trying to do well so that when debut comes, we’ll give it our all.”

“Good.” Jungyeop-hyung nodded. “Good to hear that. I know you’ve been working hard so I decided to bring the TV. It should do for now, right?”

“Yes, hyung.” They all echoed around the room.

“But you need to be responsible with it. No fights.” He said, his eyes suspiciously lingering on Myungsoo and Sungyeol as he spoke. “If leader says it’s time to sleep, you go to bed. No midnight sneaking around to watch it, understand?”

“Understood.” They all echoed once more, continuing their meal in silence even though Myungsoo could feel the CEO not eating as he watched them.

“Are we always going to be awkward with each other?” Jungyeop-hyung asked. “You all call me hyung, but you won’t even eat comfortably.”

“We’re comfortable, hyung.” Howon said quickly but Myungsoo wasn’t so sure of that.

Dongwoo had always been uncomfortable around the CEO –and the sunbaes in the company. Woohyun didn’t trust the CEO and there looked to be something a little like fear that was always hanging around Woohyun every time the CEO came around them. Sungjong was always quiet with most people who weren’t Big Dipper, so it was hard to judge how he really felt about the CEO. And Myungsoo was an omega so he wasn’t so sure where he stood with the CEO.

In fact, the only people who seemed relaxed around the CEO were the alphas. And even then Sunggyu had been giving him the cold shoulder of late so it was probably just Howon and Sungyeol lacking the awkwardness.

“What can I do to change that? Come on. I’m really asking. You’re my new boy group.” He said, looking around at them. “Someone should talk already. Am I really that bad?”

He laughed, now looking uncomfortable. Myungsoo was mere seconds from just saying anything when Woohyun finally spoke up.

“I hate our name.”

If the room had been tense before, a knife wouldn’t have been able to cut what grew out of Woohyun’s words.

Then Jungyeop-hyung burst into laughter, shaking from head to toe as he clapped. The boys were left in confusion at the CEO’s outburst but he didn’t speak till the laughter began to subside and he sat back with the rest of them.

“You hate Big Dipper?” he asked, struggling to stifle his laughter. “What’s wrong with it?”

“It sounds weird.” Sungyeol said, joining in tentatively. He may have been comfortable with the CEO but they all knew that they were criticizing the CEO’s idea. They deserved to be wary.

“And it’s almost cliché.” Sunggyu said.

“No one is called Big Dipper in Korea.” Jungyeop-hyung said.

“But it’s about stars. Yes, we want to be stars. We get it. Everybody does too. We may as well just call ourselves Big Star if we’re ready to be that obvious.”

“And it has “Big” in it.” Howon said with a frown. “Big Bang has “Big” in it.”

“So what?”

“It feels plagiarized.”

“Okay.” He said, finally looking serious. “What do you want to be called then?”

Myungsoo’s hand raised as Jungyeop-hyung looked over at him.

“This isn’t class, Soo. Say what you want.”

“There was something Sunggyu-hyung was talking about the other day. About the type of members he wanted to have.” Myungsoo said, pressing his lips together to gather strength. And his voice. “The other day.” He repeated.

“What did he say?”

“The thing about being brothers and not just members?” Dongwoo asked, finally jumping in. He hadn’t been there that day, but when he got back, Myungsoo had filled him in. The speech had really touched him deeply. Sunggyu was right. That was the kind of group he wanted to be in.

“Yes.” Myungsoo said, nodding. “Brothers forever.”

Jungyeop-hyung smiled, nodding.

“I like the idea.” He said. “But Brothers forever sounds like a mouthful.”

“Forever-dol.” Howon said and the others laughed.

“No, hyung. That sounds like a joke.” Myungsoo said, feeling a little upset that they might not be taking him seriously.

“How about just “Forever”.” Sunggyu suggested.

“Oh.” Dongwoo said, eyes shining bright. “Forever. But in English or French.”

“Do you know what forever is in English and French?”

“Infinite.” Jungyeop-hyung said as the room quieted around Myungsoo. “How’s that?”

“What does it mean?”

Jungyeop-hyung repeated the word in Hangul and Myungsoo perked up at the idea.

“In… pini… tu?” He asked, slowly.

“In. Fi. Nite.” Jungyeop-hyung replied.

“Inpinitu.” Howon and Sunggyu said in unison.

“Why don’t we work on your English first?” Jungyeop-hyung said, laughing. “So we’re done with Big Dipper?”

Feeling freer, the other members agreed, choosing to let loose on a name that had been a shackle around their necks for so long.

*********

Myungsoo tried to avoid Woohyun as much as possible in order to keep his friendship with Sungyeol. But doing that just caused a sort of divide in the house with Myungsoo on one side with Dongwoo and Sungyeol while Howon, Sunggyu and Woohyun stayed on the other side and the maknae got stuck in the middle.

It was awkward, but anything was better than getting in another fight.

Though, there were days when Myungsoo realized it was all just in his head. Because the space he’d thought Sunggyu and Howon were creating from staying away was just them going to work. And Dongwoo didn’t keep anyone in his mind about anything so when he needed to, he spoke to everyone as usual.

Even Sungyeol who was supposed to be giving Woohyun the cold shoulder seemed to tolerate him on a normal day.

So why did Myungsoo get the nagging feeling that they were not all okay? At least, not with each other.

Then he’d woken up one evening to find Sungyeol sitting in the sitting room again, listening to Sunggyu and Woohyun as they talked in the kitchen while Woohyun baked some other odd dish.

Myungsoo had curled on the sofa, putting his head in Sungyeol’s lap.

“Just talk to him.” Myungsoo said.

“We talk.” Sungyeol said, not bothering to pretend he had no idea who Myungsoo was talking about.

“Not the way you want to. Watching him won’t do anything. For both of you.”

Sungyeol shook his head and looked down at Myungsoo’s hair, patting its unruly curls away.

“It’s not that easy.” He said, sounding restrained and pained.

“Why? What’s so difficult about it? He said he was sorry.”

Sungyeol hesitated, his face twisting into confusing and despair.

“Would you believe me if I told you I don’t care about that? At least, not really.”

“What does that mean?” Myungsoo turned into him, looking up at him, squarely.

“There’s other stuff too.”

“Like what?”

Sungyeol shook his head.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Yeolie? It’s me.” Myungsoo said, sitting up. “It’s me. I won’t tell anyone.”

Sungyeol shifted away from him, pulling his legs up unto the couch as he turned away from Myungsoo.

“You can trust me.”

Sungyeol sighed heavily and stared at Myungsoo for almost a minute as Myungsoo waited, feeling like they were on the cusp of a major breakthrough.

“When… when Woohyun and I used to… do stuff,” he began, looking like he’d soon jump out of his skin. “When we did things… I let him hold me down.”

He looked into Myungsoo’s eyes like he was expecting rejection.

“I know.” Myungsoo said, looking back at him.

“You know?” Sungyeol said, unfolding just a little. “How?”

“I saw you guys. It was weird the first time but you two seemed to like it.”

“How many times did you see us?” Sungyeol asked, sounding horrified.

“You didn’t exactly hide well.” Myungsoo said, feeling defensive as he shoved Sungyeol’s shoulder and Sungyeol continued to stare at him in disbelief.

“I knew you knew something. I just didn’t think we were your entertainment.”

“Hey. You guys were having sex and it was… nice.”

“Don’t tell me that.” Sungyeol said, shaking his head frantically. “Don’t describe my sex as nice when you’ve been creepily watching it.”

Myungsoo hit him on the shoulder again and Sungyeol laughed a little.

But the laughter quickly died off.

“What about it?” Myungsoo asked, bringing them back to the problem.

“I want that.” He said. “I still do.” His voice shook like he might cry.

“Then what’s wrong? Woohyun-hyung wants that too, Yeolie.”

“You don’t get it.”

“Then make me understand.”

“I’m an alpha now.”

“So what?”

“I can’t…” he trailed off, hitting his own head as if he blamed himself for everything. “I can’t want that. I’m an alpha. I can’t be sexually submissive. I can’t be submissive. It goes against EVERYTHING!”

He buried his head in his legs, gripping himself tight as if afraid that the whole world would come crashing. Heart broken and sad, Myungsoo rushed at his friend, holding Sungyeol together in any way he could as he felt a tiny tremor go through Sungyeol as if he was sobbing. But when he continued to speak, his voice cut through clearly.

“There are rules. An alpha shouldn’t want that. I can’t submit to an omega. It’s just wrong. I can’t lie there and take it and let him do those things to me. No matter how much I want it. I can’t!” he said with finality.

“No one in this house would care, Yeolie.”

“It’s not about them.”

“Then what is it about?”

“It’s about me.” He raised his head to look at Myungsoo. “It’s about what I think about myself after I’ve laid myself down to an omega. It’s in my DNA now to not be that way and it’s eating me up inside because that’s what I want. That’s all I want right now and…”

“Don’t let this cost you something. Please. When Woohyun-hyung breaks the bond, there would be no reason to-”

“Breaks what bond?” Sungyeol asked, eyes shining in tears. “What are you talking about?”

“This cycle. Howon’s going to bite him during their cycle and break Sunggyu-hyung’s bite.”

Myungsoo had forgotten this was something he hadn’t spoken to Sungyeol about. But then again, Woohyun was a thing of no discussion between them before today.

“Howon is going to… bite him? During cycle sex?” Sungyeol asked, new tears brimming.

“Yes.” Myungsoo felt like he was driving a dagger into his best friend’s heart as he spoke. “They didn’t do it before because the bond was what was keeping Woohyun in the band. But now, CEO-nim can’t kick him out. He even wants him. Because of the letters you found.”

Sungyeol looked shell-shocked, sitting there and looking at the ground like he didn’t understand the words coming out of Myungsoo’s mouth.

“He’s having cycle sex?” he asked again.

“Yes.”

“With someone else.”

“Yes.”

Myungsoo tried to hug him again but Sungyeol sat up straight, pushing his legs unto the floor as he laid back on the sofa, trying to look nonchalant just as Woohyun emerged from the kitchen.

He didn’t stop on his way. He just smiled at Myungsoo and nodded at Sungyeol as he passed them by and didn’t say much more.

“I hope you’re sure, Yeolie.” Myungsoo said. “You can’t hide behind anger forever.”

But Sungyeol watched the room door close and Myungsoo could swear that Sungyeol looked determined as hell. Like he was willing to hide behind anger till forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're in the Myungsoo part of the series and and since he's not one of the people about to go through a heat/rut, find out about this present cycle by reading:  
> [HEALING](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10293044)  
>  (woogyuya)  
> [REALIZATION](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10293047)  
>  (wooyeol)


	30. Chapter 30

When Myungsoo woke up, Dongwoo was already awake, sitting up with his lap under Myungsoo’s cheek as he hummed and wrote, using Myungsoo’s head as a table.

“Morning.” He said as the book raised from his head and Dongwoo’s bright smile greeted him.

“You sleep too much.” Dongwoo kissed him on the forehead.

“You’re awake.” He said, then sat up straight. “You’re awake?”

“Yes.” Dongwoo said, looking at him with his eyebrows raised sardonically.

“You’re awake.” He said again. “You slept early. Hyung did you go out last night?”

“Nope.”

Myungsoo couldn’t control the smile on his face as he flung himself into Dongwoo’s waiting arms as Dongwoo laughed and fell back on the wall.

“Is Sparks-sshi done with you?”

“I finished two days ago.”

Myungsoo kissed Dongwoo on the lips. Why hadn’t Dongwoo just told him the night before that he was done with the club? He shook his head at his hyung. Ever since his first heat when they’d needed a place for Howon, Sunggyu and Woohyun to stay and Sparks had allowed them to stay at his hotel, Dongwoo had had to pay back by singing at the club.

And that was months ago.

Somehow, his one month commitment had been wormed into a longer deal and Myungsoo hadn’t been able to complain because Dongwoo had been put in that position because of him. But now he finally got to go to sleep with his boyfriend by his side.

Smiling uncontrollably, he nuzzled at Dongwoo’s neck.

“You need to bath.”

“The hyungs are in the shower.” Myungsoo said, his hand already slipping into Dongwoo’s shirt as Dongwoo laughed again, pulling his hand back out.

“We have to be at practice in an hour.”

“We’ll be done. We’ll be quick.”

“Soo-”

“KIM MYUNGSOO!”

Both of them shook at Sunggyu’s loud voice as Dongwoo looked at him.

“He’ll skin you alive.” He kissed Myungsoo and tapped him on the nose.

“I want sex tonight.”

“Okay.”

“Real sex, hyung. Not just…”

“When have I not given you real sex?” Dongwoo asked.

“You know what I mean.” He smacked Dongwoo on the shoulder. “Not just.” He opened his mouth and put his thumb in the space. “I mean, real… all the way stuff.”

The way Dongwoo was looking at him began to make him feel small and childish – as if Dongwoo was seconds from pinching his cheeks.

“I want you to fuck me.”

Dongwoo’s eyes widened.

“What?” He said, raising his chin. “I’ve said it before.”

“No one’s disputing that Soo-yah.”

“Hyung!” he whined.

“Tonight.” He said, kissing Myungsoo. “I promise.”

*********

Feeling fulfilled, Myungsoo opened the door, on his way to the shower when he paused, stuck underneath the door as he stared at the most shocking sight.

Standing at the entrance of the house were Woohyun and Sungyeol –locked at the lips and attempting to meld themselves into one person.

Myungsoo was sure he was dreaming. He had to be. Because last he checked, Sungyeol hated Woohyun more than anything. So why was he kissing Woohyun? What was going on? Had his last rut messed with his brain? Was Sungyeol going mad from cycle cramps or excessive knotting? Or was he just desperate for the first omega he’d seen? Would he have done the same thing if he’d met Myungsoo first?

Eww!

Although, as he stood there watching his best friend kissing, he was acutely reminded of how hot and heavy it always was when he’d watched them in the past. Could it be the same? Were things about to steam up right there in the sitting room? How far where they going to go this time? Did Myungsoo want to watch it all? Did Dongwoo want to watch too? Could he get Dongwoo to watch? Would it excite him?

A shiver ran through Myungsoo’s body as his head inadvertently turned and he noted Howon, standing at his door, stuck underneath it as well and staring back at the horny duo by the entrance.

By the time he looked back at Woohyun and Sungyeol, they were pushing Woohyun and Sunggyu’s room door open and stumbling in. Myungsoo found himself wondering what it would be like to be a fly on that wall. Would they let him watch?

Before he had time to give it more thought, Sunggyu was being pushed out as he grumbled at the door slamming in his face.

“THIRTY MINUTES.” Sunggyu shouted back at the door. “Stupid idiots.” He said, moving over to Howon and complaining. “How horny are they that they can’t wait till we’re back from pract-?”

Howon took Sunggyu by the hand and pulled him into his own room. A loud thump against the door followed by a guttural groan was enough to tell Myungsoo what was going on behind Howon’s door. Sunggyu and Howon were about to have sex.

_Sunggyu and Howon were about to have sex._

Quivering in joy, he slipped back into the room, rushing at Dongwoo as Dongwoo looked up at him in confusion before he started kissing Dongwoo.

“Soo-”

“Everyone’s having sex. Sunggyu-hyung is having sex.” He attacked Dongwoo’s lips as Dongwoo stopped arguing, hugging him tightly and laying Myungsoo down on his back.

Yes. Oh yes. This was going to be so good.

*********

It turned out really bad.

The sex was amazing and for all Dongwoo’s refusing, he’d been just as pent up and horny as Myungsoo was. By the time they’d finished, Dongwoo had made sure he got off more than once and Myungsoo was too loose-limbed to even take a bath.

However, it had gone bad because CEO-nim had showed up in the dorm after the maknae had gone to practice alone and had gotten grilled on why no one else was present till he’d cracked and told the CEO what was going on. Well, technically, he’d only told on Sunggyu because he’d thought the CEO would let it go since Sunggyu was the one misbehaving.

Boy, had he been wrong.

CEO-nim had come to the dorm himself and found them all either sexed-out like Myungsoo/Dongwoo and Sunggyu/Howon or still fucking like Woohyun and Sungyeol.

So there they all were, in the sitting room doing push-ups naked while the maknae counted it for them. Sungjong sounded strangled and frustrated but he still powered through it. He was being punished just as much as the rest of them but his was different because he’d only lied to Jungyeop-hyung at first. But the fact that he had to count for them like they were kids was insulting enough. To his hyungs –seeing as he was the youngest person in the whole house.

After an hour of their dicks grazing against the floor and their arms burning from the strain, Jungyeop-hyung had tossed a bunch of files on the floor by Sunggyu-hyung’s head and left, slamming the door shut behind him as if _he_ was the only one who was still mad.

Sitting around in a circle in pained bodies, they all just stared at the files, wondering what that was about now and why nothing had been explained to them.

“Hyung, you know it was not-”

“Sit down, maknae.” Sunggyu said as Sungjong sighed in relief and sat on the floor as well but a little further from his naked hyungs.

Stretching out, Sunggyu picked the files and opened one and read.

“What is it?” Woohyun asked.

“It’s for all of us.” Sunggyu said, tossing six other files to the rest of them. “It’s our contracts.”

*********

The contracts had already been dated. CEO-nim’s way of telling them how long they had to make up their minds. Myungsoo thought it was already pretty obvious that all of Infinite had already made up their minds about where they wanted to be and what they wanted to do with their lives. It would be pretty silly to train for a year or two and not commit when it looked like their debut was finally becoming a reality.

Myungsoo had called his mom and she’d cried on the phone, proud and praying that fame wouldn’t ruin her baby. Myungsoo was sure fame wouldn’t ruin him. He had six brothers now. He’d be safe. And if he wasn’t, somehow, the strength to deal with his problems would show up at some point. So there was really nothing to worry about.

That night, he’d signed his contract.

They spent the next couple of weeks being model trainees. They went to practice early and showed up for recordings ahead of time. They kept the dorm clean and tried to be as mature as possible. A couple days into the third week, Sunggyu had come home with good news.

“Visiting day?” Sungyeol had asked.

“Yeah.” He’d said. “Call your mom. Your family’s welcome to come see how you live and who you live with.”

Dongwoo hadn’t waited long till he was on the phone calling his sister. Sungyeol had waited for the phone and then followed suit. It was a week away and Myungsoo wasn’t so worried about getting a call in because it would eventually happen. Sungjong seemed to think the same as he wasn’t exactly rushing to call.

Woohyun, who’d only just told his dad that he was an omega was pretty antsy about the visit. But Sunggyu and Howon didn’t make comments about it. The two of them seemed like they were trying to distance themselves from the event altogether. And considering their beefs with their families, Myungsoo was not so surprised. He was, however, incredibly disturbed that his hyungs were going into this endeavor without a family behind them.

Myungsoo could not imagine what his life would be like if he couldn’t call his mom. Or talk to his brother. He shook his head dislodging the thought as it hurt to even hypothesize.

So he tried to ignore and pretend he didn’t see how Sunggyu and Howon gravitated towards each other like two hands seeking warmth and comfort every time the rest of them got excited or started day dreaming about the happy day that was upcoming.

*********

Myungsoo’s mother was the first to arrive. She cooed and babied and pulled at all his bandmates’ cheeks but none of that was anything compared to what she had saved up for Myungsoo. Because half an hour into her time in the dorm, he was blushing red and almost as ashamed as he was excited about all the attention. He’d been so happy to have her present but he’d taken her to kitchen so he wouldn’t have to look his naughty hyungs in the face as they looked at him weirdly every time another frustrating term of endearment poured from her lips.

Woohyun’s and Sungyeol’s parents arrived at the same time with Woohyun’s dad holding the door open for both women to walk through. They already seemed to have bonded outside the house so by the time they got to their sons, they were already trading stories about both their sons. Sunggyu had shown up, done the practiced greetings to all three new parents and spoken about the other members and then scurried away.

Dongwoo’s mom brought one of his sisters. Myungsoo was planning to avoid them but that wasn’t the plan because the moment Dongwoo’s noona greeted her brother with a hug, she was already asking which of them Myungsoo was. Smiling brightly as always, Dongwoo had pointed him out, waving him over.

Myungsoo wanted to die. Or cry. Because what was he supposed to say?

Apparently nothing. Because Dongwoo’s sister could talk just as much as he could. And Dongwoo had obviously told her all about Myungsoo so all he had to do was nod and smile and shine his teeth till she took mercy on him and admitted that she knew she was making him uncomfortable. By the time he got back to his mom, Sungjong’s family was present.

The dorm was tiny and crowded but it was also full of family and food and given that they’d taken the time to clean and put clothes, shoes and cloth racks away, there was a lot more room than they were used to having around the dorm.

As he went into the kitchen to pick up a few more plates since they’d turned the whole visiting into a group affair, he dallied a little, choosing to eavesdrop as Sunggyu and Howon stood huddled by the sink, unaware of their audience.

“We can go to the practice room.” Sunggyu suggested.

“I’m fine. Besides, you’re leader. You need to be here.”

“But it’s depressing. And the leader part is done. They can all just have fun.”

“It’s fine.”

“Why do you want to stay here anyway?”

“Because I called my dad.” Howon finally blurted out. The room went tense with the other two breathing heavily while Myungsoo stiffened. “Or, I wrote him a letter.” Howon went back to what he was doing at the sink. “He didn’t reply. But who knows? He might come.”

Sunggyu looked at Howon for a few seconds. Then he went to Howon’s back and hugged him tight, holding on as if he was the one seeking comfort and not offering it.

“Even if he doesn’t come,” Sunggyu said. “I’ll stay. I’ll be here for you.” He pecked Howon on the cheek. “We can be dark and depressed together.”

Howon chuckled quietly.

“Hyung, you called your sister.”

“My mom won’t let her. Let’s not even talk about my dad.” Sunggyu scoffed. “She’s not coming.”

Myungsoo figured it was time for him to grab his plates and get going. On his way out of the kitchen, a girl was entering the dorm. She looked oddly familiar but Myungsoo could only stare, wondering why it felt like they’d met.

“Hello.” She said, bowing and waving around. “Is Sunggyu here?”

“Noona?” Sunggyu asked, coming up behind Myungsoo as he rushed to hug his sister.

When Myungsoo looked back, Howon’s back was turned to the sitting room as he appeared to be washing dishes and not paying any attention to what was going on in the sitting room at all.

*********

“Where are his people?” Myungsoo’s mom asked, pointing over at Howon who was sitting on Sunggyu’s sister’s other side.

“Howon-hyung?” Myungsoo asked, not sure if it was his place to say.

“Yes. Didn’t he invite them?”

“He did.”

“Then why is no one here? He’s sitting with your leader’s family.”

“His dad doesn’t like it.” Myungsoo said, picking some snacks and putting ~~him~~ them on his plate.

“What does that mean? His father does not support this?” She asked, sounding a little stern. “He ran away?” Myungsoo began to regret he’d even said anything. “You’re telling me that boy has no one?”

Myungsoo didn’t know what to say to that.

But thankfully, his mother dropped the subject. And he thought it was all over. But as the day wore on, Myungsoo noticed his mother patting Howon on the head whenever he passed. Or giving him snacks. Or dropping meat in his plate when dinner came around. Howon, who had never showed any inclination to being taken care of or accepting skinship ate it all up. He blushed when his head was patted though. But he looked like he liked it.

And soon, the other mothers were chipping in. If their sons had filled them in on Howon’s situation or if Myungsoo’s mother’s behavior was just simply contagious, none of them questioned it. They just all let it happen, finding solace in the fact that their teammate wouldn’t have to spend the day feeling alone and unwanted.

By the time the night ended, of course the maknaes had to do all the real washing. Which just meant the two of them arranging the plates in the sink and tossing out all the disposables. But it was still annoying to be the ones doing the cleaning.

Myungsoo hugged his mom and she hugged him right back.

“Call more often.” She chided, pinching his cheeks one last time.

“I will.”

“Use your brush more often.”

“Omma!” He said, covering his mouth.

“It’s not smelling.” She said. “But I saw your brush and it’s not being used properly. Mouth wash doesn’t do nooks and crannies.”

Myungsoo hugged her again, wishing she would just stop.

“I’ll miss you.”

“Which is why you should call.”

“Yes, I will.” He promised, feeling his other members saying goodbyes alongside him.

In a strange way, it was nice having this. Sharing this with them even though they were all, technically, having the same conversation.

*********

That night, as they lay in each other’s arms, Myungsoo was feeling a little homesick. Which was stupid considering the fact that he hadn’t been feeling that way ever ~~since~~. And he’d only just seen his mother. But he couldn’t help it. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see his family. And he would very much like to sleep in his and Moonsoo’s room.

“Do you miss home?” he asked.

“Everyday.”

Myungsoo frowned and raised himself to look down at Dongwoo.

“You never said.”

“It’s okay. I have you guys.”

“But it’s not the same thing, hyung.”

Dongwoo smiled at him, before pulling him back down.

“Infinite is my family now, too. I feel comfortable around you guys.”

“But don’t you miss your mom’s cooking? Or your dad? Or your sisters?”

“I call when I miss them too much. Or rather, they call me.” He thought for a while. “We do call each other a lot.”

Myungsoo chuckled, feeling a little happy that the homesickness was not strange to Dongwoo.

“What are you going to do for your family? When we become Infinite?”

“You mean when we make money?”

Myungsoo felt ashamed saying it like that but-

“Yes. When we make money.”

“A restaurant.” He said without hesitation. “A nice one with my mom’s recipes would be a banging mix. And she could boss my dad around. She’d like that.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“What would you do?” Dongwoo asked back. “When you make _money_.” He said, stressing out the money as if he was making fun. But Myungsoo knew this wasn’t fun. They weren’t playing here. They weren’t making fun. They were both lying in the dark and they were having a real, serious conversation.

“I don’t know.” He said, never having given it much thought. “I guess my mom and dad would be fine as long as I’m fine.”

“Nothing will happen to you.” Dongwoo promised, cradling his head.

“I pray so.” Myungsoo agreed. But then he remembered. “Oh. Shoes. I’d get nice shoes for Moonsoo. That’s good, right?”

“He’s your brother. He deserves nice things.”

And if that wasn’t true for them and all their family members, Myungsoo had no idea what else could be.


	31. PART SEVEN: Lee Sungjong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This first chapter glazes over six whole months so… yeah!

The rest of the year didn’t dally. It felt like they were running almost too quickly toward their debut. But it wasn’t exactly something any of them wanted to complain about. The sooner they debuted, the sooner they could prove themselves.

And no one was more eager to prove himself than Lee Sungjong.

In addition to their dance practices, vocal lessons, recordings and their image lessons, they were suddenly bombarded with the tinsel life of being in the spotlight. And this was the part Sungjong was most comfortable with. He’d waited years and months for it to reach this point. He was in so much Heaven.

The make-up sessions were a lot of fun and having so many people fuss around them only made him feel like more of a super star. So while every other part was stressful and hectic, Sungjong found himself looking forward to the days when his schedule included sitting in front of a mirror or standing before a camera… both of which, he was very okay with.

The first day “Torawa” was played for them all to hear, Sungjong couldn’t really describe what he was feeling. But for the first time ever, it felt so real to him. He’d been ready, his mind was set on a debut, but hearing their voices climbing over one another just drove it home that this was it. He was really going to do this. And once that happened, there was no taking it back.

Everyone said it was a good song. Everyone said they were so talented.

“You’ll be booking shows non-stop.” The managers said. Infinite was full of talent and it didn’t matter that none of them had gotten their faces done or anything… because their talent was supposed to be enough. It would cover for everything else. Besides, by the time they got famous, who would care how the rest of them looked anyway? Money would brush everything over so, no! No one was getting any job done because they wouldn’t need it.

And Sungjong believed them all. Why wouldn’t he? He could see the hard work the hyungs were putting in. And from the amount of attention they were getting on social media, Sungjong was pretty sure the CEO was doing something right. All he had to do, was wake up in the morning and go to schedules. There was really nothing else to worry about.

This was what being an idol was supposed to be.

*********

When Epik High’s “Run” dropped in March, Myungsoo became a star overnight. He vomited all through the night as Sungjong and Dongwoo fretted over him. He kept thinking he’d ruin the whole video.

“Tablo-hyung is a legend.” Myungsoo had said. “Mithra-hyung, Kutzie-hyung… they’re gods in k-pop. I’m the one who’s going to ruin their MV. ME!”

“We’re in that video too.” Sungjong had said, trying to comfort but it had backfired because…

“You feel it too?” Myungsoo had asked, looking up at him with big eyes. “You know we’re going to tank that video, right?”

Yeah, so Sungjong was now feeling like he’d ruin Epik High’s video too. Because Kim Myungsoo was a contagion. Not only was he ruining it for himself but now, Sungjong was beginning to entertain the very real possibility that maybe Jungyeop-CEO should have spent a little more money and hired actual actors to do what they did in the background.

He’d gone on to be green the whole night, causing the rest of them to lose sleep checking up on him.

By the time the video dropped, everyone was talking about “the boy who was running”. And before long, people were linking him to Infinite: the new boy group from Woollim. And just like that, Myungsoo was waking from his gloom when he realized that he didn’t “tank the video”.

Sungjong was only too glad to be a part of it so he didn’t care that his face barely showed, or that he got a total of four seconds throughout the video. It wasn’t his video anyway. Just the thought that he could point to that and say he was in it was enough for him.

And he certainly wasn’t going to let Myungsoo psych him out anymore.

*********

CEO-nim couldn’t capitalize on their minimally acclaimed fame soon enough because just as he was arranging for them to do a show about Infinite’s first days, another cycle came around. Sungjong had watched as Jungyeop-hyung’s face went purple at the mention of the presented members having a cycle in the week that he’d scheduled for the beginning of the shoot.

Which meant pushing it back another two weeks into April. Which then meant scheduling the shoot through the end of April with the possibility that it might run till May. And their debut was already scheduled for June.

They were running out of time and he seemed to really want something on the air before June came around. But their cycles wasn’t really something anyone could help. And it wasn’t something to be blamed on Woohyun the omega, either, seeing as there were three alphas in the house and they’d all be pretty useless for a shoot anyway.

Relenting in controlled fury, he’d sent the boys home.

Saying that that cycle had been the worst they’d ever endured in the dorm was not far from the truth.

“I’ll take Hyunie-hyung and Yeolie-hyung.” Myungsoo had said with a smile on his face. And Sungjong had narrowed his eyes suspiciously. Because who on earth was so cheery to be someone else’ busboy? Certainly not normal people. Certainly not people without agendas. “Dongwoo-hyung will be with me.” 

“Wait a minute.” Sungjong said, smelling a big fish in the mix. “So I have to wait on Howon-hyung and Gyu-hyung alone?”

“It won’t be as hard. Woohyun-hyung is an omega.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Sungjong said, knowing that this was all a ploy. “You just want to watch Yeolie-hyung while you do weird things with Dongwoo-hyung.”

“It’s called sex, Jongie.” Myungsoo said, running his fingers through Sungjong’s hair as Sungjong’s eyes fluttered closed. He may not be as cuddly as Myungsoo but he did appreciate a good scalp-rub. Except. NO!

“You can rub my head all you want but you’re only getting one of the two.” Sungjong said, putting his foot down.

“Which two?” Myungsoo asked, feigning confusion.

“Either you get WooYeol-hyungs and wait on them alone. Or you get HoGyu-hyungs and then you can have Dongwoo-hyung.”

“Do I get a say in this?” Dongwoo asked from the corner.

“Hyung, you’ll be partial.” Sungjong said, whining. He was desperate. And Myungsoo was driving him into a corner.

“True.” Dongwoo agreed, turning back to what he was reading as Sungjong faced Myungsoo.

“I’ll take WooYeol-hyungs.” Sungjong said. “You can keep Dongwoo-hyung.”

“Whatever you say, Jongie.” He said again in that soft voice that always made Sungjong suspicious.

Which… he totally should have seen coming.

Because Woohyun and Sungyeol were the worst people to wait on. 

“Sungjong! We need water!”

“Maknae, the towels are dry.”

“Jongie, could you come in here and help me lift Woohyun-hyung?”

They were totally dependent and it was almost as if they never took a break. Every time he went in there, they were locked together by Sungyeol’s knot. Sometimes they were awake, other times, just one person was awake making his life hell. But most times, they just liked calling him to ask him to do weird things while they snorted behind their hands, sure that he couldn’t see them.

Noting that Howon-hyung and Sunggyu-hyung were almost self-dependent enough that Dongwoo-hyung and Myungsoo-hyung had time to rest and eat and HAVE SEX, Sungjong realized he’d made the worst mistake of all.

“Having fun with the new couple?” Myungsoo had asked one night. And Sungjong had stopped dead in his tracks, realization dawning on him.

“You didn’t want to wait on them, did you?” he asked with narrowed eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Myungsoo said, shrugging.

“You knew they’d be nightmares and you manipulated me into picking them, Soo-hyung.”

“Yeolie-hyung is my best friend. Why ever would I not want to pamper him?”

Sungjong would have believed that, if it wasn’t immediately followed by a giggle as Myungsoo covered his face with his hand.

Vowing that he was going to get him back, Sungjong turned back around, gritted his teeth and returned to work.

*********

As their cycles rolled away, their schedules resumed. They began taking more image lessons for their show and everything was going well. Sungjong couldn’t wait to be on TV and he couldn’t wait to introduce himself as the maknae. Watching the others prepare was as much fun as doing the preparations himself and Sungjong couldn’t help but preen under the attention the staff members gave him.

“We have _staff_ now.” Sungyeol had commented one day, as he was led into a chair to be made-up.

“Technically, we’ll be staff too, soon.” Dongwoo said. Sungyeol frowned.

“We’ll be idols.”

“We’ll be employees of Woollim Entertainment. Ergo, staff.”

Sungjong and Myungsoo had laughed at him all through his shoot because he kept frowning and groaning to himself as if his brain kept supplying him with the knowledge that he was indeed, just another staff member.

Then one evening, Sunggyu had informed them during dinner that Mnet would be coming around a lot.

“To do what?”

“To eat rice.” Woohyun had answered, digging into his dinner. “What else do you think?”

“Oh.” Sungjong had said, remembering their schedules.

“So what’s the plan?” Howon asked. “If that’s what all the image training has been for shouldn’t CEO-nim be talking to us about this?”

“That’s what I’m here for.” Sunggyu said, patting Howon’s back. “I’m telling you.”

Howon shrugged, seeming okay with the arrangement anyway.

“What’s the content?” Dongwoo asked.

“They’ll follow us everywhere, I guess.”

“You guess?” Woohyun asked.

“I don’t really know. Tablo-hyung was kinda odd about it.”

“Is Tablo-hyung our manager now?” Sungjong asked.

“Just keep your head down and behave, alright?” Sunggyu stated. “It doesn’t matter what we’re supposed to do. When the time comes, they’ll hand you your scripts and you’ll do exactly what the scripts say. Understood?”

They all agreed.

“It’ll be fun, right?” Sunggyu asked and Sungjong smiled. He was definitely going to have fun. He’d practised what to say for months now. He couldn’t wait to get in front of a camera that wasn’t for pictures. He was so tired of shooting stills. He was ready for action. Ready to be awesome.

So ready to be memorable.

*********

They handed them their scripts the morning of the first shoot and Sungjong was a little disappointed to note that all they were going to be doing was a cooking show on the first day. Apparently, boy groups never did cooking shows. As boring as a cooking show sounded, Sungjong was ready to do anything that would be different. Something that no other group had done before.

His script said could be summarised to two very key words: Obedient maknae. And Sungjong could play that part. He’d perfected.

When the cameras arrived, they set up in the sitting room while the stylists used the big bedroom as their station for the day, moving the members in and out as they freshened them up while the others worked and cleaned and cooked and answered questions from the Mnet staff.

_Obedient maknae_

Sungjong remained quiet. He kept his mouth shut. And if any of the members needed help, he was there to help. They hadn’t asked them to introduce themselves yet. And they hadn’t really made any effort to make the show entertaining, but Sungjong assumed that by the time editing happened, it would be fun and people would like it. The people in charge knew what they were doing. He had nothing to fear.

_Obedient maknae._

It wasn’t like they were going to tank their first show and have to revamp by doing something different.

But before he could start freaking out about that, Sunggyu started hailing for food and Woohyun said it was ready and Sungjong was springing into action to help and he never really got the chance to freak out about the fact that they might fail woefully. They set the table and arranged the food around, making sure to stick to their assigned spots without seeming like they were following a script.

_Obedient maknae._

Just as they were about to start eating, there was a knock at the door, drawing all their attention. But seeing as there were already so many people moving in and out of the house, the door was already open so whoever was knocking just pulled the door open and walked right in.

“Who are you?” Woohyun asked, losing his formal tongue as the appearance of a girl in their dorm threw everyone off for a second.

“Tablo-oppa told me to come here.” She said. “This is the right place.”

 _Obedient maknae_ , Sungjong thought, his eyes moving over to where the cameras were. They were still rolling and there was a girl in the dorm. What was he supposed to do? What was going on?

How was an obedient maknae supposed to react in such a situation?


	32. Chapter 32

Yoo Jiae.

The girl who spoke out of turn and didn’t have to think twice before cutting remarks converted from thoughts to words.

“She’s your dongsaeng.” Tablo-hyung said as he made himself comfortable in their sitting room. Sungjong still wasn’t sure what was going on. Sunggyu looked confused and the rest of the members looked like they were desperately swinging between looking good for the cameras that were still rolling and looking confused like they really felt.

But then she said she was eighteen and somehow, Sungjong just felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders. If she’d been his junior, then Sungjong was beginning to get worried that he’d have to seriously re-evaluate his place in all the chaos that was sure to ensue. But this way, she was his friend. And who knew? She may as well have been born earlier in the year than he was, seeing as his birthday was in September.

Jiae did not behave like a newcomer. She did not behave like a quietly subdued girl. But best of all, she did not behave like she was the maknae. She was a queen, sitting up straight at the table, opposite the leader and eating and speaking down to all of them as if she expected them all to do everything she wanted.

And Tablo-hyung didn’t help much when he showed up.

“You all have to look out for her.”

 _“What about me?”_ Sungjong wanted to ask. Was he supposed to take care of her too? Or was he to just sit silently while the other boys fawned over her and took care of her? Most of it was rather blurry. But Sungjong supposed if he stayed quiet long enough, he’d get told what he was supposed to do.

*********

Their meeting with Tablo and Mithra at rehearsal was somewhat informative. At least, they now knew what the show was supposed to be about. And they’d gotten over the initial shock of a girl just walking into their dorm. But Mithra had explained that the producers wanted an authentic reaction from them. That’s why they were not informed of the girl that was about to crash their home.

When the hyungs left, Sunggyu gathered them around as Sungjong sat close to the leader, clutching his new script.

“It’s just for one week.” He told them all.

“The whole show?” Sungyeol asked, looking down at the script in his hand as he moved through the pages.

“No. We have to resume schedules.”

“Resume what?” Howon asked. “We still have rehearsals in the script and recordings.”

“Those are for the show. We’re not going to show actual work on TV. Just keep your head down and try not to overdo anything, okay?”

“Yes hyung.” They replied.

Sunggyu pursed his lips, looking uncomfortable till Sungjong had to look up as he wondered what was wrong.

“Another thing.” Sunggyu said. “No sex.”

“Huh?” Woohyun and Myungsoo said in unison.

“No sex for one week.”

“You’re not serious.” Howon informed him.

“What?” Sunggyu said, sounding defensive. “Hyoan-hyung is moving back in while we shoot so that means Woohyun and I have to move out of our room. Howon’s room has been set up for the cameramen that stays late with us so that room is out of the question. In the room that we will have to ourselves, there will be seven boys. Jiae is going to be sleeping on the couch in the sitting room. So please tell me. Where would you like to have sex then?”

They all sat there in silence until-

“At the studio?” Woohyun asked.

“Absolutely not.” Sunggyu said, shaking his head. “It’s one freaking week. She’ll go home; the camera-man will leave. And we’ll have our dorms back. One week without sex. How is that so hard?”

“Hyung-” Sungyeol started to say before Sunggyu cut in.

“You’re idols. You’re supposed to have some self control. Are you telling me you can’t go without sex for seven days?”

The members didn’t have anything to say to that, so they all just kind of sat, slumped in place and looking miserable.

If Sungjong had a smirk on his face that was a barely subdued version of an ecstatic giggle, no one commented about it.

*********

Jiae wasn’t very pleased that they’d left for so long. She grumbled the whole evening until Woohyun decided that it would be better for her to sleep in their room while the seven of them slept in the sitting room.

The members didn’t like that at all. But the cameras were rolling.

So even Dongwoo that managed to speak up, had to do so with a smile. But that didn’t stop Howon from kneeing Woohyun in the gut when he went in to pick up the palettes.

Then, just as they’d managed to arrange their minds into accepting the cold, unyielding floor and atmosphere of the sitting room, Jiae decided that she wanted to be a good guest.

After she’d spent the entire day being a total dick to all of them!!!

When they’d finally decided that it would be okay, they all trooped into the room, gisted the night away. Sungjong couldn’t tell if it was because of the room, or the growing familiarity between all of them, but for some reason, Jiae was beginning to sound like a human being to them. She asked questions and she giggled very cutely and she covered her mouth almost all the time, like she was shy of her teeth. But most of all, Sungjong liked the way her held-up hair kept flowing around behind her every time she spoke or she moved her head.

So he lay, mirroring the way she was and imagined that he had hair flowing down his back too. That his hair was longer than it really was. And that it was soft and smelled good and felt good against his skin. He knew they were all being silly and cracking unending jokes, but he couldn’t bring himself to offer more than a few sentences every once in a while.

Because he was totally mesmerized by Yoo Jiae’s hair.

“… go first?” Jiae asked as Sungjong realized she was looking right at him.

“I will.” He said, raising his hands before he realized he had no idea what he’d just offered himself up for.

“Yeah!” Howon cheered, clapping for Sungjong as he pushed him to his feet. “Dance-machine-maknae.” He teased, inadvertently cluing Sungjong into the fact that he was somehow required to dance.

Well, that wasn’t so hard to do. With his members cheering in the background and Jiae looking like she was embarrassed to even be watching him, Sungjong threw all caution to the wind and decided to break out his best moves. And yet, somehow, the dance that he’d envisioned in his head as a thoroughly manly dance with a lot of hard hitting moves, morphed into him being exceptionally girly and twirly by the end when he found himself down on one knee and winding his waist to nonexistent music.

Jiae looked red to her ears as she laughed. But Sungjong had nothing to be ashamed of. He was a good dancer and the only thing that would have made his performance exceptional, was if he just had longer hair.  

And just like that, the night continued on till they all passed out, squeezed together like a handful of unlucky sardines.

*********

The next morning, after Jiae finally left for school, Sungjong and the rest of Infinite got to share chores and work in front of the camera, but the fun stuff happened whenever the camera was turned elsewhere.

Which was the members asking Sunggyu about what they could or couldn’t do with guests present in the dorm.

“No.” Sunggyu said to blowjobs.

“No.” he said to handjobs.

“No.” He said to rubbing off against each other.

And he’d nearly looked like he was going to say “No” when Dongwoo had playfully asked if they weren’t allowed to touch their own dicks. That tense moment had caused a few of them a couple of months of their lives. But Sunggyu had nodded and said they could get off… provided no one else was in the immediate area.

“You’re all so spoiled.” Sungjong had commented, pushing them out of his way as he made to leave the room. His whole life comprised of him being intimate with his hands and they were going to look like their lives were over just because of one week? Urgh! He hated them so much.

He did, however, enjoy watching their collective frustration at the thought of not being able to have sex. Because even though they didn’t always have sex every single day, they all seemed hornier and more needy than they would have normally been, choosing to be utterly friendly and touchy with each other. Stealing hugs and rubbing just slightly until Sunggyu eyed them off each other or downright pulled them from one another –as in the case of Myungsoo.

They managed to make it work. With Sungjong being utterly superior and judgmental of all of them. Including Leader-Gyu, when he had his own weak moments of lusty looks in Howon’s direction.

“I should be leader for the week, hyung.” Sungjong said, passing by Sunggyu. “You can’t be trusted.”

He’d especially enjoyed the look of shame that had washed through Sunggyu’s face at his words.

*********

Jiae returned from school in high spirits. She took a second to visit with them in the sitting room, telling them of how her friends couldn’t believe she was living in the same dorm as idol-trainees. Most of them had heard of Infinite, but all of them knew there was a Woollim boy group coming out soon. So she was sort of a celebrity.

The cameras showing up to class had removed whatever doubt there was in the room as some of the girls who were interviewed had had a chance to ask questions themselves, thereby confirming that Jiae was, in fact, living with Infinite.

“Can I touch your hair?” Sungjong had asked in the midst of her tirade. She’d looked at him.

“You’re a strange boy.” She said.

“Don’t talk down to me.”

“You were born in September.” She informed him. Sungjong’s mouth hung open. Because she was right. Technically, he was not her oppa.

That didn’t deter her from leaning over and placing her head in his lap though.

“Touch away.” She said, waving up at her head.

And Sungjong obliged.

He’d seen her shampoo and out of nothing but sheer curiosity, he’d opened it and taken a whiff. It didn’t smell special. And he didn’t exactly think it was something to covet or anything. But if that shampoo was what was keeping her hair soft and slippery like it was, Sungjong knew he was going to have to find a way to get her to let him use it. Because her hair felt amazing.

In fact, seconds after shed granted him permission, Sungjong found himself pulling the hair into bunches and braiding them down as he went all over the side of her head that was facing upward. By the time he was done with that side, she was yawning herself awake and sitting up as the big braids began to loosen and fall.

“What did you do to me?” She asked, laughing.

“I made you prettier.”

“I rock already, maknae.” She said, pouting and looking more like the maknae.

“I’ll get my ruffles out, nest time.”

“You’re not playing with my hair again.” She said.

“Sure.” He agreed, because for all her refusal, she didn’t particularly sound as if she’d be very opposed to it if he dragged her down again and began putting her hair in ruffled bunches. Oh. Maybe she liked pink. Maybe he could put pink all over, with a little touch of white and purple. That would be so cute. She’d love it. She’d ask him to do it again. He smiled to himself, picturing the many possible styles he could when she-

“Aren’t you going to thank us?” Sungyeol asked.

“For what?”

“We helped you unpack.” He said, grinning as Jiae stiffened beside Sungjong, staring at Sungyeol.

“You touched my stuff?” She asked. “My dairy is in ther- did you read?” She asked, standing to her feet as her voice start to rise in anger that didn’t sound like it was meant only for the cameras. Jiae sounded like she was genuinely offended. “And my underwear…” She trailed off, disappearing into the room as she left the boys to wallow in shock, worry and a lot of guilt.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's safe to assume that ALL inspirits have seen YAMO because it's technically INFINITE 101, but just in case you haven't, these Sungjong chapters would make a lot more sense to you if you watch it because I try not to go into the details of what really happened in the show... even though these chapters are happening during the YAMO filming days.
> 
> This chapter covers until Ep. 5, btw.

Sungjong was so confused. He wasn’t sure what was going on. Because they were all crowding into the room as Jiae complained and grouched at them for touching her stuff. Sungjong could understand her anger. What he couldn’t understand was the cameras. They were there… filming. Regardless of the fact that this wasn’t part of the story.

Jiae was talking about underwear for God’s sake. She was distraught and the hyungs were crowding away in guilt and shame. And then Myungsoo was getting angry too, defending the hyungs. And everything was just. So. Horrible.

But then Sungyeol took Myungsoo out and the rest of them left. Which was when the cameramen stopped filming. How was any of that worthy of TV? People’s feelings were hurt. Jiae was, obviously hurt. Even as the others left, Sungjong couldn’t bring himself to leave too.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

“Do I look okay?” She snapped and Sungjong fell silent.

Pressing her lips together, she turned from Sungjong and started selecting her things from where they’d been placed by the hyungs, looking like she was struggling not to cry. Sungjong didn’t know what to do to make it better. He wasn’t sure what to say but he was pretty sure even if he found what to say, she’d still not want to hear it. She was an outsider here and even though there was a show to film, she was still a person. And she’d clearly said no one should touch her things on the first day.

The hyungs should have listened.

He watched as she pulled her box from beside the shelf and opened it on the floor, as she emptied everything into it without bothering to arrange it.

When the room door opened, she stiffened for a second, before she continued putting her things back.

“Maknae,” Howon said. “We have a shoot at the practice room.”

Sungjong nodded when the door closed.

“Should I… should we buy you anything on the way back?”

Shaking her head, Jiae said nothing.

So Sungjong left.

*********

By the time Sungjong and Howon got to the practice room, the members were huddled in a corner so they walked briskly to join up just as Woohyun was saying,

“It’s the best thing to do.”

“What is?” Howon asked.

“Hyung should apologize.” Woohyun said.

“No. She wasn’t being polite.” Myungsoo said.

“You should apologize too, Soo-ah.” Dongwoo said. “We both should. It wasn’t fair.”

“Isn’t that what you were trying to do when she wouldn’t keep quiet?” Myungsoo whined. “She won’t hear it. She’s angry. Everyone is angry.”

“But we’re the ones who went into her stuff.”

“To. Help. Her!” Sungyeol said, taking Myungsoo’s side.

“But did she need the help, though?” Howon added.

“We were tidying the house. Were we just supposed to leave her stuff unpacked?”

“Yes!” Woohyun and Howon said in unison.

“I’m going to apologize.” Sunggyu said. “You two should too.”

“I will.” Dongwoo agreed, looking back at Myungsoo.

“She’s a girl.” Woohyun said. “Remember what Tablo-hyung said. What we think is normal is different from what they think is normal sometimes.”

Myungsoo frowned, looking a little guilty but still a lot defiant.

“You guys the cameramen would soon be here.” Howon said, looking at the door.

“True.” Sungyeol said. “Then they’d want us to have this conversation in front of the camera.”

Sungjong sighed in exasperation, feeling a sense of camaraderie when all the members sighed too.

“Seriously?” Woohyun asked, breaking away from the huddle to stretch. “Are they ever going to do anything according to the script or are they just going to keep videoing us when we’re doing real life stuff.”

“This is why I said we should stop when people are around.” Sunggyu said, joining Woohyun on the dance floor. “They gave us a script but do you think they’ll avoid something juicy?”

“They are not going to video us having sex if they find us doing that, right?” Dongwoo asked, looking horrified.

No one answered as they looked around at each other, actually considering it.

The cameramen arrived soon enough, lugging their equipment along as the boys gave each other looks. This was their job, but it didn’t mean they’d just get exploited like that. At least that’s how Sungjong chose to read the look of rebellion on Sunggyu’s face as he watched them set up.

By the time the recording starts in earnest, they go through almost all the dance routines Dongmin-hyung has taught them and even a few that only Dongwoo and Howon know. The cameramen try to be as unobtrusive as possible but Sungjong still feels like a fish in a bowl every time he sees them, thinking that they’re just there, waiting for one of them to bring up Jiae or show anger or hurt or something.

No one gives them what they want anyway.

But by the time it’s getting late and they think they’ve got enough, Jiae walks in to the room with her own camera crew in tow. And Sungjong just knows this isn’t going to be a private affair after all.

*********

Watching Jiae laugh the whole way back to dorm was too sweet for Sungjong. He spent the whole time jumping around her, joining Sungyeol to make her laugh just so she wouldn’t stop. She didn’t apologize, but that was okay, because neither did the hyungs. But after they’d danced for her, Sungjong could tell she was okay with it. If their ass-kissing was not enough to show how sorry they were, Sungjong wasn’t sure what was.

Yet, something kept bugging him. Something Woohyun had said.

_“She’s a girl… What we think is normal is different from what they think is normal.”_

Maybe it was all okay for them as boys. But did Jiae need to hear it? Did she need more than a few dance performances? Would words be better?

Making up his mind to do it himself, Sungjong’s mind felt lighter as the evening went on. Woohyun didn’t cook anything, but as they waited for their meal to be delivered, Sungjong sat between Jiae’s legs on the floor, playing with her toes while she and Sungyeol talked anime with Myungsoo sitting quietly on the other side.

“Go and clear the room.” Sunggyu said, smacking Sungyeol on the leg.

“Why? The room is clear.”

“Now!” Sunggyu said through clenched teeth as Sungyeol grumbled to his feet and left. Sunggyu immediately took his place. “Are you hungry?”

“Is oppa’s name Gyu?” She asked him back.

Sunggyu smiled, leaning away from her as she pushed him.

“Oppa is sorry.” Sunggyu said, whispering to her so that only them on the sofa could hear.

Jiae looked up at him as Sungjong turned up as well, watching their exchange.

“I’m fine.” She said.

“Really?” Sunggyu asked, suspicious.

“Will you touch my panties again?”

All three boys cringed.

“No. Of course not.”

“Then I’m fine.” She said.

He spared her a look for a few seconds, before he nodded and got up. As he did, she caught his hand and he stopped.

“I’m sorry too, oppa.”

Sunggyu smiled and ruffled her head, but she just laughed and smacked his hand away. As he left, she turned to Myungsoo.

“I forgive you too, by the way.” She hit him with her shoulder.

He blushed, turning red and looking a little contrite. Ducking his head in a quiet nod, he stood and left. But as he did, she leaned forward and trapped Sungjong with both her legs as she wrapped her hands around his neck and torso from behind.

“I’m sorry.” She said, whispering in his ear.

“For what?” he asked.

“For snapping at you earlier.” She released her hands and her legs as he turned around to face her again. “I was pissed and I kinda took it out on you. I should be a better noona.”

“You’re not my noona.”

“September, Maknae.” She snapped playfully. He tried to move out from her grasp but she just pulled him back, climbing on top of him as they wrestled till she won… till he won… till she won again… till Woohyun took him by the ear and extracted him from Jiae’s mean grasp.

*********

Jiae got her way when she wanted anything. Most of the time, the excuse was just because there were cameras. The boys had to be good oppas. But other times, Sungjong wondered what their excuse was when she still got her way when the cameras weren’t present.

She was so spoiled and she knew it. They bought her treats and still packed her lunch, even though she returned home from school every day, complaining about what they’d packed. At some point during their short week, Jiae had found her way into the centre of their sleeping arrangements, choosing to sleep between Sungjong and whoever was on the other side.

“I freeze when I sleep.” She’d said.

And luckily, Howon had refrained from making any raunchy jokes about her excuses. But it was fine. They were still eight people squeezed into a room, so it didn’t matter where she slept. If anything, it was much better, considering that they didn’t have to cordon one-third of the room’s space for just her to sleep in.

They continued to record their lives and how it went, taking care of their “dongsaeng” until they came home and found her angry and sulky again. Walking on eggshells with worry that one –or all- of them could have caused another riff, they went to investigate. Sungjong could not explain the relief when it was discovered that:

1] Their fans had said things to Jiae.

2] They now had fans that lurked outside their dorm and practice room. Because if Infinite had sasaengs then they’d made it to celebrity. Because they were now people worth stalking.

So they spent the next two days trying to make it up to her.

It didn’t go so well, but at the same time, it kind of did. Because they sang to her and danced for her. Again. And then made this cheesy tape that was supposed to make her cry but made her laugh and cringe at them. But then she went and cried when they were supposed to be laughing and having fun.

Sungjong would admit any day, that girls were so weird.

It was probably the best time they’d had since that time they made Sungyeol trolley-cab them back to the dorm. The cameramen ate it all up and on their excursion to the beach, they got to meet English-speaking people. And it was all so great.

Until the wind came in the night and swept all their things away.

Which, they later learned was a set up by the crew to get them to “survive”. It wasn’t so bad, when Sungjong thought about it. Because even though they were stupid about food choices and spent the day pretending to beg, they still got to eat real food on the way home because Tablo-hyung had paid for a meal for them that was supposed to be a surprise on their way home.

Stocked full of happiness and too lazy to move, they’d somehow ended up in the room, strewn across each other and lying on their backs, still clothed in the cold clothes they’d had on all night.

“Who’s showering first?” Sunggyu asked.

“Not me.” Woohyun said, turning over to sleep as Sunggyu kicked and kicked and kicked.

“Don’t sleep.”

“I’ll shower first.” Dongwoo said.

“I’ll shower too.” Myungsoo said, making to stand.

“Really, Soo?” Sunggyu asked as Myungsoo paused, halfway between the floor and a full stand. Slowly, he returned to lying down as Dongwoo just laughed and began picking up things to go to the shower with.

“I wasn’t going to do anything.” Myungsoo said.

“Don’t even lie.” Howon said.

“I wasn’t!”

“Just one more day.” Sunggyu said, pulling Myungsoo into his arms as he cuddled the younger omega till his frown disappeared.

At the end of the room, squashed between the wall and Jiae, who was lying on her stomach with her forehead on the floor, was Sungjong.

“Imagine if I debut with long hair.” He said.

“You’ll still be pretty.” Jiae said.

“You think I’m pretty?” He asked, turning to look at her as she turned her head sideways too and placed her cheek on the floor.

“You’re the prettiest boy I know.”

Sungjong could feel the heat travelling up his neck and unto his cheeks.

“I’m a boy.” He said. “Shouldn’t I be handsome?”

“What’s wrong with being pretty?”

Feeling exposed, he plucked at the wall.

“Pretty is for girls. I’m a boy. I should be handsome.”

Jiae raised herself unto one hand, resting her head on her palm as she looked down at him in worry.

“What does that mean?”

Sungjong had grown to like Jiae a lot over the past week. And even though she was outspoken and usually just bullied him into shutting up whenever she didn’t agree with him, there were times –very few- when she looked at him the way she was doing now. Times when he was so sure she was the best girl in the world because she was ready to listen. Ready to fight whatever was worrying him.

And he sort of loved her for it.

“When we debut,” he said, clearing his throat. “I want to be memorable.”

“You will be.”

“Yeah, but I don’t just want it to be because I’m the girly one in a boy group.”

“Why?” She asked. “What’s wrong with that?”

Sungjong couldn’t help the exaggerated eye roll that question invoked in him.

“I want to be memorable. But I don’t want to be different.”

“Nonsense.”

“It’s not nonsense.”

“You’ll have fans regardless.”

“Because I’ll be a freak.”

“And what’s so wrong with that?” She asked, leveling him with a chastising look. “What’s wrong with being different?”

“I don’t want to be different.”

“But you are.”

“I can change it.” He said.

“You don’t want to, Sungjong. You were just talking to me about growing your hair out for your debut.”

“It’s not just about what I want.” He said. “What if I hurt the group? What if people see me and think that I shouldn’t be in Infinite because I’m not the type that should be in a boy group?”

Jiae laughed.

“You should fit right at home with Infinite then.”

“What does that mean?”

Sighing and shaking her head like she thought Sungjong was the most clueless person in the world.

“You have two alphas in your group who are totally doing it in my opinion.”

“Wha-” Sungjong started to say but she just placed a finger on his mouth.

“Don’t lie to me. I may not have caught them in the act but –oh my God, just do it already. And then the normal omega/alpha couple that you do have, has an alpha who doesn’t know that he’s the alpha in that relationship because of the way he treats Woohyun-oppa. Don’t even try to deny it. I see things, maknae. I’ve got eyes. And then Dongwoo-oppa and Myungsoo-oppa who are supposed to be normal betas… who are not supposed to be over-sexed, are _always_ doing it.”

“No, they are not!” Sungjong said, sitting up as Jiae sat up as well.

“I’ve caught them about three times so far, I swear. They are the only ones in the group that I know for sure are having sex because I have seen it with my own two eyes.”

 _Really?_ Sungjong thought. He looked over at Sunggyu-hyung, lying down with Myungsoo and wondered if Sunggyu knew Myungsoo and Dongwoo were still having sex behind his back.

“My point,” She said, taking him by the chin and pulling his attention back to her. “Is that being a freak shouldn’t bother you. You shouldn’t even call it that if the name is what the problem is. Being different is what makes someone special. It’s what makes people love you. If somewhere along the line, you decide that you want to grow a beard or start dressing like a boy or doing more boyish things, then please Sungjong let it be because it’s something you want to do. You shouldn’t let things bully you into changing if that’s not what you want.”

“You bully me all the time.”

“I’m allowed to bully you.” She said, lying down on her back this time as Sungjong followed. “I can bully you any time I want.”

He smiled, looking at her as he considered everything she had just said.

“I’m going to miss you.” Sungjong said.

“I’ll be back in two weeks time.”

“But you’re leaving tomorrow.” He said, almost pouting.

“Try not to forget me, okay?”


	34. Chapter 34

If Sungjong hadn’t known better his members would have fooled him into thinking none of them had managed to sneak out any alone time while they had company in the dorm. All of a sudden, everyone wanted to do it… everywhere. They were acting like a bunch of spoiled, horny idiots who couldn’t survive without sex. Ironic, considering the fact that at least half of them had spent half the time they’d had since joining Woollim being pent-up, pinning and sexually frustrated.

So none of it was new.

Except for the fact that they all wanted to have sex regardless of who was where and what was supposed to be happening to the point that he was beginning to suspect that there might have been some switching going on among partners. But Sungjong could never be sure. He didn’t care about their indulgent sex lives enough to remain in the room whenever they started fornicating.

Rehearsals continued and Sungjong was relieved for it. Because he was beginning to think what little progress he’d made with his singing was lessening the more they stayed out of the studio. He was much too eager to have Gae-hyung whip him back to shape. No matter how out-of-shape his best shape was.

“What are you doing with the…? Are you scared to sing?” Gae-hyung asked.

“No, hyung.” He said. “I was just trying something.”

“Trying what?”

Sungjong stalled, forming the words in his head. He’d always tried the fierce, power vocals Sunggyu and Woohyun employed but he ended up coming out of it breathless and scratchy. But he’d decided to try mimicking Super Junior’s leader. He didn’t think he’d sounded so bad.

“I’m trying to sound like Leeteuk-sunbaenim.” Sungjong said. “It’s not as strong as the other members, but it helps me go longer without straining.”

Gae-hyung looked at Sungjong with worry as he smiled sadly.

“I understand that you don’t want to be the weak link.” He said, pulling up a seat beside Sungjong. “That’s one of the things that makes you boys so special. None of you want to just lay back in the role assigned to you. You all want to be able to do everything.”

“It’s a group effort, hyung.”

“I know.” He said. “And it’s commendable… but that’s not how the world works.”

Sungjong frowned.

“I want to pull my weight.”

“Which is fine, but the group already has two main vocals. As well as two rappers who have had longer vocal training than you have.”

“What are you saying, hyung?”

“I’m saying that you don’t have to stress yourself or worry about breath control. You’re already a member of the group. You’ll debut either way.”

“But…?”

“You’ll have fewer lines than the other members. And it’s nothing to be ashamed of. You have your own part to play.”

“And what part is that?” He asked, trying not to feel as put down and insulted as he was.

“You’re the maknae. You’re the cute one.” Gae-hyung said, pulling at Sungjong’s cheeks in an effort to make him smile, but all that came off was a weak grimace. “Look, kid.” He said, seriously. “You’re not under pressure right now. You’re lucky to be in a group full of talent.”

“Does that mean I should be talentless?” he said, barely controlling his tone from sounding disrespectful.

“It means that you may be debuting soon, but you have a long time to get better. Most people don’t have that. You get to ride behind those who can sing while you learn to sing better. Who knows, years from now, you could get so good, you start having more lines than Sunggyu.” Sungjong snorted. “I’m serious. If you didn’t have any potential, you wouldn’t be here.”

“I’m here because I look like a maknae and I do girl-group songs.”

“You think that’s the only reason?”

“What else is there?”

Gae-hyung looked at him, watching Sungjong till Sungjong started to worry that everything was going to be awkward. But then Gae-hyung said,

“Jungyeop-hyung is a business man. He needs profit. Do you really think you’d be here, in a boy-group, if you didn’t have what it took or if you were only good at girl-group impersonations?”

Sungjong didn’t know what to reply to that.

“Years from now, when you discover some talent that’s all you and you’re Sungjong the Great, remember today. Remember that there was a time when you didn’t think you were worth anything.”

*********

The first episode of YAMO aired while Jiae was gone. The members made a date out of it and Sunggyu took permission so they all got to stay in to watch it. He could not believe he was about to watch himself on TV so he spent the few minutes before the show started with his eyes closed, cringing and imagining just how horrible all of it was going to come off.

He remembered his introduction and he cringed even more. What had possessed him to swing his hand around, arch his back and then end in a cap-hold pose? He’d tried to re-film it but the writer had said it was okay. Now the whole world was going to keep that image of him forever.

Shivering, he burrowed deeper beneath Myungsoo’s legs as the show started.

“Dongwoo-hyung!” Howon called. “It’s starting. It’s starting.”

Dongwoo came running from the room to take his place by Howon as Woohyun appeared with the popcorn he’d ended up buying –and not making like he’d promised-  to sit amongst them on their ratty, died-out couch.

He managed the first five minutes without watching until Jiae came on screen. But then he just had to see. He joined the members as they relived her rude and unbelievable behavior when she’d first shown up that day, laughing and cussing at the screen like the video hadn’t already been shot and made.

When his introduction came on screen, without any prelude, Sungjong shut his eyes a little too late before he heard his voice begin-

“Infinite’s Maknae, Sungjong.”

And right after that, he could practically hear his arms swinging around, even over the laughter that erupted in the house from his hyungs, who went about remixing the swing and making it seem even more ridiculous.

For the rest of the week, Sungjong continued to be teased about his introduction. The members weren’t really mean about it, as he’d expected, but they were still a lot teasey… as they’d been about almost anything else, so Sungjong could say he felt a little relief with how okay they all seemed with the girly image he seemed to have set for himself.

By the second week, they were all anticipating Jiae’s return because no matter how much they complained about her when she was present, it appeared the members missed her a lot more than any of them were willing to say. If they’d managed not to be sentimental about it, Sungjong could say that his proof was in that fact that they liked to talk about her. A lot.

Just as they were doing at the moment.

“She’s not even eighteen yet.”

“She’s older than the maknae.”

“Is the maknae up to eighteen?”

“Seriously?” Sungjong asked, deadpanning from his corner behind the couch where he was arranging his ribbons and buttons according to size and color.

“Are you eighteen?”

“I’m six.” He said.

“Don’t be mean.” Woohyun said, ruffling his head so that by the time Sungjong raised his hand to hit him away, Woohyun dodged and shook the tray in Sungjong’s lap, mixing all the buttons back together.

“HYUNG!” Sungjong snapped as Woohyun laughed and lounged on the floor by his feet. “I have to start again.”

“But seriously.” Sungyeol said. “What is she? Maknae.”

“I’m not talking to you.”

“She’s not an omega.” Howon said. “She doesn’t behave like an omega.”

“Yeah, let’s put all omegas in box while we stare a gym-junky-omega in the face.” Sungjong said and Woohyun lifted his head.

“Am I supposed to be the gym-junkie-omega?”

Sungjong ignored him and restarted his color-coding. Again.

“Maybe she hasn’t presented.”

“Or maybe she’s an alpha on suppressants.” Howon said. “Look at how she talks to us. She’s confrontational all the time.”

“Right. Because oh yea, mighty alpha can’t be spoken to by another presentation as an equal unless it’s a fellow alpha.”

Yeah, Sungjong was in a bad mood.

Howon went red in the face as he stared back at the maknae, looking ashamed.

“I wasn’t… that’s not what I meant.”

“You said she had to be an alpha because she could stand up for herself.”

“I never said that.”

“Maknae.” Sungyeol said.

“Oh Yeolie-hyung, what?” he asked. “An omega can’t speak his or her mind? What if I told you Jiae was just a beta? What if she was an omega? Would that change how you let her speak to you when she returned?”

“Whoa! Why are you… no need to-”

“Alphas are not all that matter! People with presentation are not all that matter!” he said, standing to his feet as he grabbed his container and his tray and strutted from the room.

Even if Jiae had presented a couple of months before coming to their dorm, they didn’t deserve to know. Sungjong was feeling petty enough, that he wasn’t even going to inform them that they were right. That Jiae was an alpha after all.

*********

When Sunggyu came in to find him later that night, Sungjong wasn’t too surprised. He adjusted himself and got ready for a lecture but all he got was Sunggyu lying down beside him.

“I know you came to lecture me.” He said.

Sunggyu didn’t say anything.

“I was being a brat. I know. But you guys have been annoying me for days. And even in there, Woohyun-hyung was trying to piss me off. He scattered my ribbons and he hit my head. I’m not going to apologize.”

Sunggyu remained silent.

“Maybe not now. I’m still mad at him.”

Sunggyu turned around till he was lying on his side and facing Sungjong.

“You people fight each other all the time. You can’t fault me for getting angry.”

“What are you really angry about?” Sunggyu finally asked. Sungjong looked at him.

“Gae-hyung said it’s nothing.”

“Is this about your singing?”

“It’s about my everything as a member.”

“If you want more lines-”

“Hyung, I know you’re Jungyeop-CEO’s baby or whatever… but even you don’t have that kind of power.”

Sunggyu lay back down and both of them stared up at the ceiling.

“He said I shouldn’t worry about my relevance on the team. That I’ll find something to be good at eventually.”

“That’s good right?”

“He basically said I was useless right now.”

“Well, think of it this way. A song has four, five minutes. Right now, some of us get more lines. But as you grow, you’ll get more and we’ll get fewer.”

“Or as we grow, I’ll get more lines and you’ll get to debut as a soloist.”

“Or we could all debut as soloists.”

“Then we’ll compete for fans.”

“Right!” Sunggyu said, sounding thoughtful. “I wouldn’t want to compete with you.”

Sungjong playfully punched Sunggyu in the arm as Sunggyu made a mock cry of pain. Sungjong laughed. Sunggyu raised his head and put it on Sungjong’s stomach, allowing Sungjong to run his fingers through Sunggyu’s hair for a few moments as the both of them just lay there.

“I understand that you’re feeling bad about debuting, but you don’t raise your voice at your hyungs. Okay?”

“Yes hyung.”

“You’re grounded.”

Sungjong almost expected that because that had become Sunggyu’s new regulation.

“No phone for you.”

“I don’t have a phone.”

“Okay, no friends.”

“I have no friends around here but your guys.”

“No sex.”

“Hyung, please who do you think I’ve been having sex with?”

Sunggyu sat up again, looking down at Sungjong as Sungjong understood the look in his hyung’s eyes. Pity. Until that moment, Sungjong hadn’t even realized how lonely his life was without Jiae in the recent days. He didn’t have any friends or the time to make new ones. He wasn’t having sex. And he didn’t run around with a phone to call friends at home. He was almost always on his own.

Especially when his hyungs went off on their own thing.

“It’s nothing.” Sungjong said, trying to shift from Sunggyu’s scrutiny.

But they both knew it wasn’t. Because Sunggyu didn’t mention Sungjong’s punishment ever again.

*********

Jiae jumped right into Sungjong’s arms the moment she saw him, by-passing all the other hyungs who’d been waiting for her too.

“Maknae.” She cooed, pinching his cheeks as Sungjong went red. “Oppa.” She said, finally noticing Dongwoo beside Sungjong. “Did you miss me? Did you clean the house? Oh god, oppas missed me.”

She hugged Dongwoo and then Sungyeol and so on, till she found herself by Sungjong’s side again.

“Woohyun-oppa, you didn’t cook?” She asked, looking up at him with wide innocent eyes.

“You two are going shopping.” Sunggyu informed them as Dongwoo handed Sungjong a wallet of mismatched money that was obviously a collection. “Buy us snacks because we’re eating junk food tonight.”

Pulling Sungjong out of the house, Jiae happily began her long list of things she’d done while she was gone. She talked about school. She talked about boys. She talked about her parents. She talked about acting. She was a pretty good actress, in Sungjong’s opinion so that could work. She was bubbling with so much energy that they walked past several stores and cafes and just kept strolling into the evening.

By the time they got around to buying “dinner” Sungjong was caught on everything about Jiae.

“What have you been doing?”

“Nothing.” He told her honestly, holding the basket while she selected things and looked in the wallet to make sure they could afford it.

“Come on.” She urged. “You can’t tell me nothing. What’s been going on?”

“Besides preparing to be an idol? Nothing much.”

“So you haven’t met a girl or a boy that tickles your fancy?” She teased. “No snooky-snooky?”

“I think you have me confused with my hyungs.” He told her.

She stopped and faced him, looking like she was about to ask him a question when a couple of girls started pointing at them. Jiae smiled and shook her head, making her way to the counter.

“Maknae has fans.”

“I don’t.” He said, blushing.

“They’re blatantly staring at us.”

“They could be staring at you.”

“Yeah right.” She said, rolling over the wad of change to the girl behind the counter who was also looking at Sungjong.

*********

When they got back to dorm and all the hyungs tried to descend on the snacks, Sunggyu had called them to order and laid everything out on the table and watched like a hawk as Woohyun divided it into eight equal parts.

Then Jiae and Sungjong had retired to the room to eat together.

“So no one?” She asked out of the nowhere.

“Huh?”

“You’re telling me you’re not doing _anything_ with _anyone_.” She asked.

“Nothing.” He said, wishing she would just drop it.

“Do you even know what you like?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Do you like boys or girls?”

Hunh! Sungjong had never really thought of it.

“You don’t know?” She asked. “What do you feel when you see oppas having sex?”

“Nothing.” He said, shrugging.

“What do you feel when you think of girls?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re so clueless.” She said, dropping her biscuit as she leaned forward and kissed him.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the finish line, people. yay!

Jiae sat back, watching Sungjong as he narrowed his eyes at her in suspicion.

“Why?” he asked her.

“Did you feel anything?”

“Shock. Surprise. Your spit on my lips, which… eww, by the way.”

“Oh my God!” Jiae said, widening her eyes as if she just suddenly realized something.

“What?” Sungjong asked. “And why are you going around kissing me?”

“You’re an ace.”

“What?” he asked again, not feeling very patient with her.

“Ace.” she said in explanation. “Asexual? It means you don’t-”

“I know what it means.” _Silly girl_. “I’m not asexual.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, moving closer to him. “Should I kiss you again?”

“Jiae!” he scolded, covering her face with his hands.

She slapped his hands away.

“You don’t feel anything when you watch your hyungs fucking-”

“We are not having this conversation.” he said, standing.

“-you didn’t feel anything for me when I kissed you.”

“Because I’m not attracted to you!”

“Exactly!” she replied, looking him with bright eyes. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Sungjong ran his hand through his hair feeling self-conscious. It wasn’t something he’d sat in the dark and ever thought about. He never really thought it was strange until presently. Whose fault was it that everyone else wanted to have sex and it was not something that was on his priority list at the moment? He had other things to worry about. And it wasn’t as if sex was something that people could not live without.

“So let me see if I understand this. A world of six billion people, and I’m supposed to accept that I’m asexual because I’m not sexually attracted to my seven roommates?”

“Seven roommates that include boys, girls and the entire presentation spectrum.” she added.

“That doesn’t prove anything.”

“Don’t you think it’s odd that you don’t feel anything? Anything at all. Not that I’m saying being asexual is odd but-”

“I’m not asexual!”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I don’t know what I am.” he said. “I’m eighteen and maybe I’m not as eager to jump into anyone’s pants at the moment but that doesn’t make me asexual. It just means I’m different. Isn’t that something I should discover as I grow up? I’m not going to accept a label at such a young age then have my life turned up-side-down if I grow up and fall in love or get attracted to anybody just because my best friend is a weird, pushy alpha.”

Jiae smiled as she stood in front of him, staring up into his face.

“I’m your best friend?” she asked.

“Only if you drop this nonsense.” he said, sitting down.

“Fine.” she said, joining him on the floor again as they went back to their snacky dinner. “But only if you promise to tell me, before anyone else, when you do fall in love with someone. Deal?” she asked, sticking out her pinky.

He stared down at her short, stubby finger and shook his head as he hooked it with his.

“Deal!”

*********

The camera team and the producer from Mnet returned and shooting got back in full swing as the boys found their dorm and their lives invaded by crewmembers again. But as Sungjong soon found, it was a lot easier to deal with it now that they’d gone through it the first time.

They reshot a lot of the scenes they’d already done and did some new things like the school scene. But when night hits and the crewmembers went out for dinner, the boys stayed behind and had fun with Jiae, playing games and being silly. Jiae and Sungyeol even got in trouble for stealing a crew-member’s phone so that they could send weird texts to the numbers on the man’s phone.

It kind of got out of hand when the man returned to dorm and got angry because SOMEONE STOLE HIS PHONE! And then Jiae and Sungyeol were too scared to return it. And then the whole thing got too big till Sungyeol cracked and told Woohyun who told Sunggyu who took the phone back and punished Sungyeol.

Jiae didn’t get any punishment. But Sunggyu was giving her very cold, judgmental looks that she managed to look contrite for two whole days.

Until Sunggyu cracked. Because he couldn’t not talk to her when the other members were. And Sungjong was being a real, little shit about how much he just looooved to spend time with Jiae. Though, if Sungjong was being honest, Sunggyu never would have cracked if he really didn’t want to talk to Jiae anymore.

Case in point, was the issue between CEO-nim and the leader. Sungjong could remember what they’d been like when he’d first gotten to Woollim. How close the two had seemed and how he’d been so shocked that the CEO of a company could treat his trainee the way Jungyeop treated Sunggyu. They were like hyung and dongsaeng.

But these days, their interactions seemed stiff and uncomfortable. Sungjong had gone home to get older and had come back to Woollim to find nothing but awkwardness and cold looks between the two of them. The members never spoke of it, Sunggyu never brought it up. And Sungjong was never going to be the one to stick his neck out to find out about something that wasn’t even his business.

Whatever had driven a wedge between the two of them was going to be just that: between the two of them.

“I say real life couples.” Jiae said, stunning Sungjong back to the present where she had, once again, abandoned her reading to come and hang out in their practice room because she was a lazy student.

“What are we talking about?” Sungjong asked.

“OTPs.” Myungsoo answered, plastering himself to Sungyeol’s back without remorse as Sungyeol sighed, looking like he had accepted that this was going to be his fate… Sungyeol’s future. As Kim Myungsoo’s real-life-teddy.

“You people are so obsessed with sex.” Sungjong said.

“OTPs are not about sex.” Dongwoo said innocently.

“Clearly you’ve never read fanfiction.” Woohyun added.

“It’s not like that.” Dongwoo laughed. “I know some people might want to over-sexualize everything an idol does, but OTPs are more than that, right? I mean, it’s about the fans noticing a deep connection between the members that they sense is stronger than what a member might have with all the others as opposed to that one, special member.” he said, to the room, holding up one finger as everyone went quiet, thinking about what he’d just said.

Then:

“It’s totally about sex.” Howon decided as the other members nodded in agreement as Dongwoo shook his head at them.

“I don’t think the pairings would be according to relationships,” Woohyun said, shaking his head.

“Why not?” Sungyeol asked. “It’s perfect. We’ve got you and I: alpha/omega couple. We’ve got the beta couple.” he said waving at Dongsoo. “And we’ve got the alpha couple.”

Woohyun thought about it and shook his head.

“Nah. I don’t think so.” Woohyun said.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“Who’s going to want to ship two alphas?” Sunggyu asked.

“That doesn’t seem very romantic to me.” Howon agreed.

“How would it go then?” Jiae asked.

“Does it really matter?” Sunggyu asked.

“Just for fun, oppa.”

“There’re other things we can do for fun.” Sungjong said.

“I think it’ll be according to our roles,” Dongwoo said. Everyone looked at him. “Think about it. Pairings are about who you spend the most screen time with. No one is going to ship me with the maknae if we’re never together.”

“Yeah, so what?” Woohyun asked.

“But you and Sunggyu-hyung get to sing together a lot. Howon and I rap. Hell, most of our choreo has us standing and facing each other while we rap. If that isn’t a recipe for the perfect pair, I don’t know what is.”

“Then what about me?” Sungyeol asked. “Do I get Soo or the maknae?”

“I’d bet on Soo,” Woohyun said. “The Visual Couple!” he said, raising his hands above the cuddled pair as if he was so sure.

“So I’ll be alone.” Sungjong said, not really caring about it.

“You’re the maknae. No one wants to sexualize someone so young.” Howon said, pinching Sungjong’s cheeks.

“Wha- Soo-hyung is only one year older. If he can be sexualized, why can’t I?”

“Because it’ll take you one year to be his age and in that time, ships would have solidified,” Woohyun explained. “You’ll always be sweet, sexless Sungjong to the fans.”

Sungjong thought about it, rethinking the urge to argue.

Because he honestly didn’t care. He wasn’t about to get worried over the fact that their fans didn’t pair him up with any of the hyungs because, HONESTLY, Sungjong was aware that he could do so much better than them in the romance department.

*********

The first time they got taken to the MCountdown stage for rehearsal, Sungjong stared in awe at the hall, looking at it differently for the first time. He’d seen many idols perform on that stage. He’d watched a lot of shows take place. But he’d never seen that same stage and had it at the back of his mind that he was about to climb on it… and perform.

The hyungs seemed to be pumping with energy because they couldn’t sit still while they waited for light and sound to kick up. Howon spent the time dancing through all the routines Dongmin-hyung had taught them. Dongwoo just plastered himself to the floor, stretching himself in ungodly poses. Woohyun walked round the entire inner of the hall, screaming out the lyrics to “She’s Back” and “Come Back Again” from beginning to end and at the top of his voice. Myungsoo and Sungyeol took turns with a skipping rope, trying to out-skip each other’s record. While Sunggyu just curled up between a couple of rows and blocked his ears with some headphones that was blasting some serious Nell.

When they got called up on stage, Sungjong’s nerves didn’t get any better. He wished Jiae had come with them. She would have been able to say something silly enough to make him laugh. But her mother had called and she’d promised she’d stay home and study. And she’d watched them in envy as they loaded into the van.

“I hate you.” she’d said, as Sungjong had laughed. “You get to have all the fun.”

“You think this is fun.”

“Well, you don’t have to stay home and do stupid homework so, yeah, I think your stupid idol life is fun.”

“Maybe you should become an idol. Join Woollim so that we can be best friends forever.” he laughed.

“Sorry sweet cheeks.” she said, patting his bum and pushing him towards the van. “This body does not dance and this voice will not sing to save itself.”

After the first run through of both songs, Sungjong didn’t feel too cagey. His muscles felt relaxed and his joints got freer, but more than that, he realized that it was almost as good as dancing in the practice room. Maybe that had something to do with the fact that there was no audience present. But Sungjong felt better anyway. He could do this all day long.

He was born to do this.

Feeling fired up and energized, Sungjong followed the moves and sang to the best of his ability till he began to get numbed to the feeling of nervousness. It was a beautiful thing in its own way. He couldn’t believe people got to do it for a living. He could just see how their debut was going to be. They were going to step out into the light and blow everyone away. They were going to be epic.

He didn’t even care when the mics were taken away from them so that they could try it a few more times without using their voices. He was having too much fun. Everything had been leading up this. All the practice and hard times and stress and hurt and injuries felt so worth it.

He could only imagine what it would feel like, when he opened his eyes on that day and the world was looking right back.

*********

They got dropped off at the studio with the camera crew. After filming a few shots of their dance, the crew left them alone. Even though they could have made their way back to dorm almost immediately, Sunggyu lay on the floor, hoping for some rest. Sungjong didn’t even fight it. He just lay down too. Because CEO-nim was not in the building and there was no one else but them, at the moment, the practice room is the only place for rest.

If he could just breathe for a second, he’d be able to walk the few steps back to the dorm. Sungjong was sure of it.

Finally, tired and completely danced out, they made their way back to the dorm. Sungjong tried to get in the door first so that he could reach the bathroom before any of them, but he wasn’t so successful because his hyungs were pushy assholes. But as they entered the sitting room to find it full of crew members who had already set up cameras that were rolling, Sungjong knew to walk straighter and act smarter.

In addition to the crew, the table had been set with food and what looked like wrapped gifts.

“What’s this?” Sunggyu asked.

“Are these gifts?” Woohyun asked.

“JIAE!” Sungjong shouted, heading for the room. Why was she so corny and girly sometimes? Who sent her to do this in front of the camera?

She wasn’t in the room. And by the time Sungjong got out, Woohyun said she wasn’t in the kitchen or the bathroom. There was nowhere else she could go. But then Myungsoo came out of the room.

“Where’s Jiae’s stuff?” he asked as Sungjong stood up straight from where he was examining the contents of the table. “Her stuff isn’t here. She went home,”

A tiny bout of chaos ensued as they all rushed into the room to verify. Then they rushed out to ask the crew members who suggested they read their letters first.

“She left?” Sunggyu asked as if he couldn’t believe it.

Sungjong stared at the gift with his name scrawled on top of it. What did she have to say now that she couldn’t tell him she was leaving? Was it some kind of prank? Or was it just another thing to get a rise out of him and the members? Because if it was, it was a terribly cheap shot.

The TV came on and Jiae’s face appeared.

“Hi. I’m Jiae.” she laughed. “Since you guys are going to debut and be busy, I’m going to go home.”

 _This bitch_ , Sungjong thought, feeling angry hot tears roll down his face. Her goodbye was going to be on TV and she wasn’t even here in person. He was so hurt. She could have said something. She didn’t even have to tell the hyungs. She could have just told him. They could have said goodbye.

He wiped the tears from his eyes.

They were going to be so busy and there was no room for free time or anything. He could not believe she had left like this, knowing that they may never meet again.

As he watched the rest of her video, fiddling with the unopened letter, Sungjong struggled to hold back his tears but he really couldn’t. Jiae was gone. His best friend was gone.

And he was going to miss her like crazy.


	36. PART EIGHT: Kim Sunggyu

JANUARY, 2007

After graduation, there wasn’t much else Sunggyu thought he’d like to do with his life. So the plan was simple. He was going to go to Seoul and become a singer. Even though he knew the chances were slim, he was well aware of the fact that he’d had training and he might stand a good chance with his background.

Having waited till he finished with High School was supposed to work in his favor when it came to breaking the news to his parents. Things were tight already so he didn’t even think college was a possibility. He’d most likely have to get a job or prepare to take some exam to get a job because they couldn’t afford college. But at least, being a successful singer would be just as good, if not better.

Right?

He’d tried to be grown up about it. He’d waited till both his parents were home and then he’d tabled the matter.

“You’re not going to Seoul.” His mother said.

“Just hear me out.”

“You’re not going!” His father agreed.

“Abeoji-”

“Do you think it’s going to be easy for you out there?”

“It’s not easy here either.”

“Your father and I are doing our best.”

“Support me.” He pleaded, tightening his fist around the edges of his shorts. “I’m good. I’ll be famous.”

“No one wants to hear anything you have to sing.” His mother said.

“That’s… that’s not fair. I can sing. You know I can sing.”

“Singing isn’t all that matters. Those big companies, do you think they are about talent?”

“I’m going to make it.”

“Based on what?” She asked. “A million children get churned out of the idol machine every year. You’re not going to be different.”

“I’m not going to be an idol. I want to be a rockstar.” He said, feeling even worse that she didn’t know the difference. Years and years of practices and performances, he’d thought she listened or even cared about what he’d been doing. Sunggyu wasn’t going to be an idol. He was going to be a rockstar.

“You won’t be. Because you don’t _look_ like a rockstar.”

Sunggyu felt his lips tremble at her words. He understood what she was saying. And he didn’t care anymore. If he was going to leave, he had to do it now or his resolve would disappear.

“I’ll make it because I’m good.” He said with more certainty than he actually felt.

“The only reason they’d take you is if you’re not on suppressants and Sunggyu, you know you have to take your meds.”

Then and there, Sunggyu decided he’d made up his mind. His parents weren’t going to like it, but he’d leave anyway.

Sunggyu didn’t think he’d need much. Not that he had much anyway. He’d entertained the idea of packing a few more clothes but had cut down the idea when he remembered where he was going. He knew he might need to move quickly and easily around the city and it could be days before he found a place to stay. So he figured he’d keep the clutter to only things that could be carried in his backpack.

He waited till it was dark and then pulled on his old, dying coat and a head warmer as he made his way to the fore room, hoping to slip out.

Sunggyu flinched when the lights came on.

“Where do you think you’re going?” His mother asked, walking through the tiny space that the family often referred to as the sitting room. “What are you doing?”

“I…” He’d been through this with his sister. He knew what he was supposed to say. And yet, looking at his mother took all the words from his mouth and left him bare and scared.

“I knew you’d do something like this.”

“I have to.” He said, eyes dropping to the floor, unable to look up at his mother.

“If you go…” She said. “Don’t come back. Ever!”

He knew what she was trying to do. She was trying to scare him into staying. But a part of him also knew that she meant it. If he left, Sunggyu would be on his own. He’d be without support and he didn’t think it would be so easy to just mosey on back home after leaving.

“Good bye, Umma.” He still said, picking up his shoes in his hand and leaving through the front door.

*********

His first audition was a complete bust. He’d gone in armed with twice his normal dosage of Supplimax, just to prove to his mother that he could get by without ridding on his non-existent good looks or his genetics. He was talented. He didn’t need gimmicks.

The CEO wasn’t present but he recognized the people at the panel and was all the more heart broken when they told him no before he’d even gotten far.

Feeling frustrated, Sunggyu auditioned for a bigger company, choosing to go all in as he swallowed his three tablets in the lobby of the SM building.

“You can do this.” He told himself. “You were born for this.”

Five minutes later:

“Try again next year.” The lady sitting in the middle told him.

“Why?” He asked, feeling more angry than heartbroken. “I sang well.”

The whole panel paused, looking at him like he was a fly on their windshield.

“We reserve the right to say no.”

“Then tell me why you won’t take me. What can I change? What should I do to make me better?”

The woman rolled her eyes, took off her glasses and leaned forward.

“I have a long list of names to vet so I’ll be blunt with you. Don’t bother next year, either. I might not be the one at this table but I can assure you, you’ll receive the same answer.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t look like an idol.”

 _“Because you don’t look like a rockstar.”_ His mother had said.

“What’s an idol supposed to look like?” He asked, dying a little on the inside.

“Anything but you.” She said, snapping her fingers. “NEXT!”

*********

Sunggyu would have sworn to anyone who asked him over the next year why he didn’t retry that his reason was that he was still practicing… getting ready. When next he went for an audition, he’d be great. But deep down, he knew why. He couldn’t bear to face another panel that shut him down for something he could not change about himself.

If he’d spent his life ignoring the looks of people in the industry, he suddenly found himself noticing how they looked. And his mother had been right: he didn’t look like them. He didn’t have the right nose. His eyes were too tiny to be attractive. And he wasn’t exactly fit-looking. Celebrities sold more than their craft… they sold themselves. They sold a fantasy to their fan base. And if people didn’t like what they saw, no one was going to buy. Which meant no one was going to invest in a product no one was going to buy.

He knew he should just pack up and go back home.

His mother would be insufferable about how right she’d been. But at least he’d have his family. He’d have friends. And he wouldn’t have to work just to eat or refill his supply of suppressants.

“Good morning.” He said to the man who’d just walked in to the café. “How may I help you?”

As he took the man’s order, he couldn’t help being weirded out that the man’s gaze followed his every move. Feeling exposed, he rushed through the order but just as he was handing it over, the man placed his card on the desk and spoke.

“Have we met?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Are you sure?”

Sunggyu shook his head, sure he’d never seen the man before.

“Did you audition at Woollim? A few months ago?”

Now, fully interested, Sunggyu nodded.

“Yes. I was rejected but yes.”

“Oh, that was too bad. Are you still looking to be an idol?”

Sunggyu nodded again even though he had to resist the urge to correct him. He was going to be a rockstar, not an idol.

“Really? Well the doors are open again. Jungyeop-ssi is determined to debut a boy band so he’s going to try again because the last set of auditions got him nothing. Do you want to try out?”

Sunggyu felt queasy, remembering how he’d felt after that first rejection. But he tamped it down as he nodded for the third time.

“Yes. I’d like to try again.”

“Well good luck then.” The man said, taking back his card as he sipped his drink and left the café.

*********

Almost a year since he’d stood on the same stage and had his dreams shut down, Sunggyu climbed on the stage again, determined to leave an impression. This time, he was a little unnerved to see that the CEO was present this time. But so was the man who’d told him he wasn’t good enough last time.

Just like he’d practiced, Sunggyu began singing, taking his time not to trip over the words or lose his rhythm. There wasn’t any BGM, but that had never stopped Sunggyu before. He knew that if he just gave it a little more time, he’d relax.

And he did.

He was shocked when he wasn’t stopped, but this time, they had the decency to allow him complete the damn song, but by the time he was done, Sunggyu still didn’t feel accomplished. There was no hand of applause. Their expressions gave nothing away either. What was he supposed to do if he’d tried twice and they didn’t like him?

Feeling defeated and so ready to go home and cry, he turned away. But this was his last chance. He’d tried and given the amount of fear he’d felt from previous heartbreaks, he didn’t think he’d be able to go through this a fourth time. So it was now or never. If he wanted to make an impression, he was going to.

“Sir?” He said as the CEO looked up from where he was conversing with his colleagues. “I’m a good singer.”

“No one said you weren’t.” The CEO said.

“Okay.” Sunggyu said, nodding. “But if you don’t pick me, you’re going to regret it.”

The whole panel reacted, siting up in their sits as they assessed him, shocked at his gall. But the CEO, the only person Sunggyu was actually really paying attention to, was smiling back at Sunggyu with a look of shock and something almost like admiration.

*********

PRESENT DAY

“You wanted to see me?” Sunggyu said, entering Jungyeop’s office as he carefully refused to address him as “hyung” anymore. Ever since the ordeal with Howon and Woohyun, Sunggyu didn’t think he could trust Jungyeop anymore. But he wasn’t about to put it up for discussion by referring to him as “Sir” or using banmal. So he just stuck to being utterly vague about their dynamic.

“Sit down, please.” He said, still working on his laptop as Sunggyu slipped into the seat closest to the door. “Your debut is next month.”

Sunggyu waited without answering.

“I hear the members are worried about not seeing Jiae and they’d like to know why she left yesterday.”

Sunggyu nodded.

“Well, there’s a shoot tomorrow. At Jiae’s home. It was supposed to be a surprise for them but I’m thinking maybe you should tell them about it before the shoot?”

It sounded like a question so Sunggyu nodded again.

“They’d like that.”

“Okay.” Jungyeop said.

“Is that all?” Sunggyu asked, taking in the sad look on Jungyeop’s face. “Is there anything else?”

“No.” he said calmly. “That’s all.”

Without further ado, he left.

*********

Immediately he got into the room, he slumped on Howon’s sleeping body as the dancer grunted beneath him and tried to turn around.

“Where were you?”

“CEO-nim wanted to see me.” He said, planting a peck on Howon’s lips.

“About what?”

“We’re going to see Jiae tomorrow.” Sunggyu informed him and Howon’s eyebrows rose in happy surprise.

“Just us or with the cameras?”

“You’re going to be an idol, dancer boy. Get used to the cameras.”

Howon grunted in displeasure again. He tried to move so Sunggyu shifted till Howon was lying on his back so that he could put his head on Howon’s chest.

“Did you talk about anything… else?”

“No. why?”

“I’m just asking.” He said, sounding defensive enough that Sunggyu got suspicious. He sat up and looked down at the younger alpha.

“Why are you just asking? Did he say something to you? Did he threaten you?”

“No.” He answered hurriedly, sitting up as well. “It’s nothing like that.”

“Then why are you asking about him?”

“It’s just… hyung you’re always so unhappy every time you return from a meeting with him.”

“Maybe I’m tired. Maybe I’m fed up. Maybe I have the world sitting on my shoulders.”

“Or maybe you’re holding a grudge.” Howon said quietly as Sunggyu faltered.

“I’m not holding a grudge.” He lied.

“You’re not close to Jungyeop-hyung anymore.”

“We were never close.”

“You were living in his house. He was going to make you a solo-star. Do you think that just happens to anybody?”

“He betrayed me.”

Howon laughed, looking at Sunggyu with an indulgent smile.

“He wouldn’t be able to betray you if you weren’t close in the first place.”

Sunggyu suddenly felt the need to leave the room. He didn’t need to sleep here. If he whined hard enough he was sure he could guilt Woohyun into letting him sleep in the other room with Woohyun and Sungyeol. But as he got up, Howon dragged him down.

“Listen to me-”

“Drop it, Howon.”

“Not until you listen.” He said stubbornly. “We’re in Seoul alone. Yeah, maybe we have each other… maybe we have the members. But that’s it. That’s all we have. You and I. We have no family. My case is different because I’ve got you. I’ve got Dongwoo-hyung. I don’t have to be hyung or a leader all the time. But you? Hyung, you need someone.”

“I have you too.”

Howon frowned.

“You know what I mean.”

“I know what you mean but CEO-nim is not that someone for me.”

“Who else then? You two used to be so close.”

“Before he tried to kick Woohyun out and guilt trip you into doing something so horrible.”

“But it didn’t happen.” Howon stated.

“You’re missing the point.”

“No, hyung. I think you’re missing the point.”

“I’m not.” He argued. “Think about it. We have seven years before our contracts are up and we’ve already signed them. That’s done. But what else do you think can happen in that time? Yeah, maybe now Woohyun seems useful. I seem useful. Even you. What would happen if that ceases to be true? Are we all just expendable? I’m not happy about what he did.”

“This is a business, hyung. He’s running a business and he’s trying to do the best he can.”

“It wasn’t a business to me.” Sunggyu snapped. Then stopped, giving himself sometime to breathe before he continued. “When I first came here, he was the first person to give me a chance. Yes. I know that makes me sound ungrateful but I thought he was different.”

“He is different.”

“No, he’s not. Just like you said. This is a business. He’s a businessman. When we stop being useful, he won’t care anymore.”

As the words left his mouth, Sunggyu realized how scared he was that they might be true. He’d given up everything to come to Seoul. He couldn’t even begin to understand how lucky he’d felt to be at Nell’s company or to even get chosen. It hadn’t been easy, but Jungyeop had raised him up in a way no one else had in a long time. And in these past years, he’d grown to think of him like a man who could do no wrong.

Which was why it was so painful to imagine that he’d ever be useless to Woollim. He wasn’t going to debut as a soloist anymore. He was now in a boy group where it would be even easier to compare him with someone else if they’re singing the same track or doing the same dance. Infinite had at least two of everything and Sunggyu wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Three visuals, two dancers, two rappers, two vocals. Any of them could get kicked off for any reason and Infinite would still be Infinite.

And it scared the hell out of Sunggyu. Three years he’d been in Seoul. He didn’t think he’d be able to start from scratch. If he ever got kicked off, he’d pack up and go back home. That was his plan. And it was a horribly bad plan but in his situation, it was the best thing he could think of.

“Why are you pushing this anyway? You were going to leave. You know what he did was fucked up.”

“I’m not doing this for him, hyung.” Howon said. “Forgiveness is for you.”

Sunggyu laughed at the absurdity of the situation. Because this was not about forgiveness. He was just a trainee in Woollim. Jungyeop was the CEO. He didn’t have that kind of power. If he didn’t put in the work or do his part, he was going to lose his usefulness. It was not about forgiveness at all.

It was about fear.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took too long.

On his way back from the grocery store, Sunggyu stopped by the studio to pick up new score sheets for the members. He knew what Gae-hyung meant when he had new _work material_. It was just his way of suggesting that Sungyeol and Sungjong get in more practice.

While Sungjong always took the new music and got to work shredding it as best he could, Sunggyu knew to expect some level of sulking from the other boy. Sungyeol was almost always full of bluster and rage, but in the end, he’d still end up right back in the room, hand outstretched for the sheet.

It was a long process but Sunggyu had tried his best to get Sungyeol to see that none of it mattered. He was singing as best he could and he was dancing with the rest of them. If he was able to catch up as fast as he’d done to the rest of them that had been there for so long, Sunggyu didn’t think Sungyeol had anything to worry about.

As he opened the door to the studio, he felt slightly dizzy so he took a moment to rest against it. Still clutching the handle, his hands shook, and Sunggyu shook his head, trying to clear the haze that was suddenly upon him. It had been a long day and no one expected him home so soon anyway.

So he took a couple steps toward the couch and fell into it with relief.

*********

Sunggyu woke up, wheezing and unable to breathe as he tapped at his chest. Everything felt blurry and confusing and there was a distinct tightening in his chest that he couldn’t quite get rid of. Without thinking too much about it, Sunggyu could already tell what was happening. But he couldn’t see straight and he didn’t even know where his bag was.

Stretching about wildly, he searched for it, but came up with nothing on the couch. The tips of his fingers tingled and his head only got more and more cloudy. He certainly needed help.

And he needed it promptly.

“Hyung.” Howon called as Sunggyu felt the other boy holding him. “Hyung, what’s going on?”

“Get me my… Get…”

Before he knew what was happening, an inhaler was pressed into his mouth and gas released as he almost choked in relief. But that was not what he needed. His shortness of breath was only a symptom of a much larger problem and he needed his…

A tablet was being forced into his mouth as he swallowed without much prodding. Yeah, he should have known Howon was prepared for this… for him. It had been months since he’d felt anything so severe but the members were always crazy vigilant about his episodes. Howon sat him up and patted his back while Sunggyu tried to calm down.

“I’m calling Jungyeop-hyung.”

“Don’t do that.” Sunggyu said, blindly reaching for Howon’s hand but the other boy just stood, shifting out of his reach.

“I’ve never heard you struggle to breathe so painfully before.”

“I’m fine. You gave me my medication.”

“What if I wasn’t here?” Howon asked.

“You were here.”

“Hyung, you’ve never sounded like that before. Your issues are not respiratory. You have a heart defect, not asthma.”

“Thanks for the lecture, Howon.”

“You need to go to the doctor.”

“I’m fine as long as I get my medication.”

“Well, your medication doesn’t seem to be- Jungyeop-hyung, it’s Howon.” Howon said speaking into the phone.

From where he sat, Sunggyu looked down at his hands and sighed as his eyesight began to clear up. Howon was overreacting and this was nonsense. The drugs were working fine. He didn’t need to see the doctor. Doctors always had bad news. That was it.

“Okay, hyung.” Howon said, cutting the call. “He’s coming to pick you.”

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

“You’re not going to die on my watch.” Howon said squatting in front of him. “We’ll practice and we’ll record. And you’ll take care of yourself.”

Lifting himself a little higher, Howon kissed Sunggyu on the lips as Sunggyu hummed back at him.

*********

“It seems his physiology as an uber has developed a rather growing tolerance for his medication.” The doctor said.

“What does that mean?” Sunggyu asked.

“The drugs are having less and less effect on you as we’d hoped. Considering how long ago you had an actual check up, it’s possible that this has been getting worse over time and refilling your prescription only helped with the immediate problem but never actually helps in the long run.”

“Bottom line, Doctor.” Jungyeop said.

“He needs to rest. Overworking him isn’t helping much either.”

“He’s about to debut.” Jungyeop said, looking incredulously annoyed. “I can’t bench him now.”

“Then move their debut date.”

“I can’t do that either.”

“This boy’s tolerance is working up at an alarming rate because his genes are fighting more than a normal alpha’s and his workout routine isn’t helping. He needs to slow down and give his heart a rest.”

Jungyeop pursed his lips, looking cornered and annoyed. Then he turned to Sunggyu, the picture of a battered and almost defeated man.

“I guess we could work with August or Septem-”

“No, hyung!” Sunggyu said, unable to help himself.

“Gyu-ya-”

“Hyung, the group… everyone is counting on this debut. We can’t push it any further because of me.”

“I’m not removing you from the group!” Jungyeop pronounced, looking insulted.

“I’m not saying you should remove me either.”

“There’s no other choice.”Jungyeop said. “I want you to debut with Infinite.”

“And we can’t move it any further.” Sunggyu said before he looked at the doctor. “Is there any other option?”

The doctor’s mouth opened and closed before he frowned at the two of them and spoke.

“I must express my complete disapproval of your choice but there is another way.”

“What is it?”

“I can up the dosage. But there’s a down side. It could cause fatigue and nausea. I’m not talking mere tiredness here. I mean, the rest that you are running from, an increased dosage would force you to rest but without the actual rejuvenation. You will be required to sleep for longer hours and do much less than you are now.”

“But I can still debut.”

“Yes, you would still be able to debut with your teammates.”

Sunggyu had worked too hard to give up now over something as trivial as fatigue. He’d seen worse. He’d been through worse. If this was the latest hurdle in his quest to sing, then he was going to tackle it head on.

*********

Jungyeop dropped Sunggyu off at the pharmacy on the way back after Sunggyu insisted that he didn’t need to be babied. He could walk home on his own and it wasn’t as if he was completely invalid. Plus, he didn’t want Jungyeop waiting outside for him and attempting to make small talk. He wanted some time to himself and he could at least get that much on the walk back to dorm.

“Thank you.” He said to the lady at the counter as she handed him his package.

“You’re welcome.” she smiled, offering him a heart teasingly as Sunggyu blushed. She did that every time he came in, choosing to call him idol-oppa even though she was many years older than he was.

As he stepped outside, Sunggyu’s heart leapt into his throat as he almost walked into one of the last people on the planet he ever expected to see again.

“I thought it was you I saw going in there.” The boy in front of him said.

“What are you doing here?” Sunggyu asked, clutching his package to his chest.

“I was in the neighborhood and just thought I’d drop by but then I saw you enter here.” He said, smiling stiffly at Sunggyu.

“Uh…” Sunggyu said. “I don’t know what you want but Howon isn’t-”

“I didn’t come here to see Howon.” Jaehyun said. “I came here to see you.”

*********

Sunggyu sat on a table in the restaurant he and Howon used to work at as he watched Ahn Jaehyun fidgeting before him… nearly nothing like the boy that he remembered.

“How’s everyone doing?” He asked.

“You mean Howon!”

“Yes.” Jaehyun said. “Him too.”

“They’re fine.”

“Good.” He said, nodding. Like they needed his permission to be fine.

“You said you wanted to see me.”

“Yeah.” He nodded again. “I… uh… I joined a modeling company. Sure you’ve seen the spreads.”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Right. Well, it’s good money. And it pays well. It’s not the idol life, but it’s something-”

“Can you get to the point, please?”

Jaehyun licked his lips and then set the cup in his hand aside.

“I just recently booked my first movie.” He stated. “It’s a really tiny role. It almost means nothing even and I probably won’t be given credit for it-”

“Then why are you telling me?”

“Because if this goes well, I might want to be an actor.”

And there it was. Sunggyu scoffed.

“Congratulations.” He said.

“That’s not why I’m here.”

“I know why you’re here.”

“Don’t misunderstand.”

“Is it only just occurring to you that your actions might catch up to you some day?”

“I was young and stupid.”

“You’re not much older right now.”

“Yeah but I’m less stupid.” He said, looking Sunggyu in the eye. “I was obsessed and in love and very disappointed that he didn’t feel the same way about me.”

“So you forced yourself on him!”

“I never did anything-”

“If you think I’m talking about that one day then you’re crazier than I thought.” Sunggyu said, shutting Jaehyun down in his tracks. “Because it wasn’t just one day. It wasn’t just that one time that you held him down and you tried to-”

“We’re in a public place.” Jaehyun hissed.

Sunggyu slammed his hand on the table and stood to leave but Jaehyun stood with him, holding him by the hand.

“Please. Please. I’m sorry.” He said, looking around at the people in the restaurant that were now watching the two of them. “I’m sorry. Please sit down.” He said. “Please, Sunggyu.”

Sunggyu looked down at where their hands were and Jaehyun pulled his hand away, raising them in surrender as he sat back and waited for Sunggyu to sit as well.

When he sat down, Jaehyun leaned closer, choosing to speak softly this time.

“I was wrong.” He stated. “I know that. And… and I want to apologize. But I don’t know if he even wants to see me. I don’t deserve it. I don’t. Sunggyu please.”

“You’re only doing this for your career.”

“And because I feel like crap.”

“Don’t give me that rubbish.”

“I didn’t have to be here.” Jaehyun said. “I don’t even need to apologize because we both know that this isn’t something that can come out. Yeah I’ll be ruined for forcing my affections on another alpha. I’ll be defunct for what I wanted to do. But Howon showed me affection too. On some level, he wanted me too. If this comes out, we’re both done. But I’m here to apologize.”

“Because you have a movie role.”

“Because I was wrong.” Jaehyun said. “And I’m sorry.”

Sunggyu shook his head. This was not his place. Howon wouldn’t even want to deal with something like this. Not when he’d pushed it far away to focus on more pressing things like their debut. Whatever Jaehyun’s game was, Sunggyu already knew that he wasn’t bringing Howon into this.

Not now.

Not any time soon.

*********

“Higher dosage, huh?” Howon asked, pulling off his shirt while Sunggyu lay on the floor, watching the spectacle that was his boyfriend undress.

“And more fatigue.” Sunggyu offered.

“So… you’ll only be more lazy? Grandpa-Gyu.”

“Don’t call me that.” Sunggyu said, kicking out at Howon’s legs while the other boy laughed and pulled off his shorts.

“Okay. Old Man-Gyu?”

“Lee Howon!”

“Lazy-Gyu.”

“Okay, I’m going to sleep.” Sunggyu said, turning away.

“Hyung!” Howon called in horror as he jumped on Sunggyu, straddling him and kissing him on the neck. “Don’t sleep. It’s been a long day.”

“My heart and my body are weak… and I’m an old man.”

“You’re a young, strapping man.” Howon said, sitting up to look down at him. “You’re going to debut. And we’re all going to be fine.”

Yeah, about that… Sunggyu thought. It was fine for now. It was good, at the moment. But how long till Jaehyun understood that Sunggyu was never going to call him back? How long before he decided to come here or go looking for Howon on his own? How long before Howon met with Jaehyun and came home broken and hurting from wounds that he’d thought were forgotten?

As much as Sunggyu hated it. He couldn’t deny that this was going to happen. But he could, however, control how it happened and make sure that Howon wasn’t more hurt than he needed to be. If this was going to happen, Sunggyu had to be aware of it… be there.

“Howon?” He said, holding the other boy firmly by the shoulder. “There’s something we need to talk about.”

 


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two more chapters to go. YAY!

Howon agreed to take the meeting.

Sunggyu hated that Howon didn’t even have to think about it twice before he said he’d take it but it was, ultimately, Howon’s choice. He sat there, on the floor, looking up as Howon got ready, his body tense with rigidity and his movement completely lacking the familiar grace that was always present.

“You don’t have to do this.” Sunggyu noted as Howon zipped up his hoody and turned to face him.

“Debut is in three days, hyung. I can’t afford to spend it worrying about Jaehyun-hyung.”

“Then let me come with you.”

“You’re supposed to rest. I’m not going to let you sacrifice the few seconds you have just to follow me around town. Besides, I’m pretty sure you’ll hinder the conversation.”

Sunggyu scoffed.

“Hyung!”

“What?” Sunggyu said. “It’s not like it’s supposed to be a pleasant outing.”

“Don’t make this harder for me.”

When Howon left, Sunggyu tried to sleep. He was supposed to be resting. It wasn’t like he was bursting with energy or anything because his body felt weak and stiff but his mind just couldn’t cam down. So he sat up, cradling his knees to his chest and watching the empty room like it would somehow teleport him to Howon.

That didn’t work.

He pulled himself up from the floor and went in search of something to drink. The house felt empty and quiet as he waded through, remembering the times it was filled to maximum by members and managers and Mnet staff. Cringing at how bad bathroom time had been, Sunggyu wondered if it would always be like this. He wondered if there would ever come a time when they had a second bathroom… or bathrooms in their own rooms… or a bed room that didn’t double as a closet or a library for their comics and books.

Infinite had to make. They had to get there. All the broken bones and feelings and sacrifices that they had committed had to amount to something. Sunggyu was sure of it.

He was going to go home, someday. And he didn’t want to do it with his shoulders slouched and shame oozing off of every step. He wanted his sister to beam with pride and his father to nod and pretend the hate and anger never happened. He wanted his mother to look him in the eye and, just for a second, nod at him and acknowledge that she had been wrong.

Sunggyu opened the can of cocoa and scooped the grains into a cup as the water boiled beside him. He was so deep in thought that he did not realize he was no longer alone.

“Where’s Hoya?” Woohyun asked, turning off the gas as he bumped Sunggyu away from the counter by the hip and took Sunggyu’s cup in his hand.

“He went out.”

“To where?”

As Woohyun poured water in his cocoa and stirred it for him, Sunggyu wondered if he was supposed to talk about this with Woohyun. He was still Howon’s best friend, but things weren’t so clear between all of them. What was he supposed to do?

“Thanks.” Sunggyu said, collecting the cup from him as he placed it on the counter.

“It’s weird.” Woohyun noted. “What are you doing?”

“Resting.”

“In the kitchen.”

“In my dorm. What are _you_ doing? Shouldn’t you be out on our one day off? CEO-nim isn’t going to give us any more time off after today.”

“Yeolie took Soo out.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So, I’m spending time with my leader.” He smiled cheekily as Sunggyu snorted and took his cup to the sitting room.

Sunggyu took the centre of the couch as Woohyun lay on the ground, resting his head on one hand while he looked up at Sunggyu.

“What?”

“You’re being strangely quiet.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I could talk about Yeolie and I but I suspect you won’t want to hear about that.”

“What gave that away?” Sunggyu said dryly, taking a sip from his cup.

Woohyun continued to look at him, till it started to freak Sunggyu out so he set the cup on the floor and spread out on the couch so that he wouldn’t have to look at Woohyun’s annoyingness.

“You know, there was a time I used to feel what you felt.” Woohyun said. “I don’t miss it.”

“Then why are we talking about it.”

“It would have come in handy right about now.”

“I don’t need you reading my mind. Just stop.”

“Then tell me what’s going on.”

“I don’t know if I should be telling you anything.”

“About what? Is it about Howon? Is that why you’re not sure? You’re thinking that if it was important enough, he’d have told me himself. But you’re also thinking that he tells me everything so it shouldn’t matter if you told me or not.”

Sunggyu narrowed his eyes at Woohyun.

“Stop doing that.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Stop trying to understand me. We’re not mates anymore.”

“We’re members, hyung.”

“So what? I don’t get any privacy anymore?” Sunggyu asked, feeling a little angry. “We wanted out of it.” He sat up. “We got out of it. We’re not tied together anymore. You don’t have to pretend to worship me just to stay on the team. CEO-nim wants you hear. Everyone does. So stop! Trying! To Suck Up To Me!”

Sunggyu breathed, his mouth open as he tried to calm himself. As he pulled his hand away from where it was clenched at the edge of the seat, he found that he had dug his fingers into the fabric and the foam beneath. Cussing, he wiggled his fingers free.

“You’re not mad at me.” Woohyun said.

“I’m not.” He stopped, looking down on the other boy.

“I’ve seen you angry, hyung. I’ve seen you pissed. I’ve seen you when you’re holding a grudge and when you’ve made up your mind to be unforgiving.” Woohyun shook his head. “This is not it.”

“Then what is it?” Sunggyu said, forcing his fingers out.

“You’re freaking out.”

“Are we sure that damn bond is really gone?” He said, picking up his cup and walking into the room.

“You’re just going to sulk about the whole thing till it makes you even crankier.”

“I’m not cranky.”

“Hyung!”

“I’m freaking out about our debut, alright?” Sunggyu admitted. “How many groups barely make it? How many groups survive even when they come from established companies? And we’re from freaking Woollim.”

“Woollim isn’t that bad.”

“Woollim doesn’t even have a company building. We’re renting a floor from someone else. Look at this.” Sunggyu kicked the clothes hanging in the room. “We have no support.”

“We’re talented.”

“We’re not the only talented people in Korea. We’ve got nothing going for us. Look at me. Look at you.”

“HEY!” Woohyun snapped back.

Sunggyu collapsed unto his ass on his pallet, feeling his shoulders droop.  Woohyun was right. He wasn’t angry. He just felt… scared.

He remembered this feeling from the months when he’d thought he was going to be a soloist. Being a soloist meant he’d have to satisfy the fans on his own. They’d have to look at him from the start of the song to finish. He’d be alone on variety shows. People would have to like him for him and not because he was in the same group with their favorite.

He would have to be enough.

Much as Sunggyu liked CEO-nim’s faith in him, he didn’t share it. It wasn’t much of a sacrifice joining the boy band, on Sunggyu’s part. Infinite had six other boys to offer. Infinite had two rappers and two awesome dancers. Infinite had the cute maknae and the handsome duo. If Sunggyu’s voice failed… if Woohyun’s skills were not enough, Infinite still had enough gimmicks to keep people coming back.

If the team flopped, it would not be his fault. It would be a group effort.

Knowing that for months had kept the fear away, but now that debut was just days away, Sunggyu found the spaces between rehearsals, the time he spent resting, calm enough to awaken those fears.

“ _Even tomorrow…_ ” Woohyun sang. “ _I will see you_.”

Sunggyu looked up at him.

“ _Even tomorrow, I will hear you_.”

“Really?” Sunggyu asked.

Woohyun continued to sing, as he moved in on Sunggyu, climbing till Sunggyu was lying flat and Woohyun was lying on top of him.

“Sing with me.” Woohyun urged, before he continued. “ _Even tomorrow_...”

“Nell isn’t going to solve this.”

“ _E_ _verything will be the same as today_ _._ ” He continued to sing, sliding to the floor as he cradled Sunggyu to his chest.

Sunggyu wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t looking for reasons to slack off or give up. He was going to try his best. He deserved that much. Infinite did too. But that didn’t change the fact that every once in a while, his mind would tell him things that he did not want to hear. Things that depressed him and made him feel sad.

Woohyun patted him on the shoulder and continued to sing as Sunggyu’s eyes drifted close. He was supposed to be resting. Right? His heart wasn’t supposed to be weighed down by all this worrying. Even though Sunggyu could not help himself but worry. He was leader, after all. Whether or not he was crammed into an ensemble of boys, he would still be known. Infinite was still his. Infinite would always look up to him.

And he didn’t think he’d want the other members to be able to read his worrying as easily as Woohyun just had.

*********

Sunggyu woke up to Howon standing over him with an amused expression on his face.

“If only I were the jealous type.” Howon said, turning away as he started to remove his jacket.

“What?” Sunggyu asked, moving to sit when he realized he couldn’t move. He looked down and there Woohyun’s hand was, caging him in. “What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Howon?”

Howon stopped and sighed, placing his hands on his hips.

“He’s not some villain, hyung.” Howon said.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Really?”

“What do you want me to say?” He turned around to look at Sunggyu. “We talked.”

“About what?”

“He said he was sorry.”

“And you forgive him?”

“What was I supposed to do?”

Angry, Sunggyu shrugged Woohyun off and sat.

“He came to apologize because he’s about to get a big deal and he doesn’t want you using it against him.”

“So what? Would you rather I spend the rest of my life wondering if he was wrong… wondering if I was wrong? At least this way, I know I did nothing wrong. He said he was sorry. We talked. It’s done.”

“Is that enough?”

“What more do you want to happen?” Howon snapped. “Huh? What do you want me to do to him? I’m not some victim lying around and wasting away. Nothing actually happened to me.”

“Thanks to me.”

“Oh, do you want a medal now?”

Sunggyu cringed away as Howon blinked at him, freezing in place.

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Sunggyu said.

“It’s not.”

He sighed again and came and sat beside Sunggyu, both their backs to Woohyun’s unconscious body. Reaching out, he took Sunggyu’s hand in his and squeezed before he put it to his lips.

“I’m not excusing what he did. I just… he made a mistake.”

“We all did.”

“Exactly! We’re older now. We’re wiser. That sort of thing won’t ever almost happen again in this dorm, right?”

“Of course.”

Howon laughed and kissed his hand again. Then he lay back, using Woohyun’s thighs as a pillow.

“He helped me with my singing.”

“What?” Sunggyu asked, slowly lying on Woohyun’s hips on his side so that he could face Howon.

“Yeah. I was having issues with my… my accent. He said I have no follow-through.”

“He was good to you. Is that what you’re trying to say?”

“I’m trying to say he wasn’t always… he didn’t just wake up one morning and throw himself at me.”

“See now that sounds an awful lot like you’re blaming yourself.”

“I’m not.” Howon looked at him as Sunggyu raised an eyebrow. “Okay, maybe I am a little.”

“Well, you can stop already. This wasn’t your fault.”

“You weren’t there, hyung.”

“I’m pretty sure I was in this dorm with you two.”

“I kissed him. I let him touch me.”

“Precisely.” Sunggyu said. “The problem came when you _didn’t_ want him to touch you.”

Howon lay there, contemplating for a moment as Sunggyu waited. He had so much to say. So much judging to let lose. But this wasn’t about him. This wasn’t his fight. If Howon was making the decision to forgive, Sunggyu did not think he could take this away from him.

“I used him.” He said. “I looked in his eyes every day and I knew… I could tell what he wanted. I saw how desperate he was for me. And I still encouraged him because I couldn’t have you. I’m not saying he wasn’t wrong. I guess… I just need to forgive myself too. You know?”

“I do.” He rubbed his thumb against Howon’s fingers where his hand was still clasped in the other alpha’s. “I know.”

Maybe this was a good thing, Sunggyu thought. Maybe they had something to learn from it all. Maybe someday, Sunggyu would look back on the kind of person he had been and be able to forgive himself for his complete lack of faith.

“How was your day?” Howon asked, turning around to mirror Sunggyu’s position. “Don’t tell me you sent it sulking about me.”

“He spent it sulking about Infinite.” Woohyun said, his voice dry from sleep as he patted their heads away from his body.

“I did not.”

“Hyung, you called me ugly.”

“I DID NOT!” Sunggyu said incredulously, sitting up to face the other boy as Howon sat up as well and suddenly, they were all sitting in a circle.

“Why were you freaking out about debut?” Howon asked as Sunggyu glared at Woohyun.

“It’s nothing. It’s stupid. We’ll be fine.” Sunggyu waved at both of them.

“Come on.” Howon urged. “Tell me about it.”

“Yeah, hyung.” Woohyun shrugged. “Tell him how we’re not the only talented people in Korea. Tell him how tiny Woollim is. Tell him how much we have no support.”

“For crying out loud.” Sunggyu said, tackling Woohyun to the ground, hoping to keep the loud mouthed idiot from making him sound more like a paranoid freak. “I told you that in confidence.”

“Confidence?” Howon asked behind him. “From me?”

And suddenly, Sunggyu was being pulled off Woohyun as he became the one being attacked with squiggly fingers. Laughing, struggling to protect his sides from being tickled to insanity, Sunggyu fell back on the floor.

“Stop!” He commanded. “STOP IT!” He shouted, but none of it helped.

Lying there, helpless, it occurred to Sunggyu that he may have been right to join the group. He had these foolish dorks anyway. Infinite could debut in a week and be a big hit in Korea. Or they could debut and flop and fall forgotten into history.

But if he was going to fail, Sunggyu thought it was a huge bonus that these were the people along with him for the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, check out some in-verse wooyeol smut in [Beyond](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13732155)


End file.
